by Dale Mayer
“You’re uncomfortable.” This time, she raised her puzzled gaze up at him. “I imagine it’s demeaning. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not demeaning. You didn’t ask. I offered. Big difference. Sorry my humor was off the mark. I’m fine. I’m just lying here. You’ve hardly touched me.”
She took a step back, and he recognized the mood had been broken. “Okay, I’m going to sit up.” She watched as he swung his legs around and sat on the edge of the bed. “Now, come closer. I want you to sit on my lap.”
Her gaze shot up to meet his. “Yes, that’s a normal request. You’ll see lots of girls sitting on their guy’s laps in a park, at a party, at any place and any time.” He smiled engagingly. “It’s a good experience.” He opened his arms wide. “Just sit down.”
She looked like she wanted to, but the fear and the uncertainty was keeping her at bay.
He opened his arms. “Come on, Tinkerbelle. Just sit down.”
She winced. “I’m being an idiot, aren’t I?”
“Yes,” he said, delighted when a laugh was forced from her. She took a step and plunked her tiny butt on his left thigh. “Wow, don’t you have any cushion on you?”
“Not much.”
She bounced ever so slightly and then shook her head. “Damn rock. So not comfortable.”
“Maybe, but look instead at what you’ve done,” he pointed out quietly.
His breath was almost lifting her hair, she was so close. She turned to speak and realized they were almost eye level and her mouth was almost touching his. And she froze.
Then she did something that almost broke his heart.
She said in a small voice, barely above a whisper, “Can I touch you again? There’s something I want to do.”
His eyebrows shot up. He was curious but trying to stay calm enough to give her the courage she needed, so he nodded. “Absolutely.”
Her eyes locked on his for a moment as if to make sure he was serious, then damn if she didn’t lean in and place her lips against his in a Tinkerbelle of a kiss.
He was stunned. That this foray into touching could lead to something more intimate had obviously crossed his mind, but he hadn’t expected it to. He hurt knowing what Tinkerbelle had been through, but like she said, it had been a long time ago. Maybe not so painful as it would have been if the attack had been recent, but still ready to ruin her life in so many ways. An insidious poison that attacked at odd times.
He had seen her come so far in such a short time, and he appreciated that a lot of what had been missing in her life was an opportunity to move forward. Somehow, he’d become that opportunity.
Had Jenna predicted this turn of events? Surely not.
And just what did he want to do with this new job role? The priority was for Tinkerbelle not to get hurt, and that meant what? Not physically hurt? Not emotionally hurt? Both?
Did he want to be her opportunity? His body tightened, and he groaned silently. Damn it. He was male. Of course he wanted to bed her. But there was no guarantee he’d be putting himself through anything but exquisite torture and no satisfaction, other than what he’d give himself at the end of the day.
But this wasn’t about him, and it wasn’t about getting something out of this. It was about Tinkerbelle.
He sat in the chair, his mind consumed with that brush of her lips on his, when she did it again.
He sighed and let his lips open.
She stilled.
“Nice,” he murmured so as not to scare her.
He opened his eyes and watched hers get bigger, but inside, deep inside, was a hunger he knew well. A hunger for what she’d never had. A hunger for what she really wanted. A physical hunger for a simple, caring touch, a sexual hunger to explore her own needs and an emotional hunger to no longer be on the outside of a relationship.
A hunger for freedom from this huge issue in her life.
And damn if he didn’t feel many of those same hungers, too.
Then she lowered her head and kissed him a third time.
Chapter 13
Tania knew she shouldn’t be doing this. For her sake, she wanted to continue forever because it felt wonderful, but she knew this had to be difficult for him. He didn’t even know her, and here she was, using his body, his maleness, as some kind of educational toy. And damn if he wasn’t perfect for the job.
With a sad sigh, she pulled back. “I should stop.”
He kept his eyes closed, but his lips quirked. “Why? You haven’t even started yet.”
“Not fair, I kissed you.”
“Ha,” he mocked. “That wasn’t a kiss.”
She stared at him, curiosity in her eyes. Her mouth opened then closed again. As if unable to keep the words back, she said, “What’s a kiss then?”
He opened his eyes and asked, “Do you not know?”
She flushed but faced him bravely. “Only what I’ve seen in movies or read in books.”
“Romance books,” he teased.
Her cheeks warmed. “Maybe.”
“They aren’t exactly realistic.”
“True. But I already had a hefty dose of realism in my life, thank you.” She stood up and walked to the window.
“Come on, sweetheart. I’m working really hard to not touch you and scare you away, so please don’t let the odd comment do the same thing.”
She turned around to study him. “Do you want to touch me?”
His eyebrows shot up and he snorted. “Of course.”
She shook her head. “There’s no ‘of course’ about it.”
“Come here.”
She took a tentative step forward, but indecision warred inside. Then she took another; in for a penny, in for a pound, or whatever the old saying was. If she was going to get anywhere, she had to step over these barriers. She walked closer until she stood in front of him. Slowly, he closed his knees, caging her in front of him. Her heart raced and she stared down at the tiny prison and stepped back. And he let her.
She took a shaky breath. “You know I can’t stand to be held prisoner, right? Held down…” Her gaze bored into his, making sure he understood. “That force, that kind of strength and restraint will send me running…”
He opened his arms. “Sweetheart, have I done anything to cross the line?”
She shook her head.
“And I won’t.”
“How do I know that? What if you get angry, or sexually aroused…” she left that last bit hanging as once again her cheeks fired up.
“Meaning you think I’m likely to get so aroused that I’ll rape you?”
There. It was out in the open. “No, I don’t think you’d do that, but my mind and my body have a disconnect when it comes to this issue.”
“Understood.” His voice leveled off as if he fought some internal issue. “What exactly are we looking at here?”
She swallowed. “Pardon?”
“No, we’re dancing around here, but let’s lay it on the line. I’m a straight kind of guy. Are you wanting to have sex?” His gaze pinned her in place, delving deeper into her mind until she felt his presence inside. So deep inside, she swore he was in her body already.
“What I want and what I can do are two different things.”
“So let’s start with what you want.”
“I want it all. I want sex, to enjoy sex, to be able to please my partner during sex.”
The words slipped out so fast – there was no holding back with this man. She didn’t know how it happened, but she was starting to care for him, maybe because he was being so gentle with her.
“And now the ‘what can you do’ part,” he said.
She waved her hand at him. “Only what we’ve been doing.”
“Except that yesterday, this morning even, you would have said this wasn’t something you could do because it hadn’t happened yet. Now if we go a little further, it will put what you can do closer in line with what you want to do.”
“A little further?” she swallowed hard. “Like how much fu
rther?”
*
He didn’t know if he was using the right tactic, but it seemed important for her to push her line back a little further. She’d come a huge distance already, and if he was to list all of the first steps she’d taken today, it would probably surprise her – possibly scare her. So far, she’d done all the touching; he’d just been a male form for her to test her gossamer wings on. He was so much more, but she wasn’t ready to see it, and maybe he wasn’t ready to offer it.
He had no problems initiating her into lovemaking. He’d rather that than straight sex, and whether she understood it or not, she couldn’t go through this process without having some feelings for the person she’d shared the journey with.
Was she prepared for that? Or would her own emotional overload not allow her to recognize it for a long time? He admired what she was trying to do. Understood the need in so many ways. And could see himself caring for her – deeply. What a quagmire. If he did want to pursue this and she wasn’t able to take these next steps, was he prepared to stick around when sex wasn’t going to be part of the equation? At least, not for a long time? He was no fool. Nor was he a teenager. He’d been married. He had loved and been loved, but there was no doubt a healthy, happy sex life had enhanced their relationship. To think of one without a sexual element…well, if he was honest, he wasn’t sure he could do it.
And that didn’t make him feel good. He was a sexual male in his prime, but he was starting to wonder if he wasn’t still an immature male emotionally. How did one mature in that way – if it wasn’t through moments like this? Through strife and pain. Well, he’d had a lot of pain…had he grown from it, or had he become stuck in his anger, unwilling to move past it?
Damn Jenna after all.
Maybe he was exactly where he needed to be, helping Tania resolve her demons. In the very act of helping her deal with her demons, he just might find that his only existed because he’d been keeping them alive.
Because it was easier.
It was easier because then he wouldn’t have to trust anyone again.
And therefore couldn’t be hurt at the level his ex-wife had gutted him.
If he ever needed proof of courage and need to trust, he only had to look at Tania. She’d already made bigger steps than he had in a direction he couldn’t imagine having to deal with. And he’d been sitting inside his petty corner, refusing to come out because of someone who was no longer in his life.
What the hell?
How and when had he given away his power – and to her, his ex-wife – of all people?
Then he looked at Tania. Sure, she’d had more years to get over her trauma than he’d had, but since it had been such a physical violation, she had so many other issues to deal with.
And look at how well she was stepping up to the plate.
How could he do any less?
Chapter 14
Tania could barely breathe, waiting for his answer. An answer she received in the form of a half-smile. “In the spirit of cooperation and experimentation, what would be the next step you’d like to take?”
She frowned, looked away, and then glanced back at him. She gave him a little smile. “You could kiss me.”
He grinned. “My pleasure.” He stood up until he towered over her. Her gaze widened in shock and she swallowed. “Uhm, that’s not going to work.”
His grin widened. In a sudden move, he flipped her so she was standing on the bed looking down at him. She shrieked.
Surprised at the suddenness of the movement, she reached out and put her hands on his shoulders for stability.
“This isn’t going to work, either.” She shook her head. “You’re too tall.”
Kane shook his head at her innocence. He sat down and patted his knee. “Then you’d better sit back down again.”
She frowned, jumped off the bed, and sat down again.
At his smirk, she glared. “What’s so funny?”
“You. You let me pick you up, turn you around, and you willingly grabbed onto me to stop yourself from falling. Now you’re back sitting on my knee. See what you’ve become accustomed to so quickly?”
Her mind turned his comment upside and downside as she realized he was correct. She hadn’t flinched when he’d lifted her. She had shrieked instead, but it wasn’t due to fear.
Not from him.
“I’m not scared of you,” she said, wonder in her voice. “You’re big enough to squash me flat without thinking about it, but you wouldn’t. At least, not to me. At least not right now.”
“Never.” He slid his hand up her slender back – gently, soft, indomitable. When he reached her neck, he squeezed ever so slightly and nudged her head forward. “Kiss me.”
“I thought you were going to kiss me instead.”
Their eyes met, locked, and heat coursed through her. She wanted to kiss him – wanted his lips on hers, wanted to feel whatever he could make her feel. His mouth so close to her own, his breath mingled with hers when he whispered, “Kiss me.”
His words washed over her as her eyes drifted closed and she leaned in, placing her lips on his.
Instantly, the hand behind her head gentled and his lips moved on hers, taking a taste of her like he hadn’t before. He brushed his lips back and forth, his tongue sliding across her sensitized skin.
“Open for me.”
The words filtered through the haze in her mind, tugging at her to understand them – but she didn’t want to. She pressed her lips harder against his. He slipped his tongue out. Her mouth blossomed under his, taking, sharing, needing as much as he gave her. She followed his lead and gave back every bit of the pleasure he was giving her.
She lost track of time…of place…of purpose. There was only one thing in her world right now – Kane’s mouth.
His tongue stroked, teased, and tasted. She sighed and sagged against him.
He trailed kisses down the side of her cheek, to her ear, and down the nape of her neck. She shivered, shifting to give him better access. He could have anything he wanted as long as he kept this up. In the background, someone was moaning, a sound that excited her almost as much as Kane’s seductive touch. Then she realized the moans were hers.
And then she recognized something else – her arms were wrapped around his neck and she no longer sat on his knee. Instead, she was curled sideways in his lap.
She shifted slightly to look up into his face as he lowered his head and dropped a soul-stealing kiss on her.
She melted.
“You are lethal,” she whispered when she could.
“Not me, you. Us. Together. Soooo…good.”
He lowered his head again.
And she met him halfway. In fact, she was dying to taste him. After a lifetime of doing without and living with the fear of never getting to experience this and having someone here with her, having someone who was willing to let her experiment and had the advantage of being seriously hot felt so very good – she was a dying woman lost in a cloud of sensuality.
She wished it could go on forever.
He pulled back slightly. She whimpered and tried to tug him back down toward her. When he didn’t budge, she opened her eyes slowly, loving the look in his eyes, like he was enjoying himself with someone he cared about. Such an addictive look.
“Hey,” she whispered. Not wanting to move, she rested her head against his shoulder.
“Hey, yourself.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “How are you doing?”
“Better than okay. Good thing I didn’t discover kissing when I was in high school – I’d never have shown up for class.”
Laughter rumbled through his chest. “I had that exact same problem.”
“Ha! I’m surprised anyone goes at all if they understand this is an option.”
“Which is why mothers don’t want their daughters to find out too early.”
“And why guys can’t get enough?” She grinned, her bones relaxed, her mind empty, just enjoying the moment. And she wished she could sta
y like this.
He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close. She froze at the unexpected movement then relaxed.
“Okay?”
“Okay, but I think that might have been a hug. Not sure as I haven’t experienced a lot of them in my life.” And she hadn’t in many years. Her mother and sisters weren’t demonstrative, not cold, just not the touchy feely kind of people. She was now wondering if Kane was. She’d loved her father dearly, but she hadn’t been able to be around him for a long time. The strain had destroyed her parents’ marriage. He’d stayed close for a long time but had been transferred back East years ago. She’d told him to go. It was better this way, knowing he was hoping for more and she had no more to give…
She hadn’t finished speaking when she was engulfed in another hug, but there was no fear.
He eased his arms back. “There, a hug. Although they are even better when standing up.”
At his comment, her eyes popped open and she was already bouncing to her feet.
Laughing, he stood and wrapped his arms around her in a gentle hug.
And they stayed like that for a long time.
Until Tania’s phone went off.
*
Kane hated when technology intruded. Tania reached for her phone, saw she had a text, and gasped. “Oh, no. We’re late for dinner.”
“Really?” Kane reached for his own phone and whistled long and low. “Okay, I had no idea it was so late.” In fact, hours appeared to have disappeared on them. “Let’s go before we miss out entirely.”
He walked toward the door only to realize she wasn’t following. “Tania?”
“I’m coming. I just…” Tania sighed. “I just don’t want them all to know.”
“Know what?” He glanced at his watch, ushered her out the door, and locked it behind him. “We’re supposed to be working on our project. So we worked a little late. No one is going to know anything unless you say so.”
“I’ve never been any good at lying,” she muttered.
“No need to lie. We haven’t been doing anything wrong.” He opened the stairway doors. “Act natural. No one is staring at us. No one cares. Remember that.”