by Paris, Sevan
"Greetings, Mr. President."
She stepped out of the passage and strolled around as if she owned the office. Which was just fine for him. He hadn't wanted it since shortly after re-election.
"You are a man with many problems."
He supposed he should have asked her a lot of stuff. Like how the hell she got in there. How the hell... Well, a lotta stuff.
"No shit." He felt comfortable with her for some reason, like he could say anything. That was another thing, people always expected him to say something different after he'd already said something else.
"I can fix all those problems, Mr. President."
"What? You think you can fix all'a my problems? How?"
She pulled a golden apple from behind her back. The buzzing in his head increased ten fold. "With this."
"Wassat?"
She looked at it. "An apple."
"Ohhh. What's it do?"
"Eat it and you shall see."
"Gimmie." He snatched the apple and dug in. He'd never tasted anything so sweet.
He'd just finished the apple, core and all, when he looked up to see the woman was no longer there.
Damn. I wanted another one.
"Mr. President? Are you okay?"
The buzzing was gone. "Yes, I'm fine." Tree's statement surprised him for some reason. It wasn't what he said. It was the way he said it. "I'm fine. I'm very fine." He hadn't felt this much confidence since re-election. He felt like he could take on the entire democratic party, maybe even the country.
Maybe he could do anything. No forget that--he could do anything. He was the president of the United States of America, goddammit.
"Send in the VP. I have a job for him."
A second later, the door opened up and the VP walked in. The man looked eager to please as always. Sometimes, Tree thought he'd suck his dick if he asked him.
"Sir?"
"Sit down." He pointed to the vacant seat across from him. "We have much to discuss."
Tree sat down and crossed his legs. "Tell me again, how do you pronounce it?"
The VP sat and looked uncomfortable.
"It's okay, just tell me."
"Nuclear, sir."
"Nuuuucalear."
"No, sir. Nuclear."
"Nuuuuceleaeeer."
"No, sir, it's--"
"Never mind. How many of them bombs do we have? I'm getting tired of looking for those terrorist assholes."
BOOK THIRTY
A BOY AND HELL'S DOG
One of the heads lunged at Alex while the other two kept barking.
Alex planted one foot on its snout, jumped back and clung to the cave wall. The dog rose on its hind legs and snapped at Alex three times. The dog missed, but its assault weakened the area Alex clung to.
It gave way.
Alex screamed. He fell on the side of the middle mouth. The dog barked and jerked, trying to get Alex inside its muzzle. Alex pushed away, only to fall on the side of the left mouth. He clung to the head's ear while the dog spun in circles trying to catch him.
"Little help here?" he screamed to Homer.
Homer looked at her nails. "Sorry. No can do. This is all you."
The dog slammed Alex against the cave wall and drug him a good thirty feet. Alex's hands gave up before his will, and he found himself rolling into a boulder.
The dog spun and charged him again. Alex rolled, and its head crashed into the wall. He dove under the dog, turned around...
And saw the biggest nut sack he'd ever seen in his entire life.
There was zero hesitation on Alex's part. He kicked it as hard as he could.
The heads yelped and the dog jumped sideways. All six eyes looked at Alex with a hurtful expression. It tucked its tail and backed away.
Homer watched it go and looked back at Alex, who was still on the ground breathing heavily. "That was pretty impressive." She held her hand out. Alex took it and she jerked it away.
"But you're still a fuck hole."
Alex really hated his life.
~ * ~
Alex and Homer eventually reached an open clearing in the cave that somehow contained a wheat field so big Alex couldn't see the other side. Alex let the wheat touch his hand as they walked past. It made a feint ringing sound.
He saw people here and there, most of which wore togas. Some of them wore stuff from later periods and some even wore stuff from today.
"Is this where everybody goes?"
Homer looked at him. For the first time a type of kindness touched her eyes.
"No, just people who are touched by gods."
"In what way?"
"In any way."
She kept walking and Alex slowly followed. They turned a corner next to a big boulder, and there was Fiona smoking a cigarette. She saw them and put it out under her foot. "Took you long enough."
BOOK THIRTY-ONE
A GAME OF CATCH
"Did you know there was a dog? A three headed dog! He just tried to eat me with his three heads!"
"Yep."
"Well, why didn't you tell me?"
Fiona shrugged. "I've been told that, for mortals, anticipation of death is worse than death."
"That's your reason? That's your reason for not... I really hate you sometimes."
"And we're here," Homer said.
Alex turned and saw an older man lying in the middle of the wheat field with his hands laced under his head.
Zeus.
He lay there whistling and staring at the clear sky. Where did the sky come from?
Alex looked at the two women beside him. He started to ask them how they imported a sky into the depths of hell but thought better of it. They would probably just give him an answer he didn't understand anyway.
"Hades has an odd effect on his kind," Homer said. "Things he says and things he does may seem a bit strange."
"So, what else is new?" Alex said. He crossed the field. Zeus never looked at him.
"Sit down, Alex," Zeus said. The sky became cloudy.
"Why am I here?"
Zeus sat up. "What? No hug for the old man? After everything I've done? Hey," he put his hands to his chest. "I'm hurt."
"I'm tired."
Zeus smiled and pointed a finger at Alex. "Nicely played, Mr. Anderson. Nicely played."
Zeus lay down again.
"You still haven't--"
"You're next."
"What?"
Zeus turned his head and looked at Alex. "You're next. They're going to kill you next."
"Well, news flash. They've been trying to kill me for a while now."
"No, you don't understand." Zeus reached behind his back and pulled out a wad of yarn. He threw it to Alex. "They're definitely going to kill you. Says so right there."
Alex looked at the yarn. It was a ridiculous thing to do. It just looked like yarn to him. "You got this from the Fates?"
"I did." Zeus stood up. "Before Hera killed them."
"How long? How long have you known?"
Zeus shrugged. "Since around the time you were born. Hey, you wanna play some baseball?"
Alex dropped the yarn. "Could we stay on the subject of my impending doom please? I mean, there has to be a way out of this right? There has to be something I can do or you wouldn't have me down here."
Zeus smiled. He produced a catcher's mitt and baseball from nothing. Alex looked down. Suddenly he had a mitt also.
"Oh there is." Zeus threw the ball. But you're not gonna like it."
"Try me."
Zeus held up his mitt. "Come on."
Alex sighed and threw the ball.
"That'a boy," Zeus said. "Now, there is one way you can avoid the whole death thing. You let the world burn." He threw the ball.
The ball whizzed by Alex. "What? What do you mean, 'let the world burn'?"
"Just what I said. Hera intends to destroy everything. Wipe most of humanity off the face of the Earth. She wants a fresh start. A clean slate if you will." Zeus produced another ball and
threw it. Alex let that one pass also. "Oh, come on, sport. You're not even trying."
"Why? What does that mean, clean slate?"
"So she can remake the world in her image, champ. That's where you come in. You can stop her, but you gotta die."
Alex felt the blood leave his face and his stomach burn.
Zeus laughed. "I'm sorry, son. I hate to break this to you. But, like I said, you can just stand by. Let Hera do her thing. You might even live through it. Hell, you might have a good two hundred years in you still."
"Stand by?"
"Yeah." Zeus stepped closer. "Just don't do anything. Just watch the world burn and find a cozy spot to enjoy the rest of your days."
BOOK THIRTY-TWO
MEANWHILE...BACK ON OLYMPUS
Apollo looked at Hera. "Well, did it work?"
She stepped aside, allowing him to see the television. Once again, she was grateful Hermes hooked cable up in Olympus last year.
There was President Tree, addressing his nation.
"My fellow Americans, it has come to my attention many of you think I am no longer qualified to hold the office of President. You are probably right. In fact, I'll bet many of my closest friends and family members think the same thing." He reached under his desk and produced a flask. "None of the them like me. Hell, I don't even think my wife likes me. She hasn't gone down on me since the inauguration." He took a pull, wiped away stray drops from his chin. "But, I digress."
"Over thirty minutes ago, I launched a nuc-nuc...a bunch of missiles against our terrorist enemies in the Middle East. I'm gonna kill those terrorist sons of bitches once and for all. Best part is there's nothing you or any of the peace loving pussies can do now except sit back and watch the show."
Hera rubbed her hands. "Perfect. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a little errand to run."
BOOK THIRTY-THREE
A FATE FROM THE FATES
"What do you mean Alex has to die?" Fiona stepped forward. Alex hadn't even noticed her hair was blue until now.
"Hey, you don't want a post-nuclear world. It's the only way," Zeus said. He produced another ball and suddenly a mitt appeared on Fiona's hand. "You wanna play?"
Alex stepped back.
Fiona threw the mitt away. "We'll find another way. We'll find another way and he will not die." She pointed a finger at Alex. "You will not die."
Alex stepped back again.
"It's already been written, sweetheart." Zeus kicked the ball of yarn to Fiona. "See for yourself."
Fiona unraveled the yarn and held a section close to her face. Her eyes widened.
"I'm ready to go now," Alex thought his voice sounded hollow.
"Alex..."
"I'm ready to go, now!"
Fiona jumped.
She looked at Zeus and dropped the yarn beside her discarded mitt.
They both left the god to his musings.
~ * ~
"So what happened?" Bos asked after they returned. "You see any undead poontang in there. Yeah you did. I bet it was freaky, wasn't it. Come on, it was freaky."
Alex walked right by Bos. Bos, quite possibly for the first time in his entire life, didn't say a word.
Fiona stayed on his heels. "Alex, these things are never completely set. You can still beat this. I know you can. You are not going to die."
Alex saw fear in Fiona's eyes. Fear that threatened to take him away from her and, as a result, away from the world. Hell, it threatened to take the world away from the world.
"Okay," Alex said.
Fiona raised her eyebrows.
"Okay, let's go, we have a job to do," Alex said.
Bos stepped between them. "Does somebody mind tellin' me what the fuck's goin' on?"
"Okay, Bos, here it is," Fiona said. "The gods want a war. Well, we're going to give it to them. They have pulled out all of their collective stops. They think they can just run over us because Zeus isn't here? They're wrong. Dead wrong. And we're going to--"
There was the sound of screeching tires in the parking lot. Fiona and Bos turned to see Alex leaving in the Satellite.
~ * ~
"They're fucking crazy!
Alex barely swerved in time to avoid hitting a Volvo. The driver gave Alex the finger.
Dumb fuck. If he only knew. If they all only knew. If any of them only knew. Hell, there's no way they can know, now is there? Only I can know. Mr. Demigod, cursed with the knowledge. Cursed with being all goddy, and cursed with...with
Dying.
I'm gonna die.
Zeus said it. I have to die to save the world.
Well, the world can go to hell. I'm just sixteen. What the fuck do I know about the world? Why do I have to save it? Aren't there people with careers for saving the world? Don't you need a fuckin' PhD in world saving? What the fuck am I gonna do?
Alex didn't know what he was supposed to do, but he sure as hell knew what he was going to do. He was going to get his mother and get the hell out of Athens. The rest of the world could hang. Somebody else would save it. That was what other people were for. He would come back and get Bos and Fiona if they wanted to come. But he had to get his mother first.
BOOK THIRTY-FOUR
MOTHER VERSUS MOTHER
"Alex?" Sophie called as soon as she returned home. It was a stupid thing to do, but what else was there?
After the RO drug her into the office, it took the secretary two minutes to verify that Sophie was, in fact, telling the truth. Unfortunately, the truth wasn't good enough for Officer Purdue. He and the school counselor wanted to interview Sophie and find out about her home life and, more specifically, Alex's home life.
That was when Sophie lost it.
What was she supposed to say? Alex's father, a.k.a. Zeus, has recently come back into the picture and caused an endless amount of hell that her son has been lying about for the past four months? Of course not. So instead, Sophie did the only thing she could think of.
She told Officer Purdue, the counselor, and the rest of Athens Central High School to go straight to hell.
She then pulled out her cell phone and called her lawyer. A lawyer that, God bless him, had Sophie out of there and to the spot her son was supposed to be waiting fifteen minutes later. Sophie didn't know how he did it. She didn't care how he did it.
What she did care about was that Athens Central had somehow misplaced her son.
She went off on everyone within earshot. Shortly after, she left the high school and looked for her son. She spent four hours looking for him, but didn't really remember any of them.
Bos' parents didn't know where he was and Fiona's aunt didn't trust Sophie enough to tell her anything. Sophie asked the aunt where she lived and she replied by hanging up the phone. It was a cell number, so matching it to an address online was impossible.
Sophie had no choice. She had to wait for her son to come home and explain himself.
He'd better do one goddamn good job.
The pain from his last words were still with her, but they had been surpassed by worry hours ago. Sophie flicked the light on in the living room.
Hera was there, sitting on the couch.
Sophie barely stopped herself from screaming. She knew Hera, and more importantly knew what she was capable of.
"Hello, Sophie," Hera said.
Sophie took a gamble. "Where's Alex?"
Hera stood. "I don't know and furthermore don't care. Not at the moment anyway. I wanted to have a conversation with you. You know, just us girls."
Sophie ran.
She made it as far as the kitchen before Hera's hand clamped around the back of her neck. Hera turned Sophie around and slammed her against the refrigerator. Pictures of her and Alex fell to the tile.
"I always found it strange, my husband's desire for mortal women. I used to actually look for some sort of pattern in his mates. It was my hope if I could emulate these qualities somehow, he would have no need for distractions. Can you imagine such a thing? Me imitating you!"
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