by Lacey Legend
“Marry me, Jasmine. Please just say yes.”
Chapter12
Speechless, I just looked at Malcolm for a long moment. “What?”
“Marry me. Please just say yes, Jasmine. It’s the right thing for both of us; I just know it is.”
“Look. I don’t understand this. Why--”
“I’ll explain it all better later, but right now, all you need to know is that I love you. I made a huge mistake when I said that I didn’t want to get married yet. I’ve changed my mind, and now I know that this is the right thing.”
Still completely baffled, I looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but sincerity. However, I hadn’t forgotten what I’d told him after our breakup. I’d told him that if and when he ever came crawling back to me, I wasn’t going to be there for him. I’d told him that I would have long since moved on. I also hadn’t forgotten that I really had moved on, with Fed.
Acting instinctively, I began closing my apartment door. “Sorry, Malcolm. But this isn’t the right thing. I’ve moved on.”
Begging me to just wait, he stopped the door from closing with his shoe. ‘Just please give me a chance, Jas…just a chance to explain everything.”
“What is there to explain?”
“How much I’ve changed. How much I want to settle down with you now. See, the entire time I was out in LA, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It was as if you were haunting me or something. And finally, I realized…’She’s the one for me. I can’t live without her. I want to make her my wife now.’”
I stood motionless, thinking about how much I’d wanted to hear those words from him once upon a time.
When I didn’t say anything after a few moments, he continued. “Just please say that you’ll at least think things over. I put my phone number on a card in the roses.”
Picturing Fed’s reaction if he were to come home to the current scene, I suddenly spoke, opening the door wide open again. “I won’t be calling you, because there’s nothing to discuss. You had your chance, and you blew it. I’ve moved on now with a man that I love.”
“But I don’t see a wedding ring on your finger.”
Irritated, I said that didn’t matter. “All that does matter is that my boyfriend loves me just as much as I love him.”
“But is he ready to marry you right now? Is he ready to start a life with you and have kids? I am, Jas. And I’m here right now, begging you to just think things over.”
“There’s nothing to think over.”
With his big brown eyes filling with sadness, Malcolm said that wasn’t true. “See, when two people are meant to be together like I think we are, it’s always worth taking some time to think things through. I did, and that’s why I’m here. I’m begging you to just give me a chance, and try to remember all the good times that we had. We could have those good times again someday, you know…only now, as husband-and-wife…with kids, maybe. I know I want them…and sooner rather than later.”
“It’s too late, Malcolm.”
“No…no, you’re wrong. It’s never too late.” He suddenly thrust the bouquet of roses out to me. “Here. Just take them, and take my phone number. Just think things over. That’s all I ask. Just think about all the good times we had, and think about all the good times we could have again. Think about the future we could have…with a big house, kids, and even that white picket fence you always wanted.”
I had always wanted a house surrounded by a white picket fence.
I thought for a few moments. I thought about what I wanted out of life; I thought about Malcolm; and I thought about Fed. And eventually, seemingly of its own accord, my hand reached out to take the roses from Malcolm.
Immediately, he smiled. “Thank you. I promise you, Jas…you won’t regret this.”
“But I just took the roses. This doesn’t mean--”
“No…no, I know it doesn’t. I know you still have a lot to think over. Of course. You’ve just shown me that the door isn’t closed, though…which, I think has made me the happiest man alive.”
I didn’t say anything, and he continued after a few moments.
“You know, while I was out in LA, I met this girl. She was beautiful, just like you, and she even had bouncy, curly hair, just like you. Her personality was the same in some ways, too, but at the end of the day…she just wasn’t you. And I think that’s when I realized that I’d made a huge mistake. That’s when I realized that I had to try to fix things and win you back.
Just then, my phone began going off from somewhere in the apartment, and I told Malcolm that I had to go.
“That’s probably my boyfriend calling.”
Malcolm said all right. “I’ll get going, then. But just remember…he may love you, but I do, too. We have history together. And I’m ready to marry you right now.”
With that, Malcolm turned and began walking back down the hallway. I watched him go, realizing that maybe I’d missed him more than I’d thought. I’d missed his deep voice, his smile, and even the way he walked, slowly and with purpose. I’d definitely missed his dark brown eyes.
When he had disappeared from view, I shut my apartment door and pressed my back against it, just trying to think. Just trying to process everything that had just happened.
It was only when my phone began going off again after a minute or so that I was finally able to move. After dashing out to the kitchen, I picked up my phone from the counter and saw that it was Fed calling. I answered right away, feeling strangely guilty for some reason.
After asking me how I was doing and receiving a pretty perfunctory answer, he said that he was just calling to see if I wanted him to pick up some Chinese food for dinner. “I thought maybe I’d grab your favorites…sweet-and-sour chicken and crab Rangoon.”
Those were my favorites, but at present, I could barely even think about eating. However, not wanting to get into what had just happened quite yet, I told Fed that Chinese for dinner sounded great.
“Good. I’ll grab the food and be home in a half-hour, then. Maybe I’ll even pick up a bottle of wine, too.”
“That would be nice.”
“I’m really looking forward to getting home to see you.”
“I’m really looking forward to seeing you, too.”
A few moments of silence ticked by before Fed responded.
“Is everything okay, Jas? You just sound really down or something.”
Now I couldn’t easily think of a response, so I said nothing, and Fed tried again.
“Are you still there, Jas? Are you okay?”
Still feeling guilty somehow, I finally forced myself to speak. “Yes, I’m fine. I guess I am a little…maybe just a little shaken up about something, but it can wait. I’ll tell you about it over dinner.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes…completely. It’s nothing urgent at all. I’ll just tell you while we eat.”
“Okay…if you’re sure.”
“I am.”
“All right. I’ll see you soon, then. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I ended the call feeling horribly conflicted, because I realized that there was a teeny-tiny part of me that possibly still loved Malcolm on some level, and maybe always would. And I knew that I definitely loved the idea of marriage, kids, and a white picket fence.
Chapter13
When Fed got home with our food, he immediately asked me what was going on, but I just didn’t feel ready to talk about things quite yet. So, I asked him if we could just eat first, and he said of course.
While we ate, we talked mostly about company-related things, namely how Ted’s replacement was getting on as the new boss of the marketing department. We also talked a little bit about Sheila, who’d decided to retire from Testera so that she could babysit her newborn grandson full-time when her daughter-in-law went back to work after her maternity leave.
Maybe halfway through the meal, Fed looked inside the big paper bag that our food had come in, looking for a packet of soy
sauce but not finding one. “I guess they must have forgotten it.”
Deep in thought about Malcolm’s visit, I absentmindedly told Fed that there was a bottle of soy sauce in the door of the fridge.
He got up to get it, although when he opened the fridge door, he froze. “What are these?”
“What?”
“There’s a bouquet of red roses in the fridge…and a little white card with your name and a heart written on it.”
I’d completely forgotten about the roses. Not knowing what else to do with them, I’d just put them in the fridge while I’d been waiting for Fed to come home. Being that he was bringing the food, I just hadn’t thought that he’d have any reason to open the fridge before I got a chance to talk to him about Malcolm’s visit.
Now that he’d seen the roses, I knew it was obviously time to come clean.
After tossing my paper napkin on my plate, I got up, went over to Fed, and leaned against the counter by the fridge, loosely crossing my arms over my chest. “My ex-boyfriend Malcolm came by earlier. He wants to marry me.”
Fed’s face revealed shock.
“What?”
“He said that he’s realized that he made a big mistake when we broke up, when he said he wasn’t ready to marry me. He basically says he’s ‘seen the light’ now, and now he’s ready to marry me and have kids.”
“And did you tell him that you’re currently in a relationship?”
“Yes. I made that perfectly clear. I told him that I love you, and you love me.”
“But, still…you took his roses?”
Suddenly irritated, I snorted. “What was I supposed to do? Throw them back in his face?”
Now Fed snorted. “Yes! He had his chance.”
A little surprised, I raised my eyebrows at Fed. “Like you’re having your ‘chance’ right now? See, that’s the funny thing about you men. It seems like when you currently have your ‘chance’ none of you all do anything about it. None of you are ever ready to settle down. This makes me wonder…if I broke up with you right now, do you think you might change your feelings about marriage in a year or two, like Malcolm?”
Heaving a sigh, Fed finally shut the fridge door and then leaned against it, raking a hand through his thick dark hair. “I want to have a little talk with Malcolm. I want to tell him in no uncertain terms that you and I are very much a couple, and I don’t want him coming back to this apartment ever again.”
“Seriously, Fed? You’re just going to skip right over what I just said and go right into full jealousy mode? Does that make any sense at all to you?”
“Well--”
“It’s like, you can’t muster up enough feeling for me to consider marrying me right now, but you apparently can muster up enough feeling to act like a possessive, jealous Neanderthal just because my ex-boyfriend stopped by with roses. I didn’t even let him inside the apartment, you know.”
“But you did hear him out long enough to hear him ask you to marry him, and you did accept his roses. That makes me think that maybe part of you still wants him.”
I scoffed. “You know what I want? If you really want to know, I’ll tell you. I want to be married…to you. I want to have kids with you.”
“Well, like I’ve told you, none of that will ever be possible.”
“Right. Because you’ll always be too busy with your career. So you’ve said. And yet, you have enough time to spend at least five hours with me each evening before we go to sleep. You have enough time on the weekend to make and bring me breakfast in bed, like you did three different times just while we were in New York alone. Also in New York, you had time to see two plays with me and a concert.
You also had seven hours on a Sunday to go to two different museums with me and have a very leisurely lunch. The day before that, you had six hours to meet up with some of your old school buddies for tennis, drinks, and dinner. So, although I know that you’re truly very busy running Testera and shouldering all the responsibilities that come with that, forgive me for not believing you when you say that you simply don’t have the time to be a husband and father.”
Avoiding my eyes, Fed raked a hand through his hair again. “I don’t want to talk about any of this right now. All I can think about is tracking down this Malcolm guy to have a word with him and maybe even give him a fat lip.”
Incredulous, I scoffed. “Why? Just for wanting a second chance with his ex-girlfriend, who he didn’t even know was currently in a new relationship?”
“Well, he should have left the very second that you told him.”
“Well, maybe he would have, but I think he was a little too intrigued by the fact that he didn’t see any kind of an engagement ring on my finger.”
Fed raked his hand through his hair a third time, then made to open the fridge door. “Let me see what his card says.”
Forcefully, I slammed a hand on the fridge door to keep it shut. “No. You’re not getting Malcolm’s last name, and you’re not getting his phone number.”
“And why don’t you want me to have that info? Did something happen today that you’re afraid I might find out about?”
“No. I’m afraid that in your anger, you’re going to do something that you really might regret later. Not to mention the fact that if you make any contact with Malcolm, it might just spur him on to ‘fight’ for me…which is something I don’t want to happen.”
“Are you a hundred percent sure about that, Jasmine?”
I might have found Fed’s jealousy, possessiveness, and even slight suspicion of me somehow comical if it wasn’t currently making me so angry.
Crossing my arms over my chest again, I just looked at him for a long moment. “I want to make something crystal clear to you. You’re the man I love right now. You’re the man I want to be with. If you feel the same way about me, then prove it to me, and we can put this whole Malcolm thing in the past. Just tell me that you love me, too, and that you want to move forward in our relationship. Just tell me that you’re ready to make some kind of a commitment…even if that ‘commitment’ is just a commitment to at least exploring the idea of possible marriage in our future.”
Clenching his strong jaw, Fed raked a hand through his hair for what felt like the billionth time during our conversation. He then sighed and looked me in the eyes, and I saw something in his own eyes that made me think that maybe, just maybe, he was finally going to tell me something I wanted to hear.
Chapter14
“I can never give you what you want, Jasmine. I can never marry you…and I don’t ever want to have kids.”
This was definitely not what I had expected Fed to say.
Immediately hurt and angry, I told him that that was fine. “But I think it’s a wrap for us, then, because I’ve come to realize lately that I do want to be married, and I do want to have kids…and sooner rather than later.”
“Look. Why can’t we just enjoy what we have a little while longer? Why are you in such a rush to end this?”
Suddenly feeling tears prickling my eyelids, I shrugged. “Maybe I wouldn’t be, if I felt like there was any hope. Maybe if you told me that you’d at least entertain the idea of marriage someday, I could hold on a little while longer. You’ve made it perfectly clear, though, that you’ll never marry me, so I guess that’s that. Which leaves me with one man who at least still feels enough for me to want to make a real commitment to me.”
“So, you’re actually considering taking Malcolm up on his offer?”
I shrugged again. “What business is it of yours now? I think we’re over. So, don’t worry about me and Malcolm. I might just give him a second chance yet…which means that if you ever want one, it’ll be too late.”
Leaning with his back against the fridge, Fed heaved a sigh. “We were doing so well before Malcolm showed up.”
I snorted. “Maybe…on some levels. You and I have never seemed to have any trouble in the bedroom. But as far as our relationship as a whole, though…I don’t think we were ever doing as well as
you think. I know that I’ve always been bothered by your refusal to explain why you never want to get married.”
Groaning softly, Fed dragged his hands over his face. “I have explained it.”
“Right. It’s all because you’re too busy at work. I know.”
“Look, Jasmine.”
“No, you look. I think we’re done here. There’s no sense in us just going in circles.”
“All right. Maybe there’s not.”
For a few seconds, the only sound in the kitchen was the low hum of the refrigerator motor. But then, Fed abruptly spoke, straightening up from his lean against the fridge.
“I guess I’ll go, so you can call Malcolm if you want.”
His words hit me like a slap, and my eyes became even a bit pricklier still.
“That’s a good idea, Fed. Just go. I want to call Malcolm.”
With his jaw clenched, Fed winced, eyes closed, just briefly, as if he were now the one who’d just been verbally slapped.
“Fine. Call him.” Suddenly, Fed was moving across the kitchen, grabbing his suit jacket from the back of a chair. “Accept his proposal for all I care.”
My tears began freely flowing before Fed even made it to the door, but he didn’t see. He didn’t even glance back once before going through the doorway, shutting the door behind him hard.
Sitting with my face in my hands at the kitchen table, I cried for I didn’t even know how long. After a little while, I looked up to blow my nose on a paper napkin, and I happened to see Fed’s half-drunk glass of wine and his half-eaten plate of food, things that just made me cry even harder for some reason. He hadn’t even been out the door a half-hour yet, and I missed him already.
However, at the same time, I was also mad at him. So mad, in fact, that after crying for a little while longer, I made a sudden decision and flew over to the fridge to get the card out of the roses. I was going to do just what Fed had suggested. I was going to call Malcolm. After all, I didn’t see any reason why I shouldn’t. Fed and I had no long-term future together. He’d made that abundantly clear.