by Len Webster
The truth was heartbreak was a piece of shit.
It lingered even when he said for it to go.
It stayed long after a heartbeat.
Stayed longer than the breath of air he had just taken.
It had stayed.
A knock on his front door had him turning his head to it. He ignored it only for the person on the other side to knock again. They weren’t loud bangs but light taps.
“Margot, I have someone at my door. I gotta go,” he interrupted.
“Did you even hear what I was saying?” she asked as he got up off the couch.
“No,” he answered honestly.
Margot sighed. “You’re hopeless. Fine, answer the door. Call me later when you’ll actually listen to me. The sister that is always right. Love you, Coop.”
“I love you, too, Margie.” He hung up once he’d reached the door. Cooper slid his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and then twisted the door handle.
He froze when he found Peyton at his doorstep.
“Peyton,” he breathed. “What are you doing here?”
Cooper didn’t live in town; he lived a short drive and a far walk from Peyton. He peered past her to find a silver Volkswagen Golf parked by the curb. She had driven, and he was glad she did. Because if she had walked, he’d haul her into his Range Rover and drive her home.
Glancing down at her, she wore a pair of black skinny jeans and a pale yellow chiffon top. Her light brown hair was tied up in a ponytail. But what caught his attention was the fine line her lips had made.
“I have something to say to you.”
“Okay. Did you want to come in?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No, thank you. I’ll be quick. You, Cooper Hepburn, led me on.”
His shoulders went slack.
It was true, he had.
At that moment, Peyton’s eyes became watery and she clenched her eyes shut and groaned as if she hated that she was getting emotional. After a deep breath, she opened her eyes, and he saw the hurt and anger in them.
“You kissed me and made me believe you felt something towards me.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Peyton, I shouldn’t have done that to you,” he said, hoping he sounded believable. “I don’t blame you for hating me.”
She let out a sigh. “I don’t hate you, Cooper. I’m mad at you. Do you know how much it hurt to hear you say no to me? I mean, I should never assume, but I thought you felt something. I felt something. But I was sure you did after you kissed me.”
She felt something.
That only confused Cooper more. “But … you looked horrified. You didn’t say anything and then you let Mads take you away.”
“You surprised me. No one’s …” She paused. “No one’s kissed me in over a year. It was a lot to process. Mads thought I was going to have an emotional breakdown, and she didn’t want you to see that. I came back to find you, but you had already left the festival.”
She came to find me.
Christ, I’m an idiot.
“But that doesn’t matter anymore,” she said in a small voice.
“What?” he asked, horrified.
“I went through four and a half years of what-could-have-been. I never spoke up and I regret that. So I’m not going to do that this time. Not with you. I had so much faith in you. I’ve been through a lot, and I haven’t told you, but I wanted to. I overcame a lot to have the confidence to stand here and confront you. Because I didn’t with him. So yeah, you’re different, Cooper. And I like that about you. From the moment I met you, I have felt something towards you. This pull. I don’t know what it is. But I thought you felt it, too. No one has even attempted to spend time with me other than Mads and Graham. People treat me as if I’m fragile and going to explode any second. But I’m not. You didn’t treat me like that.
“You’re perfect. I love the way you talk about your sisters. I love how you get nervous sometimes and scratch your beard. I love how you look at me and see strength when I know there’s none there. You see the me I want to be. Others see this traumatised girl. You were perfect. I’ve never, in my entire life, asked someone out on a date. I shouldn’t take it personally, but I do. And that makes me feel horrible. I have no right to demand you care about me, but you shouldn’t have led me to believe that you do. That’s not fair. You could have been my forever. I never thought of you as my sometimes. I guess I was wrong about you.”
Peyton wiped away the tears that had run down her cheeks.
She had actually cried.
“Peyton—”
She shook her head at him, halting him from taking a step towards her. Peyton said nothing as she spun around and made her way towards her car.
He should stop her from leaving.
Stop her from getting into her car and taking away his chance at redemption.
Instead, Cooper’s feet remained where he stood, watching as Peyton Spencer got in her car and drove back towards town.
Peyton claims I’m perfect.
The skies were grey when he had left his cottage. Cooper had decided that an early morning walk to town and around the lake was what he needed before he started work. After Peyton had left yesterday, he couldn’t focus on work. He had stayed up late, trying to figure a way to fix his mistakes.
But nothing.
Her tears haunted him.
Each time he closed his eyes, they were vivid visions before him.
Later tonight, when he would call Margot, he would actually listen. Margot might be demanding and pushy, but she spoke a lot of sense. In fact, out of all the Hepburn children, she was the one who had an abundance of it. Cooper lacked a lot of it. Especially around Peyton.
When he reached the bottom of the small cliff, he looked out at the parts of the lake he could see. It was beautiful even in such dreary weather, and he took a moment to appreciate the sight. His contract would be over in about nine months, and he’d say goodbye to it. But he didn’t want to. No. He’d stay in Daylesford to be with Peyton. If she’d let him. He didn’t want Warren Meadows. Didn’t want to live in the stereotypical bubble.
Shoving his hands into his grey trackies, Cooper began his walk around the lake, taking in the trees that grew like canopies above him. It was just another charm of Daylesford. Everything about this small town was sweet and beautiful. As he continued his stroll around the lake, someone standing on the pier caught his attention. He had never seen anyone on it in the months that he had been in town. Cooper stopped and squinted, recognising who it was in an instant.
With a heavy exhale, he stepped onto the wooden pier and walked towards her. She was looking at the water. He was sure she was aware of his presence; the creaking of the wooden planks with each step he made was a loud indication. When he stopped next to her, Cooper stared out at the almost foggy lake. He could just see the ducks and the small different coloured boats from the boathouse.
“Do you really like Daisy Wilcox?” Peyton asked in a small voice, eyes forward.
Daisy?
“What?” He turned his attentions to the side of her face. She was composed. Not a frown or hint of what was going through her thoughts.
“It’s a small town, Cooper. They talk.”
He was going to be honest with her. When he had met Daisy, he had thought she was pretty. But his interests were on Peyton.
Only Peyton.
“I do,” he admitted. “I think—”
“Then I was out of line last night,” she cut him off. Then she slowly exhaled and faced him. “I’m sorry.”
Cooper cautiously set his hands on her arms, slightly afraid that she’d pull away. But she hadn’t. So he decided that this was okay for her. “No, don’t be. You weren’t out of line, Peyton. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”
“Because you like Daisy,” she added.
This woman had no idea how much a woman like Daisy Wilcox couldn’t and wouldn’t compare to her.
Not even close.
“No, I shouldn’t ha
ve kissed you without asking if that was something you were all right with. I don’t ever want you to think that I took advantage of you.” He took a deep breath and removed his hands from her. “Do you think I like Daisy?”
“I’m hoping you don’t,” she confessed.
“I don’t, Peyton,” he confirmed. Cooper smiled at the flash of relief in her eyes. “I barely know her.”
Peyton went quiet as she glanced down at his hands and then to her left, staring at the wooden planks of the pier. Cooper watched as she swallowed hard and then took a step back. Then her eyes shone brightly with unshed tears.
“I haven’t been on this pier in over a year,” she said.
“What?” He found it odd that she hadn’t.
She had pressed her lips tightly together before her eyes met his. “I had my worst heartbreak on this pier.”
Cooper flinched.
Shit.
His heart cracked for her.
This was the spot for her.
And this was the spot she had become vulnerable to him.
“Your boyfriend broke up with you here or something?”
She made a sharp inhale, eyes never leaving his.
“No.” She blinked. “He died here.”
Died.
One word and Cooper felt his jaw drop. He had no idea what to say. He was devastated for her. At that moment, he understood her reaction to every stupid mistake he had made.
Tears slipped down her face as she blinked and then turned. She said nothing as she created distance between them and began to make her way off the pier. Cooper hadn’t followed. His feet wouldn’t move to go after her.
She had told him the truth.
Her heartbreak included death.
… but I’m far from it.
“You let me fall in love with her?” Cooper roared as he burst into Graham’s office.
His boss’ blue eyes darkened as he got up from his chair behind his desk. The remorseful expression consumed Graham’s face.
“You let me fall in love with her,” he repeated in a low voice. “Without telling me that her boyfriend died.”
“You love her?” Graham asked. He didn’t sound angry. He sounded concerned.
“Shit!” Cooper cursed out loud. “I do. I love her.”
“Peyton told you?”
“No. She realised she was on the pier and she said that he died there.”
“He wasn’t her boyfriend,” he heard Madilynne say behind him.
Cooper turned around to see the concerned expression on her face.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“We couldn’t tell you, Coop. It’s not our story to share. It’s Peyton’s. And when she’s ready, she’ll tell you.” Madilynne entered the office and made her way to her husband then she faced him. “She’s been through more trauma than you can imagine. When I saw you in that Skype interview with Graham, I thought something about you would be perfect for her. From your resume, you were perfect for the job. But from the video chat and your answers, I knew you could be the person she moves forward in her life with. And I don’t want to be wrong.”
He shook his head, completely confused. “But Graham wanted me to stay away.”
“Graham’s a lot more protective of Peyton. He’s seen her at her very worst. He was there on the pier that night. We like you, Coop. I know Peyton, and she wouldn’t have asked you on a date if she didn’t see a future with you. You treat her the way she’s always wanted to be treated. You don’t coddle her. And you’re the only person who brings out her true smile and laugh. Do you have any idea how relieved I am that she can do that again?”
“Mads, I’m no one special,” Cooper said.
Her blue eyes shone bright. “But you are. Do you remember what Graham asked you in that Skype interview?”
Cooper thought back. It seemed like it was forever ago since he’d had that interview that changed his life. He nodded.
“I wrote that question for him.” She smiled at him and held her husband’s hand. “So, Cooper Hepburn, if you found a reason to stay past the terms of your employment, would you?”
“Graham,” he said.
“Yeah?”
“Do you remember what I answered?”
His boss nodded his head. “I do.”
“Did you believe me then?” Cooper asked.
“I did.”
Cooper glanced between them and inhaled deeply. “If I found a reason to make me stay, I’d put my house up for sale and never leave. If it’s a woman, then I’d follow her long past Daylesford. I’d follow her forever and wherever. If it’s the town, then I’d make it my home. But if it is because of a woman, then I made the best decision during a lonely night searching for a new career.”
“See,” Mads said. “I knew you were the right guy.”
His heart warmed at the approval from Peyton’s best friend. Cooper took a step forward, ready to convince Graham that he should approve of him, too. “Graham, I found my reason to stay here. It wasn’t this farm. It wasn’t this job. It wasn’t this town. It’s Peyton. I’d follow her forever and wherever. When I was with her, I felt sensations that I had never felt before. She made me feel right. She made me feel like I could be her home. I made the best decision of my life during that lonely night searching through job ads. Everything I had run from, a future and wanting to settle down, she made me stop running. I want to stay long past my contract to be with her.”
Graham frowned. Not the sight Cooper was hoping for.
“Do you believe me like you did all those months ago?” Cooper asked, desperate for an answer. He peeked at Mads to see her staring at her husband.
“I believe you,” Graham said. “But that’s not up to me. It was never up to me. It’s up to Peyton.”
Cooper stood at her front door and glanced down at his feet to see the personalised welcome mat.
The Spencers.
It appeared new. Not a single letter worn. He turned his attention to the front door and knocked. As he waited, he peeked at the small notebook in his hand. After he had spoken with Graham and Mads, he had told his boss he was taking the rest of the day off and headed home. Then he found the notebook where he had slipped one of the Polaroid pictures of Peyton inside. He was hoping that he would have more pages filled, but he didn’t get the chance. On the third page was his note to her.
The door unlocking had Cooper straightening. He hadn’t planned out what to say. He would wing it. But really thinking it through, he probably should have rehearsed something so he wouldn’t be a blabbering fool.
When the door opened, an old man looked Cooper up and down. The man at the door’s bushy brows had furrowed before he turned his head and shouted, “Brenda, there’s a boy at the door.” He glanced back at Cooper and yelled, “Sorry. Brenda, there’s a handsome man at the door!”
Seconds later, after an exchange war with the old man, a woman came to the door. “Yes?” she asked. She was just shorter than the man with recently dyed brown hair.
Cooper was sure this was Peyton’s house. He had only walked her home once late at night, but he was sure the weatherboard house was it.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled as he took a step back. “I must have the wrong Spencer house.”
The old woman shook her head. “No, this is the only Spencer house in Daylesford. Can I help you?”
“Ma’am, I thought Peyton Spencer lived here,” he said.
The woman’s eyes lit up as a smile formed. “She does. I’m her Aunt Brenda. We visit her for lunch when she’s not working or busy at the hotel.” Then she peered out the door and pointed out to his right. “Her Uncle John and I live a few streets down that way.”
Her great aunt and uncle.
She had mentioned them, but he hadn’t connected the dots quick enough.
“I’m Cooper,” he said introducing himself. “Is Peyton home?”
“Cooper,” Aunt Brenda said with a hint of familiarity in her voice. Then she patted her husband’s shoul
der. “John, could you please get Peyton for Cooper?”
“No need,” Peyton had said behind the elderly couple; both had flinched in surprise at her interruption. “Do you guys mind giving us a minute?”
“Not at all, love,” Uncle John said and then he led his wife away from the door.
Peyton crossed her arms over her chest as if to protect herself from him. “Hey,” she said, sounding careful and calculated.
“Hey.”
“I’ve never had to tell anyone because everyone I know knew him and what happened. So this is all new to me,” she explained in a tiny voice. She untangled her arms and let them fall to her sides. “I’m sorry I just left you on the pier. I needed to be alone for a little bit, and I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“Don’t be sorry, Peyton,” Cooper said in a soft voice. He peeked down at the black notebook and then extended his arm out to present it to her. “I don’t know if you ever want to spend time with me again. I’ve made some mistakes and hurt you. But if you’re willing to give me a chance, then take this and read it.”
She took the book from him and stared at it. “What is this?”
“I hope you read it. There’s not much in there. I was hoping there would be more, but that doesn’t matter.” Cooper gave her a tight smile and then spun around, giving her time to think over what he had said to her.
As he went down the steps, he thought of how much he wanted her to read it. How much he wanted a chance to be perfect for her once more.
I try my best to be for her.
Cooper let out a breath of air and leant back into his chair. It had been almost eight hours since he’d left Peyton’s house. In those eight hours, he had wrapped fairy lights around the rafters of the veranda, cleaned his house, and called his sisters. A few hours ago, he had baked scones with his grandmother’s recipe he had gotten from Megan. He had burnt the first batch of scones he had made, but his second turned out better. He pulled out his phone and glanced at the time. The tea he had brewed almost ten minutes ago would now be cold.