by Lisa Cardiff
For the first time in her life, she didn’t care about her childhood, her mom, or the safety of being with Cam; she wanted to be with Jax more than anything. When she was with Jax, she felt as if she could be herself. “I need you inside me,” Bre said as she yanked on the end of his smooth leather belt, fumbled with the button and zipper of his pants, and shoved his pants down, exposing him. She trailed her hands along his sides, then brushed her fingertips over the distinct grooves and ridges of his abdomen and down the narrow trail of hair, begging her to continue her descent. She paused to study him. He was hard, ready, and bigger than she remembered, and she couldn’t stop herself from caressing his length. He twitched and sucked in a breath as her hand glided up and down, slowly, over and over. God, he’s so incredibly sexy with his eyes glazed over.
Grabbing her wrist to stop her, he groaned and then nipped her lower lip. “No more,” he said, removing his fingers from her and pushing her hand away. “I can’t wait. I have to be inside you again. I can’t stop thinking about the way you felt wrapped around me.” He roughly pulled down her panties until they dangled off of one of her ankles. Opening his wallet, he pulled out a condom and rolled it on.
Mesmerized by him and wanting him so bad that she physically ached, she eagerly wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer. He pushed himself inside her so deep she nearly screamed from the sensations racing through her body. He rocked against her slowly at first, as though he were imprinting the moment in both of their minds forever. She couldn’t help thinking that it was amazingly erotic being with Jax like this, in this semi-public room, partially clothed, when someone could discover them at any moment, not caring about anything but the way he moved inside her. The passion, the urgency and need was so unlike any of her other experiences.
Feeling him sliding into her, she moaned in pleasure. Then, she pulled his mouth down to hers, desperate to get as close as possible to him, and his mouth immediately opened, tangling wildly with hers. He rocked harder against her and she could no longer tell where he ended and she began. His mouth trailed across her face to her ear and down her neck while his hands bit into her hips, pulling her harder and closer to him. It didn’t get any better than this.
He lifted one of her legs higher, and she fell backward onto her elbows. The change in the angle intensified the deep ache building inside her and her body bowed with the familiar pressure building inside her. She never wanted anyone like this, and if she were being rational that thought should scare her. She was so close, and then he circled his hips, pushing her over the edge, she screamed his name as she came.
He placed his hand over her mouth, muffling her scream and groaned as he thrust into her one more time, marking his release.
Bre let her head fall onto the conference table, drunk with pleasure, not wanting to face reality anytime soon. The guilt and regret that plagued her over the past week since the last time they slept together was blissfully absent, but she knew that once the pleasure of the moment faded, it would chase her with a vengeance.
Jax ran his hands up the sides of her thighs and then lifted her body from the table, holding her close to him, nuzzling his face into the side of her neck, soothing her racing heart.
There were so many reasons to be disgusted with herself, with what she’d done, but she didn’t want any of those reasons to intrude on the moment. She wanted to ignore it and concentrate on how good she felt with Jax’s body wedged between hers and her arms wrapped around his shoulders. She actually felt cherished and loved for the first time in her life, and she hated herself for acknowledging that she never felt this way with Cam.
“I can’t believe we just did that,” Bre mumbled under her breath.
“I know. We got caught up in the moment.” Jax pulled away from her and sat back on his heels, pulling her panties back up her legs. Grabbing her by the waist, he shifted her onto her feet and her dress fell back down around her thighs. After fastening up his pants, he picked up her gold clutch from the top of the table and handed it to her.
His strong clean scent mixed with the musky smell of sex cast a spell over her, making her want to lean into him, crawl all over him, bury her head in his chest and start all over again. The thought left her feeling pathetically conflicted. She wanted more of him, but at the same time she felt compelled to run away from him and everything that he represented.
Jax pushed her hair out of her eyes, trying to tame her hopelessly tangled mess. “We should look for a different way out of here. I don’t want to walk by ballroom doors together in case Cam or one of the guys see us.”
“You go first, and I’ll make my way to the bathroom and then take a taxi back to Cam’s apartment.”
“What do you mean? You’re coming with me, right—back to my place?”
“No… I can’t. I need to go back to Cam’s house. I told Alec I was going there. I can’t just disappear without an explanation. That wouldn’t be fair.”
The muscle in his jaw tightened. “I’m not letting you go back to Cam’s. You’re coming home with me, and we’re going to talk about us.”
“The only person I need to see and talk to right now is Cam, and until Cam and I figure out what’s happening between us, I can’t talk to you. You need to give me some space—” She pushed his chest lightly. “Just back off.”
He cursed under his breath. “No.”
“We’re not doing this now. When and if I decide there’s room for you in my life, I’ll let you know.”
“Are you serious? You’re going to go back to him, climb into his bed with him with the smell of me, of us, on you. Is that your idea of fair?” he said scathingly.
“Jax, that’s not the point. I’m trying to be fair to both—”
“That is exactly my point.” Jax ran his hands angrily through his hair, making it stick out at odd angles. “And if he decides he wants to fuck you tonight too, are you going to agree because it’s only fair that he gets a turn, too?”
Bre’s shame and temper exploded simultaneously, and she wanted to hurt him as much as his comment hurt her. She slapped him so hard that his face whipped to the side, leaving a red handprint on the side of his face. Her forceful reaction startled her, and with a mixture of satisfaction, shame and dread, she braced herself for his retaliation.
“I guess I deserved that,” he remarked imperturbably as he casually ran his hand over the side of his reddened cheek. “However, I wouldn’t make a habit of it. Some men aren’t so forgiving when they are treated so dismissively after sex.”
Bre gawked at him, trying to think of something insulting or mocking to say, but her mind momentarily failed her, so she glanced around the deserted conference room while tightly gripping her clutch purse because it seemed like the last bit of reality to hold onto in her increasingly messy life.
Barely restraining her tears, she said with a trembling voice, “Why are you being so mean to me?”
He lifted his face and his once beautiful warm eyes now looked like empty shards of glass. “You aren’t going to be tiresome and cry, are you, Bre? I thought you were stronger than that. If you want to go, then go—run back to Cam if you think that will make you happy. I’ll follow you in a few minutes. I wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about us. It’s not worth it. You’re not worth it.” Jax turned around and pulled his phone out of his pocket, ignoring her, making it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing more to do with her. He dismissed her just as he did with hundreds of other devastated women.
When she didn’t move to leave, he turned to look at her, shoving one of his hands in his pocket and leaning his opposite shoulder against the wall. “Well, are you leaving? I don’t want to wait all night. I have plans,” he drawled in a cool conversational tone.
“I’m not going to cry.”
“Of course you’re not. After all, you still have Cam. I’ll call the front desk so they have a taxi waiting for you when you walk outside.” He sounded distant and cold, as though he didn’t care what she
did as long as she left him alone.
“Don’t bother. I can take care of myself,” she said, her stricken paralysis giving way to angered indignation.
Tilting his head to the side, he paused; then he lifted the glass of whiskey he had abandoned earlier off the edge of the conference table in a mockery of a toast, and said in an indifferent voice, “Of course you can. Good luck with that, Bre.”
He opened the door to the conference room and left her standing alone without looking back.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The interior of Jax’s loft in West Hollywood looked like a fusion of mid-century modern and Hollywood glamour all wrapped up in an oversized industrial space, all courtesy of his mother’s new career.
While he could say with no regrets that he didn’t like his father, he genuinely adored his mother. Rather than embittering herself in the world as a lonely, self-absorbed housewife, Jax’s mother had taken up one hobby after another. Her recent foray into interior design was admittedly one of his mother’s better undertakings.
When he purchased the loft with his trust fund as soon as he turned twenty-five, his mother delighted in dragging him from one place to the next to look at furniture. Exhausted, he told her to do whatever she wanted and surprisingly he liked the result. Not that he would admit that to her.
Normally, when he came home, he went into the bedroom he’d converted into a small music studio to write new songs or strum some chords on his guitar. Tonight, he went straight to the liquor cabinet near the long, light wood table in the dining area, and poured whiskey into a rocks glass.
From the low black sofa in the living room, he stared out at the bright, flickering lights of West Hollywood as he drained the glass of whiskey, eager for it to chase the dull pain in his chest away and drive out the melancholy thoughts wrapping around his mind.
Slowly he replayed each and every moment of his encounter with Bre earlier that night, searching for any hint of how he’d overestimated Bre’s feelings for him. When she capitulated to his advances in that room, he was sure she was his. He could still see the look in her eyes, every expression that danced across her face when she murmured his name and professed that she loved being with him. He never even considered for a moment she would still be hung up on Cam when she was so responsive to him. He thought she was finally ready to acknowledge that they had something she would never have with Cam.
Three hours and nearly a half a bottle of whiskey later, all he could come up with were endless memories and shared moments that would have prompted him to bet his entire trust fund on her being in love with him and wanting to be with him, not Cam.
Letting the now empty bottle of whiskey drop to the floor, he leaned his head back, letting it rest on the top of the sofa while he stared absently at the ceiling, hoping for numbness and sleep to take over. Instead, he replayed the last few months. The little touches they shared when he knew Cam wasn’t looking, the pleasure in her eyes when he showed up unexpectedly the night before the grand opening of her art gallery, the relief and gratitude when he held her hand the entire day she buried her grandmother, the feel of her lips against his, her confession that she was jealous when he danced with Anna.
Several times he considered texting her to convince her that they belonged together. Each time he smothered the thought. His pride wouldn’t let him beg her again. If she wanted him, she would have to come to him this time. And if she didn’t, then he would have to live with her choice. Making sure that they rarely saw each other would be easy enough. He had already told Cam he was done covering for him, so that wouldn’t be an issue anymore. Erasing her face, the feel of her skin and scent of her hair from his memory would be an entirely different matter.
His doorbell rang and he ignored it. Just as his eyes drifted closed, the doorbell rang again, repeatedly. Very few people knew where he lived. In fact, he could count the number of people who knew where he lived on one hand, his mom and dad, Cam, Katie, Alec, and Marc.
When he realized he couldn’t block out of the sound of the doorbell sufficiently to fall asleep, he finally got up and flung the door wide open.
“Whoever you are,” he said, stumbling against the doorjamb, the effect of the whiskey hitting him full force, “this better be important.”
“Hey, Jax. You’re wrecked,” Cam said.
“Not quite, but I was well on my way until you so rudely interrupted me. Why didn’t you use your key instead of making me get up?”
“It’s on my key chain in Bre’s purse. My car’s stuck at the hotel.”
“What do you want?”
“Can I come in?”
“Really? And here I was hoping now that you saw my pretty face, you would turn around and go home,” Jax responded flippantly. He noticed Cam looking over his shoulder. “Look, Cam. I’ll save you the trouble. Anna isn’t here. Now leave. I’m not in the mood for company.”
“Do you know where she is? She isn’t answering her phone.”
“Are you serious? Cam, I already told you I’m done with this shit. Get your act together. Pick a girl or don’t. I don’t care. Just leave me out of it.”
“I know, man. I’m sorry,” Cam said, walking past Jax and stretching out on the sofa.
Jax slammed the door and sat down. “I guess that means you plan to stay for a while.”
“Jax, what the hell is your problem? I’m sorry I exploded on you about Anna earlier. When I saw her hanging all over you on the dance floor, I didn’t think. I know you would never go behind my back. It just seemed as if you two were purposely trying to piss me off.”
“Remind me again why you wanted me to bring Anna. It’s a little sadistic to have both Anna and Bre at the same table, don’t you think?”
“I know, right? What the fuck was I thinking?” Cam said, shaking his head. “Anna talked me into it. I think she wanted to meet Bre. You know women, they’re always trying scout the competition.”
“You weren’t thinking. That seems like a theme with you lately.” Jax propped his feet on the coffee table.
Both men sat silently on the couch, not talking.
After a few minutes, Cam turned his head in Jax’s direction. “Alec said Bre left early. He said she didn’t feel good or something. Do you know if anything happened? Did Anna… say anything to her?” Cam looked out the window while tugging on the cuff of his shirt. “I don’t want to walk into my house only to get blindsided by some accusations.”
“Yes, Bre left early. Anna wasn’t very friendly, but she didn’t say anything to make Bre suspicious, or at least Bre didn’t share anything with me. Have you talked to Bre?”
“No, I haven’t heard from her. I’m not looking forward to going home. This weekend hasn’t turned out so well.”
“If you spent more than five minutes with her, it would help.”
“I know. Anna keeps sucking my time.” Cam rubbed his temples. “It’s as though she purposely tries to draw my attention away from Bre. I don’t know why I let her do it. She creates such a whirlwind of drama around her, it’s hard to keep everything in perspective.”
Jax pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes and then dropped his hands on his thighs. “You need to choose. You can’t keep playing this game with both of them.”
“Anna isn’t pushing me to get rid of Bre. She understands that Bre will always be part of my life. And Bre, well, she’s doesn’t live here, so it’s not a big deal.”
“And what about Bre, does she get a choice?” Jax asked, his voiced raised.
“Her choice is being with me. It wouldn’t matter to her whether or not she knew about Anna; she wouldn’t leave me. Bre and I are each other’s forever.”
Jax started laughing, but rather than sounding amused, he sounded distinctly bitter. “That’s comical. If you believe what you’re saying, she’s your forever girl, you have a fucked up way of showing her how much she means to you.”
“What do you mean?” Cam asked, shoving Jax’s shoulder lightheartedly.
&n
bsp; Jax stood up from the sofa and walked to the front door of his loft, opening it, hoping that Cam would get the point that he wanted him to leave. He couldn’t stand being around Cam. Cam had Bre, and he didn’t even have enough sense to appreciate her. He knew there was a saying about the best man winning, but he knew that Cam wasn’t that man. He would never be that man for Bre, and yet she would probably be his in the end.
“For starters, why are you here looking for Anna instead at home with Bre?”
“Anna, well, you know Anna. She can be a little self-destructive. She needs me.”
Jax threw his hands up into the air. “And Bre doesn’t?” Jax paused, shaking his head. “Don’t answer that. I don’t care. I’m not involved anymore. This conversation is hurting my head. I’m going to bed.”
***
When Bre let herself into Cam’s apartment, it was dark and empty, just like her heart, she thought sullenly. After Jax had left her in the conference room, she swore her heart shattered into a thousand pieces. Every cell in her body begged her to run after him and promise him anything to let her come with him, but she was too scared to follow her heart, particularly when she didn’t know where her heart wanted her to go.
She could blame her problems on her mother, but if she were honest with herself, she was probably long past the age where she could continue to fault her mother for all of her deficiencies.
She had watched her mother flutter from one man to the next, always claiming to be more in love than ever before and telling Bre that this man was the one, her soul mate. Her mother had used the phrase so often to describe so many different men and different relationships that the phrase alone forced bile into her mouth. Her mother claimed that her creative nature made her restless, unable to commit for a long time, but Bre knew better. Her mother used her artistic nature as a license to be self-absorbed and impulsive.