by Polly Carter
“Oh!” An involuntary gasp escaped Harley and to cover her distress she rose and collected the now empty mugs. From the garden, Toby saw her stand up and ran back to see what they would be doing next. “Mum will be back soon,” Harley said.
“I don’t think she’ll mind if I’m still here, will she?” Arian said sounding surprised. “Besides I’d like to meet your daughter. That’s quite a bombshell, Hal. You still haven’t told me anything about her. Where’s her father?”
“Out of the picture,” Harley said bluntly. “She’s never met him. He didn’t know about her. I didn’t bother to tell him. Anyway, I’m busy.”
Without looking at him, Harley took the mugs into the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher. After following her in, Arian leant back against the kitchen bench, his arms folded, watching. Toby took his ball into the lounge room and lay on the carpet.
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Arian asked.
Harley stiffened and turned to face him. “Like I said, I’m busy.”
“Are you? It feels more like you are still just trying to avoid me,” Arian growled as he shook his head. Unfolding his arms, he took a step closer so she was trapped between him and the sink. “I know you pretty well, Hal. I can always tell when you’re not being entirely truthful. If you were avoiding me before because you thought I was married, fair enough. But now you know I’m not. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be here, and I can’t shake the feeling that you want to see me, too, but something is holding you back. Why don’t you just tell me? Is it your daughter? So long as you’re not still with the bloke, I don’t mind you having a child. I’d rather it had been with me.” He paused as his mouth tightened, then shrugged and sighed. “But that’s life. And if she takes after her mother, I’m sure she’s a doll.”
Harley tried to push him away, but he caught hold of her arms. Then releasing one, he gently cupped her chin and tilted her face so she looked up at him. His soft breath warmed her face and his familiar, delicious musky aroma aroused long suppressed memories and desires. Sensing her lack of resistance, he released her chin and with one finger gently traced the outline of her face. His touch was enough to send a shiver through her, causing the breath to catch in her throat and her limbs to tremble.
“You are incredibly beautiful, Hal. Do you know that?” he whispered. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He smiled. “And I’ve seen beautiful women all over the world. I think you are even more beautiful than I remembered if that could be possible. Don’t send me away. I’ve missed you so much.”
His nearness and the soft caressing of his hands and voice were more than she could bear. The pain of being torn between the memory of how much she had loved being in his arms and the reality of how much she was now fighting that, brought tears to her eyes. She turned her head away from him as tiny pearls spilled across her eyelashes and rolled down her cheeks. Tilting her face back toward him, he bent to kiss away the droplets, then once more his eyes probed hers.
“What is it, Hal? There’s something going on, I know. Why won’t you talk to me? Are you ill? Has someone hurt you?” His voice was soft but harsh.
Mesmerised by the seductiveness of his voice, his touch, the blatant desire in his eyes and a feeling of utter unreality, Harley slowly swayed toward him. She put her hands up to stop herself leaning against him.
“There’s nothing going on, Arian. Everything is fine,” she said in a trembling voice.
“You’re lying, Hal. Have you forgotten I can always tell when you’re lying?” He chuckled and took her hands in his. “I told you I was coming around to spank you for lying to me when we met in the city and now you are lying to me again. I think I should put you across my knee right now.”
“I’m not lying,” Harley said weakly, trying to pull her hands away. “Stop it. Let me go,” she pleaded, but he ignored her and continued.
“Why? I think you should tell me right now what is going on or I will bend you over the counter and put a little colour in those delightful cheeks peeking out from under your shorts.”
“No. You can’t,” Harley protested feeling her resolve weaken and tears well in her eyes. If only you knew how much I want that. “Please.”
Her voice was so sad and her eyes so moist, Arian groaned and wrapped his arms around her.
“Sweet, sweet, Hal,” he said as he pulled her closer.
She melted against the warmth and strength of him as her stomach contracted and the bile rose in her throat. Her skin prickling and lips trembling, she pulled away.
“It’s really time you went,” she managed to say tremulously.
“What is it, Hal? Don’t tell me everything is fine. There’s something going on. Why can’t you talk to me?”
Taking a deep breath, Harley wrenched herself away, clenching her fists and squinting her eyes as she glared at him.
“What is going on is that I want you to leave and you won’t,” she snarled. “What we had was nice, but it’s over. It’s been over for years. It was over when I left. I don’t know how I could have made that clearer. You can’t just walk back into my life and take it over again. I’m fine and just want you to go.”
Opening her eyes wide in an attempt to emulate innocence, Harley forced herself to look him in the eye and dare him to not believe her. She was shocked by the depth of hurt she saw reflected before it was overshadowed by a dark anger. He gripped her arms but was careful not to squeeze hard enough to hurt her.
“I can’t accept it because I don’t believe it,” he growled. “You still haven’t given me a reason for suddenly running out on me the way you did–not one that is remotely convincing anyway,” he added quickly, stifling her protest. “There’s something going on all right, Hal. I’m more sure of that than ever. I’ve never stopped believing we were meant to be together and…”
“And now you know you were wrong,” Harley burst out. “We weren’t meant to be together because we aren’t together and never will be.”
“But I don’t know I was wrong. That’s what’s so odd.” Suddenly releasing her, Arian ran his hands over his wiry black hair as he paced agitatedly across the kitchen floor. Harley could all but hear the cogs and gears in his mind working as he collected and sorted the facts and tried to make sense of them. He had very little to go on, she knew, but she also knew he had a brilliant mind, as quick and deadly as a steel trap, and she was terrified that even given the flimsy evidence he had, he would somehow hit upon the truth of all she was trying to conceal from him.
“Arian, please,” she pleaded. “Can’t you see you are searching for something that just isn’t there? There is no mystery. There is nothing going on. I’m just trying to get on with my life.” But even as she said it, the truth about her life suddenly rose before her and she couldn’t stop a tiny catch in her voice from betraying her.
“There!” The explosion was triumphant and before she realised it was going to happen, she found herself captured once more by his strong hands as he took her by the shoulders, impaling her eyes with his.
“I don’t know why you are lying to me, Hal, but whatever it is you feel the need to hide from me, I will find it out. You know I will. Despite what you say, you still want me. I can feel it. You might have run away from me before, you might be trying to hide from me now, but you can’t run and hide from the fact that you are mine, Hal. We were meant to be together and we will be together, and whatever is troubling you so profoundly we will face together.”
The depth of passion in his voice sent a tremor coursing through her as he pulled her to him. Clasped so close, she knew he could feel every part of her body as it trembled against his and, as though his body was determined to further emphasise his words, she felt the unmistakable evidence of his rising desire to physically possess her as well.
“See what you do to me?” he murmured in her ear as he pressed himself harder against her.
“Can you feel how much I want you? How much I love you? I’ve never stopped loving y
ou, Hal.”
His lips gently caressed her neck as he whispered endearments, and the combined onslaught of his nearness, his scent, his voice, his lips and his body became more than she could resist. She moaned as her self-control deserted her, leaving her powerless to resist.
“Arian,” she cried hopelessly, but he had sensed her surrender and her voice was silenced by his mouth closing over hers. His lips, tentative at first as if refamiliarising themselves with what was once such intimately-known territory, deepened and became demanding in an instant of recognition. Her arms crept up and wound themselves around his neck, and when the kiss ended, he drew back and looked triumphantly into her eyes.
“See, Hal. You can’t keep denying the truth: there’s nothing on earth that can keep us apart a moment longer. Nothing can keep you from me because you belong to me as surely as I belong to you. You always have and always will. You’ve had some time on your own, but I can’t wait any longer. I’ve come home to claim you.”
As he’d spoken, Harley had started shaking her head, and as his words continued, her shaking became more violent until she erupted. Fighting and kicking, she forced him to release her.
“No,” she screamed, the pain in her heart matched by the suffering in her eyes as her tears flowed freely. “You are completely wrong. You can’t have me. We can’t be together. I can’t have anyone. Go away, Arian. Please, just go away and leave me alone.”
Shocked and stunned by the ferocity of her outburst, Arian said nothing for a moment. Then he gently took her back into his arms, and she was too weak to resist, able only to sob against his chest.
“Whatever it is,” he said quietly, gently rocking her and stroking her hair, “I can help you with it, if you will only trust me with the truth. No, don’t say anything else,” he put his finger to her lips to stop her as he sensed another explosion. “I’m going now as you asked, but no matter what you think or say, I am determined to marry you as soon as possible. I should have done it years ago. I can’t bear to see you like this, Hal. You are breaking my heart. I want to take care of you in all ways and for always.” He bent down and gently kissed her lips, then stepped back. “And I will, my darling. I should have come sooner, but I’m here now. You will be mine. Make no mistake about that.”
And without waiting for her reply, he turned and strode to the front door, let himself out and was gone.
Unable to contain the flood of pain any longer, Hal ran to her room, and throwing herself across her bed, briefly allowed her tears to flow freely. Almost immediately though, she felt someone jump up and join her on the bed. A wet nose pushed its way past her arms to her face, and a warm pink tongue lapped up her tears.
“Oh, Toby,” Harley said rolling over and wrapping her arms around him. “Sweetheart, are you trying to cheer me up? You’re lucky, do you know that? You never have to deal with the pain of love or how horrible some humans can be.”
Toby wriggled onto his back and wagged his tail, then squeezed his way out of her arms, jumped off the bed, raced out to the kitchen and came running back carrying his ball. Standing on his hind legs, he put his paws on the bed and gave the ball to Harley. She laughed despite her sorrow.
“You’re right, Toby. I can’t lie here wallowing in my misery. Mum and Lyddia will be back any minute and I can’t let them find me like this. I’d better get up and at least wash my face, hey?”
But later that night, when the house was asleep, Harley tossed restlessly in her bed asking herself over and over how her life could have come to this, noiselessly crying into her pillow until she finally could cry no longer and, exhausted by the depth of her pain, she fell asleep.
Chapter 6
“Just checking you’re home,” Arian said when Harley answered the phone the next day. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“No, Arian. There’s no point. Please leave me alone.”
“Nope. I’ve got something to show you,” he said and hung up before Harley had time to reply. Her heart was beating in overdrive as she put the phone back on the hall stand and wiped her palms on her jeans. Standing perfectly still, she tried to catch her breath and ignore the image of him that had been filling her mind all night and morning since his visit the previous day. If he had been stunning when she first met him, he was magnificent now and she was continually fighting fantasies of being wrapped in his arms, laid over his knee, and pinned under him in bed. But what was the point? Even if he still wanted her back when he knew everything, she couldn’t ask him to wait for her again, possibly for years.
If only he hadn’t left, if only she’d gone with him, if only he’d come back sooner, if only, if only… If only she hadn’t been foolish enough to get herself into her current dire situation. If only wishing could make things the way she wanted them.
She and Toby were alone in the house, Lyddia having gone with her grandmother to look at some houses. If she quickly ducked out, there would be no-one home when Arian arrived and he would have to leave. She fetched her bag, picked up her car keys and opened the front door, but instead of going out, stood in the doorway and looked at her car. Toby and his ball stood behind, looking at her hopefully in case there was a car ride in it for him. Stepping back inside, she closed the door, put her bag and keys down and went into her bedroom. Toby followed her, wagging his tail, to see what she was up to. He watched her change into a clean top, go into the bathroom and clean her teeth, brush her hair and put on some make-up, stopping every now and then to wipe away a smudge and redo it.
She was holding one hand pressed to her aching stomach while she paced up and down, peering through the window every half minute or so when she heard the rumble of a motorcycle climbing up the hill and pulling into her drive. Toby was alertly dozing on the floor nearby.
Opening the front door, the breath caught in her throat; she could have been transported back to when they first fell in love. Arian, in his black leather jacket, was dismounting and putting his motorbike on its stand. He took off his red helmet and balanced it on the seat next to a second red helmet tied to the pillion seat with an ocky strap. Turning to her with a semi-apologetic but proud grin as she walked up to him, he rubbed a leather-gloved hand back and forth across his hair.
“Ain’t she a beauty?” he said.
“It is,” she said with a smile. “Another Suzuki, eh?”
“Well, that’s me. Nothing if not sentimental. It’s the latest Hayabusa, and the last. It’s going out of production after this latest model. It’ll probably be my last bike too, now I’m getting old and have to be responsible and grown-up.” He grinned and patted Toby who had sat on his foot and was pressing back against him asking for a little attention. “I figured Suzuki was my first bike, it may as well be my last. I’ve just picked her up and couldn’t resist taking her for a spin. If you can get away for a minute, I’ll take you for a ride.”
Harley hesitated.
“The others are out,” she murmured.
“So there’s no reason you can’t come for a ride? Come on, Hal,” he pressed her, seeing her hesitate. “I’m not going to kidnap you. Just a quick ride. I’ll bring you straight back if you want.”
Harley shrugged in surrender, and called Toby to follow her back into the house. He followed as slowly as he could, glancing back at Arian to see if he would rescue him from being left home alone, but no help was forthcoming. He resignedly went into the lounge and curled up sadly on the couch, looking as mournfully as possible at Harley.
“Sorry, Tobes. You’ll have to stay here,” she said as she fetched a jacket and put it on, picked up her shoulder bag and slipped it over her head, and went back out closing the door behind her. She took the helmet from Arian and put it on. It felt familiar but still a bit strange. She hadn’t been on the back of a bike since the last time she’d been on Arian’s in the States.
Kicking up the stand, Arian mounted and then waited for Harley to hop on behind. She swung her leg over, settled into the seat, put her feet on the footpegs and reached beh
ind to hold the grab bar.
“Put your arms around me,” Arian ordered over his shoulder, as he pressed the start button and the bike roared into life.
Harley hunched forward and as she’d done so many, many times in the past, snuggled against him and wrapped her arms around his waist. As he headed the bike up the hill, Harley pressed against him and closed her eyes surrendering herself to the sound and feel of him, the bike beneath her and the wind rushing past.
When she opened her eyes again, she realised they were heading for Mundaring. The lovely old pub by the Mundaring Weir had been their favourite hills drinking spot once, and their years of separation might never have existed as Arian brought the bike to a stop in the carpark outside. Swinging her leg over, she dismounted and took her helmet off, then watched while Arian dismounted and put the bike on its side stand, took off his helmet and gloves and stuffed his gloves into his helmet.
“You got time for a quick beer?” Arian asked, looking up at her from under his eyebrows as he ruffled his hair again. Harley nodded and they went in, carrying their helmets.
“Two middies, cheers,” he said to the bartender, pointing to a tap.
Beers in hand, Arian led the way out into the beer garden to a table in the shade of a green and white, wooden gazebo. Sitting down and looking around, Harley had a slightly surreal feeling as though she were in a parallel universe–everything was so familiar but not quite the same. She was sure the trim on the gazebo had been red last time, and she remembered an abundance of flowers, azaleas mixed with a variety of daisies, sitting between the lawn edge and shrubs beyond. But only a palette of greens coloured the garden now; it was too late for some flowers and too early for others.
And it wasn’t just the gazebo and the garden that were different. Despite the many times they’d been here together in the past, he was a different Arian now and she was a different Harley. A gulf lay between them holding all the mistakes they’d made, all the pain they’d suffered, and all the experiences they’d had separately. And even if they were able to overcome those and leave them in the past, there was still the dark nightmare looming towards her.