by Cara Dee
"I'm proud of you for keeping an open mind." I gave his shoulder a squeeze. "It's nothing I take for granted."
"Yeah, that’s messed up," he muttered. "And it says a lot, that you don’t take it for granted." He was way too smart. It didn’t say a lot for everyone. "I get it, Dad. The vague stuff Mom told Aurora, about why you're getting divorced? It sorta put everything together, like the big picture. It explained things."
As I was about to reply, the doorbell rang. Pizza was here, so I excused myself to get the door. I paid for the pies and quickly brought them to the kitchen where I took my antidepressant and grabbed some napkins.
"So nothing's happened with Keep?" Brady asked as I rejoined him. He seemed dubious at best. "I don't wanna gossip like some preteen, but he's got it bad for you."
A strangled little noise escaped me, and I was torn between amusement and immense discomfort. He deserved the truth.
"Kelly and I…we crossed a line once recently, which we shouldn’t have." I wasn’t very hungry, but this was the deal. I was forcing it until those normal urges returned. "I have no excuses."
If Kelly didn’t know Lissa and I were getting a divorce, was that why he didn’t want to continue last time? He'd said something about making a promise to Brady. My happiness before his?
That put an uneasy feeling in my stomach, and I felt awful for not speaking more clearly. The timing wasn’t in my favor; Kelly did the right thing by leaving that couch, though I wanted him to know it wasn’t technically wrong anymore. I wanted us to let go of the guilt about…whatever we felt toward each other.
I checked my phone. No response. Dammit. He usually responded quickly.
I missed him, and I'd texted him earlier to see if we could meet up. Even if the dust hadn't settled from everything else going on, I was fed up with the space I'd put between us.
Brady was watching me as he wolfed down his pizza, his behavior toward food and life not unlike Kelly's.
"It would be easier to dislike him if he wasn’t a cool guy," he said quietly. "You're into him too, right?"
I hesitated, chewing slowly on a piece of pizza that held little flavor. With every part of my being, the answer was yes, but… "It's not that simple, son." Having an open relationship with Brady to this degree was extremely new, and I supposed I held on to the notion that, in front of him, I should have my life figured out. Instead: "I'm a complete mess." And it was difficult to admit. "I'd be a lousy partner right now. I need to figure out how to take care of myself before I think about sharing my life with another person again. If I rush anything, I could lose my progress." Another thought hit me, and I got sidetracked. "I want to live, Brady." I faced him for this, needing him to know I never wanted him to doubt my love for him and his sister. "If I'm not mistaken, you've overheard your mother and me argue about a very low point of my life."
He nodded jerkily, his chin quivering.
Something inside me cracked, and I scooted close to put an arm around his shoulders. "I'm going to fight harder than ever to make sure I never get there again." I was glad he let me comfort him, and I pressed a kiss to the side of his head. "Coming clean about my past was a big part of that fight, and I promise things will slowly get better. I don't ever want to miss out on anything in your life. Or Aurora's. I love you more than anything."
A tremor ran through him, and he sniffled and took a deep breath. "Love you, too, Dad." With a twist of his upper body, he hugged me firmly, and I let the relief roll over me. "I guess I still don’t see why you can't be with Keep if he makes you feel better."
I waited, savoring the hug, and didn’t answer until he sat back again. "Well, in a perfect world—"
"Fuck perfect," he scoffed. "You once told me the best part about people was the flaws that made us imperfect."
I opened my mouth to answer, then snapped it shut as his words sank in. True, I'd told him that, though it'd been about something else entirely. I worked with imperfectly perfect children, and at the risk of romanticizing disorders that sometimes made lives very difficult, I believed they were one of the most unsurpassed parts of the human race. The absolute genuineness in these children humbled me beyond words, and they motivated me to help them, as well as share their non-judgmental views with the rest of us who became jaded and poisoned by hatred.
I took a breath and welcomed the pinch of yearning to return to work.
"Dude." Brady nudged my side with his elbow. "So you got baggage. Who cares? Most old people do." Gee, thanks for that, son. "I just miss you, all right? If Keep makes you happy, then quit complicating things, that’s all."
"Well." I was a bit floored, not to mention threatened by traitorous emotions. "Thank you, Brady. For saying that."
He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. "No one's saying you have to rush into a new marriage. I'd kinda prefer you wait, 'cause it's gonna get weird as hell with Mom. Just do what I do with girls, say you wanna go slow. Then you get all the fun and no responsibility."
In a matter of two seconds, I went from wanting to thank him again and saying he had a point…to narrowing my eyes, because that last part didn’t sit well with me at all.
"You tell girls what?" I wiped my mouth with a napkin and leveled him with a serious expression. "Brady, that’s not okay. You don't have to promise commitment, but don't use moving forward slowly as a cushion if your intention is to bail after you've had your fun. Your mother and I raised you better than to play with girls' feelings."
He lifted his brows, then clapped me on the shoulder. "And the parent is back. Glad you're feeling better, Dad."
"You think this is funny," I said, withholding my mirth, "but I can still ground you."
Chapter 16
Kelly Oakley
"You look like crap, Dad."
"Thank you. I love you, too." I bent over the sink and washed my face in an attempt to wake up. A nasty bug had kept me in bed for days, but now the fever was finally gone. "I'll bring dinner home with me, so you can focus on more important shit."
He was officially enrolled at Westslope High, and the principal had given him some books and papers to go through before classes started next week.
I passed him in the doorway, planting a smooch on his forehead, and then I got dressed to go meet Will. He texted and called a few times while I was a living, breathing disease, and eventually Matt had picked up the phone for me, saying I was sick.
"Are you nervous?" Matt asked.
I stepped into a pair of jeans and furrowed my brow. "Why would I be nervous?"
He rolled his eyes. "'Cause he's probably gonna tell you about his divorce."
"And then I'll be there as his friend. I can't imagine how difficult that would be to go through." I refused to dwell on what this meant for the future. Will repeatedly stated family came first and how it was his priority. Learning it wasn’t working out had to be painful for him. "You and Brady really fuckin' need a hobby."
They gossiped like two old ladies on a porch.
Matt smirked sheepishly.
Shrugging on a hoodie, I left the bedroom and grabbed my car keys, wallet, and phone. "Don't abuse the Wi-Fi, kiddo." Unlike on the island, we'd had internet installed in our new home, and once we hooked up his gaming system in his loft, he became a rare specimen. If he wasn’t working or coming down to eat, I didn’t see him much.
I left the cabin and crossed the stream, and by the time I got the truck started, I was tired as all hell. My appetite was returning with a vengeance, so on the way to Ponderosa, I stopped at a diner and picked up a few donuts and coffee.
With a glazed one sticking out of my mouth, I texted Will to say I was five minutes away. He wanted to show me something today, and he'd requested—after learning I was on the mainland—that we meet up outside the school where he worked.
"Rich folk." I eyed the hillside estates as I entered Ponderosa, and it wasn’t long after that I passed Ponderosa Academy. God forbid they named it something as simple as High. According to the instructions, the sc
hool he worked at was right after.
I parked outside a nondescript building, at least in comparison to the playground in front of it. Pavement and grass were replaced with soft mats wherever there were swings, slides, balancing beams, monkey bars, and play systems I'd never even seen before.
As I left my truck, I spotted Will talking to a teacher. Or maybe an assistant? Fuck if I knew. Some children were having a ball, running around and playing, while some had help from adults.
I sipped my coffee and waited by the gate. It made me grin, seeing him with the kids. Every now and then, he paused his conversation to squat down to a student's level. No longer wearing comfy sweats and a hoodie, he'd cleaned up hella good and was more recognizable as the Will I knew in slacks and a fitted pullover. His beard was neatly trimmed now, too.
I saw him smile at something a girl was saying in sign language, to which he responded without problem.
I shook my head, feeling sappy and hopeful for him. He was doing better. He looked…fucking amazing.
Eventually, he spotted me, and he wrapped up his conversation and exchanged a few more words with a couple kids before making his way over.
"God. I needed that." He was smiling tiredly as he exited the school premises. "Hey. Are you feeling better?"
"Are you?" I grinned, just barely resisting the urge to touch him. "Someone's blown life into you."
He chuckled quietly, appearing equally exhausted and happy. His eyes glistened, filled with relief I recognized from the time I started coming out of my own depression. It was heady. He blinked back the emotion and nodded.
"Things are looking up, at last." He tilted his head at me. "Fever gone?"
"Yeah. Donut?" I held up the bag.
He smirked. "Is this your first post-flu meal?"
"That I'm able to hold down, yeah."
He shook his head in amusement and gestured toward his car. "Follow me. There's real food where we're going."
Well, all right, then.
*
When we passed the exit to Downtown and then Camas, that left the southern district of Cedar Valley. I had the day off, two counselors from the camp covering for me while I recuperated, so I went with the flow. I stayed behind Will as he drove through the newest neighborhood in our town. Old factories and brownstones were now trendy lofts and expensive townhomes.
I used to work here after school as a kid.
These days, the small-town feel was as heavy as the feel of Seattle.
We stopped at a red light outside Coho Bar & Grill, which I knew was the name of the steakhouse Adam owned with a friend, so I figured this was our final destination.
Maybe not.
Will continued straight ahead and didn’t park until we were a few streets away. I found a spot across the road from him, and I got out, probably looking as curious as I was.
"Ready to see my bachelor pad?" He flashed a ghost of a smirk and played with a set of keys. "You'll have to excuse the mess. Brady and I are painting."
He…he moved out already?
I followed him up to the second floor where he unlocked the door and gestured for me to enter first.
Boxes and furniture that hadn't been assembled yet filled the hallway. Old newspapers littered the floor, and a wall in the living room was in the process of becoming gray.
"You're really getting divorced." I peered into the kitchen where more boxes were piled up. Some looked new, some old.
"I really am." He came up behind me, and before I could turn, he pressed a soft kiss to my neck and slid his hands around my midsection.
I sucked in a breath and screwed my eyes shut, a million thoughts running through my brain, battling against the surge of lust. Wasn’t he upset? What the fuck did this mean? His hands went under my hoodie and traced my stomach. My abs tensed in response, which made him groan under his breath.
"You said you're painting," I managed to blurt out. "Where's your kid?"
"With friends." He tugged a loop on my jeans, and I faced him. A second later, he was kissing me. "You're not leaving me again, Kelly."
Jesus, he made my head spin. I kissed him back automatically, our mouths moving unhurriedly. It was a stark contrast to the internal warring. The tiny hairs at the back of my neck rose with the shudder that rocked me. Tilting my head, I deepened the kiss and pulled his hips closer to mine.
"I was ready to comfort you, you dick." I slid my tongue along his as he started walking us…somewhere. Somewhere behind me. "I've been fucking worried."
"You can definitely comfort my dick." He smiled and nipped at my bottom lip. Next, he was unbuckling my belt, and it caused all blood to leave the head I used for thinking. "I owe you an explanation," he murmured. "When I told you I was going to fight for my family, I didn’t mean my marriage."
"Oh," was my clever response. His soft, persistent lips were driving me goddamn crazy. "Fuck," I grunted as he palmed my cock. With his free hand, he pushed down my jeans, and I finally caught up and began undressing him, too. I yanked off his sweater to reveal a chest that was more toned than last time. My cock throbbed, and I lowered my face. I traced his pecs with openmouthed kisses and ghosted my fingers through his smattering of chest hair.
"Christ, Kelly…" He stroked my shoulders and arms, then let his head fall back with a muted thump to the wall. Or a door, I noticed. "My bed. We should christen it."
I hummed in agreement and took possession of his mouth again. Reaching around him, I pushed the door open, and we ended up in an empty room, aside from a big bed.
He went back to tugging my clothes off, but I paused at the second glance of the bed. The plastic from the mattress was still on the floor, and the dark sheets had sharp lines from being folded. Brand new.
"Will."
"Hmmm…?" He pulled my hoodie over my head and latched his mouth on to my throat. I hissed at the sting from his bite and cupped the back of his neck.
Focus.
"I can't do on-and-off bullshit with you." I watched the bed as he trailed sensual kisses down my sternum. "The minute we get on that bed—"
He cut me off with a kiss that radiated possessiveness and passion. Then my stomach flipped when he pushed me down on the bed and climbed over me.
I groaned, feeling his weight on me. Fuck, it was heaven. There was no stopping my hands from getting greedy.
"There's nothing casual or on-and-off with the way I feel about you." His eyes turned dark, and he kneeled between my legs and watched me hungrily as he removed his boxers then mine. "For the sake of my sanity and recovery, I have to go slowly. I have to focus on getting into a routine again. Work…being there for Brady and Aurora…"
"Of course—"
"I'm not done." This time, his tone was gentler, and he leaned over me. Foreheads touching. He brushed a teasing kiss to my lips and stroked my jaw. "I also have to be yours," he said quietly. I swallowed, his words hitting me hard. "I go back to work next week, and for the first time in over twenty years, I'm standing on my own…" He trailed off, eyes closing, and I cupped his cheeks. "I have a long way to go. I still think the worst of myself most of the time."
"You won't be alone." I kissed him slowly, coaxing the tip of his tongue out with mine. "I don't care if we only see each other once a week or we manage to steal five minutes here and there, as long as we both want the same shit in the end. I can't just be friends with you."
"Me either." He deepened the kiss and let out a husky mmmph as his cock pushed against my own. "You have to tell me if I'm being too selfish."
I shook my head, snaking a hand between us to stroke our cocks. "Slow is good for me, too."
"I, okay—fuck." He gasped when I gripped us harder and thrust forward. "I hope you don't find it too presumptuous, but—" He moaned against my neck. "Dammit, Kelly. I bought protection and…and…"
He drove me mad. We were buck naked together; I had his cock in my hand, yet he blushed at the word lube. It never left him.
"Too fucking beautiful." I trailed a finger
over his cheek. "Did you buy lube, Will?"
He nodded once. "You're having too much fun with that."
I grinned. "With what, your blush? It's cute as fuck."
"Oh, God," he muttered. "Now I've changed my mind." He left the bed, driving cool air across my skin, and picked something up off the floor. "I wanted you to fuck me."
"But now you don’t?" I placed a hand under my head as I stroked my cock lazily with the other. The thought of fucking him had pre-come trickling down my shaft, but I was without a doubt an ass whore in the making. Shit, that thought made even me flush.
His jaw clenched, gaze fixed on my cock. "Maybe later, if you're good."
Holy fuck.
"Don't even—" I shook my head at the rubber. "Do you need it?"
"No, I just thought…" He conceded and returned with only the bottle of lube. "Screw being a gentleman, then."
"Come here." I hauled him over me and kissed him hard. "Can I be honest with you?" Because I needed to get this out. Certain fantasies used to be reserved for moments of weakness. Now that I had Will on top of me, this unbelievably sexy man…I wanted to be open and share them.
"I demand it." He kissed me farther down, circling a nipple with his tongue. I hissed, pleasure shooting through me when his teeth grazed it. Jesus fuck. "No more hiding, Kelly."
He kept teasing, sucking, and licking, causing my pulse to go through the roof and my breathing to grow erratic.
"Okay," I panted. "See it as a warning if you want. Keep doing that, and I'll lose my filter. There's some dirty shit going on in my head."
He hummed into a wet kiss, his cock throbbing along my thigh. "If it's half as filthy as my thoughts…" He chuckled darkly and rose to get my mouth again. It was a quick one, at the same time as two slick fingertips traced my ass. It caught me off guard. I hadn't noticed he'd even opened the bottle.
"Fuck, Will." I closed my eyes and took it all.
He finger-fucked me slowly while leaving sharp bites across my shoulder and neck. Each one making me want more.