Now, they were sitting at one of the tables outside the café area and were relatively alone. Others were either heading home or finding more food and drinks to indulge in. Tessa wasn’t sure how they were all doing it. She was past stuffed, and really just enjoying sitting with Murphy and talking.
“So, this isn’t the first time you’ve taken this tour?” Tessa asked after a while.
“I took it once before with my brothers after I turned twenty-one. So it’s been a few years. They’d wanted to take me on my twenty-first birthday, but mom passed away right around then.”
Tessa squeezed his thigh but didn’t say anything, letting him finish out his thoughts.
“I think she was just so exhausted. Though they said it was a brain aneurysm, I figure it started because she hadn’t really been taking care of herself. She took care of me for so long. Dad died only a short time later. A heart attack at his age.” There was a tone of sadness in his voice that pulled at Tessa and made her want to gather him up in her arms and never let go. But she knew he wouldn’t have appreciated that right then.
“It’s not your fault, you know. And it’s not your fault now if we all want to make sure we take care of you.” The words were spoken quietly, but she knew he had heard them.
“Most parts of me know. Some days are a little harder than others.”
“I never knew my real father. He was a drugged-out mess that had left my mom before I could even walk. My mom wasn’t much better. I probably would’ve been better off if she had left me, too. In the end, she overdosed, and I almost starved as a four-year-old in our crappy one-bedroom apartment in the worst part of town. I only remember things in patches, and even then, sometimes I think they’re just glimpses from movies and books rather than memories of my birth parents. Grace and Chris took me into their home two days after the police found me. They started the adoption paperwork right then, not even waiting to see if I would fit into their household. I still don’t know how I ended up so lucky in the end. Grace and Chris are my parents. They’re the best things that have ever happened to me. And I almost fucked it all up because I didn’t know what to do with it.”
She hadn’t meant to say all that and wasn’t sure why she had. Only Liz knew exactly what had happened when she’d been a kid who didn’t care and an unruly and ungrateful teenager. But Murphy had shared something that scared him deep down, and she knew he deserved at least that much from her. She couldn’t tell herself that she was slowly falling in love with him, and yet keep the most personal parts of herself hidden.
Murphy kissed the top of her head. “From what I saw when I met your parents, they seem like wonderful people. I’m glad you have them. I’m glad that they were there for you. I don’t want to think about what could have happened if they hadn’t been there.”
Tessa nodded and swallowed hard. “I wasn’t grateful at first. Or rather, I didn’t know how to be grateful. I was such a stupid shit. When I was a little kid, I think I was so scared that someone would take me away that I tried too hard to be perfect. Then, somehow, I got it into my head that I needed to test them or something. So I started smoking. I had sex far too young. I started shoplifting stupid shit like gum. I skipped school, and I talked back to my teachers and my parents. I was just a horrible, horrible kid. And Grace and Chris never deserved a single moment of it. They didn’t let me get away with anything that they caught, and I know that was the right decision. I was grounded, forced to see counselors, and Grace and Chris tried to talk to me and figure out what was wrong. Yet I still fucked things up.”
Tessa closed her eyes, remembering the disappointment on her parents’ faces, but they had never given up on her. Not once.
She’d been so damn lucky—and so damn clueless.
“I got arrested for stealing makeup that I didn’t even like, and I think that was the final straw. They told me that they loved me and that they knew I was hurting, but that I couldn’t continue on that path. They were going to homeschool me and get me away from the people that kept pulling me down, and told me that they would do all in their power to make me realize I was loved.”
She wiped at a tear, and Murphy squeezed her tightly.
“Then I got arrested again when I was sixteen for drinking. Only this time, they didn’t come and pick me up. I thought they’d finally given up on me.” She swallowed back her tears. “It turned out they’d gotten into a car accident on the way to the station to pick me up and deal with things, and Grace had fractured her collarbone thanks to the seatbelt.”
“Oh, baby.”
“That was a turning point for me because I wasn’t just hurting myself anymore. She wouldn’t have been on the road, and the driver who dropped his sandwich on his lap and ended up in the wrong lane wouldn’t have hit my parents if it hadn’t been for me.”
“Babe.” One word and she knew what Murphy was thinking.
“I know it wasn’t totally my fault, but I was partially to blame. Anyway, I cleaned up my act after that. I had to. I went to school—a new school with new friends because I wasn’t doing well at the other one frankly—and I excelled. I didn’t drink, or smoke, or do anything stupid like I had before. I swore off boys. I got into college after taking a gap year at a community college to up my grades, and I was doing well…until I met my ex.” She couldn’t even say his name without bile filling her throat, so she didn’t even bother.
Murphy’s arm tightened around her again before he turned so they faced each other. “What happened?”
She winced, not knowing exactly how much he knew about her folks. They’d talked some, but she wasn’t sure. “You know my parents come from money, right? And that they’ve earned even more by being cautious and hard-working?”
He nodded. “I know a little from what you’ve told me and from seeing the plans they want for the house.”
“Okay, so my parents are so not like rich people from the movies with yachts and not wearing white after labor day and all that jazz. But some of their friends are. And one of those friends had a nephew.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “He was from Denver but not near me, so I hadn’t known him when he was younger. We met in college, and I thought he was the dreamiest guy ever. Andy was bright, sweet, caring, handsome, and totally fit in with what I thought my parents wanted me to have.”
“What did he do?” Murphy asked, his voice tight.
“He started to try and control my life. He thought I would be the perfect Mrs. to his Mr., and that wasn’t something I was thinking of at that time. I was in college, and my best friend was Liz. So we worked our behinds off to get amazing grades so we could go into the next phase of our educations and then get kickass jobs. That was my plan, and yet Andy wanted to derail that. It started off slowly but got worse over time. He started yelling and acting like a completely different person.”
She paused.
“Then he hit me.”
Murphy’s eyes went dark. “Did you hit him back and call the cops?”
She couldn’t help but smile and cup his face. “I didn’t hit him back. He only hurt me the once, but it was bad enough that I couldn’t fight back. I called the cops and my parents, and there was a restraining order put in place after I filed charges. But because of family money and the fact that he’d never done anything wrong before in his life blah blah blah…he got off with just a warning that he couldn’t be near me.”
“I want to find this bastard and kick his ass. That scumfucker doesn’t deserve to be outside of jail.”
Tessa kissed Murphy then, feeling a weight lift off her chest for the first time in forever. “Thank you. I didn’t mean to tell you all of that tonight. I kind of wanted to slowly tell you a bit of where I came from, but it all rushed out.”
He slid his hands down her shoulders, so gently that she knew he was thinking of what her ex had done. “I’m glad you felt that you could tell me.” He kissed her with a bare brush of lips. “Now I think we should go because the place is closing and I just want to hold you, okay
?”
She pulled back and looked around and noticed that the lights were indeed dimming and people were cleaning up. “Oh, wow, we’ve been out here awhile.”
“I don’t mind,” he said with a soft smile. “Let’s get you home.”
Tessa took his hand and leaned into him as they walked to his car. She’d never opened up to another man like she had with Murphy, and yet knowing that she had to him told her so much more about what she felt about him than anything else she could have done.
But when Murphy froze beside her, she froze, as well, ice creeping down her spine.
“What the fuck?” he growled.
Tessa blinked, not quite sure what she was seeing. There were still at least a dozen cars in the parking lot, but only one had all four tires slashed, and a window knocked out.
Murphy’s.
“Oh, God,” she sputtered. “What the hell?”
“I’m calling the cops,” Murphy growled. “Fucking punks. Come on, we’re going inside where I can keep you safe.” She let him lead her toward the building as he called the police, but she couldn’t help but look behind her.
No other car in the parking lot had damage. Only his. But why? It didn’t make any sense, and she didn’t have the answers. All she did have was the need to hold Murphy close because something was going on.
She just had no idea what it was.
16
Murphy was oddly elated yet fearful for his appointment, and that didn’t make for an easy stomach. His cancer didn’t have a cure—few did—but his treatment plan was much different than those he’d heard of before everything had happened this summer. He only had to deal with a few weeks of taking a pill that would try to combat the attacking cells in his body. Then, he just needed blood transfusions to make sure he had enough energy to keep going.
Today was his last chemo day of this round of treatments, and would hopefully be the last chemo day ever. He would still have to come back to the clinic every week for a little while to get his blood checked to ensure his stability until his check-ins could be tapered off to once a month and then maybe even less.
Tessa wrapped her arms around him from behind, and he leaned into her hold. They were standing outside of the clinic and had been for a few minutes. Tessa hadn’t said a word, she’d just taken his hand and leaned into him. Now, he was the one using her for strength. When all of this had started, he never would’ve thought he’d have Tessa by his side for some of the scariest parts of his life. Now, he honestly didn’t know what he would’ve done if she weren’t there. She wasn’t only his roommate, or the woman he was sleeping with, or even just his girlfriend, she was becoming something far more.
Right then, however, he couldn’t dwell on that and think about how it made him feel. He needed to get through today and what it all meant, and then he could start thinking about a future. When someone tells you that your life is going to be forever changed and that you might not have that much of a life at all, it’s hard to put everything into perspective. Murphy had been spending most of his time trying to figure out how to get healthy rather than thinking about what could happen if he didn’t. He’d needed a distraction from the idea that this might not work, but Tessa hadn’t been it. If anything, she had been the one to make him focus.
“Murph?” Her voice had gone soft as if she were afraid she’d spook him. She wasn’t wrong.
“Sorry.” He rubbed his hands over hers and tugged on her wrist, so she moved to stand in front of him. He slid his hands through her hair and rested his forehead on hers. He just needed her touch, her presence to center himself. He didn’t know when that had happened. When had he grown to rely on her for more than a laugh and a heated glance? Regardless, he wasn’t as scared of the possibilities as he once had been.
“I’d ask what’s on your mind, but I can probably guess.”
Probably not…
She shifted and kissed his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her, tugging her close. Did she care about him as much as he cared about her? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. She’d been hurt in the past, and he knew coming back from that hadn’t been easy. He didn’t know what she wanted from him in the end, and wasn’t sure what would happen when the dust settled and she realized that they were not only a couple but also living together. He spent more time in her bed than his, and yet they hadn’t discussed it. There just had been too much going on in their lives with the move, his treatments, her work, the incident at the brewery that they still didn’t have answers for, and their slow turn into something more as a couple.
“Let’s get you inside,” she whispered. “The faster we get you in there, the sooner we can get you out, right?” She gave him a sad smile, and he kissed the edge of her mouth.
“That’s one way to look at it,” he agreed. “And the way that I’ve usually been going about it.” He pulled back slightly and rubbed his chest, a little more sore today than he had been earlier in the week. The treatment was taking a lot out of him, and he wasn’t working as many hours as usual, but his body was still taking a hit. “I just…I have this weird feeling, you know?”
Her eyes widened, and her hands tightened on his hips. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know…I just…I can’t explain it other than I don’t know if I want to go in there.”
She pressed her lips together before blowing out a breath. “It’s just one more pill and a check-up today, Murphy. That’s it. You can do it. Then we can go home, and I can cuddle you before I need to head into work. How does that sound?”
He rubbed his cheek on the top of her head and sighed. “Sounds like I should get in there and get it over with.”
Tessa pulled back and cupped his face. “If I could do this for you, I would. If I could take some of your burden, I would. It’s not fair that this keeps happening to you. It’s not fair that so much is out of our hands. But I’m going to sit right next to you and hold your hand during this last part. Liz already assured me that I could have one of those folding chairs so you wouldn’t be alone. So anything you need from me? It’s yours. If you need to scream, shout, be angry at something, I’m here for that, too. I’m here, Murphy. I’m here.”
He loved this woman. Loved her more than he could say. And one day soon, he’d find a way to tell her.
“You…you are amazing.” He kissed her then, just soft enough that it was a bare brush rather than a full kiss.
“I try,” she said with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She’d been off since they’d found the tires slashed on his truck, and for some reason, he thought she blamed herself. He’d tried to make her feel better, but she’d waved him off. They were both in their own heads so much recently, it was a wonder they could even stand here like this at all.
“Okay, you two,” Liz said as she walked out of the front door and out toward them. “I’ve been watching y’all for ten minutes now—as have most of the people in the waiting room—and while you’re both adorable, and I wish I’d thought to bring my camera out here for a photo, you need to get in here.”
Liz had tried to sound stern when she spoke, but Murphy had seen the softness in her expression.
“Let’s do this.” He gripped Tessa’s hand, and they made their way into the clinic, a sense of urgency pounding through his blood more than before.
By the time he got through the paperwork and was in his chair, Max was already there, with Abby sitting beside him on one of those folding chairs. The staff had set up another chair for Tessa by Murphy as each of the treatment chairs were filled with patients needing one therapy or another.
“Full house,” Max said with a grin. “I think they’re here just to throw you a party.”
Murphy sank into the chair and snorted. “Sounds festive.”
“We try,” one of the older women said from her chair on the other side of the room. She’d been in there a few times at the same time as Murphy, but he didn’t know much about her other than that her name was Ester.
&nb
sp; Murphy smiled despite their setting and let his nurse start his IV since he needed fluids that day. Tessa took his free hand and leaned into his chair. This was the first time she’d come into the clinic with him like this, and while before he hadn’t thought he needed anyone by his side, he knew he was wrong.
He needed Tessa.
And not just for today.
“So, what’s on your agenda after this?” Max asked, his free hand twined with Abby’s. She had her other hand on her small baby bump and was also leaning into Max’s chair like Tessa was. “Maybe a cruise? Or a big dinner?”
Murphy snorted. “Those two things are kind of on opposite ends of the scale.”
“True, but I wanted to cover my bases.”
“I was thinking more of a nap. A long one.” He glanced at Tessa and winked. She didn’t blush or hide; instead, she rolled her eyes and gave him a look that spoke volumes.
“All by yourself so you can rest and rejuvenate. Understandable. I’ll be sure to leave you alone in bed for the next week or so just in case.” She kept her face expressionless, and he couldn’t help but smile.
“You wouldn’t do that.” He leaned down and whispered so only she could hear. “You like my dick too much.”
She whispered right back. “I have a very nice vibrator and dildo set. I’m good.”
Murphy closed his eyes and pictured her using those on herself to make herself come, and he had to hold in a groan.
“If you aren’t careful, you’re going to need an extra blood transfusion since everything you have seems to be going to Little Murphy right now,” Tessa said dryly, her voice low—just not low enough apparently.
A few of the other patients started laughing, and Tessa’s eyes widened. But instead of blushing, she just raised her chin and smirked at Murphy.
“Well, it’s true,” she defended, and that set everyone off again.
Hope Restored (Gallagher Brothers Book 3) Page 14