by Lisa Shelby
Alex is different though. She always has been, and I do care if I’ve hurt her in anyway.
I know she told me not to answer her question, but I can’t just leave it out there. “Alex, our night together wasn’t nothing. In fact, that night was pretty great.”
I can tell that I’ve taken her by surprise but she tries her best to play it off. “Well, I’m glad to hear it, Mick. I have to admit I’m glad that we’re just friends these days and I don’t have to worry about it happening again. I would hate ending up on that list after all.”
Wow, that stung.
That didn’t just sting…that hurt. I’m not sure why it hurts like it does, but I don’t like this feeling. I’ve known all along that we were just friends. If it meant having her in my life, I was okay with that. The problem is, I know I want more from her. But I don’t deserve more. I don’t know how to give more so I can’t really ask her to give that to me.
She’s acting like this was just a regular conversation and has moved on already. After a bit of her talking—like she does when she gets going off on a tangent—I shake off the sting of her comment. We’ve been here for close to four hours and we’ve only had two drinks each. I think this is a first. When do I ever just sit and talk to a girl? In a bar. Especially, when I’m not plotting how to get her in bed while not really paying attention to a thing she says.
Tonight, I find myself hanging on to every word that Alex says. Watching her amazing imagination go to work while playing her little game was quite eye opening. It was also quite the turn on. I’m not sure that I can do just friends with her. She’s just too damn tempting.
Once we close the tab and I pay the bill—after a big argument that this wasn’t a date and we should go dutch—we head to the elevators. We push the down button and wait in silence. The elevator arrives and once we’re alone inside things are awkward again, just like they were at the beginning of the night. Every fiber of my being wants to stand just a little closer and take her hand in mine, but I don’t.
Thirty…long…quiet floors later we finally hit the parking garage and I walk her to her car. I feel like a teenager on his first date and I don’t know how to end things. I finally go in for a platonic hug and she hugs back. Once my arms are around her I’m engulfed in her intoxicating smell. When our bodies connect…it’s like we were made for each other, and it’s apparent even with a simple hug Alex and I just fit.
I don’t mean to but I can’t help it when I pull back from our hug, tangle my hands in her hair and gently whisper a kiss over her delicious lips. I feel her startle, but it only takes a beat before she leans into the kiss and grants my tongue access. Her hands that were still on my back from our hug, make their way up my back and down my arms until she holds onto my forearms. A soft moan escapes her throat, and I can’t help but try to push myself closer to her even though there is no space between us in this moment.
Things are getting more intense and all I can hear is the sound of our heavy breathing. Both of us are kissing the other back with everything we have. Suddenly, the sound of screeching tires makes her jump, and her hands that were holding on to my forearms for dear life tighten and pull my hands from her head. She denies me by moving her head away from mine and taking a step back. The words that follow break my heart, for me, for her…for both of us.
“Mick, I’ve been cheated on, treated poorly and most recently manhandled by the guys I’ve dated. I don’t think I could take adding heartbreak to that list and I’m pretty certain that in the end that’s what would happen. I don’t want that. Don’t get me wrong, that was great but I just can’t, Mick. Can we just keep things the way they are?
“Of course, Alex. Sorry about that. I guess I just got caught up. Friends,” I say as I hold my hand out to her.
She takes my hand and her dark chocolate eyes look at me with a mix of emotions. I can see relief and sadness cross her features and it kills me.
“Friends,” she says but I can hear uncertainty in her voice.
I wait while she gets in her car, starts the engine and then drives away with a wave. With the taste of her still on my lips I make my way through the parking garage.
The one thing I can’t stop thinking about as I walk to my truck is that just like she did at Riley’s party, she said she didn’t want to add heartbreak to her list. Does that mean she’s never been in love or cared about an ex enough to have her heart broken? Does it also mean that she does have some of the same feelings that I do, and she really does want more but is afraid she’ll get hurt?
I hope it’s both. Selfishly, I don’t want her to have ever loved anybody else, and I would feel so much better if I knew the feelings that I’m feeling weren’t one sided.
She’s right though…we can’t ruin the good thing we have going with adding more to it. It’s pretty great just the way it is, and I’m not sure I could go to bed at night without her good night text.
CHAPTER
SIX
Deep
Alex
It’s late and I know that I need to sleep, but I can’t seem to close my eyes and shut my mind off. All I can think about is Mick and that damn kiss in the parking garage. I’ve never forgotten our night together, but having his kiss lingering on my lips brings it all back to the surface. The feel of his body pressed against me still burns my skin, and I swear I can still feel his hands in my hair and the taste of beer on his tongue.
I’m shook from my lust-filled thoughts at the sound of a knock at the door.
Who the hell is knocking at my door this late at night?
Blaze jumps off the bed and meets me at the front door. I check the peephole and I’m not sure that I believe what I’m seeing. I look down at Blaze and he seems just as confused as I am. I look at myself, to make sure that I’m decent. Luckily, I wore a black tank with my black and white plaid pajama bottoms. I may not have a bra on but I’m decent.
I check the peep hole again and see that he’s looking anxious and agitated. Something must be wrong and now I’m starting to buzz with anxiousness as well. I fumble with my locks but manage to unlock the door.
“Mick, what are you doing here?”
He stands in my doorway with his hands in his pockets, his chest heaving up and down but silent.
“Mick, what’s the matter? What’s happened?”
“You. That’s what happened, Alex. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. I know that you said that you wanted to keep things the way they are but I know you don’t mean it. You want me just as badly as I want you and you can’t keep denying it. I know you, Alex. I can see your body react and hear your breath catch when I brush up against you. You know you want this just as badly as I do and I’m here to prove that to you.”
He rushes through the door and kicks it shut with his foot. I can feel the built up tension radiate off his body as he stalks me like his prey. Before I know it, my back is against the wall and he’s standing in front of me but not touching me. His chest is still heaving up and down and he almost seems angry.
“Alex, don’t say no.” His hand comes up to my face as he gently holds my cheek in his hand and lightly drags his thumb over my bottom lip. My breath hitches as I await his next move. I don’t have to wait long as his hand moves to push my hair behind my ear. After my hair is in place he leisurely takes his forefinger and barely skims the skin of my neck, down to my collarbone, over my heart and to my breast.
Just as his finger reaches my nipple he surges forward and captures my mouth in a fierce kiss as his hand cups my breast. My hands do some roaming of their own as they search his strong back, shoulders and biceps and then back to his shoulders. He is all man and I cannot believe that he’s here. Pressing me against my wall. Kissing me senseless.
He releases my lips and picks me up with his hands on my ass forcing my legs to wrap around him.
“Alex, no more denying what we feel. Tonight is the night, baby. No more waiting. I’ve waited too long already.”
Hearing him call me
baby sends my body into overdrive and I couldn’t want him more. I still can’t seem to speak as he carries me down the hall and to my bedroom.
He tosses me onto the bed and I let out a squeal. He immediately starts kicking his shoes off while he pulls his shirt over his head. He is a masterpiece and I’m so glad that the only tattoo he has covering his perfect skin is the shamrock on his left deltoid. I can’t help but sit up and move to the edge of the bed. I don’t want to miss a thing and I just can’t stop myself from blatantly checking him out as I watch every flex of his muscles as he continues to undress himself. When he finally stands before me in all his beautiful glory it’s clear that he’s more than ready to take our relationship to the next level.
He takes me by the hand and stands me up from the edge of the bed. His hands reach for the hem of my tank and he slowly pulls it over my head. The moment it hits the floor his mouth is on my nipple. Sucking, kissing, biting and then flattening his tongue to lick away the sting of his bite.
Those same lips that were just wreaking havoc on my breasts are now on my lips as his fingers slide under my waistband and slowly push my pants down and over my hips. He stops his steady assault on my lips and pulls back to help me step out of my pajama bottoms.
“Damn, Alex. Look at you. You’re fucking perfect. I need to make you see that we were made to be together.”
I’m still mute but inside I agree with him. We were made to be together.
He lays me down on my pillows and sits on his knees in front of me. He grabs my legs and pulls me closer to him. He stares at me as I lay vulnerable in front of him. I couldn’t hide from him right now if I wanted to. But I don’t want to. I want him to see all of me.
He leans forward and kisses my nose, my forehead, my chin, each cheek and while his fingers work their magic on my core he whispers in my ear. “I want you to feel as cherished as you are, Alex. Because I cherish you, and you are mine. I need to make you realize that…you…are…mine.” On this final statement his fingers enter me and I gasp in ecstasy.
“You ready for me, Alex? Ready to take this to the next level, sweet thing?” He removes his fingers and positions himself at my core. I can feel him start to enter me and I hold my breath and anticipate the feeling of him finally deep inside me again.
Beep…beep…beep
What the hell?
My alarm screams to life, and with that, the sad realization that I’m alone in my bed and not about to climb to new heights with the man of my dreams comes crashing down around me like a wet blanket.
A cold, heavy, wet blanket.
This isn’t the first dream I’ve had since our kiss in the parking garage, but it is the furthest we’ve gone in one of them.
It’s official.
I hate hunting season.
Mick has been gone for five days and I feel a little lost.
I’m not sure how it happened but Mickey Jacobs is not only my wet dream, but he has become my best friend.
I miss our conversations.
I miss his stupid jokes.
I miss the way he sounds when he calls me, sweet thing on the phone.
I miss him.
After our conversation in the parking lot, and our amazing night at Portland City Grill, things with Mickey have been easy and natural. We text all day, and on his nights off we talk each night before I go to bed. We don’t text or talk about anything exciting, but he’s always there. We meet for coffee often and we’ve met for happy hour again. Turns out he likes my little game of creating fictional lives for total strangers. He’s actually gotten really good at it. Better than me, if I’m honest.
Most importantly…he continues to makes me laugh. Every day.
Mick has always been that guy in the room that gets all of the attention. But when it’s just the two of us he’s different. He doesn’t have to try hard to make me laugh, he just does. There’s no false pretense or putting on a show. The real Mick, the Mick that I talk to all day every day, is easy going, funny and sweet.
I know it’s killing him to be gone while Emily has this crazy person leaving her notes at work. He loves all three of the women in his family with all of his heart, and it melts mine just to hear him talk about them. Little does he know that while he’s been gone the threats have only gotten worse. He also doesn’t know that the love of Emily’s life is currently staying in his house with his little sister. I would not want to be Emily when he comes back Saturday. She’s going to have to tell him about the new threats and the latest between her and Jonathan. Mickey is going to lose his shit!
I know that I’ll always wish that there was more between Mickey and I—my dream is proof positive of that—but it’s not worth it. I would have loved to have crossed the line from friendship to more in that parking garage, but what we have right now is just what I need. I would rather have him in my life than not. Mick would be a horrible boyfriend, but he’s a really great BFF.
I, however, am a horrible friend.
Emily and Cami have no idea that Mick and I have forged this new friendship. I’ve always used my friendship with Emily as the main obstacle to having more than one night with Mickey. The truth is, there is nobody kinder than Emily Jacobs. There is nobody who wants my happiness more than Emily. She wouldn’t be mad at me if I got involved with her brother. She would, however, be concerned that my heart would be broken into a million little pieces. Emily, Cami and I have been joking about Mickey’s love life for years. I would be a fool to get involved with him and she knows it.
I know it sounds contradictory since I’ve been telling Emily to give Jonathan a chance and to take him out of the friend zone—and I am so glad that she listened to me. But things with Mickey are different. We’ve known each other forever and he isn’t like Jonathan. He doesn’t do relationships. He can’t be faithful and doesn’t want to be. This is why my friend zone with Mick is different from the one Emily had Jonathan in. Much different.
To ensure that things stay in the friend zone, and to make sure that I keep my distance, I’m setting my co-worker Amber up with Mick at the wedding this weekend. She’s a girl who’s just looking for some fun, and well, Mickey is perfect for her. I haven’t told Mick yet, but Amber is more than excited to meet him. It’s going to kill me to introduce them, but they are a perfect fit.
I must be some sort of masochist to do this to myself, but it needs to be done.
CHAPTER
SEVEN
Heads Will Roll
Mick
It’s been a kick ass day.
The wedding went great and Wesley and Tricia couldn’t be happier. Tricia is a beautiful bride and Wesley is a lucky man. I never thought that one of my friends getting attached to the old ball and chain would be a lucky thing, but lately my view has started to evolve.
It’s not just because I’m happy to see my friends happy. I think having Alex as a constant in my life, and a part of every one of my days, is showing me how nice it can be to have that special person in your life. I had a great time hunting with the guys but I couldn’t wait to get back this morning. I missed talking to her every day and I couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing with her time while I was gone. Getting to see her again has been another part of the day that has been kick ass. Well, it had been.
I knew I was going to see her tonight at the reception and I couldn’t wait. To say it took me by surprise that as soon as I saw her she gave me a hug and then told me how excited she was to introduce me to her friend, Amber, would be an understatement. I know it shouldn’t—because we aren’t together—but it felt like she had just sucker punched me. I was excited to see her and she was excited to set me up with somebody. I guess she didn’t miss me as much as I missed her. And, well…that fucking sucks.
Nope, she didn’t seem to miss me at all. She took me by the hand and walked me over to Amber who was helping set up the buffet. The moment she laid her bloodthirsty eyes on me she seemed to follow me around like a freaking puppy. She was cute enough. Short, blonde hair an
d a banging body, but I couldn’t have been less interested. And Alex, well she was gone the moment she introduced us. She couldn’t leave us alone fast enough. I don’t think I could feel any shittier.
For the moment, I’ve managed to shake the Amber chick and am sharing a drink with my fellow groomsman when I look out on the dance floor. The moment my eyes land on my baby sister I can feel myself turning red. Red with uncontrollable rage.
What. The. Fuck.
Why is my sister grinding all over Jonathan Kelly? Did I miss something? Since when does Emily bump and grind? In front of a crowd no less? Kelly really should remove his fucking hands from my sister’s fucking body if he wants to live to see another fucking day.
I left him to watch over her, and it seems he’s taking that job pretty damn seriously.
Is this really fucking happening?
Does he not realize that I’m going to fucking kill him? Right here. Right now.
The God-forsaken song they are getting nasty to finally ends. I turn to bitch to Martinez and he’s not there. I didn’t even notice that everybody had left my table, and I’m standing here alone with my arms crossed over my chest seething. I see the moment Emily catches my eye and realizes that I just caught the show she and Kelly put on for the entire place to see. She’s hauling ass over to me because she knows she has some damage control to do.
By the time she’s standing in front of my table, worrying her necklace like she does, looking nervous as hell, I can’t wait to bust her balls. I’ll deal with Kelly later.
“So, Emmers…is there something you want to tell me?” I can hear the venom spewing from my grinding teeth, but I can’t help it. I cannot fucking believe Kelly and my little sister were practically having sex on the dance floor.