Alex Anderson The Last Son of Zeus

by Paris, Sevan

  "Already, things have been taken from me above that assure me a horrible hell below. Rest assured, god of the underworld, had I water to drink at this moment, I would do so just to piss the ground you stand on."

  And with that, Hades grinned and disappeared. He popped back in from time to time, but never said anything to Hector or his men. He watched from a distance. Hector assumed he provided the god with some sort of amusement.

  The exchange had another unexpected effect: Hector's men, all but sure he had forgotten about them completely, now looked on the prince with a newfound respect. Shortly after, their elected spokesperson, Galoukas, approached him.

  "That was very brave of you, sire. Many of the men feared you had forgotten us."

  "How could I forget you? How could I forget any of you? It is I who should be forgotten. I wasted your lives as I did my own. I want nothing more now than the suffering I deserve."

  "The men still look to you for answers, sire."

  "They should look to you, Galoukas. You have more concern for them."

  And that was the last time they spoke. Hector stayed to himself along the shoreline and the men stayed away.

  Many of the men often cried for their loved ones or for Troy. He was sure Galoukas comforted them with songs of Hector and his plans to rejoin the men with their families. Somehow, Galoukas provided them with hope even though they had every reason to believe otherwise.

  Hector wasn't sure who he felt more sorry for: Galoukas, his men, or himself.

  Hector was immensely surprised when Hades appeared before him and offered him a chance for redemption.

  ~ * ~

  It took Alex a while to work up the nerve to reenter Hades. It wasn't that he feared death. He feared not being able to kill Hera. It was that same fear that eventually led him to think fuck it and practically dive face first into the shitter of the Krispy Kreme.

  Alex walked right past Homer.

  "Hey! Where are you going? You can't just--"

  Alex turned and pointed a finger. "Back off."

  Homer looked at Alex's finger and wisely did just that.

  Alex met up with Fiona after passing a still cowering Cerebrus. "Which way?"

  "Are you sure you want to do this? He doesn't like people that much."

  "Which. Way."

  Fiona sighed and pointed to the left.

  Without another word, Alex went left.

  ~ * ~

  Hades had been in a very good mood lately. He usually passed his humdrum days overseeing the people who did the actual overseeing in his realm. Some people did their jobs well, and the ones who didn't, he would send to a lower level to bake for a couple of hundred years. After he was pretty sure he made his point, Hades retrieved them and they did their jobs with a newfound level of enthusiasm. The mischief Hera and her colleagues were causing upstairs meant Hades was sure to have some new visitors soon. He couldn't wait for the company.

  Then, some of said company arrived.

  Alex Anderson and Athena stepped into his fiery chambers. "How many times have you been down here in the past several days, Alex Anderson? Perhaps I should set you up a room with a view?"

  "Shut up and listen. You know what's going on up there. You know it isn't right."

  Hades considered killing the boy, but decided it would be more amusing to let him finish. "I do."

  "I'm going to stop it."

  "By 'stop it' you mean..."

  "Kill Hera."

  Hades pointed a finger at Athena. "I saw that. You looked at him in surprise, niece." Hades clapped his hands together. Sparks jumped from his palms with each clap. "How lovely! The world is about to burn and there is dissension in the ranks!"

  "I need an army."

  Hades stopped clapping. "Did you not hear me, boy? The world is about to burn. It's about to get increasingly crowded down here, and frankly I could use the enlightened company. No, I think it far better not to kill you and not help you kill her. I will obtain far more amusement that way."

  "I need an army."

  "I've already told you..--"

  "I'll send all of them down here."

  Hades stood from his throne. "What?"

  "You heard me. Every one of the gods on Olympus. I'll send them to you tonight. Get all the amusement you want to out of them. Except for Athena. She stays.

  Hades looked at Athena. He thought if he pressed it, the boy would actually offer her up too.

  "I don't want all of them. I want to save some for later."

  Alex shrugged.

  "Three. Give me three, hero. Then you can have your--"

  "When can I get them?"

  Hades smiled.

  Thirty minutes later, Alex walked out of Hades with an army of four hundred thirty-eight Trojans.

  BOOK THIRTY-SEVEN

  THE GAUNTLET

  Hera paced in front of the TV on Mt. Olympus. "Why haven't they wiped each other out yet? This is one of the possible threads, right?"

  Apollo nodded. "Spun by the Fates themselves, mother. If you'd like, I can speak with them to make certain my interpretation was correct."

  "If this doesn't work Apollo, I'll speak with them myself."

  Apollo nodded.

  Hera still couldn't believe not a single god had noticed the absence of the Fates. She couldn't believe a single god had done anything worthwhile on Earth yet, nor could she believe that idiot Tree hadn't--"

  "Lord Hera?"

  Hera turned to see Cupid nervously turning his hat in his hands. "What?"

  He held up a note. "This just came in. You'll want to see it."

  One of Hera's fingernails drew blood on Cupid's hand as she snatched it away.

  Hera's eyes scanned the letter.

  Dear Hera:

  One teleport from Aphrodite and one punch to the chest is all it took to get Tree to puke up the apple. Somehow it reformed. He aborted the nukes and sent them into the ocean.

  Crazy, right?

  We're at the Nashville Parthenon. See you soon.

  Your Soon-To-Be-Executioner,

  Alex Anderson

  P.S. You're a total cunt (Salvador Boster).

  P.S.S. I heartily agree (Athena, Goddess of Wisdom).

  "Form an army," Hera said with her voice barely above a whisper. "We're going to Earth and not returning until it's ours."

  BOOK THIRTY-EIGHT

  READY FOR WAR

  The trip to the Parthenon took longer than Alex expected. Still, he, Bos, Hector, and Helen managed to beat Aphrodite and Fiona back from Washington DC.

  "Did you get it?" Alex said as soon as they teleported to the museum's roof next to them.

  Fiona held up the apple. Alex felt a buzzing sensation in his head. "This will only reform if eaten right?"

  "Yes, but--"

  He snatched it from her and smashed it against a rooftop air conditioner. It and all of its knowledge puddled at their feet. "You didn't want--"

  "I may be dumb, but I'm smart enough to know I don't want any of that."

  Aphrodite delivered their letter to Olympus. Having done that, she said her job was through. Giving everyone a head's up was one thing, but fighting in a war was something totally different. That's why she cursed others into fighting battles for her. Having nothing else to do, they sat and waited.

  ~ * ~

  "So, are you truly Athena, goddess of wisdom?" Hector said to Fiona.

  Fiona fastened on her chest armor and took a drag off her cigarette. "Yep."

  "And it truly has been over two and a half millennia since I died?"

  "Didn't they cover this in the car on the ride over?"

  "The large one tried, but he speaks and acts like a buffoon. Even with your language curse, I can barely understand him. And the other one--"

  "Alex."

  "Alex said little. Though I can't tell if his silence is due to an inexperience with war or grave tragedy."

  Fiona kept buckling her armor.

  "I should lead this fight. I am the leader
of these men."

  Fiona sighed and flicked away her cigarette. "And Alex is your leader. Hector, you are not now, nor were you ever, the hero."

  "My role is of no importance."

  "Bullshit. You don't even believe that. This is a war against the gods. You can't expect me to believe the very prospect of leading that battle doesn't appeal to you on some level."

  "Athena, I am a man. He is but a child! Surely the goddess of wisdom would--"

  "Do not be so bold as to tell me my place, lover of Helen."

  "You...you know?"

  "I know even if the world does not. Isn't that enough to sate your appetite? Must you seek glory on this day too?"

  Hector's hands tightened into fists. "We stand a better chance if I lead."

  Fiona stepped very close to Hector. She only came up to his chest but she somehow seemed larger than him. "The gods dictated the events in your life long before you were born, Hector. You had no control other than that which they gave you. Alex seeks to completely abolish that control as his father did before him."

  "How did Zeus...you mean Achilles?"

  "Achilles. Zeus came to him and persuaded the Grecians to seek victory on the battlefields of Troy. Zeus had a bet with the other gods. If Achilles were to kill you, Paris, and Helen, the gods would have no more control or influence over man. Zeus won and the gods have had none ever since. Until Zeus' death anyway. Alex seeks to end that. You seek to glorify it. Tell me, Hector, which one of you is the real hero?"

  ~ * ~

  "Yo, what's happening, Fiona?" Bos said as Fiona crossed the roof to him.

  "A word." Fiona held up a large duffel bag. "I've got something for you."

  "Is it like a bazooka or something, because you realize I'm like the only one here without superpowers that's about to get into, like, a superpowered UFC fate of the world championship."

  Athena brought a massive piece of chest armor out of the bag, which had two white feathered wings on the back.

  "Oh snap! What is that?"

  Fiona grinned. "The wings of Icarus. Try it on."

  ~ * ~

  Alex never saw his friend look as happy as he did right then.

  "This is awesome!" Bos said.

  "Dude, check it out," Bos said to Alex. He hit a button on his chest and the armor's wings quadrupled in size, Buzz Lightyear style. "Totally hot, right?"

  The wind picked up and Fiona's quick hand was the only thing that kept Bos from getting blown off the roof of the Parthenon.

  Alex slapped the button on Bos' chest again and the wings folded in. "Bos, are you sure you wanna be here?"

  "What are you talking about?

  "This isn't your fight."

  "Hey, man, is it your fight?"

  "Yeah."

  "Is it your fight?" Bos said to Fiona.

  "Yes."

  Bos shrugged. "Then it's my fight. Besides, we might see some more magic tampons or maybe a magic dildo. That'd be good right? Fiona, are you gonna show me how to fly this bitch or what?"

  ~ * ~

  Alex watched the night sky. It had been over three hours since sending the note to Olympus. How long did it take for gods to gather their troops?

  He hoped Fiona's invisibility curse was enough to disguise the Trojans from Hera and the oncoming battle from everybody else in Nashville. The last thing he needed was a bunch of humans getting in the way.

  A bunch of humans?

  Alex shook his head.

  The lights that shone on the Parthenon at night still made it look habitable for some reason. He looked at his watch. It was two a.m., which meant nobody should be around the Parthenon except for the security guards he and Fiona knocked out and tied up in a public restroom two miles away.

  Alex adjusted the strap carrying Zeus's last two rods. He heard Fiona walk up beside him. "Don't bust your nut early with those things. Hera's a titan, and those might be the only thing we have that can kill her."

  "Anything else you wanna tell me?"

  "The Band of Hermes."

  "The what of what?"

  "The Band of Hermes." Fiona formed a halo with her fingers. "Hera took it from Hermes a long time ago. She uses it to teleport. Be ready for it."

  "Another teleporter. Great. And since it's a thing and not a power, I can't copy it."

  "That about sums it up." She set an extra shield next to Alex. "Coming to this temple will help though. I'm stronger here than in Athens."

  "Yeah, I figured as much."

  "Which means you'll be stronger."

  "Yeah, I figured that too."

  She sat next to him. The moon reflected off her golden armor. "Are you sure you know what you're doing with Helen?"

  Alex moved his shield to the other side of him and looked at Helen. She nervously rocked back and forth in a corner all to herself.

  "Fiona, I have no idea what I'm doing with anybody, least of all her. I just know that like the rest of us she deserves to make her own choices."

  "Which coincidentally enough, will benefit you as well."

  Alex looked at her. "What's The Fall?"

  "I wouldn't worry about that right now."

  "Zeus said something about it. So did Aphrodite. What is it?"

  "Do you believe in God, Alex?"

  "I think I used to. But not now."

  "You should."

  There was a loud crack of lightning and the sky opened up.

  Hera had arrived.

  BOOK THIRTY-NINE

  DEATH AT THE PARTHENON

  "Hera will grant amnesty to all who leave the Last Son of Zeus," The harpy said in its shrilly voice. Like the nest Alex and Fiona destroyed off I-75, this had the face of a hot supermodel, but the rest of the bird-like body was completely disgusting. Everyone gathered around it, pointing their weapons.

  It clung to its perch on the side of the building and twitched its wings. "But know this, those of you who stay will meet a death so horrible, it will only be surpassed by Alex Anderson's himself. You will bleed, you will beg, but in the end you will die cursing Alex's name and praising Hera's." She eyed all of them. "What say you?"

  Fiona stepped forward. "Only this--"

  ~ * ~

  Apollo was the only god who arrived with Hera and her army of four hundred Minotaurs, centaurs, and harpies. The gods will be sorry they missed this.

  They created excuses for not participating. Some said it had been centuries since being in battle. They simply wouldn't know what to do with a sword. Others claimed they weren't feeling well and blamed it on all of the excitement of late. Only Apollo, who was convinced to come out of loyalty, and these creatures, who were convinced to come out of fear, stood beside Hera ready to claim what should be theirs by right.

  "When will that blasted harpy return with Athena's answer?" Hera said. She should have gone herself.

  There was a sound from the Parthenon that sounded vaguely like a football being kicked and, after a three second delay, the harpy's head landed at Hera's feet.

  Hera yelled the attack order and the last fight for the right of the Olympians began.

  ~ * ~

  "Hector, sound the order." Alex said.

  "TROJANS!" Hector shouted across the fields surrounding the Parthenon. "TAKE WHAT IS YOURS!"

  And over four hundred soldiers stood and did just that.

  Fiona's spell disguised them as bushes, small trees, benches, or simply along the wall of the museum. As soon as they moved, the spell lifted, and the Trojans closed in on Hera's army from all directions across the fifty-acre field.

  They charged from all sides, throats screaming and swords swinging. Their shared fates in Hades propelled them even greater than the fight for their home over 2,000 years ago. The creatures of Hera's army simply didn't stand a chance.

  Minotaurs, confident in their superior strength, didn't pay much attention to the charging humans. They seemed to think they would provide them no more difficulty than water provides a rock. As a result, the Trojans cut many of them to shre
ds. Trojans tripped the Minotaurs with their swords or even their bodies if necessary. Their comrades then stabbed the beasts in the necks.