I came for what felt like half an hour, my hands and feet both starting to spasm involuntarily and my head thrashing. Finally I was done and I rolled off Tabby and pulled her against me. She was breathing hard and more sweat coated her body. I could still feel her leg muscles quivering.
"I feel like we've wasted so much time," she said, and I was surprised to see tears on her cheeks.
"What's wrong Tabby," I said, instantly forgetting my afterglow and getting worried.
She hit me lightly on the shoulder. "Nothing dumb ass, that was just so damn wonderful I wish we could've done it sooner. That was absolutely the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me. Now kiss me," she finished, sniffling and offering me her plump lips.
"I love you," I said, instantly happy again, and I kissed her.
"I love you so much, Bobby," she whispered. "Never let me go."
"Never, my Ebony Eyes," I whispered back. "You're always mine."
She smiled and turned over so I was spooning her. One of my hands cupped her soft breast and my face was in her hair. "I want to stay here forever, I heard her murmur, before we settled into blissful silence.
I lay there behind her, so full of happiness and good feelings that I felt like I was going to explode at any minute. I couldn't believe the gorgeous creature in my arms was actually mine in all ways now. I just couldn't believe it.
I think we both dozed for a while, because an indeterminate amount of time later I heard a car backfiring on the street and it shocked me awake.
Tabby jerked awake too, clutching my hand and half sitting up. "Oh my god, I hope we're not going to be in trouble."
I groaned, rolled over and sat up. "I don't think it's quite dawn yet," I yawned.
I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was four in the morning. "But we'd better hurry and get home because it's almost here."
We hurriedly got dressed and crept out of the hotel room like thieves, kind of giggling to ourselves. It really did seem like a big adventure. We felt so grown up, actually having a hotel room and using it to make love.
"This has been the best night of my life," Tabby told me, once we were back in the Mustang. Night dew covered the car, and the street was eerily quiet at this hour. "You're the best boyfriend a girl could ask for, Bobby."
"You bring it out in me, babe," I gushed, starting the motor, which thundered into the pre-dawn silence like the sound of snappy banjo picking at a funeral.
"Thank you again," she said, her hand covering mine on the gear shift. "And we're going to get together again to practice what we learned back in that room," she added, with a seductive smile.
I drove home floating high on a cloud of love and hormones, smiling like a fool.
The cocoon of fantasy was shattered, however, once we pulled into the yard at the Langston farm. There in front of the porch was the county sheriff's car, blue lights flashing ominously over the house. There is nothing that gets your heart pumping faster than seeing a police car at your house in the middle of the night.
"Oh noooo," Tabby wailed, a hand over her mouth as she stared wide eyed at the police car. "Something's happened to Mom and Dad, I know it."
She was out of the car before the wheels stopped spinning and I was right behind her. We pounded up the porch steps and spotted Ed Bryson getting out of his car to intercept us.
"Miss Langston, Mr. Torrence. Wait a moment." Bryson was fidgeting a little with his blue hat, not quite meeting our gaze.
"What's happened to my Mom and Dad!" Tabby shrieked, tears already pouring down her face. "What!"
"I'm sorry honey, but they died in a car accident this evening. They - "
But he was interrupted by Tabby falling over in a dead faint. I moved fast and caught her before she hit the floor with her head, but I was in shock too and I just collapsed with her head cradled in my lap.
"What the hell happened, Sheriff?" I said, staring up at him. I'm sure my eyes were wide and I heard a ringing in my ears.
He fidgeted some more with his hat. "Apparently with you two out at the prom they decided to go to dinner. They were coming back when they were broadsided by some drunk kids drag racing. Their car rolled over and hit a tree and the gas tank exploded."
"Oh my God," Tabby moaned from my lap, and I could hear the weight of incalculable grief in her voice. I stroked her forehead, feeling clamminess. I was suddenly afraid she'd go into shock.
"Sheriff," I said, Tabby's need helping to drive out my own grief. "I think she's going into shock. Help me - "
Tabby was no lightweight, so I lifted her shoulders and Bryson got her feet. We carried her into the house and lay her on the sofa with her feet on the armrest. I pulled a blanket over her and sat by her side holding her hand while Bryson went and got a glass of water for her.
"I'm gonna be here for you, baby," I said, stroking the hand. "I'll always be here for you."
Tabby was out of it, but not out of it enough to miss hearing what I said. Her hand squeezed mine feebly and her breathing evened up some.
"Here, drink this," Bryson said, returning with the water. We helped Tabby sit up and she sipped weakly. Color seeped back into her cheeks and I smiled inwardly a little bit. Bryson had put in some of Mrs. Langston's brandy in with the water, I figured.
"I'm all right," Tabby croaked after a minute. She reclaimed my hand and sat fully upright and took slow deep breaths. More tears squeezed out of her tightly closed eyes though, and I privately wondered if she'd really ever be all right again.
"Is there someone you can call?" Bryson asked. I got the feeling he wanted to get out of there. Nobody likes delivering bad news like this.
"We can call Tabby's aunt Kathy. She lives down in Gresham, closest relative she has," I said quietly. "I'll take care of her, Sheriff, don't worry."
He looked relieved. "All right. There doesn't need to be an autopsy, so the hospital will call her to come identify the bodies and then you can start making funeral arrangements. I have to go deal with the idiots who were driving. Will you two be okay?"
"We'll be fine," I reassured him. "I'll make the calls, you go put those assholes in jail."
Bryson nodded. "I'm sorry for your loss, Miss Langston, Mr. Torrence," he said. "David and Barbara were good people and it is going to be a sad loss to the community."
"Thank you, Sheriff," Tabby said, smiling wanly. "We'll manage from here."
He nodded again and headed out, shooting us one more sympathetic glance before softly closing the door. We heard the sound of his car driving away, then we were surrounded by dead silence. The house felt empty, soulless. I didn't think we would be able to stay here much longer. The people who made it a home were no longer here and it was just a deserted shell.
Then Tabby was in my arms, crying her heart out.
* * *
All of that happened four days ago. I was jerked out of my chain of memories as we pulled up in front of Kathy's house in Gresham. She had come over right away in spite of the late hour, and we all cried together. Then she had put us up in a hotel after we packed a few suitcases (neither of us wanted to stay in that house) and gone to see about identifying the bodies.
We had both been given a few days off from school, which was good because I don't think we could concentrate on schoolwork. Luckily, most of the major assignments were done and graduation was only a month away, so we weren't missing much.
Tabby continued to be almost silent, although she was with me almost twenty-four seven, leaving my side only to go to the bathroom or get dressed. She even slept with me, clutching me desperately like I was her last anchor in the world. Kathy knew she slept with me, but she said nothing about it. Neither of us were doing anything inappropriate. We just weren't in the mood.
Kathy left us in the room and came back with some chicken from a near by diner. We ate in silence, our only accompaniment being the black and white TV running an old episode of Cheyenne.
"We're going to have to go back to your folks' house," Kathy said,
looking over at Tabby, who was lying with her head in my lap after dinner. "It's the only place that has room for all the family."
"I know," Tabby said, her voice still dull. "I'll be all right."
"We'll have to come up with something for you two after the funeral. You can't commute from here to school.," Kathy said, seemingly trying to think about anything but her brother's death.
"I've got enough money to get us an apartment," I put in. "There's an opening near downtown. I was looking at it last week for after graduation."
For the first time, Tabby's eyes showed some signs of life. "You were?"
I smiled down at her. "yeah. I figured we'd need a place of our own soon. It's time for us to strike out and be independent."
Tabby didn't reply but went back into herself. I ached, wishing I knew what to do for her.
"I'll help you," Kathy said. "It's likely the dairy is going to be sold to one of those conglomerates, so I'll use some of the money that's going to be parceled out to get you set up somewhere."
Tabby clutched me a little tighter but didn't say anything to that either. This time I thought I knew what was wrong. That dairy had been in her family for a long time. It was like every foundation of her life was being ripped away piece by piece and she was lost. I wasn't going anywhere though, so she could count on me. I wouldn't desert this girl for all the tea in China.
"I appreciate that," I said to Kathy. "I'm not sure what we're going to do now. We were going to go to Pinecrest State up by Olympia, but that was when we thought we had family backing, you know?"
"I know. You might have to put that on hold for a while, we'll just have to see how much we get from the dairy sale," Kathy said in a watery voice. She too had grown up there and this was hurting her a lot too. And then Tabby began to cry.
* * *
The funeral was packed. There weren't many people around who hadn't had Langston Dairy products. They even had done business with a few local restaurants. And now it was all gone.
Tabby clung desperately to my hand the whole time, even while she was getting hugs from relatives or complete strangers.
It wasn't until after the funeral, when we were tucked up in Kathy's spare room, that she opened up.
"I feel so awful," she said out of the blue, like we were restarting a conversation that had been interrupted. "I can't believe it."
I didn't bother with inane platitudes like "it'll be all right" or "they're in a better place." I knew she wasn't talking about her parents' death either, somehow. "What do you feel so awful about, baby?" I asked her.
"We were fucking while they were dead!" she wailed, pulling back from me. "They were turned into so much road kill while you were sticking your dick in me, don't you get it?" And then she started crying, deep wrenching sobs that seemed to come all the way from her soul.
I pulled her against me and rocked her like a baby. Now I knew what had really been bothering her. She felt guilty that she was embracing life while her parents were growing cold.
"Tabby," I said, once she had wound down a little. She looked up at me, eyes red and nose runny. "That was the most beautiful night of my life. Your parents knew we were probably going to end up where we were, that's why they said for us to be back by dawn. They wanted you to be happy, honey."
"I know that in my head, Bobby," she said thickly, "but I still can't help but think if we'd come home early they'd still be alive."
"I don't think so," I said, stroking her hair off her sweaty forehead. "They probably would've gone out anyway, because they had reservations at that restaurant. I asked Kathy about it while you were sleeping the other day."
Tabby's whole face sagged in relief. "I … I guess I knew that, but I needed to hear somebody else say it," she whispered.
"I agree with Bobby," said Kathy's voice from the doorway. I wondered how long she'd been standing there, and if she'd heard the part about us fucking. "Your parents wanted you to be happy over anything else. I talked to my brother a lot and half the conversations were about you and Bobby."
She came over and sat on the edge of the bed near us and handed Tabby a tissue from the box on the bedside table. "I don't want you to feel guilty because you were becoming a woman, Tabby," she said gently. "My brother told me he figured you two were probably going to do that on prom night. He was happy that his little girl had found someone he approves of. Don't feel guilty."
Tabby nodded, gave a great, watery gasp and, for the first time in a while, seemed to be on the road to recovery. "Okay. I'll do my best. I know they wouldn't want me to be moping around all the time."
"No they wouldn't. They would want you to live and be happy." Kathy hugged Tabby and the two women cried together. This was a more healing kind of cry, and I couldn't help it. I joined in with them.
* * *
As it turned out, we didn't get much money from the dairy sale. We had to send letters to Pinecrest stating that we wouldn't be attending. I was glad that we hadn't sent them any money because if we had, things would be pretty bad.
After all the other relatives gobbled up their share, we only got a thousand dollars. We used that money to get a pretty nice apartment and we went back to our jobs.
But before all that it was graduation night.
We got our diplomas in front of the whole school and because Tabby went on before me, I was able to snap a photo. It remained one of my treasured possessions, my girl in her graduation gown, after everything that had happened to her. We hugged each other and shed a few tears for her missing parents after the ceremony before I had to leave for the main graduation party, which was being held in one of the hotel ballrooms in Portland. Tabby would be following me later with some girls from school, since there wasn't room in the van we were using to transport us and our equipment.
Me, Barry, Mike and Stan were playing this party. This was probably going to be the last time we all got together, because all the other band members were going out of state. This time it wasn't just a bunch of kids we were playing for; most of the parents were here too. So we gave it everything we had. By the time the night was over, Bob Elmhurst, who was the manager of one of the radio stations in Portland, was almost crying when he heard that we were breaking up after this gig.
"You guys could really go somewhere," he gushed, as we were packing up our equipment. "Won't you reconsider? I could put you on a slot on my show," he wheedled.
"Sorry, man, but I'm driving to Chicago," Barry said. "I gotta leave pretty soon and start making arrangements.
"And I'm going to Rhode Island," Mike put in.
Bob wandered off looking dejected. I heard him mutter, "Why is it all the good talent goes to waste?" before he got out of earshot.
"You guys really should've done something on the radio before now," Mary Beth Chesterton Barry's girlfriend (Melissa's replacement, who was also going with him) spoke up, sounding mildly scolding. "You guys really are good."
"We thought about it, but if we did and we ended up going on tour we'd be apart from our girls. Plus we had school to worry about and we didn't want to fail and not have a backup plan."
Tabby snuggled against my arm. "And there's the fact that I didn't want to lose Bobby to some crazy ass groupie on the road," she said, squeezing my arm possessively.
That broke the group up. "Yeah right. Bobby and Tabby is like peanut butter and jelly," Mary Beth chortled. "Never gonna happen, sweetie. That boy's been crazy about you since we were barely old enough to walk."
I hugged my Tabby and she smiled up at me. With that smile I knew she was going to be all right.
* * *
That summer was bittersweet. Many a time Tabby would cry when she caught herself saying something like, "I wonder what my Daddy would think about…" or "My Mama would love this…"
We moved into our apartment the day after graduation. The dairy had been sold the week before the ceremony, so we got our thousand dollars. We continued to work and we were thinking about starting to try and take classes at the com
munity college in the fall. First me, then her, so the other could support the one in school and we wouldn't lose our incomes. Tabby was thinking about going into education like her aunt Kathy and I was thinking about engineering.
Many nights Tabby lay in my arms and cried softly. Our moving in together was not the joyous occasion it should've been. We didn't christen every room in the apartment. In fact, we didn't even have sex until almost a month after we moved in. And even then it wasn't that great, because I couldn't get hard, due to the fact that I was still worried about Tabby feeling guilty over our coupling on prom night.
"What's the matter Bobby?" Tabby said, after unsuccessfully trying to get me up with her mouth. She looked up at me and I saw something I couldn't identify in her eyes.
I didn't really know how to say so I stammered a little. "I … I uh - "
"Come on, Bobby, tell me."
"I'm worried you might still feel guilty," I said hesitantly.
"Bobby," she said exasperatedly, "if I were, I wouldn't be doing this. Now come and make me remember that I'm your woman, okay?"
It got better after that, although Tabby would still get angry at me at the oddest times. I bore up under it because I would do anything for her, and if raging at me for fucking her while her parents were dead made her feel better, I'd let her do it. Because she didn't really mean it.
Sure enough, by August, the outbursts had stopped and Tabby was almost the bubbly girl I used to know. She was a little more reserved, a little more thoughtful, but she was bouncing back.
And then fate, or karma, or whatever the hell it was decided it wasn't done fucking with us yet.
It was the middle of October when the letter came.
Somehow in all this excitement I had almost completely forgotten about the god damn war. Tabby and I didn't own a television, so the war news never really got to us. And we didn't watch much about it back at the farmhouse either. There were all kinds of anti-war things going on in Portland and Seattle, but out here it was just distant rumblings, like a thunderstorm heard from inside a soundproof room. To be completely honest about it, I had completely forgotten about the fucking draft when I had withdrawn from college. It was more important that I help Tabby, but now it looked like everything was for naught.
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