by Anna Todd
“Well, I have some interviews set up over the next few weeks.”
“That’s good. I’m really happy for you.”
“None of them are here, though.” I watch her face closely as she takes in my words.
“Here, as in this town?”
“No, as in Washington.”
“Where are they? If you don’t mind me asking?” She’s composed and polite, and her voice is so soft and sweet that I have to take a step closer to her.
“One in Chicago, three in London.”
“London?” She tries to hide the surprise in her voice, and I nod.
I didn’t want to have to tell her this, but I was just taking advantage of every opportunity that came my way. I probably wouldn’t move back there anyway—I’m just exploring my options. “I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, you know, with us,” I try to explain.
“No, I understand. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”
I know what she’s thinking just by looking at her. I can practically hear her exact thoughts.
“I’ve been talking to my mum a little lately.” It sounds weird coming from my mouth, and it was even weirder to have finally picked up the phone when my mum called. I had been avoiding her up until two weeks ago. I haven’t exactly forgiven her, but I’m sort of working on trying not to be so angry about the whole mess. It doesn’t get me anywhere.
“You have? Hardin, that is so great to hear.” Her frown is gone, and she’s smiling so brightly at me that my chest literally fucking aches from the beauty of it.
“Yeah, a little.” I shrug my shoulders.
She is still smiling at me like I’ve just told her she won the damn lottery. “I’m so happy that everything is working out for you. You deserve everything good in your life.”
I’m not sure what to say to that, but I’ve missed her kindness so much that I can’t stop myself from reaching for her arm and pulling her into a hug. Her arms move to my shoulders, and her head drops down to my chest. I swear that a sigh escapes her lips. If I’m wrong, I’ll just pretend it was so.
“Hardin!” someone calls, and Tessa pulls away to stand next to me. Her cheeks are flushed, and she looks nervous again. Luke approaches with Kaci, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
“I know you didn’t bring me fucking flowers,” I groan, knowing that it must have been his woman’s idea.
Tessa stands at my side, staring wide-eyed at Luke and the short brunette at his side.
“You know it. And I know how much you love lilies,” Luke says, shit-talking while Kaci waves to Tessa.
Tessa turns to me, confused, but smiling the most beautiful smile I’ve seen in the last two months.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Kaci wraps her arms around Tessa’s body, and Luke tries to shove the hideous bouquet into my chest. I let the flowers fall to the floor, and he curses at me as we watch a horde of way-too-proud parents trample over them in passing.
“I’m Kaci, Hardin’s friend. I’ve heard so much about you, Tessa.” The woman withdraws a little to tuck one arm into Tessa’s, and I’m a little surprised when Tessa smiles back and, instead of looking to me for help, jumps into a conversation about wasted flowers.
“Hardin seems like a flower type of guy, right?” Kaci says, laughing, and Tessa giggles along. “That’s why he got those ridiculous leaves tattooed on him.”
Tessa raises a questioning brow. “Leaves?”
“They aren’t exactly leaves; she’s just giving me shit, but I did get a few new tattoos since I’ve seen you.” I’m not sure why I feel slightly guilty about that, but I do.
“Oh.” Tessa tries to smile, but I can tell it’s not authentic. “That’s good.”
The mood has shifted into slightly awkward territory, and as Luke tells Tessa about the new tattoos across the bottom of my stomach, he makes a big mistake: “I told him not to get them. The four of us were out, and Kaci got curious about Hardin’s tattoos and decided she wanted one.”
“Four?” Tessa blurts the word, and I can see the regret in her eyes when she asks.
I glare at Luke at the same time that Kaci digs her elbow into his side.
“Kaci’s sister,” Luke tells Tessa, trying to fix his fuckup, but making it worse.
The first time I hung out with Luke, we met Kaci for dinner. That weekend, we went to a movie, and Kaci brought her sister along. A few hangouts later, I realized that the woman was sporting a little infatuation and told them to call her off. I didn’t and still don’t want or need a distraction while waiting for Tessa to come back to me.
“Oh.” Tessa gives Luke her fake smile and stares off into the crowd.
Fuck, I hate the look on her face right now.
Before I can tell Luke and Kaci to fuck off and explain this shit to Tessa, Ken approaches and says, “Hardin, I have someone I would like you to meet.”
Luke and Kaci excuse themselves, and Tessa steps to the side. I reach for her, but she brushes me off.
“I need to find a restroom anyway.” She smiles and walks away after a quick hello to my father.
“This is Chris, the man I was telling you about. He’s head of publishing out at Gabber in Chicago, and he came all the way here to talk to you.” Ken smiles wide and grips this guy’s shoulder, but I can’t help but look for Tessa in the crowd.
“Yeah, thanks.” I shake the short man’s hand, and he launches into conversation. Between wondering what kind of shit Ken had to pull to get this guy here and worrying that Tessa won’t find the bathroom, I barely catch half of his offer.
Afterward, wandering around to every bathroom and calling her phone twice, I realize that Tessa has left without saying goodbye.
chapter sixty-six
TESSA
September
Landon’s apartment is small, and the closet space almost nonexistent, but it works for him. Well, us. Every time I remind Landon that this is his apartment, not mine, he reminds me that I am living here now, in this apartment, in New York City.
“You’re sure you’re okay, right? Remember, Sophia said you could stay with her for the weekend if you aren’t comfortable,” he says, placing a stack of clean, folded towels into the cubbyhole he calls a closet.
I nod at him, disguising my burning anxiety at the weekend ahead. “It’s okay, really. I have to work most of the weekend anyway.”
It’s the second Friday in September, and Hardin’s flight will be landing any minute. I didn’t ask why he was coming—I couldn’t bring myself to—and when Landon awkwardly brought up his wanting to stay here, I just nodded and forced a smile.
“He’s taking a cab from Newark, so he’ll be here in about an hour, given the traffic.” Landon runs his hand over his chin, before burying his face in his hands. “I feel like this isn’t going to go well. I shouldn’t have agreed to it.”
I reach up and pull his hands away from his face. “It’s fine. I’m a big girl; I can handle a little Hardin Scott,” I tease. I’m nervous as heck, but the comfort of work and knowing that Sophia is just down the block will get me through the weekend.
“Will you-know-who be around this weekend? I don’t know how that will go over . . .” Landon looks panicked, like he is going to cry or scream at any moment.
“No, he works all weekend, too.” I walk over to the couch and lift my apron from the pile of clean clothes. Living with Landon is easy, despite his recent relationship problems, and he loves to clean, so we get along well that way.
Our friendship bounced back quickly, and we haven’t had an awkward moment since I arrived four weeks ago. I spent the summer with my mother, her boyfriend, David, and his daughter, Heather. I even learned to Skype with Landon and spent my days planning for the move. It was one of those summers where you fall asleep on a June night and wake up to an August morning. It went too quickly, and a lot of my time was spent being reminded of Hardin. David rented a cabin for a week during July, and we ended up less than five miles away from the Scott cabin, and I saw that
little bar we got far too drunk in when we were driving around.
I walked down the same streets, this time with David’s daughter, and she stopped at every block to pick a flower for me. We ate at the same restaurant where I had one of the most tense nights of my life, and we even had the same server, Robert. I was surprised when he told me that he, too, was moving to New York, for medical school. He was offered a significantly larger grant to attend New York University than his previous choice in Seattle, so he was going with that. We exchanged phone numbers and text-messaged during the summer, and we both moved to the city around the same time. He arrived a week before me, and now he works at the same place that I do. He also works almost as much as me for the next two weeks until he starts school full-time. I would be doing the same, but, unfortunately, I was too late to get into the fall semester at NYU.
Ken advised me to wait it out, at least until the spring semester, before attending another college. He said that I shouldn’t bounce back and forth again; it would only muddy my transcripts, and New York University is picky as it is. I’m okay with taking a break, despite that I will have to work harder to catch up, because I am going to use the time working and experiencing this sprawling and bizarre city.
Hardin and I have only spoken a few times since he left his graduation without saying goodbye to me. He texted me a few times here and there and has sent some emails, which were stiff, awkward, and formal, so I only responded to a few of them.
“Do you guys have any plans for the weekend?” I ask Landon while tying the strings of my apron around my waist.
“Not that I know of. I think he’s just sleeping here and leaving Monday afternoon.”
“Okay. I am working a double shift today, so don’t wait up for me. I won’t be home until at least two.”
Landon sighs. “I really wish you wouldn’t work so much. You don’t have to help pay anything, I got enough money from grants, and you know Ken refuses to let me pay for much anyway.”
I give Landon my sweetest smile and pull my hair back into a low ponytail, resting just above the collar of my black button-up shirt. “I won’t go over this with you again.” I shake my head and tuck my shirt into my work pants.
My work uniform isn’t too bad, a black button-up, black pants, and black shoes. The only part of the ensemble that bothers me is the neon-green tie I have to wear. It took me two weeks to get used to the look, but I was so grateful that Sophia got me a waitressing job at such an upscale restaurant that the color of the tie didn’t matter. She’s the head pastry chef at Lookout, a newly opened and highly over-priced modern restaurant in Manhattan. I stay out of her and Landon’s . . . friendship? Especially after meeting her roommates, one of whom I had already met back in Washington. Landon and I seem to have the same sort of “it’s a really, really small world” luck.
“Text me when you’re off, then?” Landon reaches for my keys on the hook and places them into my hand. I agree, assuring him that Hardin’s arrival isn’t going to upset me, and with that, I leave for work.
I don’t mind the twenty-minute walk each way. I am still learning my way through this massive city, and each time I get lost in the crowds of busy people, somehow I feel more connected to its vibe. The noise of the streets, the constant voices, sirens, and blaring horns only kept me up for the first week. Now it’s almost calming the way I just sort of blend into the masses.
People-watching in New York is unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced. Everyone seems so important, so official, and I love guessing at people’s life stories, where they came from, why they are here. I don’t know how long I plan to stay here; not permanently, but I like it here for now. I miss him, though, so much.
Stop this. I need to stop thinking this way; I’m happy now, and he has clearly made a life for himself that doesn’t involve me. I’m okay with that. I just want him to be happy, that’s all. I loved seeing him with his new friends at his graduation; I loved the way he was so collected, so . . . happy.
I just hated the way he walked off when I took too long coming back from the restroom. I’d left my phone on the counter by the sink, but when I remembered it and returned, it was already gone. Then I’d spent a half hour trying to find the lost and found, or a guard to help me find it. Eventually I saw it sitting on a trash can, like someone realized it wasn’t theirs, but didn’t bother to put it back where they found it. In any event, the battery was already dead. I tried to find Hardin at the spot where I’d left him, but he was gone. Ken said he’d left with his friends, and something clicked then—that this was over. It was really over.
Do I wish he would have come back for me? Of course. But he didn’t, and I can’t live my life wishing that he did.
I purposely picked up extra shifts this weekend, wanting to keep myself as busy as possible and keep my time at the apartment to a minimum. Due to the tension and bickering between Sophia and her roommates, I am going to try my hardest to avoid staying there, but I certainly will if things are too awkward with Hardin. Sophia and I have become closer, but I try not to pry too much. I am too biased due to my friendship with Landon, and I don’t think I want to hear the details. Especially if she started to feel comfortable talking to me about sex with him. I shudder thinking about Kimberly’s revelations about sweet, reserved Trevor’s escapades in the office.
Two blocks from Lookout, I look down at my phone to check the time and nearly walk straight into Robert. His hands reach out and stop me before I collide with him.
“Lookout!” he says lamely, and chuckles while I groan. “See, it’s hilarious, because we work at Lookout and, and . . .” He smiles and adjusts his own lime-green tie comically.
The tie looks much better on him than it does on me, with his blond hair messy and sticking straight up in some places. I debate whether to remind him about Hardin, but stay silent while we cross the street with a group of teenage girls, all giggling and smiling at him. I don’t blame them—he’s handsome.
“Just a little distracted,” I finally admit as we turn the corner.
“He’s coming today, right?” Robert holds the door open for me, and I step into the darkly lit restaurant. The inside of Lookout is so dark that it takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the difference whenever I walk inside from a sunny afternoon, and even now though it’s barely noon. I follow him back to the break room, where I store my purse in a small locker and he slides his cell phone onto the top shelf.
“Yes.” I close the door to the locker and lean my back against it.
Robert reaches his hand out to touch my elbow. “You know I’m okay with you talking about him to me. I don’t exactly love the guy, but you can talk to me about anything.”
“I know.” I sigh. “I appreciate that so much. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to open that drawer. I’ve had it closed too long.” I laugh and hope that it comes out more authentic than it feels. I lead the way out of the break room, and Robert follows close behind.
He smiles and looks up at the clock on the wall. If it weren’t glowing red with deep blue numbers, I don’t think I would be able to read the time in the hallway. The hallways are the darkest part of the restaurant, and the kitchen and the break room are the only areas that have standard lighting.
My shift begins normally, and the hours tick by quickly as the lunch crowd leaves and the dinner crowd begins to pour in. I’ve gotten myself to the point where I had almost been able to forget about Hardin’s arrival for five minutes straight, when Robert walks over with a worried look on his face.
“They’re here. Landon and Hardin.” Robert’s hands grab the hem of his apron, and he wipes the cloth across his forehead. “They’re requesting your section.”
I don’t panic the way I had assumed that I would. Instead, I simply nod and work my way toward the entrance and search for Landon. I force my eyes to only search for Landon and his plaid shirt, not Hardin. Nervously, I glance around the area, looking over face after face, none of them Landon’s.
&nbs
p; “Tess.” A hand touches my arm and I jump back.
It’s that voice, that deep, beautiful, accented voice that I have played in my head for months and months.
“Tessa?” Hardin touches me again; this time his hand wraps around my wrist, the way it always used to.
I don’t want to turn and face him—well, I do, but I’m terrified. I’m terrified to see him, to see the face that has been permanently branded into my mind, never to be altered or diluted by time the way that I had assumed it would be. His face, grumpy and ever frowning, will always be as vivid as the first time I saw him.
I quickly snap out of my trance and turn around. In the mere seconds that I have to plan, I try to focus on finding Landon’s eyes before Hardin’s, but what’s the use?
It’s impossible to miss those eyes, those gorgeous green eyes that could never be duplicated.
Hardin smiles at me, and I stand there, unable to speak for a few seconds. I need to get it together. “Hi,” he says.
“Hi.”
“Hardin wanted to come here.” I hear Landon’s voice, but my eyes don’t seem to want to cooperate with my mind. Hardin is staring at me just the same, his fingers still pressing against the skin on my wrist. I should pull away before the pounding of my pulse betrays my reaction to seeing him after three months.
“We don’t have to stay and eat here if you are busy,” Landon adds.
“No, it’s okay. Really,” I assure my best friend. I know what he’s thinking; I know he feels guilty and worried that bringing Hardin here will ruin the new Tessa. The Tessa who laughs and makes jokes, the Tessa who has become her own person, maybe even stubbornly so. That won’t happen, though. I have myself in check, under control, totally cool and collected. Totally.