by Jay Onrait
“Take a closer look at the bill,” I said.
He took a closer look at the grand total of my debauchery, of our mark on the city of London, of a wonderful trip and a wonderful life experience, and his eyebrows raised.
“We’ll drop the charges; have a nice trip.”
AFTERWORD
ENOTECA DRAGO IN BEVERLY HILLS isn’t exactly the kind of place the paparazzi camp out in front of every day. I’m sure at one point the Italian restaurant was an L.A. hot spot, especially right after Rocky IV was released (I can only assume the establishment was named after the Russian arch-nemesis in that film, played by Dolph Lundgren). However, on this Monday night in early July of 2013, it was practically empty, save for a gathering of new employees of Fox Sports 1.
When Fox executives had first contacted me almost exactly a year previously, I wasn’t exactly thinking about a move south, I was thinking about coming home. Our time at the London Olympics was swiftly coming to a close, we had caused a bit of trouble—or should I say I had caused a bit of trouble with my various shenanigans, including my skin-tight full-body Union Jack unitard—and I was now eager to return home and resume another year of the Kraft Celebration Tour, an event where I could get on stage with Dan in front of thousands of adoring SportsCentre fans and sing songs while spending nights in small-town bars across the country having too many shots and generally having a great time.
“Would you ever consider coming to work in the United States?” they had asked.
I had considered it, years ago, when I was first starting out. In fact, just before I got that first on-air job in Saskatoon in 1998 I was offered another on-air job, in a tiny Oregon town for a tiny ABC affiliate that had just hired a brand new news director who probably wasn’t much older than me. I had seen an online ad on tvspy.com for a weekend sports anchor position, and I mailed them a demo tape, hoping perhaps they might like me so much they would consider going through the trouble of hiring immigration lawyers and getting me a U.S. work visa. The young news director did indeed like my tape, and he called to offer me a job. I was elated until I asked him about that U.S. work visa.
“You don’t need a U.S. work visa, right?” was his reply.
“Pretty sure I do,” I sheepishly said.
“Oh, okay. Let me look into it and call you right back,” he said.
I never heard from him again.
I never thought about the United States much after that, especially once Dan and I started to enjoy some real success in our own country. People would ask us about going to the States all the time, and our answer was always the same: They won’t let us be “us” down there; they stopped doing that at ESPN in the Keith Olbermann, Dan Patrick, and Craig Kilborn days. Now the SportsCenter anchors were for the most part straight-shooting professional broadcasters, not guys who dressed up like the Phantom of the Opera. Besides, we loved hockey, and ESPN was pretty much ignoring the NHL at that point. No, we reasoned, we were just fine in Canada, thanks.
Then BlackBerry started falling apart, and everything changed.
The Canadian company that made BlackBerry mobile devices was in serious trouble by 2012. So much trouble that the Wall Street Journal saw fit to station one of their American reporters in Toronto because they were doing so many stories about the floundering smartphone empire. That reporter turned out to be Will Connors, a Chicago native and huge sports fan who turned on the TV one morning to catch highlights on what he thought was a carbon copy of the American SportsCenter (albeit with the Canadian spelling), only to be awakened by what he described as “a loopier, freer-flowing affair.” He became a regular viewer and approached TSN about doing a story in the Wall Street Journal about Dan and me. Will came to the studio in Scarborough to watch a live show and interview us, and the story came out a few weeks later. It was titled, “Why Can’t We Have Canada’s ‘SportsCentre’?”
Careful what you wish for.
Around that same time, Fox Sports executives had decided to mount their own challenge to ESPN. NBC and CBS had recently launched their own brand new sports networks. Turns out sports television in 2012 was a very hot commodity. With cable companies fighting illegal online pirating and streaming, sports kept people paying for their cable bills by virtue of the fact that sports television was just about the only form of the medium that was “DVR proof.” Sports are meant to be seen live. Sure you can DVR your favourite game and watch it later, but in this day and age of social media and smartphones, the chances of keeping the result from being spoiled for you is pretty slim. Not to mention the fact that sports are also always better on a big screen. You might not mind tearing through five seasons of The Wire on your laptop or tablet, but sports are always more fun to watch with others, on a big screen, with plenty of food and drink at the ready. Suddenly sports leagues were cashing in from major competition among the networks for rights fees to show the biggest live games, and now Fox wanted in, and they wanted to be different.
Fox had made the decision to do something slightly more unconventional than your standard two guys (or girls) in suits highlight show, and just as they had made the decision to do so, one of their executives picked up a copy of that day’s Wall Street Journal with a headline that said, “Why Can’t We Have Canada’s ‘SportsCentre’?”
The courtship lasted about a year. Fox started recording our show out of their Fox Soccer Channel studios in Vancouver, and they liked what they saw. They also heard us repeatedly reference Producer Tim and decided they wanted him as part of the package as well. Their pitch: to literally pick up our show from Toronto and move it to Los Angeles. The most appealing part might have been the time zone change. Suddenly instead of returning home at 2:30 a.m. we would be returning home at 11:30 p.m. We might even be able to go for a drink after the show.
More than the late-night drinking possibilities, Fox addressed our biggest concern about a move away from our comfort zone north of the 49th parallel: They were looking for an alternative to ESPN, and they didn’t want to change us. They wanted us to be us.
As I was wrestling with the decision, I happened upon an interview in the Globe and Mail with Kelly Oxford, the Edmonton-born writer who had just published a book of essays titled Everything Is Perfect When You’re a Liar (also published by HarperCollins; you’re welcome HarperCollins!). Oxford had just uprooted her family, including her husband and three children, from Calgary to Los Angeles for greater career opportunities. She described it as an extremely difficult decision, but in the end, her husband was quoted in the article as saying, “When we’re 75, living in Canada, we’ll think, why didn’t we try it? We could have just gone down there and checked it out.”
Obviously as I struggled with the very same decision, these words struck a chord, not to mention the fact that the winter of 2012 was really friggin’ cold.
When we announced that we were leaving, the outpouring of support, despair, and anger was fairly overwhelming. To some we were sellouts, chasing American cash and glory like so many opportunistic Canadians before us. To others we were abandoning a legion of loyal viewers who had grown up with us, just as Mark Milliere had said they would all those years ago when he first put us on in the morning. Then there were those who were just happy for us to get the opportunity to ply our trade to a wider audience. We even got a tweet from the prime minister of Canada, Stephen Harper, complete with a picture of the three of us together at the 2012 Grey Cup, calling our move “The Worst Play of the Day” but wishing us well.
As I have detailed in this book, this job is all about moving from place to place, never getting complacent, always moving onward and upward for that new challenge. I had honestly thought those days were behind me. I was ready to settle in for another solid decade of fun at TSN with Dan.
Then I remembered how excited I was to get that first job in Saskatoon in ’98. I had so much doubt about leaving Toronto back then. I had just as much doubt about leaving Toronto now. But in a way, that’s what made it so appealing: the uncertainty. I didn’t g
et in this business to play it safe. I could have stayed in Athabasca at the drugstore if I had wanted that.
Two months after it was announced we were leaving (which may have been the longest goodbye in Canadian television history), Dan, Producer Tim, and I joined our fellow new employees of Fox Sports 1 at Enoteca Drago for dinner and a bit of a meet and greet.
Fox had been incredibly good to us to that point, putting us up in temporary housing right by the beach in Santa Monica and assigning someone to practically hold my hand and take me to the DMV to get my California driver’s licence. I was happy to meet my new colleagues, but I was dreading what the night was about to bring. I had sworn to another fellow Canadian import, Julie Stewart-Binks, a Toronto girl who had recently been hired by FS1 from CTV Regina, that if our new bosses asked us to get up in front of everyone and introduce ourselves like we were at summer camp, I would walk out of there. Just get up and walk out of the restaurant. I could not bear the idea of having to stand up and bare my soul like it was some sort of AA meeting. I would rather have someone rip my eyelashes out.
But sure enough, after a round of appetizers and some small talk among my fellow diners, my new boss, Scott Ackerson, got up and announced that we would indeed be going around the room one by one to introduce ourselves and bare our souls like it was some sort of AA meeting. He was standing right at the door. There was no chance of sneaking away unnoticed. I was trapped, and my biggest nightmare was about to come to fruition.
Thankfully I didn’t have to go first. Some of my fellow on-air personalities from our new show Fox Sports Live as well as our new producers were up first. Included in this group was former NBA defensive player of the year Gary Payton, who informed us he had recently been divorced and would not be getting married again. I laughed because I was just months away from getting married for the second time, something I once swore I would never do again. Next up was fellow FS1 panelist and recently retired U.S. tennis star Andy Roddick, an athlete I once called out on-air for his treatment of referees and umpires during matches. I thought he would be a pretentious jerk. Turns out he was just the opposite. The second I shook his hand, I thought the same thing I once thought with Jon Ljungberg: “I will get along with this person. This person and I will be friends.” He was hilarious and totally self-deprecating, talking about spending his career as “Federer’s bitch” and wearing hats to cover up bald spots.
Another fellow FS1 panelist, Donovan McNabb, treated the event like he was giving a speech to a Fortune 500 company, speaking eloquently about becoming a team and battling the competition. He spoke clearly and confidently, and I felt like running a marathon when he was done. I was feeling good about the new panel on our show, but there were only a few more employees before I would have to get up and tell the entire room about myself.
Earlier in the day, when I was discussing the possibility of this very moment with Dan, he made a suggestion that I say something outlandish. He was joking, but I was desperate, and I did do something pretty outlandish that day. My turn was up. I swallowed another forkful of arugula salad, stood up, and spoke.
“I told Julie Stewart-Binks that if I had to get up and speak at this dinner, I would walk out of this fucking room.”
Uproarious laughter.
“The only reason I didn’t is because Scott is standing at the door.”
Uproarious laughter continues. And then …
“I love being on television, but I hate speaking in front of people. I am a sports anchor—I’m really only comfortable in front of the camera.”
I looked over at Dan. Then I paused, looked up, and addressed the entire room:
“So I masturbated several times today so I would feel relaxed and comfortable.”
The room practically keeled over.
And so begins the next step of the journey.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I CAN’T BEGIN THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS with anyone other than my beautiful wife. She allowed me to skip out on many a beautiful Saturday afternoon we would otherwise have spent together, so I could finish this book. She also read the manuscript in its early stages and not only offered great suggestions but also likely kept me from being sued. If my career itself wasn’t already evidence that I am a lucky man, then having her by my side is concrete proof. Every day I spend with her is a great day, especially if that day happens to take place at Disneyland.
Speaking of reading the manuscript in its early stages, I must also thank two of my best friends in the world, Peter Sayn-Wittgenstein and Piya Chattopadhyay, for also trudging through early versions of this book and giving me concrete advice about how to make it better. Look for Peter to write a book much better than this one when he is finished watching that Corbin Bernsen mini-series on his PVR. Piya, you are the best export Saskatchewan ever produced.
My brilliant and beautiful literary agent, Carly Watters, is most responsible for the book you have in your hands today. She was the one who suggested that getting off my ass and putting pen to paper might be a good idea. Carly, you have been amazing through this entire process, and I am forever grateful. I am also not weirded out by the fact that you look pretty much exactly like my ex-wife.
My brilliant and beautiful editor at HarperCollins, Doug Richmond, is someone I hope I can maintain a working relationship with my entire life. If I had literally hand-picked an editor, I couldn’t have ended up with anyone so perfect. Thanks for your long and detailed e-mails, Doug. I am also not weirded out by the fact that you look a lot like Jonathan Franzen. Also thanks to the entire staff at HarperCollins, including Patricia MacDonald, Barbara Kamienski, Kelly Hope, Emma Ingram, Jason Pratt and Shannon Parsons, for making me feel so welcome and a part of the family.
Thanks to designer Greg Tabor, photographer Kathryn Hollin-rake and makeup artist Christine Cho for the fantastic cover photo.
Speaking of family, thanks once again to my parents, who were pretty much dealing with a weirdo the second I was born but continued to trudge on anyway. Also thanks to the rest of the Onrait clan: My sister Erin, who can whip up a mean apple juice and ham casserole at the drop of a hat. My brother-in-law, Trevor, who is better than me at every single sport we try and never gloats about it. My niece, Brooklyn, and my nephews, Noah and Keaton, always make me laugh and bring me joy. My grandfather, Rene, who gave me a 1970 Buick Skylark for my sixteenth birthday, thereby making him the coolest man alive.
Thanks to my good friend and longtime co-anchor, Dan O’Toole, for talking me off the ledge more times than I can remember and for contributing a brilliant foreword to this book. Well “brilliant” may be a stretch, but he got it done and the jury was out on that one. Thanks also to our longtime producer and good friend, Producer Tim, for very likely saving our jobs several times over the last ten years and joining us on this new adventure to California.
Thanks to all my wonderful employers past and present, especially Mark Milliere, Ken Volden, Phil King, Stewart Johnston, and Keith Pelley at TSN; Darcy Modin at A-Channel; Lisa Ford at Global Saskatoon; Pat Kiernan at ITV Edmonton; and my dad, who was forced to employ me at his drugstore because my mom told him to. Thanks also to all my fellow employees at TSN over the years who provided me with great fodder for storytelling and many laughs along the way.
Thanks to the entire staff at Dark Horse Espresso Bar on Spadina Avenue between Queen Street and Dundas Street in Toronto, where I wrote almost every single word of this book like I was some wannabe screenwriter. This includes owners Ed Lynds and Deanna Zunde and hard-working employees Ryan Kukec, Maxine Gagnon, Rob Hasebe, Rob Piron, Phil Cox, Danny Flynn, Becky Weekes, Lisa D’Allessandro, Momi Kishi, Otillo Page, Batouli Baccar, Axel Steingrimigson, and Dave Metcalfe, who served me about 3,000 jasmine green teas and Americanos over the course of a year. They also played some great tunes while I tried to pound out my 2,000 words a day in accordance with Stephen King’s On Writing. If you’re ever wandering around Toronto’s Chinatown, this is the place to stop and rest and people-watch.
Finally
a special thanks to all the viewers who have said such kind things to me on Twitter and in person over the course of the past few years. I hope you enjoy this book, and I hope Canadians don’t hold it against me that I left for the United States. I will always be a proud Canadian.
About the Author
JAY ONRAIT is an anchor on FOX Sports l’s flagship show, FOX Sports Live. He currently lives in Los Angeles, where he and his wife share a home with Dan O’Toole and Producer Tim.
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Copyright
Anchorboy
Copyright © 2013 by Jay Onrait.
Foreword copyright © 2013 by Dan O’Toole.
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EPub Edition © OCTOBER 2013 ISBN: 9781443430425
Published by Collins, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
FIRST EDITION
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Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Onrait, Jay, author