“Well that helps simplify things.”
“I guess so,” he sighed. “Simone was simply a gold digger.”
Violet turned back toward the window and looked out at the lake again. Whip cream clouds floated in the sky and a fish jumped, causing a ripple on the water.
“What?” Jace asked, his hand stilling in her hair. “You look like you’re about to tell me something.”
She pressed her lips shut and decided against it. “No.” She tucked her secret away and looked through the window. Something was different on the deck. The wood pile was stacked high. “You didn’t stack that wood, did you?” she asked, concerned for his shoulder.
“Nah,” he said simply and she cocked an eyebrow. “Cody brought his twin boys over and we put them to work. I swear they have so much energy, you could harness it and power the entire North state.”
Violet nodded, pleased with his explanation. She should have known he would never jeopardize not getting to play hockey by overexerting himself while injured. “Pats’ son Carter is the same way. He’s a good kid, but he can’t sit still for more than two seconds. He makes me feel young and really old at the same time.”
“I know what you mean.” Jace veered the conversation away from the subject of kids. A discussion about children didn’t belong in a conversation with someone you were having “just sex” with.
Violet took a deep breath. It was time to come clean. “I haven’t been completely honest with you,” she told Jace and turned to face him.
“Right. I knew it all along. You’re after my money, too.”
She looked up at him and frowned. “No.”
“Here, let me go get my checkbook.”
“No,” Violet repeated and caught his sleeve when he turned to leave.
He put his hands on her hips with a twinkle in his eyes.
“I’m serious, Jace. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you this.”
His smile disappeared. “Just tell me.”
She sucked in a breath. “Jace, I…I live with someone and…I’m sort of engaged to him.”
Jace didn’t seem to be phased by the news and she was relieved he didn’t throw her out, headfirst into the nearest snow bank. “Okay,” was all he said.
“He’s never home and we have never even been intimate and I’m beginning to question why we’re together in the first place because we’re not really together.” She felt herself rambling and clamped her mouth shut when Jace put a finger to her lips.
“It’s okay,” he said.
“It’s okay? How is it okay?”
“I’m okay with it as long as this guy doesn’t show up on my doorstep wanting to kick my ass.”
Violet cracked a smile at the thought of Phillip in a confrontation with anyone, much less brawny hockey player Jace McQuaid.
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that,” she said with a laugh. “Phillip is out of town all the time and even when he is in town, he’s always at his apartment downtown to be closer to the hospital. He’s a doctor, by the way.” She studied Jace. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. I guess I’m a little surprised to find out your engaged, obviously, but I’m okay.”
She let out a sigh. “It doesn’t mean much after all these years.”
“Years?”
Violet did the math in her head. Sheesh, no wonder her mother harped on her constantly about setting a date. “Two years,” she said quietly.
Jace’s eyes widened and he took a step back. “You’ve been engaged for two years?”
She crossed her arms in front of her and gripped her elbows. “Yes.”
Jace shook his head. “Who is this guy?” This doctor guy obviously didn’t make her happy or else she never would have jumped into Jace’s bed. And why had they never been intimate? Was she just pulling Jace’s leg or was there really a man out there who could resist a woman like Violet? Who was this guy and what in the hell was wrong with him?
Jace put a hand up to stop her from answering. “Wait, I don’t wanna know who he is.”
“His name is Phillip Krandall. He’s a urologist.”
“Damn, Vi. If I were this Phillip guy, I would have snatched you up and taken you off the market, no questions asked. Well, except for the obvious one, of course.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Jace McQuaid, are you proposing?”
He let out a snort. “I’m just saying I wouldn’t have you sitting on the back burner while I got my shit together to finally marry you someday.”
She smiled and watched him focus on something outside the window. He looked a million miles away and she wondered if he was really as okay as he said he was.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked softly.
“I’m just wondering about something.”
“What?”
He looked at her. “You don’t seem like the type of person to sit around and wait for something for two years.”
Her breath caught, surprised at his accurate assessment of her. “What type of person do I seem like?”
“Well,” he answered thoughtfully. “You’re the type of person who takes what she wants and doesn’t follow someone else’s rules and timelines.”
He was right. At least that was how she used to be. How she wanted to be. How she was when she was with Jace.
“Why did you get engaged to him in the first place?” It certainly wasn’t the only question he had, but it was the first one he blurted out.
Violet shrugged and shook her head.
Man, Jace thought, this guy really had her tied up in knots.
“I think it was more for my mother than anything,” she finally answered. “Her only daughter engaged to a successful doctor... It sounded like something she could be proud of and it looked good on paper. I don’t really know how it all happened. I’ve never lived my life for anyone else before. I was grasping at anything and everything that represented family and it wasn’t like I had any other prospects at the time anyway. I said yes out of gratitude and then obligation and then I don’t know…”
Jace looked at her questioningly and there was only one explanation she could give him.
“Phillip saved my Dad’s life. If the cancer hadn’t been detected at an early stage and if Phillip hadn’t operated…”
Jace frowned. “That doesn’t mean you have to marry the guy.”
Violet’s shoulders slumped. “Well, it seemed like it at the time. He’s friends with my brothers and we always got along and my Mom was and is always pressuring me to get married. I guess I thought it would keep her off my back for a while.” The reasons sounded weak, even to her own ears. “I’m sure you know what it’s like to feel pressure from people and not want to let them down.”
“You can’t live your life for someone else, Vi.”
She turned and gave him a weak smile. “You’re right.”
* * *
Jace had given Violet a lot to think about. All day she’d been mulling over what he’d said about Phillip. He was right. Jace poured his whole heart, soul, body and mind into the game of hockey. Even when he became injured, he didn’t do it halfway. A tear of the meniscus wasn’t exactly half-assed. So then why was fearless, free spirited Violet James sitting on her hands for two years with a man who couldn’t, or most importantly wouldn’t, give her the time of day?
On her way home from work, Violet chewed on her lip as the question ping-ponged around in her head.
* * *
Even though he had blown off the news about Violet having a fiancé, Jace couldn’t deny that it had irked the hell out of him. Whether he wanted to admit it to himself or not, he had developed feelings for Violet and they weren’t just sex related. The mere thought of another man sharing her bed made Jace ball up his hands into fists and curse under his breath.
Christ, he needed to get his head checked. First his body had failed him, now his heart. He wasn’t about to be without his right mind, too.
The funny thing was, when she had first said the F
word, fiancé, Jace had to admit he’d been a little relieved. He didn’t want to be in a quote unquote relationship, so this was perfect. Right? It took the pressure off of him. Now, if only he could convince his heart of that.
Jace paced the empty living room and cursed his injuries. If it weren’t for his bum knee and shoulder, he’d be on the ice at the NorCal Center instead of brooding at home about his damn feelings and pining after a woman who was already engaged to someone else.
After she confided in him, they had made love in front of the fireplace like any other night. Jace had plunged into her, silently pleading with her, demanding her to never go back to the man she called fiancé. With fierce determination and passionate need, he’d poured himself into her.
Still, the next morning, Violet had gotten up and gone to work. Would she meet her fiancé later for lunch? Or would they have dinner together when Phillip was finished with his patients for the day?
No matter how hard he tried, Jace just couldn’t picture Violet with another man. What did she see in some snooty doctor anyway? No matter how many times he asked himself that question, it didn’t change the fact that she was indeed engaged to Phillip Krandall, snooty MD.
Why did she even bother telling him about Phillip and her engagement? She knew from the beginning that it was just sex. So why confess? Why complicate things? Why bring someone else into it? Why did it bother him so much that she was engaged?
Ah, hell, he knew exactly why it bothered him, damn it. The thought of the woman he loved with someone else royally ticked him off.
Shit. There was that word again.
Love.
He crumpled it up and pushed it aside with the rest of his feelings. That four-letter word had no place in a real man’s brain. Hadn’t he been through enough in the past because of that stupid word?
Speaking of love, did Violet even love Phillip? She’d never talked about him before. She’d gone all this time without bringing his name up. When were they getting married? Was Jace going to wake up one morning and read about her wedding in the Lifestyles page of the Red Valley Times? Would he be strong enough to close the newspaper along with the chapter of his life entitled ‘Violet and Jace’?
It was difficult to pace the room like he wanted when he kept tripping over the damn questions.
In an effort to clear his head, Jace tried to think about something else. Now that he was stuck at home, thoughts of retirement grabbed hold of him and wouldn’t let go.
Money wasn’t the issue. He had made some sound investments to help supplement his future. His ex-wife was the one who was all about the money. If they’d stayed together, she probably wouldn’t have let him retire. Ever. As long as he kept signing those hefty seven-digit contracts she was happy. That is, until someone with an even more lucrative stock portfolio came along and she jumped ship.
Violet, on the other hand, was entirely different. She wasn’t in it for the money. Somehow Jace’s thoughts kept circling back to her. He had a feeling she’d be content with him if they lived in a single-wide mobile home or a shack on the wrong side of the tracks with questionable plumbing. And wasn’t that what love was all about? For richer or poorer? He couldn’t imagine a life where he didn’t wake up to her in his bed, or hear her laugh, or see those pretty green eyes glimmer when she talked. What good was it to be financially secure if he didn’t have someone to hold hands with on the deck while the sun sank below the tree line? He wanted someone to go out on the lake with. Someone to sit and watch the sunrise with, without cleaning out his bank account. Was that too much to ask for?
It was when that person was engaged to someone else.
Jace shook his head and took a swig of his beer. Either he was getting sentimental in his old age or something much worse. He was in love.
* * *
Jace was in a crummy mood and the massage from Violet did nothing to lift his spirits. This whole Phillip thing was really starting to wear on him.
He got up from the table and secured the towel around his waist. All he wanted to do was get a shower, go to bed and get some sleep before the game tomorrow. He hoped to finally be cleared to play next week and couldn’t wait to get out on the ice. He looked forward to skating away his frustration. Maybe it would help clear his head. Nothing else was doing the trick, that much was for sure.
The idea of his Violet being with another man ate away at him.
His Violet?
Come on, Ace. Get it together, man.
Jace couldn’t shake the bad feeling in his gut. When things became serious, they never ended well. He’d taken the long road to get there, but Jace finally admitted to himself that he loved her. Unfortunately, loving Violet James was not an option. And that was exactly why he had to let her go. The sooner the better.
Violet asked him something about making dinner plans and he ignored her.
“Why do you always shut down when I try to make plans for the next day?” she asked, folding up her table.
Jace sighed. “I’m not…okay. Well, maybe I am. Look, Vi, I don’t want you to make more out of this than it is. I can’t make a commitment to you…or anyone. I just don’t want you getting the wrong idea.”
Violet leaned her table against the wall and wondered where Jace was coming from. She was always throwing out the words “it’s just sex” to remind him and herself that she was under no false illusions about their quote unquote relationship. She knew good and well what the deal was. Why was he bringing it up?
“Right,” she told Jace. “Let me tell you the idea I have. I like being around you. I love sleeping with you and I want to know if you’d like me to bring a pizza over tomorrow. You have to eat, don’t you? It’s not like I’m asking you to put a ring on my finger.”
“No, you already have that,” he snapped.
The words were like a punch to the stomach and she hissed in a breath. “That’s a low blow, Jace.”
“Yeah, but it’s the truth.” He raked his hands through his hair and sighed. “Look, Vi, I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea about me. About us.”
“Are you sure about that? Or do you not want to give yourself the wrong idea?”
Oooh. That hit a nerve.
As always, she was right. Jace was starting to get way too comfortable with her and knew he had to sabotage their quote unquote relationship somehow before one of them got hurt.
He stayed silent and she didn’t wait for his reply. “I know it’s just sex, Jace, but we’ve gotta eat sometime between the orgasms.”
“You should probably go.”
“Is that what you really want?”
“I don’t know, Vi. All I know is that next week when they clear me to play I have to focus and get my head back in the game.”
“Do you think you’re ready to go back?” she asked. “How’s your shoulder?” She knew how rigorous the game was and how the players often sacrificed their bodies for the sake of it. It was a viscous cycle.
“Yeah.” He rotated his shoulder to back up his statement. “It feels better than it has in a long time. Thanks to you,” he added.
“Oh, well, I was just doing my job…most of the time.”
They grinned at each other, their little spat forgotten. For now.
She went to him and ran her hand over the shoulder in question. “Are you sure you’re ready?”
“Yeah. It’s still sore sometimes, but I can play through the pain.”
“Why would you do that to yourself?”
He sighed. “Vi, I’d play with it hanging out of the socket if I had to.”
“The game means that much to you,” she said, not questioning him further.
“Yes it does.”
He couldn’t explain to her how the game of hockey made him feel. How cutting through the ice on his skates was his heartbeat and gave him a thrill every time he did it. How the roar of the crowd was his lifeline. How shooting the puck was his blood. How the smell of the ice, the taste of his own blood in his mouth, the sound of his s
tick on the ice were his oxygen. His teammates were his brothers. And the clock on the scoreboard represented life. It wasn’t something that could be explained to someone who’d never played hockey before. A lot of people wouldn’t be able to understand why an athlete let themselves be battered by the game and keep coming back for more. But it was in their blood.
Jace had made plenty of mistakes in his life, but hockey had been the one thing he did right.
The doctor’s warning echoed in his head. “One more hit like that and the muscle will probably tear.”
“What is it that you want out of life, Violet James?” Jace asked, silencing the voices in his head.
She pondered the question before answering thoughtfully. “Well, I always wanted my own business and to work for myself. It’s something I worked my ass off for. Now that I can check that off my list…” She thought some more. “I want passion. Spontaneity. I want someone to want me as much as I want them. And I want to grow old with them.” She looked over at him and smirked. “You sure got awfully quiet.”
“Why are you with him, Vi? Really? Besides the fact that he played hero to your dad once.”
“I gave him my word.”
Was that really enough of a reason?
Sheesh. He was one to talk. He’d prolonged his hockey career way beyond its shelf life just because he was too stubborn to admit it was over and hang up his skates for good.
“I know what I don’t want out of life,” Violet continued. “It’s becoming clearer to me. All Phillip does is work and I don’t want to be like that, working my life away and not getting to ever enjoy anything. Sure, I want a career I love, but I also want to set my own schedule and take time off to do what I want to do.” She looked at him, waiting for a comment.
“Hey,” he chuckled, putting his palms up. “You’re talking to someone who plays a game for a living and has summers off.”
“What do you want out of life?” Violet asked, turning the tables on him.
“I don’t know,” he answered, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden. “To play until my shoulder gives out and then…” And then what? Without hockey in the equation everything was an unknown.
“Is that why you’ve isolated yourself out here?”
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