Bittersweet Symphony

by J. L. Beck

  “Really?” He got out before taking another chug from the bottle. I seriously needed to find every bottle of alcohol in this place and pour it out.

  “That’s weird because the only one who called me was you… and then you have my piece of shit father but that doesn’t really matter now does it.” I watched him carefully listening to his words for any hidden meanings.

  “It matters…”

  “It doesn’t and I’m not even sure why you’re still here Kennedy.” He is fucking stupid if he doesn’t know why I am here. He is stupid to assume anything in that state he is in.

  “You’re stupid if you don’t know why I’m still here.” I tried to hide my anger, knowing he will just get off on it. He is at the tipping point and I don’t want to give him anymore steam.

  “I’m stupid…” He let out a harsh laugh. It is would have had me melting into him had it not been so vile sounding. “I’m the stupid one, but you’re the innocent, precious, clean, beauty, standing in front of me trying to pull me off the cliff.”

  I look around the room. The couches were overturned. The dining room table broken. Glass is all over the place and I wondered how the cops haven’t been called yet.

  “What happened?” I asked curiously, wanting to take the attention off of me.

  “What didn’t happen?” He says gruffly pushing off the counter, well slamming back another drink. I eyed the bottle precariously, I needed to get it away from him but I don’t dare get close to him. I know the Ryder I cared about won’t hurt me but this Ryder he is someone else. Darker, and different.

  “You should probably put the bottle down.”

  He eyed me, the darkness within him casting out any good. The light within him is diminishing with every drink.

  “You should probably leave.” He takes a step towards me, and my breath flaunted. Fear spiking down my spine. I can’t walk away from him, my feet were glued to the floor and I know I won’t leave this place until I saved him. Until I brought him back to me. We both might be broken but he is far more broken than I and if I have to, I will save us. Making us whole again.

  I shook my head no, afraid that my voice will tremble giving way to just how much he is affecting me. Then it is as if I blinked and he is directly in front of me, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck.

  I am shaking like a leaf in the wind. I know h can feel it. He takes a drink from the bottle again, and the scent of whiskey invades my senses. He smells dark and dangerous, and even though I ‘m frightened by him, I’m intrigued as well.

  “Are you afraid of me?” he asks softly. His voice is that of the Ryder I have grown to know, but the look in his eyes tells me it’s merely a façade.

  “No,” I say, somehow finding my voice. I so badly want to take him into my arms and tell him it will be okay, but I know that isn’t what he needs.

  “Are you sure?” He says, his fingers gripping my neck harder. There’s no pain, just discomfort.

  Then it dawns on me that he thinks he can hurt me and others, that he’s his father. He is wrapped up in his very own dark world, letting the thoughts assault him.

  “I know you’re in there somewhere, Ryder. Find your way out, find your way back to me,” I beg, my hands landing in fists against his chest. He’s warm, and I’m so wrapped up in the feeling that I don’t realize we are moving until my back slams into the wall. His body pins mine, a feral look in his eyes as the bottle of whiskey hits the floor.

  I can’t breathe, and I can’t force myself to close my eyes. I can do nothing to protect myself from him.

  “This is me, Kennedy. The person you thought you knew never existed. My father killed him a long time ago.” His hand skims over my chest, my heartbeat skyrocketing to a point where I’m afraid I will die.

  I am getting wrapped up in him, his touch, the way his eyes sear into mine. His hand drifts further south, cupping me between my legs. I know what he needs. He needs to unleash the aggression, to hate something other than himself.

  “Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted you?” he growls into my skin. The sound is animalistic, but it turns me on in so many ways. His other hand comes up, pushing the side of my shirt down. Goosebumps break out across my skin as he plants a wet kiss on my shoulder.

  “Ryder…” I mean to say his name, but it comes out sounding way more like a moan. His lips nibble my skin ferociously, as if it’s his dying wish to worship me. Every time his lips land on my skin, I can feel part of him branding me.

  “You were the only real thing in my life. The only thing I ever had a chance at loving and making right. But now… Now it’s all gone to shit…”

  “No it…” His finger touches my lips, shushing me.

  “It did, Kennedy. Sam knows. He knows everything. He knows every secret and he’s going to spill them. He’s going to out me to the world. No one will see me as Ryder ever again, but merely a boy who is beaten, whose dreams were crushed over and over again.”

  “Ryder…” I try saying again. I want to bring him back to me, pull him out of the dark abyss of his mind.

  “No!” he screams, his fist landing right next to my head. My eyes grow large, real fear radiating out of me. I’m not sure if it is the mere look of fear in my eyes or the actual thought that he might hit me or something else that brings him out of it. He blinks slowly, his eyes clearing for the first time since I came here. He takes a step back, his gaze swinging around the room at the mess he has created.

  His fist clenches, causing his biceps to bulge.

  “It’s okay… We’ll clean it…” I say trying to soothe him.

  “Stop. Just stop. Leave. Get. Out.” He grits his teeth with every word he says. I have to make a choice: leave and let him crumble and burn or stay and do something about it. It’s a good thing I’m not a quitter, isn’t?

  “No!” I yell, determined to break him so I can build him back up. His head raises, anger rolling off of him. I can’t do this push and pull with him again. If he pushes this time, I will push back. I will give it my all, because the only chance I have at making him see his worth is standing right in front of him.

  “No?” he says like he isn’t sure if he heard me correctly.

  “Yup. No.” I say, taking determined steps until I am right in front of him. He wants to be mad, then we will be mad. I am not leaving this place until I have my Ryder back.

  “Are you sure about that, Kennedy? Because all I want to do right now is bury myself as far inside you as I can. Do you want that? Do you want me to fuck you? It won’t be gentle and nice like you deserve, but it will be everything I’ve always envisioned.”

  The wetness between my legs grows second by second. I want to be dangerous, to go to the edge with him and never come back. I want to beg and plead.

  “Then do it,” I say dangerously. A flash of something I’ve never seen shows in his eyes. Then he’s on me, devouring me one kiss at a time. My back hits the wall as he pulls at my shirt, the fabric giving way to his aggression.

  I want him more now than ever before. His fingers feel every inch of my body, he is trembling with need as am I. By the time we make it to the bedroom, all clothing is lost. He pushes me down onto the bed. My stomach is twisting in knots as he settles himself in between my legs. His hand comes up to my cheek, holding my face in place.

  “You know I’ve always loved you….” he whispers into my ear. It’s the first time he has said he loves me or even brought up the word. I find it strange in the moment.

  He pushes into me in the next moment, without warning. I tense up, my muscles not wanting to give way to such a large thing entering me.

  “I’ll try my hardest to be gentle…for you,” he pants, sliding in all the way. Pain sparks settle deep into my muscles and bones.

  Tears prick at my eyes, and he looks at me with the deepest love I have ever seen. So deep, that I know I have found him again.

  I bring my hand up to his cheek. “I love you, too.” He pulls out, and slides back in again. Kisses
pepper my chest and neck, making me wetter with every caress. His movements are slow and graceful, but that’s not what I want. I want Ryder for who he is, and though I know he will be gentle for me, I don’t want him to be.

  “Fuck me… Please…” I beg. His eyes spark with a darkness as he pulls out of me and slams back in with an intensity that causes the headboard to hit the wall. My eyes roll into the back of my head with the pleasure and pain that hit me.

  The strokes came harder and harder, rocking me to the core. I open my eyes to see a smirk has formed on his face as he lays a kiss directly on my heart.

  “I’ve loved you since the day Mimi told me I couldn’t have you.” He is close to coming, as am I. I feel it in every stroke and the way he strained to get his words out. Then it happens. I feel him filling me to the brim with everything that he is. My muscles clenches over and over again. Tingles spread across my body, and an explosion of colors occurs behind my eyes. Nothing is better than that second we meet. We will never be closer than in that one second. He stays still until he can no longer hold himself above me, then he rolls over and pulls me into his side.

  Silence passes and I think he has fallen asleep.

  “I never wanted you to see me like that, so lost and dangerous. I never meant to hurt you…” His words are so sincere. The hate he has for himself is heard with every word he says. He blames himself a lot.

  “You never hurt me, Ryder. If anything, you saved me. You made me see that life am not as bad as I am making it out to be, that sometimes others have problems far worse than mine.”

  A gruff laugh erupts from within him. His body shakes with laughter, the well-defined muscles under my hand clenching and unclenching.

  “Our problems are gone now. Sam’s going to tell anyone and everyone about what happened and there isn’t anything that can be done about it….”

  I sit up in the bed, not really knowing if I have missed the part where he told me how he knows Sam is going to talk.

  “How do you know that?”

  “I confronted him three days ago. I wanted to know what he knew. I had to know, so I asked. He told me he is going to out me to everyone, including my brother whom he knows doesn’t know. Apparently my father and his were in business together. His dad’s a private investigator, so it’s not shock he uncovered some type of dirt on our family. It’ll be spread around here faster than a forest fire.

  My mouth opens and shuts with real rage filling me. I hate Sam for hurting me, for beating me down to the weak person I am, but now I hate him so much more.

  Ryder’s hand lands on my thigh, trying to calm me down.

  “There’s no point in getting worked up over it. I already tried that…” He gestures to his room and apparently every other room in the house. His bed is luckily unharmed by his hulk rage. It is soft and obviously durable. Very Ryder like.

  “Look, K…” He grips my arm, turning me into his body. His manly scent surrounds me. “He threatened me. He told me if I gave up on you that he wouldn’t tell a soul.”

  To say I am shocked is an understatement, not just shocked, but so very angry as well. I want to beat him to the ground, to make him stop breathing, to take a bat to his car, and go all Mimi-fucking-Jones on him.

  “What did you say?” I can’t help but ask. I am scared. I’m so very afraid that he says he will give up on me. After everything that has happened, I don’t know if I will ever be able to move on from him. I do know, though, that it will kill him more if he has to tell his brother. If he has to walk away from me to save himself, I will understand. I would have to…

  The silence is killing me.

  “I told him…” His finger lingers on my leg, drawing lazy circles on it. “It would be a cold day in hell before I ever gave up on something that I loved. I wanted you more than I wanted anything in my life. Letting my secrets go for that would be more than worth it. I refused to give into him, and I refused to hold onto the hate that my father had caused me. It was a win, win for me.” He smiles, the warm and fuzzy kind. The one that I love so much…

  It doesn’t make sense to me, though. Him wanting me isn’t enough... It doesn’t justify his decision. It isn’t worth the risk.

  “What about your brother… and everyone else?”

  Ryder shrugs his shoulders as if it means nothing to him now.

  “It is what it is. I’ll talk to Rex and everyone else can think what they want, they will anyway.”

  I throw myself back on the bed next to him. Happiness is floating right above me, just within reach, but why I can’t reach out and grasp it, I don’t know.

  “But you did all of that just to stay with me…?” My voice is full of sadness, and tears fell from my eyes quietly. I wasn’t really sure why I was crying. I couldn’t tell if they were happy tears or sad tears.

  His body encompassed mine and warmth seeped into me. Our bodies molded together as if we were meant to be together. The key, and the hole.

  “I did it because it was the right thing… All of this took place because of my anger and hate. I knew when you showed up I could never agree with anything Sam wanted from me. It would be like letting my father win all over again.”

  My body shuddered against his as he held me tighter. My whole world was right next to me and it took me till now to realize it.

  “Why would you do that? Why would you be okay with that?” I wanted to destroy something. Now I understood why the house looks the way it did when I came in.

  “I’m not okay with it, but I would rather have this chance with you then no chance at all. I would rather give up on all of that other shit then on you. I was made, because for one little second I didn’t think I was worth it. I didn’t think I could have you without screwing it up. I wouldn’t ever give up on you, but there was a chance you would give up on me.” Everything he says made it seem like something he has pondered about long and hard.

  “You won Ryder… You never lost…” I whisper into his chest.

  “You’re right. I got you.”

  Epilogue

  Kennedy

  Sam had lost, and Ryder had won. I knew it the day I gave myself to Ryder. Nothing about him has been the same since that day. The moment he told his brother about all the abuse he had suffered at the hands of their father was the moment I finally saw the free Ryder, the one capable of being loved, who wasn’t dark and full of hate.

  “Thanks for being the person Ryder needed most. The person who pulled him out of the shit in his head. He told you his secrets, and that led to him telling me,” Rex says. He looks at me with so much appreciation, it’s almost a little scary. Then he wraps me in a hug that has me giving Jenna a look that says “get this crazy mofo off of me”.

  “You’re welcome,” I say awkwardly while trying to get out of his grip. He’s just as strong as Ryder, and his muscles feel the same. Being held against his body is weird and not in the warm and fuzzy kind of way.

  “I didn’t know. I mean I suspected something was wrong when he would have strange bruises covering his body, but I had no clue that there was something more going on. I just assumed he was playing roughly with the other kids.” He releases me, but not before placing a kiss on my forehead which I immediately wipe at like a daughter wanting to remove her mom’s motherly kiss.

  Ryder walks into the room, pizza in hand. He places it on the table, looking between me and his brother curiously.

  “Trying to steal my girl, bro?” he says jokingly. I wrap my arms around him, hugging him like I haven’t seen him in days.

  “I doubt I could ever steal her,” Rex says laughing. Jenna rolls her eyes at Rex as he wraps his arms around her and holds her as if she’s going to break.

  “I love you…” I whisper to Ryder.

  “I love you too…” he says back.

  ***

  Later that evening while lying in bed next to Ryder, he rolls over to face me. “I want to tell you something…” he trails off. His hand grips my hip, pulling me in between his legs. I c
an feel his lust…

  “Tell me.” I will beg if I have to. His hands trail over every aspect of my body. It always feels like the first time with him. I take a picture of every touch and every kiss and store them in my mind to revisit when he can’t be here and we’re apart.

  “Sam got kicked out of classes. I told my father that since everyone already knew, I would tell anyone and everyone about it and ruin his chances at a political run. I told him if he didn’t remove Sam from our lives, I would out him to the world for the real monster he was.”

  I smile, really smile. I smile so hard my lips and cheeks start to hurt. I am so happy; there’s nothing that can bring me down from this happiness.

  “God, I fucking love you!” I yell. I want everyone to know…the neighbors…the world…everyone.

  “No, I love you. I knew that if anyone could bring me out of this, it would be you. Thank you for being here for me, for holding me together when I knew I wasn’t going to make it. You gave me hope when I had none.”

  I hold his face between my hands, bringing our faces together. Our noses touch, and I close my eyes taking in all the feelings.

  “No, we gave each other hope. We gave each other meaning. We both saved each other being damned.”

  “My life was never damned until the moment I met you.” I watch as his lips pull up into a smile. Yup. He is mine. All mine.

  The End…

  Be on the lookout for the very last book in the Bittersweet Series (Bittersweet Trust). It is Corey and Mimi’s last book and will close up the series. I’m aiming for a release date this November.

  To keep up to date with all book related stuff please join my newsletter today: http://eepurl.com/2aydr

  If you feel the need to stalk me you can find me on:

  Twitter: https://twitter.com/AuthorJLBeck

  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Jo.L.Beck?ref=hl

  Acknowledgements