She’s too much. I need to pull her over my knee and spank her ass because she needs to learn not to play around with guys this way. If she acted this way with anyone but me, they probably would have her bare ass naked and fucking the shit out of her right now. Hell, it could be me reading things wrong again. I’ve been reading too many of Mimi’s erotic novels. In those books, women always mean everything sexually. Shit, I need therapy.
“Let’s watch this movie,” I say.
Oakley scoots over next to me and lays her head in my lap.
If I were any other guy. I shake my head. I need a one oh one in how to read women because I suck at it here lately. Maybe it was only the one time with Lizzie, but it made me gun shy and Oakley is practically my little sister. I know she doesn’t mean anything by all of this, so, why is my dick reacting? Luther Kane needs to be a good boy right now if ever he has.
After we finish watching the movie, I stand up, stretch, and yawn. “I need to be getting home, I’ve got another early morning.”
“Can’t you stay? Kane, I don’t want to be alone.” Oakley’s eyes start to glisten.
“Come here,” I pull her in for a hug. “We’ve been through this. You know I can’t stay in your dorm with you.” I gently stroke her hair.
“You never gave me a good reason.”
“Oakley, you have to get used to staying on your own. This’s a step in helping you heal and move on from the death of your parents.”
“My roommates will actually be in the dorms tomorrow, please, Kane, one night, I’ll never ask for anything again.” She pulls away from me, but keeps a hold of my hands.
“I can’t, Oakley.”
“That’s not a good reason, Kane.”
“Yes, it’s a very good reason. You can’t ask guys for stuff like this, Little Sister, they’ll expect more from you than just sleep and snuggling. Not everyone will treat you like a sibling.”
“But not you, Kane. You said you’d always be here for me when I needed you. I need you. I don’t want to be alone.”
She’s not making this easy. I rub my hand down my face, letting out a long breath. How am I going to get out of this and make her happy, too? This is a no win situation; she needs girlfriends.
“You can do this, Oakley, because you’re a strong confident woman. It’s time for you to start showing everyone else what I see in you. It’s time for you to see it in yourself. You’ll never know how strong you actually are if you never give yourself the opportunity to be that way,” I say.
“You think I’m strong?” she whispers.
“Yes, I do. You need reminding every once in a while, but you’ve got this.” I take her face in my hands and kiss her cheek. “I’m proud of how far you’ve come.”
“I can do this. Thank you, Kane. You’re right, I just needed to hear it.”
2
Oakley
Three Days later
I’m sitting with my new roommates in the tiny space that connects our rooms and we’re sharing a pizza. Instead of a dinette, we’ve opted for a love seat and two beanbag chairs. I’m so glad this arrangement’s just temporary; I can’t see the four of us sharing that one tiny bathroom for long. Privacy is a concept that is unknown to me right now. We’ve been together for the last couple of days, and that bathroom is not holding up to our abuse. Some people, a.k.a. Piper, are going to have to get over taking their sweet ass time getting ready. I’m not going to class or anywhere else looking like a hot mess.
What’s worse is trying to figure out how I’m going to get any studying done when my roommates are around. Noelle’s always singing like Beyoncé, belting out songs twenty-four seven. Not that the girl can’t sing, she has an angelic set of pipes on her, but I already have a hard enough time concentrating because I’m always thinking about Quinn.
As soon as Clay gets around to helping me find one, I’m getting a small apartment, and Quinn’s going to move in with me. Although Clay doesn’t know that part, yet. He and Lizzie aren’t married and they’re playing house, and I’m only three and a half years younger than them. Besides, Clay isn’t my dad, and it’s about time I let him know it. I’m almost nineteen, I’m away at college, and it’s time for me to live a little. Quinn might have to live there behind Clay’s and Cash’s back, but dammit, I’m grown.
“So, Oakley, tell us about your family back home. Do you have a boyfriend waiting for you?” Noelle asks. She is a beautiful blonde, who plops down in a zebra striped beanbag chair.
“Hmm, where to start…” I say. What do I really want to tell these girls? “Well, since I’m a country girl, I’ll jump into my version of a country nightmare.”
“Girl, I’m all country, too. There’s nothing wrong with being country. To me, it just means you work hard, and you like to play a little harder.” Sandy, the most down to Earth in the group, says.
“Well, I’m just saying y'all ain’t going to believe the shit that has gone down in my life over the last year. I’ll skip the part where we find out my daddy had a second family, and how that tidbit of information drove my mama mad.” I move my hair behind my ears and get a little lost in my own thoughts. My mom couldn’t get over the fact, for their entire marriage, she was the other woman. She wasn’t in her right mind when it happened; depression does crazy things to your head.
“Damn, that’s some effed up shit.” Piper takes a bite of her pizza.
“Don’t I know it. Anyway, they’ve uh, both have passed away now.” The scenes of that night run through my head. Mom grabbing her Ladies Smith and Wesson that Daddy bought for her to feel safe when he was away on tour. Mom waving the gun around, saying how she could never trust him again. Both fighting for control of the revolver when…. I wipe a tear away in hopes no one noticed it.
Sandy moves a little closer to me and puts her arm around my shoulders, and my other two roommates have stopped eating.
“That’s not a country thing, that’s an episode of Jerry Springer,” Noelle says.
I think she’s trying to lighten the mood in the room, and I say as nonchalantly as I can, “Mama didn’t mean to kill Daddy. The gun went off somehow.” I take a drink of my water. This is my first time to say these words to anyone. I look down at my half eaten piece of pizza; I don’t think I’ll be able to finish the pizza or the rest of this story.
“She…” I take a deep breath. “Afterward, she stood there shaking uncontrollably.” I’m suddenly back to that day.
“What have I done? Oh, my God in heaven, what have I done?” Mama cried out. She looked over at us terrified then down at the gun in her hand and back at Daddy. I think Clay was in shock, I know I was. I was frozen; it wasn’t real. Daddy was going to get up any minute. I shake my head, pleading for the memories to go away. I can feel the attack coming on.
“My goodness, Oakley, are you okay, sweetie?” Sandy asks. “You’re shaking all over.”
I nod. “Yeah.” Mama had already been having a hard time because she was so depressed, but that sent her over the edge. I remember the next part, the part I still struggle with. Mama letting a single tear roll down her red cheeks before shutting her eyes and turning the gun on herself and…. I can’t look at any of them; I can’t talk about this to them. I don’t know them. How could I tell them about my screwed up life? I get up from the love seat and throw my plate in the garbage. I feel the cold sweat that these memories always bring pop out on the back of my neck then trickle down my back.
I have to get out of here. I can’t take the staring and the wanting to know the details that will leave them pitying me. I feel the all too familiar bile rising in my throat. I can’t think back on that day without getting physically ill. I jerk open the door and run down the hallway to the communal bathroom. I’m barely inside a stall before I lose my lunch, as the tears roll down my face. My body starts jerking and I lose control.
“I’m so freaking tired of this shit! Why did you leave me?” I scream at the top of my lungs. I’m so empty, a hollowed out shell of the perso
n I used to be. How long is this supposed to last? It’s been close to a year. After emptying my stomach again, I slide down the stall door, pulling my knees up to my chest. I feel useless, alone, and forgotten.
I always do so much better when Quinn’s around. He can read me, and he has the ability to get my mind on other things. Anxiety is virtually undetectable. There isn’t a fever or a rash that shows up when I’m having an attack. It’s like my own personal form of cancer running through my body. My own hell I face alone, because that’s what I am, alone, unless I’m with Quinn.
Quinn and I started dating shortly after the beginning of our senior year of high school. I was in a new state, new school, and newly orphaned. To say I was in need of a friend is an understatement. Him, Raelynn, and of course Kane are the only reasons I’ve managed to cope this last year. It felt natural when Quinn asked me to be his girlfriend because we were such good friends already. That’s about all we’ve been. There hasn’t been a whole lot on the romance front, but I love him just the same. I think now that we’re in college we’ll take things to the next level.
I’ll be so glad when he gets back from his ROTC boot camp. He’s hoping to be accepted into some kind of professional program the Air Force has, so he’ll make some money while he goes to school. He’s supposed to be back next weekend, and that won’t be soon enough for me.
In the meantime, I’m going to send Kane a text. Thankfully, I keep my phone in my back pocket. Kane’s been a lot of help getting me through my sadness and spontaneous tears this past year.
My brother Clay threw himself into work and then his girlfriend, Lizzie, after our parents’ accident. I had no one, at least no one my age I connected with and could talk to about what was going on in my life. Not that I’m blaming Clay, he’s a wonderful big brother, a little too over protective at times but still wonderful. Clay had so much going on at the time he really didn’t have time for me. Besides, who would want to deal with a moping teenager anyway?
I pull my phone from my back pocket, shoot Kane a quick message, and hope he’s available.
Oakley: Hey, you busy?
Kane: Little Sister! How the hell are you?
Oakley: I’m fine, I was hoping you were around, and we could catch a movie or go out to eat.
Kane: Yeah, I’m around. I’m never too busy for you. What time do you want me to pick you up?
Oakley: I need about fifteen minutes, and I’ll be ready.
Kane: Okay, I’ll see you soon.
Oakley: Sweet, thanks.
I dread going back into my suite; I hate that they’ll be psychoanalyzing me now until I move out. God, I can’t live in the dorms. I need space. Not to mention some peace and quiet. I slowly open the stall door and peek out into the bathroom. I’m alone. Thank you, Jesus. I move to the sink and splash cold water on my face. I check out my clothes, making sure nothing gross got on them while communing at the altar of the porcelain gods, before heading back to my room.
I stand outside the door for a couple of minutes and listen. I don’t hear anything, so I proceed inside. The common area is vacant, and I let out a sigh of relief. My peace is short lived as I open the door to the room I share with Noelle, to find Sandy is sitting on my bed, looking at her cell phone.
When Sandy notices me, she stands and walks over to me, “Oakley, are you okay? I wanted to check on you, but I thought you might need a few minutes alone. I want to let you know I’m here if you ever need someone. You know a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, really just anything. I’m alone here, too. My family is in Chicago and none of my friends chose to come here. So, I’m in need of a friend, too.” She gives me a soft smile and a hug.
“Thank you.” I sniffle. “I think we’re going be great friends, but I really can’t talk about all of this right now. I know it’s been almost a year, and I know I should be able to talk about them without getting sick…” I shake my head, looking down. I draw my lips into a tight line, trying to fight back the tears that are burning my eyes. I don’t dare look at her, in fear I will break down again.
“Did you want to grab a coffee or something?” Sandy asks.
“Kane’s on his way to pick me up. We’re going to spend the afternoon together, but thanks, maybe we can do something tomorrow.”
“Kane? Is he your boyfriend?”
“Kane? No, he’s just a friend. I’ve known him my whole life, and he even calls me little sister,” I tell her with a laugh.
I hear a knock on the door. Kane must already be here. I open the door, and he's standing there with one arm propped on the doorframe. He has on his sunglasses. I swear he’s a vampire or something because he always has those Wayfarers on his face.
Kane straightens, pulling off his glasses, and opens his arms wide for a hug. “Little Sister, are you okay?” he asks then wraps me in a tight hug. “You look like you’ve been crying. Whose ass do I need to kick?”
“Mine. Yeah, I guess so. I had another come apart; I was trying to talk about the day…” I tell him quietly, looking down.
“Awe, I’m here now. Oakley, you can call me anytime,” he says.
“Come in.” I pull him inside by his hand. “I haven’t even had a chance to wash my face. Plus, you need to meet my friend.”
“Hey, I’m Kane,” he says, giving her his sweet smile.
“I’m Sandy, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Kane.” Sandy’s eyes are sparkling, and she blushes just a little.
“Nice to meet you, too, Sandy. Go get ready, Oak, Sandy can keep me entertained.” He lifts his eyebrows and gives a little smirk.
I’m sure with her long blonde hair and curvy figure; Sandy turns a lot of heads. “Kane, you be nice to Sandy. She is my best friend here, and I don’t need you screwing that up for me,” I tell him quietly as I walk by him to the bathroom.
Kane gives me a surprised look, “Who? Me? Have I ever done anything like that to you before? I’d never do anything to hurt you, Oakley.” Kane says loud enough for Sandy to hear.
I grab some fresh clothes before I head to the bathroom to get ready; it won’t take me long since it’s just Kane. I’m just going to pull my hair up, wash my face, and brush my teeth. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pull it out and check it.
Quinn:Hey, I’ve got a couple of minutes between sessions, and I wanted to check on my girl.
Oakley: Hey, it’s so good to hear from you. I’m great, but I miss you.
Quinn:I miss you, too, sweetheart. I’ll be back next weekend.
Oakley: I love you. Hurry back to me, I can’t do all of this without you.
Quinn: Love you, too, sweetheart. You won’t have to do anything without me, I’ll be there with you. Gotta run, but I’ll talk to you again soon.
Oakley: Love you, stay safe.
Quinn: Stay sweet, love you, too.
3
Kane
I’ve had my small production company, SugarKane Productions, for a couple of years. I’ve managed to keep it on the down low from all of my friends. Only Ruby, my Mimi knows. I use my first name, Luther, with the people who work for me, it’s not like we run in the same social groups anyway. My friends know me as Kane. I want to keep all the parts of my life separate. Everyone in their cubbyhole. It makes my life easier and neater.
Oakley called me during a set and I had to call for a wrap. Of course, none of them cared; they’ll all get their full day’s pay. She calls. I go running. It’s been that way since she was little. I’ll continue to be here for her until the day I die. Clay can warn me all he wants to stay from him and his family, but when it comes to staying away from Oakley, we have a problem. Someone needs to be there for her, now more than ever.
What astonishes me is how everyone else is so clueless to what is going on inside her. Can they not see her hurting? Going through Hell is bad enough but having the people closest to you not even realizing it would be unbearable. That’s why I can’t leave her.
“Now that we’re alone, Little Sister, do you want to talk a
bout what’s going on in that head?” We’re sitting in my car because I want to talk to her about these panic attacks she’s having before we go anywhere.
“No, let’s catch a movie or something. I don’t want to think about all of that again.” She runs her hands through her hair.
“I think it’s time you give more thought about talking to someone.”
“I can’t, Kane, I’m scared, scared that I can’t do it alone. If that makes me sound like a little kid, then so be it.”
“I know we’ve all at one point or another encouraged you to get some help, but Oakley, I really think you need to. It doesn’t mean you're weak or crazy. It means you’re smart enough to realize that you have a problem and that you need help working through it.”
“I can handle it, Kane. It’s only when I feel forced to talk about that day.”
“Who tried to force you to talk about it? Your roommates? Do I need to go over and talk to them?” I say, narrowing my eyes.
“Honestly, they didn’t technically force me. We were all sitting around getting to know each other and they asked about my family. The question just sent me right back to that day. I remembered everything. My insides were quivering. Like I was back there in the house. I swear I could hear the gunshots, smell the gunpowder, and see the blood splatter as if it were happening all over again.”
“That’s why you need to talk with someone, I’ll take you to every single appointment. I’ll there for you before and after. Whatever you need, I just want you to get better.”
“I don’t want Clay and all of them to know about this. It’s embarrassing enough that it happens and I have to call you.” She sniffles a little.
“Hey, now. You don’t have to be embarrassed around me. I care about you. We’ve been friends forever,” I tell her.
“Kane, why are you so good to me?” She leans toward me.
Love Me ~ Through the Storm Page 2