by Melanie
'Why don't you just tell me what it was and get it over with, Camet,' Tom growled. 'Clearly, you're dying to.'
*Oh, but that would ruin all our fun,* he returned smugly.
Tom hurried out of the shower. 'I may not remember what it was, but they can't fault me for not completing it. The Caretaker's snatching us from the Badlands and bringing us here couldn't have been foreseen. Voyager not being in the Alpha Quadrant and my not doing what I was supposed to do is not my fault,' Tom insisted desperately, yanking on a pair of briefs.
*Cling to your delusions,* the Gul cackled. *I doubt you'll have them for long.*
Shaking, Tom drew on a clean uniform then socks and boots. There is no use in bemoaning the past, he told the long dead Cardassian with more certainty than he felt. What is done is done.
Before Camet could argue further, the combadge still attached to the uniform on the floor chirped.
"Captain to Senior Staff. Meeting in ten minutes."
So much for breakfast, Tom thought and walked out, grabbing the combadge along the way.
-------
"I couldn't believe it when Nicoletti told me," Harry was saying to Neelix when Tom entered the Conference Room and took his seat.
"It is rather surprising, isn't it?" the Talaxian responded. "Only two months ago everyone was receiving word from the Alpha Quadrant and wishing they were home and now..."
"I know," Harry laughed.
Tom opened his mouth to ask "And now 'what'?" but was interrupted by the arrival of B'Elanna and Tuvok. As Tom gave B'Elanna a brief smile as she sat down, the Captain and Chakotay entered and took their seats, closely followed by the Doctor.
"If we can begin?" Kathryn asked to catch everyone's attention. Once all eyes were on her she smiled at them. "As I can see from the looks on most of your faces some of you have already heard of the events of Gamma shift."
"So it's true then?" Harry interrupted, his enthusiasm getting the better of him.
She smiled indulgently. "Yes, Harry, it's true. We are approximately fifteen days travel at Warp 5 away from the farthest edge of explored Alpha Quadrant space."
Tom's jaw dropped.
Beside him, B'Elanna shifted forwards in her chair. "But how? A wormhole?"
Chakotay answered for the Captain. "During Gamma shift we discovered the planet we were orbiting was not as unclaimed as we thought. A ship entered the system and demanded to know our intentions. After we explained, they sympathized with our plight and sent us home."
"How?"
"They said something to the effect of 'Then you should be home' and suddenly we found ourselves here. No one has a clue how they did it."
"So they sent us home out of the goodness of their hearts?"
"They had been through something similar themselves and could empathize with us," Kathryn explained, shrugging.
"Have you contacted Starfleet yet?" Tom asked casually.
"Not yet. This area of space seems to have too much natural interference for us to do so."
"Maybe I can do something to cut through it," Harry offered hopefully, "then we can let everyone know we're coming."
Kathryn smiled. "Maybe you can, Harry. But, even if you can't, we should be through it in a few days then we will be able to contact them. In the meantime, we all have a lot to do."
As the Captain outlined the plans for the next two weeks and ideas were pitched for the party Neelix insisted must be thrown to celebrate their good fortune, no one seemed to notice Tom Paris's introspective mood. He answered when needed yet did not volunteer anything further to the conversation. He gave every appearance studying the navigational information collected by the Gamma shift upon finding themselves in an area immediately outside of -- as far as Voyager's four years out of date databanks knew -- previously explored space.
-------
"Tom?" A hand stroked his hair. "Tom, you with me?"
He jumped as though he had just stuck his hand in the warp core. It took his distracted blue eyes almost a minute to register his surroundings. Everyone else had disappeared while he had been so lost in his thoughts that he had not even noticed the meeting was over. Without a word, he reached out and traced her features with his fingertips.
"Tom?" she whispered again.
"I need to get to Sickbay." He kissed her gently then rose and walked out, leaving one very puzzled half-Klingon behind him.
-------
"Ah, Mr. Paris, how typical. Voyager almost is home and now you decide to show up to continue your studies."
Stepping further into the Doctor's office, Tom ignored the sarcasm. "I'm not here about that, Doc." He took a breath. "I'm here for you."
"For me?"
"Yes. At the meeting you didn't seem to grasp what this will mean for you and your family."
"Grasp what *what* will mean?"
"Voyager is returning home."
"Yes."
"You are the Emergency Medical Hologram."
"Yes."
"The emergency will be over when we get there. Have you thought about what will happen to you and your family then?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean..." He paused, gathering his words. "I mean, to put it bluntly, you're a hologram, the Emergency Medical Holographic program. When this ship returns to the Alpha Quadrant the emergency will be over. Haven't you worried that they won't permit you to continue to exist?"
The Doctor stared at him, silently affronted.
"I mean, everyone on board Voyager knows you have long since ceased to be a mere hologram, but I wonder if Starfleet will see it that way."
"They didn't treat me as a 'mere hologram' when I met with them," he declared in a superior tone.
"Then you were a message from a ship presumed lost long ago and you had just saved the Prometheus from the Romulans. They didn't know quite what to make of you. The problem is no matter how much you have grown since your activation, to anyone not of Voyager, you'll always be a hologram and nothing more. Your very existence causes problems, ethical and moral ones. The whole 'Is he alive or not' and 'Is he sentient or not' debates will be brought up. If they declare you alive and sentient what about your wife and son? Are Charlene and Jeffrey any less alive or sentient? What will any judgement about you three mean for other holograms? If you three are alive, how complex does the program have to be to be declared alive and sentient, as well? Think of the chaos that will ensue."
"I don't think-"
"Doc, people are enamored with holoprograms and the characters in them. What would happen if those characters abruptly were declared sentient? I think of all the holographic Klingons I've killed in my martial arts programs. If holograms are declared sentient I'll be declared a murderer."
Inwardly, Tom blanched at the truth in that statement and Gul Camet and company laughed.
"So you are thinking in order to avoid the entire debate they might find some loophole to avoid addressing it and erase us."
"I doubt they'll erase you, Doc. Everything you've learned over the past for years is far too valuable to them to be lost. I just wonder what form your existence will be permitted to be."
The EMH considered this in horror.
"Doc, I've done a bit of research. Looking for precedents and arguments which might help your case. Why don't you take the rest of the day off and go home and review it with Charlene and Jeffrey? I can transfer the information to your home for you."
He hesitated and Tom ploughed on.
"The Captain is in a meeting with Chakotay and Tuvok right now, but once they're through we'll go to them and see what they can do. Until then there is nothing you can do except spend some time with your family. I can handle whatever comes up here. "
The Doc nodded, distractedly.
"Try Holodeck One. The others are off-line for routine maintenance," he lied. He was not going to admit his tampering was the real reason they were off-line. He did not want to have to explain why he had need of them. But, thanks to another glitch he had caused in ano
ther of the ship's systems, the Holodecks had become a low priority on the repair list. Engineering would be too occupied with the bigger problem to worry about the Holodecks until much later.
Not knowing what he himself was in for, the hologram acquiesced and sent himself to the Holodeck One.
Tom slumped against the doorframe, hands rubbing over his face. 'Except for the last bit about the Holodecks, every word I said to the Doc was true,' he rationalized. 'Who knows what would happen to the Doc when an organic medical staff would be available to fulfill his function on the ship? It was better that he and his family are prepared for the worst ahead of time.' Remembering that did not make Tom feel any better. Focusing on his goal, he determinedly pushed himself upright and the feelings of guilt away.
"Computer, run program Paris Padlock, Holodeck One."
"Program running."
"Transfer file Paris Holographic Defense Arguments to Holodeck One. EMH program authorized to access this program."
"Acknowledged."
That should keep you there and busy until I'm done, Doc, he thought. Talking to his family and reviewing the extensive research Tom had done on his behalf would keep the Doctor occupied for at least an hour, Tom guessed. After that he was running the risk the EMH would attempt to exit the Holodeck or contact someone outside only to discover Tom's Padlock program had him trapped and incommunicado. Tom did not like the idea of the anxiety that would cause the Doc and his family, yet isolating the Doctor was the only way he could think of for keeping him out of the way until he had done what needed to be done.
Taking a deep breath, he hurried behind the Doctor's desk. At the desktop terminal, he breeched the CMO's logs, reviewed any entries mentioning himself over the past two months then closed them and accessed his own medical file. After reading the passage regarding debacle with the akoonah, he ever so slightly manipulated the results of the scans that the Doctor had taken of him at that point and onwards to the most recent ones. 'That will throw The Protectors off of the scent,' he thought, closing the file and leaving the office.
In the main treatment area of Sickbay, he begin imputing instructions into the medical replicator. A moment later, a small vial of deep purple liquid appeared. This he fitted into an empty hypospray and set it to one side. He removed four small, empty compressed gas canisters from a cupboard and placed them in the medical replicator slot one at a time for the replicator to fill. While each was being processed, he emptied a medkit of its contents then stared intently at the hypospray on the counter.
'It was so small,' he thought, 'yet it had such potential to-'
He broke off his thought. He had too much to do to waste time. He tucked the special hypospray into a side pocket of the kit and carefully deposited the now full canisters in the main compartment. Slinging the bag diagonally across his chest, he approached the access panel to the Jefferies tube.
'Last chance to change your mind,' he thought, hand on the panel release. Sighing, he shook his head. "Computer, access Holodeck programs and run Paris program Alpha One Grease Monkey in Holodeck Two."
"Program running."
"Add Paris Sleep One Part One."
"Added."
With the computer prepared to warn him of anyone's arrival in Sickbay and secretly beam him back there instantly, he triggered the panel release and entered the Jefferies tube. He had considered the problem from every angle and knew there was no other option. He only hoped none of the crew had reason to call or come to Sickbay in need of medical attention while he was off trying to save their lives.
-------
Tom froze at the sound of voices. A maintenance crew. He had known he was pushing his legendary luck by hoping no one would stumble across him while he crawled to four different sections of the ship to place the canisters where they needed to go. It would be so like everything else in his life for Fate to step in and slap him down when he was seconds away from installing the last canister and returning to Sickbay.
Fate must have heard his thoughts and decided to jerk him around some more because he was *not* discovered as he expected. The voices where drowned out by the sound of an access panel being opened then closed a few seconds later. All was quiet. The crewmembers had exited the Jefferies tube. Not wishing to press his luck, he finished his task and hurried back to Sickbay as quickly as possible.
"Computer, confirm no one has been in Sickbay since I left?" he commanded as he closed the panel.
"Confirmed. No personnel have been in Sickbay in the corresponding timeframe."
Tom reached for a blank padd and noticed for the first time that his hand was shaking. 'Stop it,' he ordered himself. 'There is no need for this. Focus on the outcome. In two hours, three tops, this will all be over. You have to be strong for the others. Remember, what you are doing is right. Even if they never understand the real reason why, you have to protect them from what is to come.'
The shaking lessened yet did not stop entirely.
"Computer, add Cauchemar variation to program in Holodeck Two."
"Variation added."
Under his feet, he could feel Voyager slow and finally stop completely. Very few other than B'Elanna honestly believed his claim he literally could sense Voyager's speed by the infinitesimal vibrations of the deck plates under his feet. He had proved it to them over and over again as a party trick yet all except the Chief Engineer had assumed it was a carefully concocted ruse. B'Elanna believed him because she could do the same yet about any technical difficulties the ship might be experiencing, not her speed. Had he time to think, he would have hated it to be about her reaction to Voyager's abrupt drop out of warp and slowing to stop.
Fitting his blank padd into computer console's slot to send and receive data, Tom tapped out a few commands on the console.
"Computer, start Paris Sleep One Part Two."
"Acknowledged."
He felt the pressure on his ears change as the circulation vents to and from Sickbay closed and the force fields crackle to life to totally isolate Sickbay from the rest of the ship. As the computer counted down from one hundred, he watched the information about every crewmember's location and medical status download to the padd. By the time the computer arrived at zero, the download was complete.
"The Myzine gas level is at zero," the feminine monotone announced.
The force field dropped and his ears popped as the vents opened. Working his jaw to relieve the slight pain from the change in pressure, he added the padd of information and a medical tricorder to the bag.
"Computer, beam all of the personnel currently in the Mess Hall to Cargo Bay Two," Tom ordered as he left Sickbay.
-------
Deck by deck, Tom found crewmembers slumped over consoles and each other, unconscious. Carefully, he moved each one to the floor, scanned them with the tricorder then checked them off on the padd. Each time he found one of those who were highlighted on the padd, he ordered him or her beamed to the Mess Hall. It was an eerie task. The ship was silent. People he knew so well were strewn about like Naomi's toys after playtime. He had to leave half of them wherever he had lain them.
Occasionally though, he almost laughed at some of the sights which greeted him. The newest couple on Voyager was sprawled across the floor of a turbolift, still liplocked. Vorik and Jenny Delaney were in a heap on the deck next to a console they had been repairing, him with his hand on her posterior. Several crewmembers were in some state of dishabille.
The last stop he made before heading for the Bridge was Neelix's quarters. As expected, he found Naomi and her godfather sprawled on the living room floor amongst her toys.
"Computer, beam Neelix to the Mess Hall," he instructed after scanning the Talaxian and the little girl.
As Neelix vanished, Tom returned the tricorder and padd to his bag and lifted the little girl into his arms. Tenderly, he brushed the masses of blonde hair from her face. "I'm going to miss you, Cucumber," he whispered, calling her by his special name for her. "I'd hope to have more time with yo
u, but this is the way it has to be."
He kissed her forehead then cradled her to his chest. Moments later, he was striding down the corridor with her to the nearest turbolift.
"Bridge," he ordered as their destination. "You'll finally get to see the real Bridge, Cucumber, not the one I created on the holodeck to show you. I think the Captain will relax the 'no children permitted on the Bridge' rule for once."
The doors opened at the Bridge level. Ignoring for the moment the sight of the unconscious Bridge crew, he walked straight to the science station where Samantha Wildman lay, half in her chair, half on the floor. Gently laying the little girl down, he moved her mother down beside her, arranging the two so daughter comfortably rested in mother's arms.
Nodding to himself, he began shifting everyone else to the floor. For a long moment, he remained kneeling beside Harry, smoothing the thick black hair away from his best friend's face. He was going to miss his little brother, his best friend, his role model. Maybe, had there been enough time, Harry could have redeemed him. Tom smiled crookedly. But there wasn't time. He brushed a kiss across the young man's forehead then patted his chest before rising and going down the stairs to the lower level of the Bridge once more.
He squatted down at B'Elanna's side where she lay on the floor next to the Engineering console. The tremors in his hands were back, stronger than ever. As he looked down at the woman he loved, a part of his brain begged him not to do this or at least change the intended outcome.
*And you know what will happen it you do,* Camet reminded him with a sneer. *The reason you started all this was so it didn't happen.*