Eli doesn’t deserve that too, because he doesn’t deserve me.
He’s unattainable, he doesn’t know what he wants, and I’m in still in love with him, but it doesn’t matter.
Nothing is easy with him, and if he wanted me, he would have said so. He would have fought for me. Or maybe he thought that walking away was the right move, and maybe he’s right.
All I do know is that maybe me and him aren’t meant to be.
The timing is always wrong.
It’s always too much, or not enough.
Life is a fucking bitch.
Chapter Eighteen
One Year Later
“I love this song,” I say, smiling as I dance, raising my arms above my head and doing that delicious grinding move I’m known for. It’s ‘Perfect Strangers’ by Jonas Blue and JP Cooper. Nicky grins and joins in, the two of us moving in sync. Keisha comes back with another drink, and does the same. We’re in holiday mode, and we’re loving life. We’ve been over east for about a week now, and are having a great time together, enjoying the sun and party life. I haven’t spoken to Eli since he showed up at my door. Uncountable times I wanted to. I’d write him messages, but then I’d delete them. Or something would happen and I’d want to share it with him, but I refrained. I couldn’t. Do you know how hard it is when you can’t talk to the first person that pops into your mind when something happens? So many times I wanted to reach out. I wonder if he has any idea just how hard it was to cut him out. He probably doesn’t even think about me anymore.
It’s probably better that way.
I’m heading to the bar to get another drink when I see him.
I don’t know if fate hates me or not, but I’m thinking she does. Sure, I’m in his part of the country, but it’s a big part, and he’s hardly here because he’s always working away. And for him to be in this club, on this night… yeah, fate hates me. Especially because he’s not alone. He’s standing next to a woman, a beautiful blonde, and he’s smiling.
Yeah, he’s smiling.
I turn around and head in the other direction, chest heaving. I don’t want him to see me. I go and stand in the corner, hand on my chest.
Fuck.
We need to get out of here right now.
I’m typing a message to Nicky, telling her and Keisha to meet me out the front right now, when I hear him.
“Hello, trouble.”
I lift my head.
Fuck, he’s beautiful.
Being so close to him again hits me right in the face. A blow that’s probably going to take me more time to recover from. In this moment, I know that I wasn’t wrong about my feelings for him. I don’t think they will ever change.
I love him.
I’ll never stop.
It wasn’t some bullshit crush, or lust, or anything else other people tried to tell me it was.
I’m in love with him.
And that’s why I can’t be near him.
I can’t.
It tears into my soul to be so close to something I love, but not be able to have it.
Maybe I’m not as strong of a person as I thought I was. Maybe it’s just too real, my feelings for him.
I don’t know.
Those blue eyes I fell for stare right into my soul. “Did you think you were going to leave without saying hello?”
“I didn’t think you saw me,” I say, licking my suddenly dry lips.
“I’d notice you anywhere, miss,” he says, giving me a once-over. “You look more beautiful than I remember.”
“Thanks,” I say, absently touching my now much shorter hair. I went for a sexy blunt bob when I wanted a change.
“You know, we never ended up having that second dance battle,” he says, flashing me a smirk and offering me his hand. “Or have you since lost your rhythm?”
Fuck.
He knows I can’t pass up a challenge.
I take the bait, and his hand.
*****
I open my eyes and mutter fuck about ten times.
I’m fucking weak.
I turn my head and look at Eli, who is fast asleep, his face turned towards me. We fucked five times last night.
Five.
I think that’s a record even for us.
I want to cuddle with him and kiss his bearded face, but I don’t.
I want to make him breakfast and ask him to tell me every detail about his life in the last year, but I don’t do that either.
No, what I do is slowly wake up, dress, and then make a quick exit.
How did last night escalate so quickly?
We danced, and we laughed. And then he invited me back to his house, for more drinks (sounds familiar) and to see his giant puppy. My three weaknesses: Eli, alcohol, and puppies.
I had no chance.
However, all we ended up doing was fucking like animals, unable to get enough of each other. I think I only slept an hour. It was like we’d never been apart. I don’t know what to say, because I can’t even regret it. I always said I’d never regret him, and that holds true.
Fuck, though!
I was doing so well, too.
And wasn’t he with a chick? What happened to her? Oh well, if she wants to hate me, she can get in line.
I open his room door, and then glance back at him longingly for a few moments. When I close it, a sense of sadness comes over me, but I push it away. I walk through the hallway towards the front door. I’m passing the kitchen when I hear a male voice say, “Going somewhere?”
I pause, shoes still in my hand, and turn to who must be Eli’s brother.
“Oh, hello there,” I say, grimacing. “I will owe you big time if you do me a favour and call me a taxi.”
He looks like Eli, a little. Never did I think I’d be meeting him under these circumstances, doing the walk of shame. I guess it doesn’t matter though, because I won’t see either of them again.
He picks up his keys. “I’ll do you one better, I’ll drop you off. I’m heading into the city now anyway.”
“No, it’s fine,” I object. “I’ll just take a taxi.”
He shakes his head. “Come on.”
He’s bossy just like his brother.
I follow him outside and get into his car. “Thanks for this.”
“No problem,” he says, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes. “May I ask why you’re sneaking out of my brother’s room? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman do that before.”
He sounds amused. Definitely Eli’s brother.
“I’ll bet,” I say in a dry tone, which only makes him laugh.
“Do you want the truth? Or is it too early for some deep shit,” I say, looking out the window.
“I want the truth. I’ve heard Eli mention you, you know. I remember when he used to chat to you all the time.” He pauses, then adds, “We used to give him shit about it. And where are we going, by the way?”
I tell him the hotel name and address and then blurt, “I’m leaving because I’m in love with him.”
“Okay?” he mutters, sounding rightfully confused. “You’re in love with my brother, so that’s why you’re escaping in the morning like you would from a man you’re embarrassed you just drunkenly fucked?”
“Yes. And how did you know it was me he used to talk to?”
“I was next to him when he saw you. But you didn’t even see me, did you?” he asks, sounding amused.
“No,” I admit.
All I saw was Eli.
And some woman.
The story of my life, really.
His phone rings, and he answers it. “Yeah?” He glances at me. “Yeah, she’s with me. No, I’m not going to bring her home, she wants to go to her hotel. Yeah, okay. Bye.”
He hangs up.
“What did he say?” I ask nosily, wrapping my arms around myself.
“He wants to know where you’re staying,” he admits, sighing. “He’s obviously not done with you.”
“You can’t tell him,” I beg. “Plea
se. Do you know how much it hurts to be with someone you love, but who will never give you what you need back? Unrequited love. I’m sure that is what hell is made of.”
He makes a hmmm sound, but doesn’t say yes or no.
“Can we stop for food?” I ask, and he starts laughing.
But he does stop, and he doesn’t let me pay for the food.
Being infuriating definitely runs in the family.
When he stops out the front of my hotel, I thank him. And then I say, “I’d kiss you on the cheek, but I don’t think you want to know where my mouth has been.”
I can hear his laughter as I walk away, my shoes still in my hand.
*****
Later that night, I’m tired, and decided to stay in while the girls went out. My hair is in a towel and I’m wearing my pink PJ set with my fluffy slippers. When there’s a knock at the door, I jump up, all excited, because I just ordered enough room service for four people.
“Eli?” I say in surprise as I open the door. Fuck. That’s it, his brother and I are going to have a chat.
“Can I come in?” he asks, and I step aside so he can enter.
I’m having déjà vu.
“How did you find my room number?” I ask, eyes narrowing.
He shrugs. “The woman at the counter wasn’t too hard to convince.”
Did he charm his way up here? Shouldn’t be surprised.
“Did a little runner on me this morning, hey, miss?” he mutters, sitting down on the bed.
“You know why I did that,” I say, taking the towel off my head and throwing it on a chair. “Why are you here, Eli?”
“Because I wanted to see you again,” he says, so simply. “How long are you here for?”
To him, it is simple, and that’s because he doesn’t feel the same way I do.
“A few more days,” I admit hesitantly.
“Taye, don’t do this,” he says, brow furrowing. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you or spoken to you. Don’t give me a taste and then take that away. It’s fucked up knowing that you’re so close to my house but I’m not even welcome to come and see you.”
“Yet here you are,” I grumble.
“Exactly. And if you still know me you’ll know how much it took for me to show up here.”
That shuts me up, because I know it’s right. But still, I didn’t ask him to show up, now did I?
“It’s just easier if I don’t see you,” I admit, looking down at my hands. I shouldn’t struggle with this; I shouldn’t be weak after such a long time. I should be over it. But I don’t think that there’s a time limit on love.
Part of me will probably love him forever.
And that is my burden to bear.
“I don’t even know what to say,” he whispers, looking a little confused. “I want more of last night.”
“You don’t always get what you want.”
“I know,” he says, standing. “Trust me, I know.” He glances at the bed, then back at me. “You really don’t want me to be here right now?”
No.
I nod. “Yes.”
He runs his hand through his hair, nods, and then mutters, “Okay then.”
He turns to me, grabs my face, and then gives me a kiss I will never forget.
It’s hungry, greedy, and deep.
It’s punishing.
It’s unforgiving.
And then he leaves like he was never here in the first place.
Chapter Nineteen
Two Years Later
“Hello, miss.”
I freeze.
That voice.
I take in it and savour it.
It’s been so long since I’ve heard it, but I’d recognise it anywhere. I turn to look at him, at the man that never really left me, even after all of this time.
“Eli,” I say, smiling and pulling him in for a warm hug. I wrap my arms around him and rest my cheek on the material of his black shirt. It’s him. Same smell, same feeling. It’s him. For an infinite second, I close my eyes and remember the last time I saw him, and then I open them and glance up at him. I was a little tipsy, but the way he is looking at me has me sobered up real quick. He’s looking at me like I’m a sight for sore eyes, like he’s missed me. Like his eyes are hungry to see me, and his lips want their turn too.
“Why is that?” he asks, glancing around. “Because it’s a classy bar?”
I laugh and shake my head. “I don’t know, I just never expected to see you again, I guess. Can I get you a drink?”
“I believe that’s my line, trouble,” he murmurs, signalling the bartender. He turns to me and asks, “Has your usual changed?”
I shake my head.
Not much has changed when it comes to him either, it seems, because I can’t take my eyes off him. My gaze runs over him, his dark curly hair is a little longer than before, and his body looks even more ripped. What has he been up to? I can only imagine the trouble he’s been getting into since the last time I’ve seen him. He always has great stories to share, and I love hearing every detail about his life. He pays for the drinks, and slides mine over to me.
“We really need to stop meeting like this,” I tell him, smirking. “Are we alcoholics, or is it just me?”
He chuckles and sits down next to me, drink in hand. When his eyes lock with mine, the atmosphere changes, and the smile drops from my lips.
I clear my throat, and try not look at his own lips.
“I don’t know how you do it, but you get even more beautiful with age,” he tells me, shaking his head, as if in disbelief.
“Look who is talking,” I reply, staring at his handsome profile as he turns his head to his drink. His beard is about the same length as I remember it, and my fingers itch to run through it.
I shift in my seat.
It’s been two years, I should be able to control my reaction to him, or at least it should have dimmed by now, but it hasn’t. I don’t understand it.
My nipples are pebbled; I can feel them pressing against my bra, begging for attention.
From him.
All he’s done is look at me.
And I am wet.
That is his superpower, and my kryptonite.
“I still can’t believe you’re here,” I say, a little lost for words.
“Me either. Where are your friends? Or who are you here with?” he asks, tucking my hair back behind my ear.
I point to Keisha, who is on the other side of the bar, ordering drinks with her boyfriend. “I’m in Bali to celebrate my new book release. Keisha and her other half decided to tag along.”
He smiles widely. “Another book hey, congratulations. I’m sure this one will be just as amazing as the last, if not more.”
“I’m hoping for more.”
He grins, and shakes his head. “So without Keisha, who are you getting into trouble with these days?”
“I believe I was sitting here alone,” I reply, arching my brow. “Just me, and my good old friend vodka.”
He lifts his hand up and touches a lock of my hair. “I like this colour on you, it looks sexy.”
I recently wanted a change, so my hair is now rose gold. I like it, it’s something different, and I’m glad he does, too.
“Who are you here with?” I ask.
He points to a group of three men at a table in the far corner. One of those men is his brother, the other two I’ve never seen before.
“I see,” I whisper, as he moves closer to me, his lips close enough that I could kiss him if I wanted to. “Will the wanting you ever end?”
I close my eyes for a second, then reopen them. “I don’t know.”
“What is it about you, Taye? Fuck. I was hard before I even saw you just then, like my dick knew before me that you were around. Only you can do this shit to me. I don’t know….”
I don’t fucking know either.
I’ve run into him again. Is this fate? Or am I being punished for some reason. I’m single, and I’m assuming he is, so is
it possible that the timing is finally right? Or is this just another time I’m going to allow the same man to break my heart all over again?
Fuck.
He presses his body against me, and I can feel that his dick is indeed hard. I’m glad I’m not the only one affected by our close proximity.
“Why can we never control ourselves around each other?” I ask, biting my lower lip. “Fucking hell, Eli.”
He flashes me a knowing grin and bends down to kiss me. I wrap my hands around his neck, the first touch of his lips against mine sending a spark through my body. Like always when I’m with him, I forget that people are around. I stop caring about anything else, and I kiss him like we’re alone, with no eyes on us. When I pull away, I’m left breathless.
“I think we need to leave.”
I motion to Keisha that I’m going to leave, and she gives me the thumbs up. Eli goes and speaks with his friends and then comes back and lifts me up off the chair, helping me down.
“All good?” I ask, my tone rushed.
I need him, and I need him now.
He nods.
Perfect.
Hand in hand, Eli and I make a quick exit and jump into a taxi. I don’t look away from him, I can’t. I never want to take my eyes off him ever again. He rubs his thumb along my knuckles, and I realise that unconsciously I’ve been squeezing his hand. I loosen my hold and let go, placing my hands on my thighs.
“You’ve gotten even sexier, fuck,” he whispers into my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. “Do you remember what we said we’d do when we got to see each other again?”
I nod, shifting on the seat. “Yes. We said….”
“What?” he asks, gently biting down on my earlobe, then kissing my neck. “Remind me.”
“We said that we’d find the nearest bed, and you’d tie my hands behind my back, go down on me until I’m dripping wet for you, and then fuck me, with your hand in my hair, pulling just how I like it.”
“Good girl, you remembered,” he whispers, eyes now on my mouth.
I love when he says good girl, and he knows it.
“And you remembered that I like you saying that to me.”
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