She obediently obeyed and went back into the kitchen. Dale had gone outside to hang the finch feeder in its spot in the backyard. Violet looked at the spread on the counter and shook her head. As always, her mother had gone all out. She’d made a meat, cheese and veggie tray and baked hockey puck-shaped cookies which ironically were just round cookies.
Janie clasped her hands over her heart. “It’s so nice to have everyone together. If only Jeremy could be here. I spoke to him yesterday, you know. He sends his love. He & the band are in Atlanta. I can’t wait for him to settle down with that sweet little Cassidy St. Claire.”
Violet made a face that an eight-year-old would get a kick out of. “Mom, that’s not going to happen. Jeremy and Cassidy aren’t even in love.”
“Well, they should be,” Janie replied. “They’d make such a cute couple.”
“Jeremy’s in a rock band, Mom. The last thing he wants to do is settle down.” And the last person he wanted to settle down with was Cassidy St. Claire. They were close friends and bandmates and nothing more.
“Anyway, he sure is busy,” Janie added with a wave of her hand. “They’ve sold out their next ten shows. And they’re playing one of those music festivals this summer.”
“Rockbandapalooza.”
Janie nodded. “A sea of people as far as the eye can see,” she said dreamily. So successful,” she clucked.
“Speaking of successful,” Violet replied, “Pats and I have been referred some Razors players.”
“That’s nice, honey. Ooooh, that reminds me. I told Jeremy we’d all go to a game the next time he’s in town. I sure hope that’s before the season ends.” She frowned and then quickly replied with a smile, “I already set some cookies aside for Phillip. He’s probably starved after being at the hospital all day. When are the two of you going to set a date?”
Violet sighed. “I don’t know, Mom,” she answered and shoved a cracker in her mouth.
Janie frowned at the cookies she was carefully arranging on a plate. “It’s been so long since the proposal. I think it’d be lovely to have a spring wedding. Or maybe sometime in the summer so you could have the ceremony outdoors.”
“Mom, spring is only a couple months away.”
“Precisely.”
Violet grimaced and dumped the rest of the crackers onto the serving platter. She didn’t understand why her mother spent time on presentation when her brothers were going to devour the food without a second glance like a pack of feral animals.
“I’ll talk to Phillip,” was all Violet said.
“I don’t understand why you’re dragging your feet about this, Violet honey.”
Violet wasn’t the one dragging her feet. It was Phillip who kept brushing off the idea of setting a date. And that was just fine with her. If he wasn’t in a hurry, then neither was she.
Yeah, try explaining that to her mother. Sweet, precious Phillip had no flaws whatsoever in Janie’s eyes. Or in anyone’s eyes, for that matter.
“Well, I hope it’s soon,” Janie replied and began rearranging the crackers to her satisfaction.” I just can’t wait to have grandbabies!”
Violet mumbled something unintelligible under her breath.
Janie narrowed her eyes at her only daughter. “Violet, you’re going to be thirty in a few years. You know that as you get older, your fertility decreases.”
“What about the boys?” Violet countered. “I don’t see them walking down the aisle anytime soon.” There. She could always deflect the pressure by throwing her brothers under the bus. Why did she have to carry this burden alone? They weren’t getting any younger either.
Her mother scoffed. “They have plenty of time to find that special someone. In fact, I set Tanner up with a sweet girl from Crafter’s Paradise just the other day.”
Violet nearly choked on her cracker. “You set Tanner up on a blind date?” she coughed.
“Of course.”
Wow, her mom must be more desperate for grandchildren than she thought. Well, she was in for a long wait. Children were the last thing on Tanner’s mind.
Cheers of excitement rang out from the living room, signaling that the Razors must have finally scored. Violet grabbed the tray of food—victory always made her brothers extra hungry—and headed into the living room.
When she heard her brothers’ voices rise again, she went in preparing to break up a fight. She knew better than to leave Brayden and Tanner alone in a room with each other. Anything could happen when tempers flared and sibling rivalry reared its ugly head.
Except there was no fight. The excitement was caused by Phillip’s arrival. He was freshly showered and wore a salmon-colored polo shirt and slacks. That was as casual as Phillip got. No jeans for Dr. Krandall. No way. No how. Violet didn’t even think he owned a pair of jeans. Maybe he kept some in the apartment he had downtown near the hospital. Yeah, they were probably stored in the bottom drawer along with his sense of humor.
Violet watched from the doorway, balancing the platter of food, as Phillip high-fived her brothers. Who was this man? There was no way this was the same person from the other day. He looked loose—as loose as someone could look in a polo shirt and slacks—and semi-carefree. Phillip always acted differently around her family, but she knew it was all an act for their benefit.
Her brothers, completely opposite in their looks, were greeting Phillip with a succession of high-fives and fist bumps.
When she watched her brothers, Violet’s heart filled with sisterly pride. They had grown up to be handsome men, complete with their father’s charm. When Violet looked at Phillip, she didn’t feel the kind of love or admiration a woman should feel for her fiancé. She sure didn’t feel any butterflies or a giddy sensation anticipating their future life together. All she felt was heaviness and a sense of dread. Then she thought back to that summer day at the hospital when Phillip had saved her father’s life…
There was that rush of guilt for almost kissing another man. But the guilt was accompanied by another feeling that told her Phillip wasn’t the one for her. Sure, he had a brilliant mind, but Violet needed much more than a high IQ to keep her warm at night.
Phillip wasn’t just stringing her along because he was afraid of commitment, was he? No. There was definitely something else lurking below the surface and Violet just hadn’t been able to figure it out yet. If he wanted someone to be his trophy wife, then surely he would have chosen someone more trophy-esque than Violet. Sure they had enough of a history together, but was that enough to solidify their future?
She and Phillip had been friends for decades. Growing up, he’d hung around her brothers like he hoped some of their awesomeness might rub off onto him. First, he’d shadowed Brayden in high school. Trying out for the football and hockey team, but not making it because he was too small. Then he attached himself to Tanner who always found himself flocked by girls and trouble. Phillip grew weary of Tanner’s demanding and exhausting lifestyle and soon started emulating Jeremy. But Jeremy was introverted and usually found himself in the company of only his guitar and his bandmates. There wasn’t room for Phillip in the world of music either.
Eventually, Phillip chose his own path and buried his interests into his studies. He discovered medicine and the fascinating study of the human body. He was enthralled with the subject and although he still hung out with the James boys, he went his own way to chase a career he could be proud of.
After receiving a slap on the back from Brayden and a high-five from Tanner, Phillip came toward Violet, gave her a peck on the cheek and said, “Hey, babe,” before heading into the kitchen to greet her mother.
Hey, babe? Babe?
It sounded so ridiculous coming from Phillip that Violet found herself silently mouthing the word. The road between how he acted around her family and how he behaved when they were alone was getting wider by the day.
Great, she thought with a shake of her head, it was official. She was engaged to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Why did Phill
ip ever ask her to marry him anyway? She knew why she had said yes, but what compelled him to ask her in the first place? He was notorious for making excuses about his work taking up all his time and Violet knew his eyes didn’t hold warmth for her, so why—
“Come on, Eyelet! The second period is starting.”
Violet trudged over to the couch, set the tray and beer on the coffee table and flopped down next to Tanner.
Tanner popped the cap off a beer and handed her the bottle. Violet took a swig and wondered if Jace’s shoulder would hold out long enough for him to play another game. She tapped her fingernails on the glass bottle and listened as her mother fussed over Phillip from inside the kitchen.
* * *
The Razors lost 3-1 and according to her brothers it was all because of Sebby’s leaky five-hole and Jace McQuaid’s and Pete Fontaine’s absence from the game. Violet argued that hockey was a team sport and that it wasn’t fair to single out specific players who couldn’t help it if they were injured. Tanner put her in a headlock and Brayden tickled her until she screamed in agony and that was the end of that particular conversation. Brothers. What were they good for anyway?
Phillip followed Violet home, but when she parked and got out, he kept the engine in his car running.
“Aren’t you coming in?” she asked.
“No. I just wanted to make sure you arrived home safely. I’m going to stay at the apartment tonight. I have an early surgery in the morning and then I’m heading to the conference.”
Wasn’t the whole point of living with someone to actually live with them? Cohabitate, sleep under the same roof, play house, shack up? Phillip insisted on keeping an apartment in town so he could be closer to the hospital and not disturb Violet with his unpredictable hours, but she wondered if there was more to it than that. He’d gone and bought them a nice bungalow near the river just so he could spend his nights in a studio apartment downtown. It didn’t make a whole heck of a lot of sense.
“What was the point of moving in together if you’re never here?” she voiced out loud, feeling raw and tired of letting him tiptoe around the issues. He was like a goddam politician and it was starting to grate on her nerves.
His shoulders slumped just like they always did when she questioned him. “I’m here as often as I can be.”
He sounded wounded and she didn’t have the strength to argue with him. Being around Phillip always seemed to drain her physically and emotionally and lately it seemed like arguing was the only communication they had. Tonight she was just too tired to fight.
“Okay,” she muttered. “Well, goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
She stood and watched Phillip’s car pull away and the headlights disappeared down the street.
Then she turned her key in the lock, went inside and closed the front door behind her. When she turned around, she was greeted by a silent house. Very little inside was even hers. The furniture belonged to Phillip and he’d hired a decorator to come in and make it look like it belonged in a magazine feature. No matter how much fancy décor it was filled with it still felt empty nonetheless.
What started out as a nightmare of a week had turned out to be not so bad after all. Patricia had landed Healing Touch a heap of potential business and Violet had had fun flirting with their newest client. It had been a long time since she’d let herself talk to a man like that. Flirting was harmless fun, right?
Not when it led to an almost-kiss.
Violet winced and threw her keys on the coffee table. On the mantle a photo of her and Phillip caught her eye and she walked over to it. They looked so happy once upon a time. Or was it just a façade like the rest of their relationship? Probably. They both knew their relationship hadn’t been built on love or notions of romance. But she’d made him a promise nonetheless. That was all that mattered.
A pang of guilt engulfed her and she sighed. She had no right to be flirting with another man. And she’d almost kissed him for goodness’ sake!
Feeling dirty and ashamed, Violet showered, slipped on a comfy pair of PJ’s and climbed into bed alone. After flipping around the channels on the TV, she caught the tail end of the highlights from the hockey game. There was just no avoiding him, was there?
Jace was on camera being interviewed about his thoughts on the game and when his date of return might be. He gave all the expected vague answers and looked damn good doing it in his designer suit and slicked back game day hair. Violet would have been crazy not to try and kiss him, she decided after watching the interview. No woman—married, single, divorced or widowed—would have been able to keep their hands and lips off a man like that. Especially a woman who was deprived of all fun.
Violet looked at the screen and frowned. She hadn’t been to a game besides the one she’d told Jace about in…huh. It had been so long she couldn’t even remember. When had that happened? When had she let business and responsibility take the place of good ole fun and recreation? The one thing she’d always sworn she wouldn’t let happen in her life had happened. Double time. The more she thought about it, the more the reason became as clear to her as glass. She was becoming more and more like the other person in the photo on the mantle. Phillip always put work first. And he was the last person she wanted to be like.
When had she taken the backseat to her own life? When had she handed the reins over to Phillip and let him…? Oh, she remembered precisely when everything had changed and she’d relinquished control.
Thoughts of her father flooded her emotions and Violet clutched her pillow to her chest. She had so many good memories of him from when she was a child. He used to toss her up in the air and catch her as if she were as light as a feather. She didn’t feel that way now. She felt heavy and weighed down by circumstances that were beyond her control.
Right then, Violet vowed to put some life changes into motion before she lost any other parts of herself and her personality along the way. Because somewhere, somehow, Violet had lost herself in the idea of being engaged to a prominent doctor and she wasn’t okay with that. Placing blame didn’t solve anything, but she had done it anyway. Phillip was the reason she had pushed aside her old “fun before work” motto. Just because their full-time employment was the only thing they had in common, didn’t mean it was all she could do. Phillip’s work was what his life revolved around and in an attempt to save their doomed relationship, Violet had inadvertently become the one thing she loathed. A workaholic. She gasped at the mere thought of the word. Had it really come to that? Yes it had. And what was worse was that it had snuck up behind her, put its hands over her eyes and high jacked her life without any protest from her.
Life sure had a funny way of changing course when you weren’t looking.
Well, Violet thought with a humph, she was alert and paying attention now. From this point forward, she would take back the wheel and drive this bus in the direction she wanted.
She tossed back the covers, got out of bed and dug her engagement ring out of the top dresser drawer. The sparkly ring was starting to lose its luster. Phillip didn’t even notice that she didn’t wear it anymore. And if he did, he didn’t say anything about it. The ring would make an occasional appearance at Krandall family functions and those excruciating hospital charity fundraisers he dragged her to and that was about it.
Their engagement had been out-of-the-blue spontaneous and what she thought she wanted at the time. Turns out, that had been the only thing spontaneous about Phillip. And his proposal hadn’t been romantic in the least. No heartfelt messages on billboards, no diamond ring in the soufflé. Just a “Hey, if I’m not doing anything and you’re not doing anything, let’s get married.”
They’d never even slept together. That was the real shocker. Phillip had insisted he wanted to wait until after they were married. What thirty-something-year-old man who wasn’t even a virgin in the first place waited until marriage to have sex?
Their relationship was about as romantic as a business arrangement. Then again, Violet was
n’t even asking for romance. Some passion might be nice. Yeah, passion. Some can’t-wait-to-kiss, gotta-have-you-right-now sort of passion. She almost laughed out loud at the thought of Phillip being passionate. She couldn’t even get him to kiss her on the lips or hold her hand for goodness sake. Passion. What a joke.
Violet tucked the ring back in its box and climbed back into bed.
The phone rang and it was a nice distraction from the gloomy thoughts swirling around in her head.
When she answered, Jeremy’s voice crackled in her ear. “Did I wake you?” her brother asked worriedly.
“No, I was awake,” she told him. Awake and pondering every decision she’d ever made in her life.
“I have no idea what time it is there,” he admitted. “I’m calling from the tour bus and I don’t even know what time zone we’re in.”
Ah, the life of a rock star.
It might be nice to hitch a ride on a tour bus and get away from it all, but it wasn’t something Violet would want to do permanently.
She laughed and burrowed deeper under the covers. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just nice to hear your voice.”
“I miss you guys so much, Eyelet.”
“I miss you, too.” She bit back a wave of emotion. “How are the shows going?”
“Awesome. It’s the most amazing thing,” he said, his voice full of wonder. “I can’t even describe it. We’re playing on the same stages as The Stones and U2 and everyone knows the words to our songs. Everyone sings along at every show. It’s crazy.”
Violet smiled. Her brother’s band’s colossal success had been so quick and so massive that it had taken everyone by surprise. They’d all wanted Crush 21 to do well, but no one could have expected such overwhelming success to follow. It would take a long time, if ever, for it to sink in.
“Just don’t let it go to your head,” she joked. Jeremy was the most humble of the James’ and she knew he appreciated every moment he had onstage.
He laughed. “Never gonna happen.”
“So, how’s life on the road?”
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