Uranus and the Bubbles of Trouble

by Joan Holub

  Zeus nodded and held up a handful of arrows. “We’d like to trade weapons for some food.”

  The farmer raised his eyebrows. “Sure, we’ve got food, but do you mind if I ask what you kids are doing traveling around with weapons?”

  “We’re not mortal kids,” Hera answered him. “We’re Olympians.” She gave him a proud smile.

  A look of wonder came over the farmer’s face. “Really? You’re the kids who are going to take down King Cronus, right? The ones everyone’s talking about. In that case, you can have all the food you want. For free!”

  As the Olympians let out a cheer, Aphrodite ran over. “What’s everyone so happy about?”

  “We’re getting food!” Hades reported.

  A young woman wearing her hair in a long braid came toward them now, and the farmer motioned her over. “Alysa, these kids are the Olympians!” he called out.

  The woman smiled. “Really? That’s so cool!”

  Aphrodite stared first at the farmer and then at the young woman. “Are you his girlfriend?” she asked.

  Alysa nodded, blushing. “Yes, Eli and I are to be married next month.”

  Aphrodite shook her head. “Oh, that’s too bad.”

  Alysa’s smile faded. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re not right for each other,” Aphrodite said sweetly. “You should break up before it’s too late.”

  “What? But I love Eli!” Alysa protested.

  “And I love you,” Eli said to her. But then he looked at Aphrodite. “So . . . you’re an Olympian. Does that mean you have some magical way of seeing into our future?”

  Alysa frowned at him. “Who cares if she does?”

  “Just asking,” Eli said lightly. “Maybe she knows something we should be aware of, and . . .”

  “Ha!” Alysa spat out. She spun around and glared at Aphrodite. “Why are you trying to cause trouble here?”

  Aphrodite looked at her in innocent surprise. “I’m just trying to help. I seem to have a knack for, um, matchmaking.”

  “Well, I think you stink at matchmaking. In fact, I don’t think you’re an Olympian at all,” said Alysa. Her eyes narrowed as she scanned the faces of the other Olympians. “I think you’re all just a bunch of phonies looking to get free food! Make them leave, Eli!” she ordered.

  Eli sighed. “You guys had better go. Sorry I couldn’t help.”

  “Nooo!” wailed Poseidon, rubbing his empty belly.

  Zeus pulled him away. “Let’s go. We’re in enough trouble with the Titans. We don’t need to get mortals mad at us too.” He’d had a feeling Aphrodite might cause trouble, and now she had.

  With Zeus in the lead as usual, the hungry Olympians marched out of the village. Hephaestus hurried to keep pace. As he moved along, the cane slid outward, causing Zeus to fall.

  Unharmed, Zeus leaped up. It almost seemed like the guy had tripped him on purpose. “Can’t you control that thing?” Zeus asked him.

  “Can’t you control your followers?” Hephaestus shot back. “Because if you could, we would have gotten some food back there.”

  Before Zeus could reply, Hera jumped to his defense, surprising him. “Maybe it’s your fault we don’t have that food, Hephaestus. Maybe if you and Ares had kept Aphrodite under control, our stomachs wouldn’t still be growling.”

  “Are we supposed to put a hand over her mouth every time she opens it or something?” Ares grumped.

  Hephaestus nodded at Zeus. “Yeah. Don’t blame us. You should have smoothed that situation over. A real leader would have.”

  Zeus ignored him and stomped onward along the path.

  Seconds later, Hera released her feather to fly ahead. When it returned she looked into its eye. “There’s another village right over the hill,” she reported.

  The Olympians quickly reached this second village, which looked a lot like the first one. Only this time, someone was standing in their path waiting for them.

  It was a young woman with pale, white skin and thick, black hair that fell in long, twisted braids down her back. She wore a long, black dress. And though she smiled at the Olympians, her smile was a crafty one.

  “Welcome, travelers. I am Eris!” the woman said. “May I offer you some food?”

  CHAPTER SIX

  The House of Eris

  Yes!” cried Poseidon. In an instant he bounded down the path to meet her. The other Olympians followed—except for Athena and Zeus. The two of them hung back to talk.

  “Eris. I know that name from somewhere,” Athena said in a low voice. Fixing her eyes on Eris’s back as the woman led the others away, Athena nervously twisted her Thread of Cleverness around her finger.

  “Hmm. Doesn’t ring a bell,” said Zeus. “But she seems friendly.”

  “Maybe too friendly,” Athena added.

  “Yeah,” Zeus whispered. “But our odds are good if she tries anything. Twelve of us against one of her. And I’m hungry!”

  Up ahead, Apollo was singing a new song he’d made up as they followed Eris along the path. “Eris is going to give us some food. This is putting us in a good mood.”

  “Fine, we’ll eat her food. But let’s keep our eyes peeled,” Athena said. “I don’t know what she’s up to, but I don’t trust her.”

  “You and me both,” said Zeus before they joined the other Olympians.

  Eris led them to a cottage with a high roof. She opened the door. “Come inside. I have prepared you a feast.” Behind her house stretched a dark, quiet forest.

  Inside, Zeus and Athena exchanged a look of alarm when they saw the dining table set with twelve places. “How did you know we were coming?” Zeus demanded.

  But Eris ignored his question, and the other Olympians were so hungry, they didn’t feel suspicious. Without hesitation, they’d rushed toward the table filled with food.

  “Bread! Cheese! Figs! And are those chicken legs?” Poseidon asked, practically drooling.

  “Please have a seat,” said Eris, gesturing toward the chairs around the table. There were exactly twelve of them. “Start right in. I know you must be hungry. But if you’ll excuse me, I have something I need to see to,” she said with another crafty smile. “Be back soon.”

  Sweeping past Zeus and Athena, she strode from the room. The other Olympians quickly pulled out the chairs and sat down, but Zeus and Athena were more cautious.

  “Stop eating!” Zeus called, racing for the table now that Eris was gone. “That food could be poison for all we know!”

  Poseidon had just gulped down a fig whole. “Poison? Now you tell me!”

  Zeus looked at Chip. “Is this food safe to eat?” he asked.

  “Es-yip,” Chip replied. At this, Poseidon heaved a sigh of relief and heaped more food onto his plate. When Athena went to sit at one end of the table, between Hera and Aphrodite, Zeus took the only other open seat at the opposite end of the table. He still didn’t trust Eris, but it would probably be easier to outwit her on a full stomach. He put some chicken, figs, and cheese on his plate and began to eat.

  Glancing down the table he saw that Poseidon had now piled his plate higher than the top of his head!

  “You might have saved some for the rest of us!” Hera scolded him, though her plate looked plenty full to Zeus.

  “Stop worrying” came Poseidon’s voice from beyond the mound. “There’s plenty for everybody.”

  “It’s so nice to eat warm, soft bread instead of the stale kind,” remarked Demeter, who was across the table from Poseidon.

  Athena picked up one her olives and popped it in her mouth. “Mmm.”

  “It’s all awesome!” agreed Hephaestus. He took a huge bite out of a chicken drumstick. With his mouth full, he added, “Thish ish uh feesh fish fuhr uh Olympuh kink!”

  Zeus wasn’t sure, but he thought Hephaestus had said, “This is a feast fit for an Olympic king.” Was that how Hephaestus saw himself, as king of the Olympians? As Zeus’s replacement? Bubbles were still floating around Aphrodite at the far end of t
he table. Hera kept waving them away as they floated over her plate. “You’re getting bubbles on my food!’ she complained.

  Aphrodite giggled. “I can’t help it. They do as they please.”

  “I’ll follow you wherever you go,” Ares blurted out, and then he blushed. “Did I just say that out loud?”

  “You sure did, Bro,” Poseidon said, shaking his head as if embarrassed for Ares.

  They’d just about finished eating when Eris returned at last. “I have something to show you,” she announced. There was a pause as their gazes swung her way. Her eyes shone (mischievously, Zeus thought) as she strode toward them.

  “And now for the best part of the meal,” she said. With dramatic flair she extended her right hand toward the table. “Ta-da!” she exclaimed. A bright, golden apple glittered in her palm.

  “It’s a gift for the fairest among you,” she explained. Then she set the apple onto the table and gave it a little push. “Here you go.”

  The apple slowly rolled down the table, past the plates of food, and came to a stop right between Athena, Aphrodite, and Hera!

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Who’s the Fairest?

  Apollo, who was sitting by Hera, reached for the golden apple. “I think it’s plain to see, that the fairest of us is me,” rhymed the blond-haired, blue-eyed boy.

  Hera slapped Apollo’s hand away. “No way! Eris was talking about one of us girls.”

  “Yes,” Aphrodite agreed. “Girls are fair. Boys are handsome.”

  “But which girl?” Poseidon asked, and his question hung in the air.

  “Who did you mean the apple for, Eris?” Zeus asked, sensing that trouble was brewing. But he turned just in time to see their strange host disappear. As she glided from the room, he noticed feathers poking out of the back of her sleeveless dress.

  “Feathers!” he hissed to Athena as the other Olympians continued arguing around them. “I think Eris has wings!”

  Athena’s eyes narrowed. “That’s it!” she exclaimed. “I just remembered why her name is familiar. Eris is the winged goddess of discord!”

  “Discord?” Zeus asked. “As in disagreement and conflict? And in making Olympians argue?”

  Athena nodded worriedly. “She’s a Creature of Chaos. She can even cause wars!”

  “That apple is obviously meant for Aphrodite,” Hephaestus was saying now. “She’s clearly the prettiest one here—prettiest in the whole world, even.”

  “Yeah. Like he said!” Ares echoed.

  Aphrodite started to reach for the apple but drew her hand back when Hera snapped at her. “Leave it!” Hera glared at Aphrodite’s two supporters. “What do you two know, anyway?

  “Yeah, Hephaestus. You lived on an island full of hairy guys most of your life,” said the normally good-tempered Athena. “And, Ares, your best friends were a flock of metal birds.”

  “Well, since Eris isn’t here to ask who the apple is meant for, I suppose we should just leave it on the table and be on our way,” Zeus said. Eris was obviously trying to start trouble among them with this apple. If he didn’t stop it, who knew what could happen?

  However, before anyone could second his suggestion, Aphrodite grabbed the apple. “Since I am very pretty, I should be the one to take it.” She batted her long eyelashes at the group.

  Hera looked at her sisters, Hestia and Demeter. “Can you believe she just said that? I mean, I’m pretty too, but I don’t go around saying it.”

  “But you just did say it!” argued Hades.

  Zeus jumped up. “We should just leave the apple and go,” he commanded. “I couldn’t eat another bite!”

  “I could,” Poseidon said. His plate was empty. It was so clean, he must have licked it. Now he began heaping more food on it.

  Gesturing a hand at Zeus, Hephaestus snorted and spoke to the others. “There’s your leader, running away again! I’ll show you what a leader really should do. Make decisions. And I have decided that Aphrodite should get the apple!”

  “You’re not our leader,” Hera snapped. “And the apple landed closest to me, Aphrodite, and Athena, so it could belong to any one of us.”

  “I bet it’s for you, Hera,” said Hestia.

  “Yes, I vote for Hera to get the apple,” agreed Demeter.

  “ ‘Fair’ does not have to mean a pretty face. It could also mean someone who is just and has grace,” rhymed Apollo. “I think Athena should get the apple.”

  Athena beamed. “Thank you,” she said, but then she frowned. “Wait, are you saying I’m not pretty?”

  Apollo began to sing. “You are as pretty as can be, but perhaps not as pretty as Aphro—”

  “Wait! Don’t finish that, dude!” Zeus blurted out.

  “Well, I think Athena has nice eyes,” Hades offered. “Gray is one of my favorite colors. It reminds me of the fog in the Underworld.”

  Athena folded her arms across her chest. “Huh? That does not sound like a compliment!”

  Hephaestus shook his cane to get the Olympians’ attention and accidentally knocked over a bowl of gravy in the process. “Quiet, everyone!” he shouted. “I’m sure we can work this out. Let me think.”

  Zeus grinned and folded his arms. Ha! Let Hephaestus see how easy it was to be the leader of the Olympians. Not!

  “Well, if we’re judging the fairest by eye color,” Poseidon said heatedly to Hades, “then Aphrodite would win hands down. Because her eyes are the color of the sea!”

  Zeus glanced around the table. By now, everyone was arguing! He thought quickly. What would Eris’s object be in making the Olympians argue?

  To weaken us, of course, he realized. With the hope that they’d split apart. Then they’d be less of a threat to the Titans, who must have sent this goddess of discord to intercept them. He had to put a stop to this! If only he could get the others to listen. To follow him. Suddenly, he figured out a way. He grabbed the golden apple from the table and ran outside.

  Sure enough, the other eleven Olympians followed him. Luckily, there was no sign of Eris. So he just kept running. He didn’t stop till he had reached the edge of a village. When he spotted a handsome and finely dressed teenage boy riding toward him on his horse, Zeus stopped and waited for everyone to catch up. Once they did, they began arguing again.

  “Listen! I have an idea!” he called over the loud voices. “Let’s ask somebody who’s not an Olympian to decide who gets the apple. Someone like this guy.” He pointed at the teenage boy.

  “That sounds fair,” said Poseidon. The others murmured their agreement as well.

  “Good. That’s settled, then,” said Zeus.

  “Excuse me!” he said, running up to the boy on the horse. “We’re Olympians. Do you think you could help us?”

  The boy smiled a dazzling smile—almost as dazzling as Aphrodite’s. He had wavy brown hair and green eyes, and his white tunic and trousers were embroidered with gold stitching.

  “Sure,” he said, dismounting from his horse. “I am Prince Paris of Troy. How can I help?”

  Hera took a step forward and smiled big at him. “We want you to decide which one of us is the fairest,” she said, pointing first at herself and then, in turn, at Athena and Aphrodite.

  “The one you choose wins this golden apple,” Zeus said, handing it to Paris.

  Paris looked at the apple and then at the three girls. “Well, that’s a tough decision. I don’t really know you girls, but I’m sure each of you is fair in your own way.”

  Zeus started to get worried. He had hoped Paris would just quickly pick one. Then this foolishness would end and they could all head peacefully off.

  “Maybe I can make your choice easier,” Hera said. Her smile widened, and she held up her feather. “My feather is magic. I can look into its eye and tell you your future.”

  “Hey, that’s a bribe!” Athena complained.

  “I don’t remember any rule against bribes,” Hera pointed out.

  Athena glared at her. “Well, if bribes are okay,
then I have something even better for you, Paris.” She turned to the prince and held up her Thread of Cleverness. “How would you like a piece of this? It’ll make you as wise as an owl.”

  Paris looked thoughtful. “Those are both very good offers,” he said slowly.

  Zeus frowned. It really wasn’t like Athena to act this way. Especially when she knew that Eris had been trying to stir up trouble. And since when was Hera a cheater? Since they’d met the goddess of discord, that’s when!

  Before Zeus could come up with a way to fix things, they heard barking.

  Arf! Arf! A furry brown puppy came running down the path, chasing a butterfly and happily yapping away.

  Paris gazed at it with adoring eyes. “How about if I just give the golden apple to that puppy?” he asked with a huge grin. “She’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!”

  Aphrodite scooped up the puppy as she tried to run by her. She cuddled the little dog in her arms. She gave Aphrodite sloppy puppy kisses all over her face.

  “She’s yours if you want her,” Aphrodite said with a giggle. Then, with a smile as crafty as Eris’s, she added, “All you have to do is give me the apple!”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Bolt, Where Are You?

  It’s yours!” Paris cried happily. Aphrodite gave him the puppy and plucked the golden apple from his hand. The little brown dog rained kisses all over her new owner.

  Paris turned to Zeus. “Thanks! This was fun.” Cradling the puppy under one arm, he rode off.

  Once the prince was gone, Zeus glanced around at Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite. “Bribery? Really? The world expects better of Olympians.”

  While Athena and Hera had the decency to look a little ashamed of their actions, Aphrodite seemed clueless. She was playing with the apple now, giggling as she tossed it up in the air and then caught it. Zeus was beginning to wonder if she was as bubbleheaded as the bubbles that constantly floated around her.

  Hephaestus waved his cane. “Who cares? Aphrodite has the apple, just like I said she should.”

  With a stormy look on her face, Hestia stomped over to him. The fire in the torch she carried flamed high. Uh-oh, thought Zeus. It seemed angry, just like her.