by Lisa Cardiff
“Then, what are you saying?”
“Cam and I have known each other for over ten years, six or seven of which we dated. His friendship is important to me. I don’t want to lose it.”
“What does that have to do with spending the weekend together?”
“What are you suggesting I do? Destroy my lifelong relationship with Cam to have a weekend fling with you?”
Jax kept his eyes glued on the traffic, but he shook his head. “I didn’t say I was interested in a weekend fling. If I wanted to have a weekend fling, I would find something less complicated.”
“Oh, I get it. You want us to be together when I’m in town, but you can still hookup with other women on the side. That’s not the kind of relationship I’m looking for. I would never settle for that.”
“That’s not what I want, either.”
She laughed bitterly. “Please, Jax. Don’t play games with me. I’m not some random girl that doesn’t know your history. You aren’t a relationship type of guy, and if I had any doubts on that score, you explicitly confirmed that fact yourself last weekend before you left.”
Jax flinched. “I’m not half as bad as that, Bre. I’m not a saint, but I’m certainly not as bad as you think I am.”
“Don’t try to white wash your life. Cam tells me about your exploits all the time. I have no interest in being one of many in some man’s life who can’t even be bothered to remember my name.” Even as she said it, she cringed inwardly at the intentional slight.
“Cam has no idea what I do or don’t do. Besides, if you have such a poor opinion of me, why were you with me last weekend?” Jax replied, visibly irritated.
“I don’t know why I was with you… I’m sorry.”
“Sorry you were with me or sorry you have to lie to Cam about it?”
She turned to look at him for the first time, watching the sunlight catch in his hair making it look light brown, almost gold near his face. Jax wasn’t traditionally handsome like Cam, but he had masculine confidence and sexual magnetism that were a million times more lethal than Cam’s classically sculpted features. In comparison, Cam looked too pretty, almost boring. When he caught her gaze, the tension of conflicting urges streamed through her body—the desire to crawl into his lap and the desire to flee from the increasingly awkward conversation. Scolding herself for wanting to be near him, she reminded herself that Jax didn’t have any real interest in her. Jax was fickle, and at this moment, she interested him. That didn’t mean he would feel the same way tomorrow or in a week. She needed to dissuade him from his pursuit.
So she plastered a condescending smile on her face. “Sorry for both. Come on, Jax. I thought we agreed to let this go. We both know you aren’t interested in me like that or in having a relationship. You just like the idea being with me because it’s new and forbidden, but the feeling will fade, and then we couldn’t even be friends anymore, and I want to be friends.”
Jax stopped the car, and she absently noted that they were sitting in front of Cam’s apartment building. After a prolonged moment of silence, Jax looked at Bre with a harsh stare that unraveled every nerve in her body. And he said in low, gravelly voice, “If you say so, Bre. After all, I do like doing new and forbidden… things.”
Her face blushed scarlet. Her body melted in response to his voice as though it were a siren’s call for an illicit encounter. Without answering, she scrambled out of the car, astonished that her legs still functioned properly as she grabbed her luggage from Jax’s hand and walked to the entrance of the building.
As she opened the door to the building, Jax called out, “Cam left the key to his apartment under the front doormat. I’ll see you on Saturday night.”
It wasn’t until she was sitting in Cam’s apartment that she realized that she forgot her purse in Jax’s car. The normal response would have been to call or text Jax immediately and ask him to drop it off, but the idea of having any contact with Jax was too unsettling.
So she sent Cam a text asking him to pick it up before he came back to his apartment, but all afternoon she kept stealing peeks at her phone, hoping that Jax texted or called her. She knew without question that she would not answer Jax’s call or respond to his text, so why she watched her phone as if she were waiting for an answer on a matter of life or death was incomprehensible.
Finally, unable to stand the suspense for one more moment, she called Sara.
“I think I’m developing some sort of neurotic disorder,” Bre blurted out before she could stop herself.
“Hello to you, too. I hope it’s not contagious.”
“No. God, Sara. I don’t know where to start,” Bre said, twisting a piece of hair around her finger.
“Are you in LA now?”
“Yes. I arrived a couple of hours ago. Jax picked me up at the airport, and now I’m waiting for Cam to come home.” Bre sat down on the sofa, tossing Cam’s discarded clothing on the floor.
“Ah, so the usual, huh. What’s his story tonight?
“What do you mean?”
“What did he say was so important that he abandoned you in his apartment after not seeing you for over a month?”
“Come on, Sara. This was a last minute trip. He had things to take care of so we could spend the weekend together.”
“If you say so. So what’s this neurotic disorder you mentioned?”
“Jax and I had a disagreement on the trip back from the airport. I think he’s really upset with me, and I left my purse in his car. I can’t stop staring at my phone waiting for him to call or text me.”
“I think you need to consider why your relationship with Jax is so important to you. Lately, you dwell on him more than you do Cam’s noticeable absence. By your own admission, you’re waiting with bated breath for him to contact you, and you hardly care that Cam isn’t there to greet you when you fly across the country to see him.”
A flash of irritation swept through her. “I’ve already told you there’s nothing to my relationship with Jax except friendly camaraderie and I love—”
“Yes, right. You love Cam, and you can’t imagine your life without him. I’ve heard it all before,” Sara said wearily.
“I do love Cam. I always have, but I’m not sure what that means anymore. I loved growing up with him and I love his family, and I loved dating him until recently…”
“Can I be honest with you for a minute, Bre?”
“Of course,” Bre said as she lifted her feet onto the coffee table.
“You don’t have to stay with Cam to prove you aren’t like your mother. You have a long road to travel before you get anywhere near her level of crazy. Stability and consistency are wonderful things, but so is being true to your heart. You’ve been friends with Cam for so long, and with your grandmother gone, he’s your last anchor to your childhood, but that doesn’t mean you have to marry him.”
“I know,” Bre whispered. Tears flooded her eyes, and she wiped them with the back of her hand.
“Do you?”
“Yes. Since high school, every time I thought about how I wanted my life to look when I was older, Cam was part of the picture. Now, I’m not sure what I want anymore.”
“Bre, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I just wanted to encourage you to take a step back and consider why it’s so important to you to keep Cam in your life. Clearly, you two have drifted apart, but neither of you will cut the cord. Why is that?”
“I can’t give up on our relationship yet. Breaking up with him on the phone seemed—I don’t know—wrong and not totally final. My mom always gave up when things got difficult or complicated. I promised myself I wouldn’t be like her. Did I tell you that she left husband number three when he got cancer? While he was at the hospital getting his first treatment, she packed up our things and left him a note saying she was an artist, not a nurse.”
“Yes, she sucks. Everyone knows that, but there’s a big difference between dumping your sick husband and breaking up with your high school sweetheart that lives across t
he country.”
“My mind knows that, but sometimes I have a hard time letting people go. I came here to focus on Cam and see if there’s anything left between us, and that’s what I plan to do.”
“Just remember that if the answer is no, that doesn’t mean that the answer is always going to be no. Maybe you both would be happier if you let each other go for the time being, and if it’s meant to be, you’ll find each other again.”
“Maybe you’re right. Cam is always so distant, even when we’re together. I don’t want him to feel like I’m an obligation, otherwise he’ll resent me later.”
“Or the other way around. You might be the one to resent him if you don’t experience what the world has to offer because you’re too afraid to let him go.”
Bre laughed through her tears, suddenly feeling lighter. “I don’t know about that, but thanks for the pep talk.”
“Anytime.”
Bre knew that she meant it. Other than Jax, Sara had become the most dependable and supportive person in her life since Cam moved to LA.
As she ended her call with Sara, she saw a missed a text from Cam.
I’ll drop by Jax’s house to pick up your purse. Make yourself at home. I have to work until close.
Bre had all sorts of confusing feelings in response to that message—from resignation that this was her life with Cam, to frustration that she flew here to see him and he basically told her to go to bed, and he’d see her in the morning. Strange enough, the emotion that scared her the most was relief that she didn’t have to face him or the state of their relationship for another day. Cam unwittingly granted her a temporary stay of execution.
Chapter Twenty-Two
When Bre woke up the next morning, light filtered into Cam’s bedroom through the sheer blinds and she heard Cam talking in a hushed tone in the kitchen.
For several minutes, she lay unmoving, her eyes staring at the white ceiling, unwilling to face Cam. Irrationally, she questioned whether he would sense that she cheated on him or whether he could see some sort of outward physical change.
Somehow, Bre suppressed her panic and guilt long enough to get out of bed and slip into the bathroom to get ready for the day.
Cam looked up when she emerged from the bedroom, dressed and ready for the day in a pair of yellow skinny jeans, a grey and white polka dot blouse with a coral belt, and matching ballet flats. She noticed that his hair was still wet from a recent shower.
“Bre, I’m so glad you’re here.”
Bre smiled and surveyed the room. Noticing the blankets on the couch, she said, “Why did you sleep on the couch?”
“I came home late, and you looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to disturb you.” Cam picked up the blankets and tossed them in the corner.
“I wouldn’t have minded. It’s your room,” she responded with a faint smile.
Cam spread his arms. “Come here and give me a hug. You’re acting too reserved. What happened to the girl who used to jump into my arms the minute she saw me?”
She sighed, then she stomped theatrically toward Cam, sliding her arms around his waist. He bent down to kiss her lightly on the top of her head. “Mm… Bre, you always smell so good—like home.”
“So what are the plans for the weekend?” The words came out muffled as she pressed her head into his chest.
“Tonight we have a dinner charity event arranged by our agent for the band and our dates.”
“So who were you going to bring if I didn’t agree to come?” she asked playfully.
“I guess I would have had to take one of Jax’s cast offs or suffered alone in silence.”
At the mention of Jax, Bre tensed slightly. She tipped her face up to look at Cam. “So who is Jax bringing?”
“Oh, he’s bringing some girl named Anna. You’ve never met her before.”
“Have she and Jax been dating long?” Bre stood motionless, not wanting to hear the answer, but at the same time needing to hear it.
“I don’t know. A month or so, maybe longer.”
“Is it serious?”
“Come on, this is Jax we’re talking about. Is anything ever serious with him?” he responded, pushing her hair away from her face.
“I guess not.”
Cam bent his head, letting his lips travel the length of her neck, the scruff on his face lightly scraping her skin. “Mmm, Bre… I’ve missed you.”
“Cam, you can’t do that. We broke up,” she said, stepping away from him.
“Not really. I warned you that I still considered you my girlfriend.”
“I’m pretty sure that can’t be a one-side decision. So where did Jax meet Anna?”
“Why are you so curious about Jax?” he asked, pulling her next to him again.
“No reason.” Her heartbeat raced, alarmed by Cam’s question and with the way he touched her. She wasn’t ready for this. She couldn’t be intimate with Cam. It felt wrong on so many levels.
“I love you,” he murmured next to her ear, his warm breath teasing her neck.
She leaned back and smiled briefly. “I love you, too. You’re my best friend.” Suddenly, she felt ill. The words that were once second nature now seemed hollow and empty. Sure, there was a piece of her that still loved Cam, but not the way those words suggested. This was so hard. She wished she could erase the last few months, so she didn’t have to make any decisions.
He lifted her chin and his warm blue eyes searched her face. “See, I knew you didn’t really want to break up with me.” Closing his eyes, his lips brushed across hers. Her first instinct was to pull away from him. “Relax,” he murmured, his lips still touching hers.
Maybe if she kissed him, everything would become clear. Sighing, she leaned into him, desperately wanting to feel something; love, lust, hate, anything. Cam’s kiss turned strong and possessive, his tongue boldly pressing between her lips, giving her fair warning of how he wanted to spend the afternoon. Even when his hands wandered to her waist, skimming her bare stomach, she felt nothing except sadness creeping through her veins.
Overwhelmed, she pulled back, turning her head to the side to break contact. She had to hold in a whimper. Being with Cam just didn’t feel right anymore. Even if she never saw Jax again, and Cam never found out what happened between the two of them, she would know. She didn’t want to be in a relationship where she had to lie about being faithful and she certainly didn’t want to be with someone she loved as a friend, but nothing more. Her love life was an absolute disaster. Thank God she had the gallery and her art.
Cam smiled down at her fondly, completely unaware of her thoughts, almost as though he felt something entirely different when they kissed. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I can’t believe you put up with me.”
Drained from her realizations, she only had enough energy to let a half-smile form on her lips, but again, Cam didn’t notice or didn’t care. He no longer saw her or knew her, and apparently it didn’t bother him, but it bothered her. “What time are we going tonight?”
“Seven. Do you have something to wear? If not, we can spend the day shopping.” He planted a firm kiss on the tip of her nose and then her forehead. “It will be fun, don’t you think?”
“Sure… it sounds nice. I didn’t bring anything very formal,” she said, stepping out of his embrace to avoid any further intimacy. “Did you pick up my purse from Jax last night? I can’t buy anything without my wallet.”
“Sorry, Bre. Katie dropped by as I pulled into the parking lot and I didn’t want to intrude.”
Bre’s stomach dropped. She was such a fool. She closed her eyes and turned her head for a moment so she could hide her emotions from Cam. “I thought he was seeing some girl named Anna.”
“Anna, Katie, who knows. We’ll stop by his house this morning to pick up your purse… it’s on the way. We’ll find you a dress, and we’ll eat lunch when we’re done. We’ll make a day of it.”
“Okay,” Bre replied half-heartedly, still feeling emotionally hollow.
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“Maybe Jax will want to tag along,” Cam suggested as he picked up his phone and shoved it in his pocket.
“I thought you wanted to spend some time alone.” She didn’t mind not being alone with Cam all day, but the idea of Jax tagging along sounded worse than spending a day in purgatory.
“Jax won’t bother us.”
“Sure. Whatever you want. Let me grab my phone and we can go.” She walked back into Cam’s room, shutting the door behind her. She leaned against it, rubbing her temples to ease her frustration. Several minutes passed before she could find the motivation to move.
She hoped Jax had enough sense to decline Cam’s invitation to tag along today. Most days she would have been grateful for Jax’s presence, but today wasn’t most days. She didn’t understand what Jax wanted. One minute he claimed he wasn’t the right guy for her and the next he begged her to spend the weekend with him. His moods were giving her whiplash.
***
Jax was sitting at his kitchen table drinking coffee when Cam and Bre walked into his house, hand in hand.
“Hey, Jax. Bre said she left her purse in your car yesterday,” Cam said as he patted Jax on his back.
“She did. I guess she was so excited to see you she ran off without it,” Jax remarked, his voice unnaturally flat. Jax looked pointedly at Bre and then to their intertwined hands. “It looks like you two patched up your differences. That didn’t take long.” Jax slid his coffee away from him.
“What did you expect? Bre can’t resist me,” Cam responded, smiling at Bre.
“That’s great.” Jax shoved his chair back, making a loud noise and Bre flinched. Propping his ankle on his opposite knee and lazily leaning into the back of the chair, Bre noted that he looked angry and tense.
Cam cleared his throat. “What’s wrong with you today?”
Jax ran his hand through his hair. “My dad’s being a manipulative ass again.”
“So you’re talking to him again?” Cam asked.
“Not really. He thinks he found a new way to manipulate me,” Jax said, his voice thick with anger.