“I’m so sorry to interrupt, your secretary said I might find you here,” she said to Rowan. Her honey sweet voice instantly put Sawyer on high alert. She inched closer to her husband.
“Mom, Fee, Cal – you remember Holly Wright, Becky’s best friend.”
“Oh yes of course, hello,” Deena said.
Felicity and Caleb mumbled a greeting. Sawyer felt as if someone slipped ice down her spine.
“Holly, this is Sawyer…my wife.”
Sawyer shook the delicate hand.
“I’ve heard…so much about you,” Holly said.
Yeah I just bet you have, Sawyer thought.
“Row, may I have a word?”
Row? He nodded. “I’ll be right back.”
Sawyer didn’t want him to go. She felt threatened in a way that bimbos who threw themselves at Rowan never made her feel.
Caleb, Deena and Felicity tried to distract her but Sawyer felt a stab of fear as Rowan stepped outside with the other woman.
“When I heard you remarried, I had to come,” Holly said. She curled a lock of silky hair around her ear. She had similar mannerisms to Becky, as best friends often do. It wounded him to see it.
“I had to tell you that Becks would want you to be happy. I think she wants me to give you her blessing.”
Rowan felt his throat constrict. It hurt to be near her. He expected Becky to round the corner with her shopping bags in hand and her impish smile. The friends were like sisters.
Holly’s stunning blue eyes swam with tears. “It’s painful to see you too,” she said. “Sometimes I catch your broadcast and I think how proud Becks would’ve been.”
Rowan’s jaw clenched. Holly played with her lustrous hair again. Diamond studs winked from her ears. Her cherry lips parted with a mournful sigh. “I think about her every day.”
Rowan couldn’t say the same. He loved Becky but some days the intensity of Sawyer’s love obliterated memories of his first wife. Guilt sliced through him. Rowan glanced away. The gazebo had several carved giant pumpkins. Families strolled through the park. Couples sat on picnic blankets. Others tossed a football or Frisbee. Kids played on slides and swings.
“I had to see you in person,” Holly smiled wistfully, “Being with you feels like Becks is close by.”
He felt the same way around her. It was good to be with someone who loved Becky too.
“How is Larry and Thelma?”
“They’re good.”
“I don’t call them as much as I should,” he said. Becky’s parents were always so good to him. He had to make time to give them a call.
Holly rested her manicured hand on his arm. Her touch was familiar, pleasant. She reminded him so much of Becky.
“It’s okay,” she said. Her voice chimed like music.
“You still sing?”
Her pretty face brightened. “Yes! I’m in the praise and worship ministry and I teach Sunday school.”
Wow. “Well done,” he said.
She blushed. “I love it.”
It suddenly occurred to Rowan that Holly Wright was the quintessential pastor’s wife. Beautiful, spiritual and primly vitreous, she was attractive and he definitely noticed.
Rowan cleared his throat. “I better go.”
“Yes of course, I didn’t mean to keep you.”
Neither of them moved to go. “How long will you be in town?” he asked.
“I’m staying at your hotel in downtown Austin, I’m heading back to New York in a couple of weeks.”
A ghost of a smile played on his full lips. “Little Italy?”
Her face softened in memory. “You remember our last Thanksgiving together? Becks orders the calzone and says to the waiter-”
Rowan and Holly quoted at the same time, “Size really does matter!” They both laughed.
Sawyer watched them from the diner window. She wasn’t an insecure or jealous woman by nature. Yet she’d be dense not to notice the intimate way they stood. She knew Rowan so well. He was attracted to Holly. Who wouldn’t be? Sawyer could tell by the way he smiled. His hands were shoved in the back pocket of his jeans, which meant he liked Holly but tried to conceal it.
Sawyer stood up and mumbled something about having to go to the restroom. Once inside the stall, she took several deep breaths, sternly ordering herself not to cry. Sawyer knew how much he loved her but he also loved Becky. She couldn’t compete with a ghost. Holly flew all the way from New York to seek him out. They had a shared history – a potent reminder of Rebecca Camden. The fact remains, Rowan chose Becky first. Had it not been for her tragic death, Sawyer and Rowan wouldn’t be together now. Becky’s mocking voice whispered to her in memory.
“God, you’re so plain…get a man of your own, if you can!”
Sawyer had to get her emotions under control. She longed for Harper or Emerson’s reassuring presence. Deena and Felicity looked at her with female sympathy as she fled to the bathroom. Sawyer leaned on the stall wall. Get it together girl! Stupid tears ran down her face anyway. Some women cried and a few seconds later you’d never know it. Sawyer was not one of those women. Not only did her eyes get bloodshot red, pale splotches dotted her cheeks as well. Rowan would know. Damn it!
Sawyer rushed out of the stall and splashed water on her face. She pat her eyes, pinched her bloodless cheeks. Her appearance would fool people enough to pass. Sawyer opened the door. Rowan stood on the other side. He took one look at her face, grabbed her by the hand and walked straight into the women’s bathroom.
“Rowan,” she sputtered.
He framed her face between his hands. “I love you more than anyone on this planet, do you understand me?” he said gruffly. She nodded. He kissed her forehead, her closed eyes, cheeks and lips. “Cricket, she’s not Becky,” he whispered, “And Becky’s not you. I love you and I’ll never stop.”
Sawyer felt secure in the warmth of his arms. He crushed her with a melting kiss.
Chapter 13
Lush gardens, trees and hills surrounded the new Grand Victorian hotel. Mineral springs flowed in natural pools through the atrium.
Sawyer and Rowan arrived for the lavish grand opening celebration. Deena, Felicity, Caleb and his partner Xander met them on the ivy covered verandah.
“Darlings!” Deena said, kissing Sawyer and Rowan in turn. “So what do you think? Your sister has outdone herself.”
The frescoed dome, crown moldings, time period murals and antiques throughout gave the hotel a romantic aura from a bygone era.
Rowan kissed Felicity’s cheek. “It looks amazing, babe.”
Sawyer admired her sister-in-law’s interior design. “Can you please give our house a makeover?” she asked.
“We can’t afford her,” Rowan joked.
Felicity smirked. Caleb rumpled her hair affectionately. “We need you down at Pirate’s Cove, I’m getting a dated 70s vibe. We might as well hang a disco ball in the lobby.”
Felicity laughed. “Consider The Cove on my list,” she said.
Sawyer and Rowan bid their good byes until later. Rowan was the keynote speaker for the leader’s conference being held in the main hall. Pastors from all over the country flew in for the event. Rowan stroked her cheek. “I don’t know how late the first session will run, I’ll make it up to you later.” He kissed her and slapped her on the rump.
Sawyer hugged him tight. “You’ll do great.”
He kissed her again and winked on his way down the hall.
Sawyer decided to enjoy her free afternoon. She strolled through the gardens with a book, looking for a quiet spot to read. She passed fountains, stone alcoves a small hedge maze. Flashes of blue from the Colorado River winked through the trees. She ventured deeper into the garden. She heard the voices before she saw them.
Caleb’s usual immaculate hair was disheveled. His handsome face ruddy and body tense. “You have to tell him!”
“No!” Felicity said with a note of sheer panic. �
�If you tell Seth I’ll never forgive you.”
Caleb tore at his hair with both hands. “This is all my fault.”
Felicity recoiled. “Are you drunk?”
Caleb stood before her, snort breathing. He swayed a bit on his feet. Tears dripped from his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said pitifully, “I’m so sorry for everything.”
Felicity burst into tears. She sobbed so hard, Caleb knelt down and reached for her. She reared back and slapped him with all her might. Her body trembled uncontrollably. “You bastard!” she hissed. Shoving him back, she spun the wheelchair around and sped away.
Sawyer was too shocked and baffled to move. She wanted to comfort them both. Caleb’s muscles and bones went slack as if all the life drained out of him. Sawyer reached him in time before her passed out. She caught him around the waist. She staggered under his tall frame. They fell hard on the nearest bench. Caleb belched strong fumes in her face that made her eyes water. He lurched away, doubled over and vomited in a flower patch. Sawyer pat his heaving back. “Caleb?” she ventured, “How can I help?”
“Go away,” he said bleakly. He back handed his mouth. He hung his head low. Sawyer knew instinctively not to leave him alone. He bristled with self-loathing. Caleb was in a dark place that only Rowan could reach. The leadership conference of pastors was in full swing. Prominent pastors gathered behind closed doors to the public and the press. Rowan couldn’t be disturbed, he was probably in the middle of his speech at that very moment.
“I can call your mom or Xander.”
“No,” he said, utterly dejected. “They’ll hate me too.”
Sawyer felt tears sting her eyes. She was so fond of him. To see him in this state was heart wrenching. “Please let me help you.”
Tears flowed unchecked down his face and dripped from his nose. “You’re so sweet,” he said softly. “You have no idea what a waste of space I am.”
Sawyer had no doubt if she left him now he would harm himself. “Caleb, you are kind and good-”
He laughed bitterly. “Let me let you in on a dirty little secret,” he hiccupped, his blue eyes hooded and forlorn. “You know the drunk driver that ran Felicity off the road and put her in a wheelchair? Yeah, that was me.”
Sawyer gasped. Rowan told her about the accident that nearly killed his sister. According to the police report, the drunk driver that swerved in her lane and broke nearly every bone in her body was never found. Sawyer was so horrified she didn’t know what to say.
Caleb closed his eyes tight as if he could block out the images. He told Sawyer in heart stopping detail about the cause and violence of the car accident.
“Stop!” Sawyer whispered. She didn’t want to hear anymore. Felicity’s pain had to be excruciating. What that poor girl went through.
Caleb felt the need to confess. He suddenly gripped Sawyer’s hand until her white knuckles ached. “With Fee’s phone, I called 911,” his chin wobbled. “I was about to call mom, then Rowan but Fee-” He shook his head. “She told me no, hide in the trees.”
Sawyer gripped his hand tight. Felicity Camden protected her brother from arrest that night. She also shielded him from potentially losing a relationship with his mother and his brother. Sawyer remembered how furious Rowan was after his sister’s accident.
Deena and Rowan would be hard pressed to forgive a mistake of this magnitude. “So I hid like the coward I am,” he said, “As the sirens drew near, I heard her crying for him.”
“Who?” Sawyer asked.
“Seth McClain.”
“Oh my God,” Sawyer whispered.
“I didn’t know they were…Sawyer, I took everything from her, don’t you understand?”
Yes, Sawyer understood the whole tragic mess he created. Felicity not only lied to protect her brother, she lied to protect the man she loved. Sure as the sky above, Seth would go nuclear on Caleb, roast him on a spit and bury him alive if he knew Caleb was the drunk driver in question.
“You want to tell Seth the truth.”
“Yeah.”
“He’d kill you.”
“I know but-”
Sawyer shook her head. “If Seth loved her half as much as I know she loves him, seriously, he’d kill you and make it hurt. He can’t ever know.”
“You sound like Fee.”
“She’s right.”
“I ruined her life,” he groaned, “She should be married to Seth with Navy Seal babies and running her marathons, I stole that from her. What does the Bible say? The enemy comes to seek and destroy? That’s what I did, like a thief in the night.”
“Oh Cal,” Sawyer held him as he wept. She tried to remember the healing words Rowan would say in difficult situations. “Listen to me, you are loved by God and your family, you’re mistakes are not who you are, your life has value.”
Caleb gently let go of her. “My life?” he shrugged as if nothing mattered. “You know, when Becky died, I mean, her young life just cut short like that, I thought to myself why her? Why not me?”
Sawyer bit down hard on her bottom lip.
“It should be me in that wheelchair,” he said savagely, “It should’ve been me.”
“It was an accident,” Sawyer said.
“I promised Fee, I’d never drink again. Five years of sobriety down the drain.” He swayed.
“Cal, you have to forgive yourself.”
He closed his eyes and moaned like a wounded animal. “Mom, Rowan, Xander, Felicity…” he blanched. “I’ve done the unforgivable.”
“You will go to rehab, get your shit together, tell your family the truth, you are braver than you think.”
Caleb winced. “I am?”
“You are. Now get your ass up, you have a tough road ahead but I know you can do this.”
Caleb looked at her in wonder. “My brother is a lucky bastard.”
“I know, right.”
He managed a fleeting smile. “I’m calling Xander,” she said firmly.
He exhaled, “Okay.”
Five minutes later, Xander came at a dead run. He inspected his partner with unnerving scrutiny.
“What happened?”
Caleb looked at Sawyer, terrified. She nodded. You can do this. Xander braced himself. “Did you cheat on me?”
“No.”
“You’ve been drinking?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Caleb shook uncontrollably. “Please, please don’t hate me.”
Xander’s fierce expression was enough to make Sawyer gulp.
“Tell me, Mi Amor.”
Caleb’s choked whisper repeated the fateful events of that awful night. Xander paled. He closed his eyes, struggled to breathe. He looked up to heaven when Caleb’s halting voice faded. The silence was deafening. Xander blinked several times. They met shortly after the accident five years before.
“You kept this from me, from Rowan and Mama Deena?” Xander’s voice lashed out.
Caleb and Sawyer flinched. “If you are half the man I think you are, you will make this right.”
Caleb mumbled apologies and begged for forgiveness. “I’m sorry doesn’t cut it,” Xander said, “If we have a future, you will go straight to rehab. If you ever touch a drop of alcohol again or use drugs – we’re done.”
Caleb nodded. “I’ll do anything.”
Xander swore under his breath. “Poor Fee. I wanna punch you in the face right now.” They were never violent in their relationship.
Caleb sighed, “I deserve it.”
“When you return from rehab we will face your family together. Right now, I can’t stand the sight of you. I’m going to pack.” Xander walked off, deeply troubled.
Caleb sighed heavily. He gave Sawyer a look of tearful despair. “What if I lose them all?”
“You might,” Sawyer acknowledged that awful possibility. “Fall on your knees and pray. Miracles happen.”
“Thanks sis.”
She hugge
d him tight. “Promise me you won’t hurt yourself.”
“I promise,” he said firmly.
She watched him follow Xander and disappear around the bend.
Chapter 14
Sawyer slumped against the bench. The astonishing confession still left her reeling. She didn’t know how Rowan would take it. He was fiercely protective of his sister. Pastor or not, he would pound Caleb into the ground. Sawyer didn’t know if she should tell Rowan to soften the blow or allow Caleb to plead forgiveness. Her thoughts were shattered by a movement near the trees.
Bob North strolled towards her. It took a second for Sawyer to recall the reporter from Vegas. Alarm bells went off. Her breath came hard and fast. He hummed a jaunty tune. His spiked hair, beady eyes and small lips made him look like a rabid porcupine.
“Helloooo Mrs. Pastor.”
Sawyer looked around. Xander and Caleb were long gone. She wasn’t afraid of a physical assault yet the threat in his casual demeanor left her frozen like hunted prey. He adjusted his bowtie. “Is this centered? I hate when it’s askew don’t you?”
“How can I help you, Mister North?” Sawyer surprised them both by the steel in her voice. “The conference is closed to the press.”
“Hmm, I wonder why?”
The influential blogger from Celebrity Times simpered. “Ya know, I bet being a priest has its perks, gotta be a hoot. All those secrets whispered in your ear.”
Sawyer’s heart pounded. What did he see and hear? The smug look on his face told her – everything. Her throat constricted. “If there’s any decency in you-”
“My mama didn’t raise no fool, I’m sitting on the scoop of the decade. It will rock the evangelical world, maybe even topple your hubby as America’s golden boy next door preacher, I can see the headlines, can’t you? Celebrity pastor’s gay brother nearly kills sister in drunken rampage, Ooo I have a better one – Thou shalt not kill – unless you’re the pastor’s brother.”
“You’re despicable.”
“So I’ve been told! Here’s what’s gonna happen cupcake, you will give me an exclusive interview, I want details no one else knows and pictures never published.”
Where There's Smoke: A Texas Heat Novel Page 6