by Jo McNally
And that was the problem, wasn’t it? He needed Brianna Mathews, but she apparently didn’t need him.
He pictured her standing at the edge of the creek, daring him to come save her. So brave and wild and beautiful in the moonlight. He didn’t doubt that she cared about him, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to be her charity case. Not when she was planning on returning to her ex-husband.
“So what are you going to do?” Ty leaned back against the cash register and folded his arms.
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? Cole rubbed the back of his neck and sighed.
“The first thing I’m going to do is go to Travis’s funeral. Chris is coming to pick me up. We’ll drive over to Pull Tail Gap tonight. Everything else can wait.” Including Bree Mathews.
“You know, Cole, Pull Tail Gap is less than an hour from Flat Rock.”
Yeah, he knew. That fact kept buzzing through his head like a nagging mosquito, poking and annoying him. After Travis’s death and Bree’s betrayal, it was probably the right place for him. But it was the wrong time. He couldn’t leave the farm in midsummer. Maybe in November, after the soybean crop was in...
“There’s never going to be a perfect time. You know that, right?” His brother had always been able to read Cole’s mind. “Arlen and I can handle the farm and the cattle. Tammy doesn’t have any summer classes, so she can run the bar during the day. You’ll be back in time for harvest. Go get yourself straight, Cole, then come home and deal with Bree and get on with your life.”
“After six weeks? She’ll be long gone.”
Ty lifted a shoulder. “I hate to sound like some sappy Facebook meme, but if Bree won’t wait for you, then she wasn’t meant to be yours in the first place. And you’re no good for her or anyone else like this.”
Cole drained his coffee and set the empty mug on the bar slowly, belying the tension buzzing beneath his skin.
“Maybe I’ll go in November.”
* * *
“SO YOU’RE SELLING your beach house?” Nell refilled Bree’s glass of sweet tea. “And starting a catering business here?”
Bree pulled her legs up and tucked her feet beneath her on Nell’s porch swing, taking a sip of tea before answering.
“I’ll design the menus and recipes, the decor, the location and stuff like that. It’s what I’ve been doing in LA since the divorce, but it’s weird planning events for people I used to socialize with. With Fort Bragg only an hour away, I’m sure I could pick up some business with the military. There must be plenty of weddings going on up there. It would be easy to do events in Charlotte or Raleigh from here, too. A lot of the work can be done online.”
Nell nodded. “You won’t do much business in Russell, but if you’re willing to drive, you’ll do well enough.” She lifted a brow. “Of course, I’m assuming you’re planning on living here?”
Bree looked across the road to Cole’s farm. Cole hadn’t exactly extended an invitation to stay forever. “That’s the plan, but is the cottage available for a while, just in case?”
“Why sure, honey. But do you really think you’ll need it?”
She felt the blush spread across her cheeks. “I hope not, but I’m not going to press my luck.”
“And if you do end up in the cottage instead of with him? Is small-town life going to be enough for you after being a big star and all?”
Bree frowned, not liking the possibility that Cole wouldn’t want her.
“Well, I don’t know about staying in the cottage forever, but I’m sure I could find something I liked here. A nice little farm of my own.” She smiled. “Maybe I’ll give you some competition with the produce stand.”
Nell laughed out loud. “You know, I bet you could do just that, honey. You’re serious about this, aren’t you? You don’t care about that fancy life anymore?”
Bree stared at the well-worn floorboards of the porch in silence. There was a time when she’d believed money equaled security and protection from problems, but she’d been so wrong. Her lips curled into a smile at the irony.
“I used to care a whole lot, Nell, but not now.” She emptied her glass. “Now the money is just a means to an end. I’m thinking of starting a foundation to help veterans. If I can figure out a way to use the money to provide help to guys like Cole, Chris, Jerome and Ramirez, then all the hell I went through climbing that stupid and useless social ladder will have been worth it.”
She glanced back over at Cole’s place and frowned. He still wasn’t home from The Hide-Away. He’d left in a crazy hurry before lunch, and his attitude had been...off. After all, they’d basically spent twenty-four hours making love in nearly every room of the house, but instead of being relaxed and happy, he’d acted like a caged animal when she found him in the kitchen. He snarled a few words in answer to her questions then muttered something about needing to go. And go he did, driving off the property in a roaring cloud of dust. When he didn’t answer her calls or texts, she’d had a moment of panic and called Ty, who assured her that Cole was at The Hide-Away, busy with some project.
His moods swung so wildly that she had no idea how he’d react to her plans to stay. Before his agitated departure earlier, she’d have expected the plan to be welcomed with enthusiasm. But now there was a nagging fear knocking at her heart.
The roar of an engine caught her attention. A Jeep drove up Cole’s driveway toward the house. She stood and watched a lone driver exit the vehicle. Chris was back, but why?
“Nell, I...”
“Say no more,” Nell said. “Go see what’s happenin’, honey, and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
Before she could reply, a dusty black pickup followed the Jeep to the big house across the road. Cole was home. Instead of feeling happy as she trotted back to see him, she felt an odd sense of dread settle over her, and she couldn’t shake it.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
COLE WAS UPSTAIRS packing a duffel when he heard Bree arguing with Chris in the kitchen. He couldn’t make out her words, but he sure knew the tone. It was her angry voice, sharp and sexy. He ignored that last thought and grabbed the garment bag in his closet that held his dress uniform. Proper attire for the funeral of a comrade. His chest tightened at the thought of laying Travis to rest. He was just a kid, and his life shouldn’t have ended this way. Cole shook his head. He couldn’t think about that now. He had to face Bree and her deceit first.
The voices grew more distinct as he headed down the stairs. Bree and Chris were at the front door now. They clearly hadn’t noticed his presence, because their argument never skipped a beat.
“This isn’t a good idea, Chris. I don’t think Cole can handle this funeral. You didn’t see how Travis’s death affected him. You didn’t see...”
“Cole’s a big boy, and he can make his own choices. If he didn’t want to go, I never would have questioned it. But he said he wants to go, so he’s going. I would think that would be something you’d understand, since you’re leaving, too.”
“What?” Bree stepped back and looked surprised.
Cole had told Chris what he’d overheard that morning, and Chris squarely had his back.
“Yeah, I know all about your plans, so don’t pretend to be all brokenhearted about Cole leaving.”
Her confusion gave way to anger again. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. This isn’t about me, it’s about Cole. He’s fragile, Chris. You don’t know how fragile...”
Cole cringed.
“I know more than you think,” Chris said. “Don’t forget who you’re talking to.”
Her shoulders drew back and she poked her finger into Chris’s chest. “I’m talking to someone who didn’t see him put a shotgun to his head a day ago. You don’t know what it’s like...”
“Really? I don’t?” Chris’s voice rose angrily, but Cole d
idn’t move. Bree could hold her own.
“You think you can help him, Chris, but have you ever put a gun to your head?”
“No, Bree, I haven’t. But I did swallow a bottle of Vicodin once, and I washed it down with tequila. And you know who rushed me to the hospital to get my stomach pumped? Cole Caldwell. I spent a month in the psych ward after that little episode, and Cole’s the guy who stood by me.” Chris stepped forward, and she stumbled back. “So don’t lecture me about my friend, lady. You’ve known him for about ten seconds, and you’re already moving on. I’ve gone into battle next to the guy, and I’d do it again if he asked me to. Unlike you, I’m here for the long haul.”
Bree’s hand twitched, signaling this discussion was quickly approaching mortal combat.
“That’s enough!”
His voice sounded harsh in his ears. They spun to face him, and the air was heavy with tension. He needed to get the hell out of here. “Chris, I’m ready to go. I called Nell and she’ll watch Maggie for me.”
Bree’s face fell, and he could have sworn she looked hurt. “I’ll take care of Maggie...”
He shook his head sharply. “No. You’re making plans to take off, so there’s no sense in Maggie getting any more attached.” The dog was already sitting at Bree’s feet, looking up at her with concerned brown eyes.
Bree exploded, arms waving wildly. “What the hell is going on with everyone talking about me leaving?”
She stepped forward as he descended the stairs. He was close enough to smell her spicy perfume, and to see the strain around her eyes. She looked frightened, and that pulled at him for a moment before he realized she was probably just upset they were on to her little secret.
“It’s over, Bree. I heard you talking about going back to Malibu. Back to Damian. And that’s exactly where you belong. In fact, I want you gone before I get back.”
Her mouth dropped open, but no words came out. What could she possibly say to him now that she realized they knew about her plans?
“You heard me talking...” Realization dawned in her eyes, and she shook her head with a half smile.
“Seriously? Haven’t I told you before that hearing only half a conversation leads to trouble? I’m not getting back together with Damian. In fact, I’m...”
“Come on, Bree, don’t stand there and lie to my face! I heard you talking about kissing him.” He hadn’t intended to shout, but his words echoed around the hallway.
Her brief smile vanished. “Okay, I understand that sounded bad, and I’m sorry, but you can’t really believe I’d go back to him, can you? My God, Cole, how could you possibly think I’d leave you for anyone after the past few days? After all we’ve been through together? How could you not feel what’s happening between us?” She stepped forward and rested her hand on his chest, causing his heart to cramp. “How could you not know that I’m falling in love with you?”
The words hung in the air between them. She looked as surprised as he did, and he did his best not to take what she said to heart. She didn’t mean it. Didn’t even mean to say it from the look on her face. His fingers curled into fists and he forced himself to step away from her touch.
“I know what I heard.”
“Oh, really?” Her voice went frosty. “You ‘know what you heard,’ huh? So you heard both sides of the conversation, right? Or did you just fill in the blanks from some crazy corner of your mind that has you convinced you need to push me away?”
“Whoa, Bree...” Chris started, but she spun to point her finger at him and he jumped back so fast he bumped into the door frame. Cole almost smiled. Her fury could do that to a man.
“Shut up, Chris! Your buddy fed you a line of bull. I’m not leaving. At least I wasn’t leaving.”
Chris gestured between Bree and Cole before heading out the door. “You two seriously need to figure this stuff out.”
She turned back around, all puffed up and full of rage. But there was something brittle about her, like a sheet of glass about to shatter.
“All you had to do was ask me, Cole. I would have told you I’m not going back to Damian and we could have saved ourselves all of this. I called to tell him I was ready to sell him the beach house. That’s why I’m meeting him in LA. He wanted a publicity favor in return. I wasn’t making plans to leave. I was making plans to stay.”
He wanted to argue, but no words came. He thought about what he’d overheard. Was it really just two people with a mutual history making a business deal?
“Of course, you’ve never asked me to stay, have you? You’re just waiting for me to run. You’ve always been waiting for me to run. That’s why you want to be the one to end us, regardless of how we feel about each other. That’ll make you some kind of hero, right?” Her arms spread wide and he could see tears glittering in her angry eyes. Her voice was sharp as a whip. “The wise and magnificent Colton Caldwell, always willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. You’re such a good little soldier, aren’t you?”
Her words felt like a gut punch, and he stepped back from the force of it, sitting on the stairs because his legs would no longer hold him. He buried his face in his hands. He’d been wrong, and he’d hurt her. The anger and mistrust that was always simmering under his skin would make sure he’d keep doing it, too, unless something changed.
Her voice softened. “I just told you I’m falling in love with you, and you haven’t even acknowledged it. Why is it you can’t let yourself hear those words, but you’re more than ready to hear that I’m leaving you?”
He winced. She was right. But more important, the guys were right. Her love wasn’t going to be enough. He needed more than she could give, even though she was offering everything she had. He couldn’t accept it. Not when he was going to keep breaking her like this. He stood with a heavy sigh and stepped forward, tugging her into his arms before she could react. He whispered his next words into her ear.
“I’m sorry, baby. Damn it, I’m always apologizing to you, because I’m always screwing up. You deserve better.” She stiffened, but he didn’t let her pull away. “I’m going to keep hurting you, keep pushing you away. But it’s not you, sweetheart. It’s me. I’ve got to fix me.”
She looked up at him, her face soaked with tears. “I’ll help...”
“No. You can’t. This is my fight. You were right about me being a good soldier, and I’m doing the right thing here. I’m no good for you until I’m better for me.” He rested his forehead on hers, staring into her shimmering eyes. “You’ve helped me see what I need to do. I have to go away for a while.”
“But Cole...” Her voice was strangled. “I love you...”
He shook his head and forced himself to step back, releasing her and raising his hands in defense. “Don’t. Don’t love me. Not now, not like this.”
She angrily swept the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “It’s love, you jackass! I can’t turn it off on demand. I won’t stop loving you just because you tell me to!”
Ah, there was his feisty girl; the spitfire who’d rise to any challenge. He couldn’t help but chuckle.
“I never could control you, Hollywood. But I can control me. And I’m walking away, for both our sakes. I don’t want you waiting for me. When it’s safe for you to leave Russell, I want you to go back to where you belong. Go live your life.”
He didn’t know if he’d ever be good enough to deserve her love, and he never wanted to hurt her again. “But first, let me do this one last thing...”
He stepped forward and put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her. It was a kiss that started slow and sad, but quickly grew into a flame of desire that nearly knocked him right off his feet. Her hands swept up and tangled in his hair, and she clung to him, kissing with all the passion she had. Her sweet body pressed against his, and damn it, he was going to miss this woman. He pulled back and dropped
kisses on her closed eyes, the freckled tip of her nose and the top of her forehead. He released her and walked out the door without looking back.
After three combat tours, it was the single hardest thing he’d ever done.
Nell opened the front door twenty minutes later and found Bree standing like a statue in the hallway, right where Cole had left her. Hugging herself tightly and gritting her teeth together so hard it hurt, she was too stunned to speak. Nell took her hand and led her like a child into the kitchen, where she sat, staring at the table in front of her and wiping dampness from her cheeks.
Nell started to brew some tea then looked back at Bree and turned off the stove. She reached into the cupboard that held Cole’s liquor and filled a juice glass with whiskey and ice before setting it in front of Bree. A few gulps of the burning liquid steadied her nerves enough to free her voice.
“I don’t know what the hell just happened, Nell, but I’m pretty sure I got dumped. And I have no freaking clue why. Cole thought I was leaving, but even after I explained he was wrong...even after I told him I loved him...he left me.”
Nell shook her head. “I knew something was going on when he called me to take care of Maggie, knowing you were right here in the house.”
“He heard me talking to Damian about the house today and assumed the worst. When I called him out on it, he said he was always going to hurt me, so he was walking away to go fix himself.”
Nell was silent while Bree sipped at the whiskey and replayed the past few weeks in her mind. From the moment she walked into The Hide-Away and looked into Cole’s steel-gray eyes, her world had been upended. It wasn’t just a matter of going from luxury to a simple country cottage. It wasn’t about getting dirty and sweaty for the first time in her life. It wasn’t even about falling in love with a man who twisted her in knots. She’d found her true self here, and she’d found peace, even in the midst of her fiery relationship with the hot farmer. She thought she’d found a forever home, but would that really work if Cole wanted her gone? Her eyes narrowed in frustration.