by Cara Dee
He really fucking does.
"Maybe the divorce was the right thing." Alex eyed Will thoughtfully as he reached us.
He smiled sleepily and shook hands with four Grady brothers before sitting down next to me. "Sorry, I'm late. I had to take a nap." Shit was right in the world the moment he found my hand under the table. "Don't walk down Hemlock Avenue with two teenagers who have completely different tastes. It was mayhem."
Jack chuckled. "Did you do anything fun?"
"Probably doesn’t beat the pie-eating contest." Adam bumped his fist to mine, and I snorted, still so full I couldn’t even think about food.
"I snuck Brady some beer at the craft beer tour," Will replied, amused, "and found out he's a lightweight. Good times. At least Aurora had fun when he stumbled on the way home."
"Well, we shouldn’t let an eighteen-year-old drink more than us." Adam rose from the table. "I'll get us some drinks. Service sucks around here."
"Write a strongly worded letter to the management!" Jameson hollered.
Adam flipped him off before ducking inside.
"Did you see Matt?" I gave Will's hand a squeeze.
"I did." He nodded and wove our fingers together. "He was gaming with Brady when I woke up. We'll discuss that later, by the way. My innocent little girl was giving him the googly eyes."
Jack and Jameson cracked up, and I couldn’t help but laugh, either.
"Don't worry, he's a late bloomer. He won't notice." I smirked.
"I would've preferred if she was a late bloomer, as well," he muttered.
Adam came back with beers and shots for everybody, and the topic changed to the drama about Jack, his new girlfriend, and the girl's father with whom Jack went to college.
The sun was setting over the mountains, slowly lowering the temperature, and eventually the staff came out to switch on heaters.
The patrons as well as the festival crowd got drunker, adults filling the bars and teenagers roaming the cobblestone streets. Music played everywhere, and the smell of fried food and sugar traveled with every breeze.
The best part of the night was un-fucking-doubtedly Will's mood. He was visibly exhausted, but the man was in high spirits.
"Shots!" Adam poured us another round, and we all held up the glasses. "To another summer coming to an end."
"That’s damn depressing," Jack said with a frown.
"New beginnings?" Will suggested, a tipsy smile on his face.
Jameson groaned. "Only people in love toast to new beginnings."
"To new beginnings, then," I said under my breath and downed the shot. I hissed at the burn, and then a stupid grin took over when Will followed suit.
The others trailed after, and it wasn't long until we were lost in conversations about old times. At our age, we started out with a complaint, and then someone would say, "It was different back when…"
"Ten bucks that boy's about to throw up." Alex tipped his beer bottle at a group of teenagers on the sidewalk across the street. "They just can't hold their liquor these days."
"Oh, Christ." Jack's shot glass hit the table. "What was that teacher's name…? You know the one—we had her in Lit sophomore year. She sipped vodka between classes, and Kelly and Jameson stole her flask."
"Oh!" Jameson and I guffawed. "Ms. Getty!"
"Was that when you freaked out and ran out into the ocean?" Will asked me.
I shook my head, groaning at that particularly embarrassing memory. "That was…we, uh, borrowed bad weed from Alex."
"Dis—disrespectful fuckers," Alex said with a wry smirk.
"I wasn’t there. He ran out into the ocean?" Adam grinned.
"Let's move the fuck on," I insisted.
Of course, Will wouldn’t. "He was convinced something was crawling all over him." He started laughing, and Jameson was next.
"That was some shitty weed," he chuckled.
While everyone was cracking up as Will laughed his way through the story, I watched him in amazement. Maybe it wasn’t something noticeable to outsiders, but the fact was…it was the first time in over two decades I'd heard him laugh.
I chugged my beer, thinking back on faint grins, chuckles, huffs and snorts of mirth, and smirks. This…this was a real, genuine, carefree laugh, and he'd never been sexier to me.
"Do you know how fucking beautiful you are?" I murmured in his ear.
He simmered down to chuckles, gave me a lazy grin, and slid a hand up my back. "Do you know what a fucking relief it is to feel this way?" He cupped the back of my neck. "A lot of it is you, Kelly."
I wasn’t going to take any credit. I was only thrilled shit was coming around. For both of us. I was gonna make sure I was there for every high and every low. God knew I'd fuck up along the journey, but I was human. I was real.
"Where are you sleeping tonight?" he asked in my ear.
I bit my lip and took another swig of my beer as a hand landed on my thigh. "Adam's got a DD for us, but I wouldn’t turn down an invitation from you."
"Consider yourself invited, then."
"What the fuck are you two whispering about?" Jameson slurred, and a beat later, Will was kissing my neck. Jesus. "Oh-ho!"
I gave Will my attention instead, and he was on a mission. Tilting his head toward mine, he captured my mouth with his, which kinda let the guys know all they needed.
"I feel like I missed something," Jack stated.
"Yeah, you're not the only one," Adam chuckled. "Jamie, this is right up your ass alley."
"Always classy, Adam," Alex drawled.
I gave them a very mature finger and deepened the kiss before slowing it down with a couple smooches.
"Sorry, couldn’t help it." Will blinked blearily and blushed.
I grinned and landed another kiss to his cheek. "Like I'm gonna complain?"
*
After that, though, I could tell he was crashing.
His good mood became forced, and he took a back seat to the reminiscing and bantering. He stopped drinking, too. Having a feeling he'd reached his limit and then some, I held his hand under the table as I steered the topic away from us.
Somehow, we ended up talking about alternative lifestyles. More shots were downed, and Jameson got drunkenly wistful about needing to get laid.
"Preferably yesterday, and I wouldn’t turn down a gang bang where I'm the focus," he said. "Four women, four men, throw in a couple T-girls—"
"Jesus." Alex coughed. "Whore."
I smirked, absently playing with the hairs along the back of Will's neck.
"Take Jameson to one of your munch things," Adam told Alex.
"What the fuck is a munch?" I asked.
Jack nudged his big brother. "Some BDSM thing. Alex is into being called Daddy in bed."
Okay, then. I didn’t know what to say to that.
"I'm so glad we're discussing my sex life," Alex deadpanned.
"You mean lack of it?" Jameson cocked a brow. "We're both basically monks. That’s gotta change."
Will squeezed my thigh, so I let the brothers bitch amongst themselves and leaned close.
"I need to get out of here," he said quietly. "I'm not feeling well."
"All right, lemme pay—"
He shook his head, eyes showing a hint of pleading.
He wanted to be alone.
"Are you sure?" I didn’t want him to think he had to face any breakdown alone. "I don't care how ugly it gets. You know I wanna be there for you."
"I'm sure. Come by later if you want, but right now—" He was losing it. Forcing a stiff smile, he faced the others to say he was calling it a night.
*
"Another beer, man?" Adam asked.
"No, I'm good. Thanks," I replied. Checking my watch, I debated if it was all right to piss off yet. I'd given Will an hour, and I was fucking worried about him. "Let me know how much I owe ya, buddy."
He waved that off, already heading inside.
I did okay, pretending everything was gravy, though I was sure the guys
noticed Will took my bright mood with him when he left.
"It fits," Jack commented. In the last twenty minutes or so, he'd changed his beer to water, too. "You and Will, I mean. It makes sense in retrospect. Sort of like Adam and Alessia. Only, he still has his head so far up his own ass he can't find his way out."
I chuckled. "She's the woman he runs Coho with, right?" I remembered Adam mentioning her more than once tonight.
He nodded.
Jameson cocked his head. "Huh. Maybe you're right. She's just…always kinda been there."
Couldn’t have been always. I'd never met her.
Then again, new alwayses and forevers were constantly beginning and ending.
My knee bounced impatiently.
Alex eyed me, then smirked slightly. "Why the hell are you still here, Kelly?"
Good fucking question.
"I don't even know." I pulled out my wallet and threw some bills on the table. "If that doesn’t cover the tab for me and Will, have Adam chase me down, yeah?"
I had somewhere to be, and I was gonna remind a stubborn man that our second forever meant we shared every burden.
*
It took four calls for Matt to answer with a sleepy "Yeah?" Then he came and opened the door for me, and I found enough proof to figure out he and Brady had fallen asleep on the couch. Or pullout, as it was.
"Where's Will?" I stepped inside and took off my shoes.
"Asleep, I think. He said he was tired." He rubbed his eyes and squinted at me. "Are you staying here, too?"
I nodded, peering into the living room. "Do me a favor and wake up Brady for me? I don't want Aurora to see me coming outta Will's room first thing in the morning, so I'll set the alarm and take the couch with you."
"Okay. G'night." He yawned and returned to the couch, and I headed down the hall.
Will wasn’t asleep. Sitting on the edge of the bed, much like he had when I tracked him down with a bottle of bourbon, he held his face in his hands and cried in the dark.
I closed the door and yanked my sweater over my head, then unzipped my jeans.
"Give me a moment, please," he croaked.
"No, we're done with those." I gently pried his hands away from his face so I could unbutton his shirt. At some point, he'd removed his pants. I took care of the shirt and his socks, and then I got rid of my jeans. "Come here." I got us under the covers and wrapped my arms around him.
"I don't know what I'm doing wrong." He sobbed silently, with only whimpers and tremors giving him away. "I should be over the moon."
Fuck. His pain gutted me.
"It doesn’t work that way, baby." I swallowed against the lump in my throat and pressed a kiss to his hair. "You're not doing anything wrong." I spoke in a hushed voice between kisses, and I drew my fingers aimlessly across his back and up into his hair the way he liked it. "You have to give yourself more credit and see what you're accomplishing. If you focus on the shit you don't do, you'll never be satisfied."
He shivered as I scratched his scalp.
"You know this, Will," I whispered. "If it were one of your students, you would explain the importance of pacing yourself because you reach your limits faster when you're depressed."
Depression was invisible. There was no tumor to remove. There was no surgery. You drowned, you lived in a fog, you cracked under the constant fear of failure. You were the doctor to your own disorder, and you put the same pressure on yourself as you did when you felt okay. You carried the same expectations, because even those who were sick with it didn’t see it.
"I know you," I murmured. "You're putting yourself down 'cause you couldn’t have a normal day without falling apart." It was like expecting a man with a broken leg to walk before his cast came off. Just because he was recovering didn’t mean he was healed. "Think about what you've done instead." I cupped his jaw and brushed my lips over his closed eyes. "So much has happened the past couple months. You've uprooted your life, you've opened up about everything—Christ, you've built a new home." I wiped away his tears with my thumb. "You've taken me on, and we know I'm a lot of work."
He smiled sadly before burying his face against my chest.
"It's been a long day with a lot happening." I pulled the covers higher up and kissed the top of his head. "Give yourself a break to let things settle. You're overwhelmed."
I felt and heard the deep, shuddering breath he took. "It felt amazing to laugh earlier."
That made me smile. "It was pretty fucking amazing to hear it."
He tightened his hold on me and pressed a kiss to my chest. "I love you, Kelly. More than I can say."
My stomach flipped at the same time as something solidified in my chest. Losing the ability to speak for a second, I tilted his face up and kissed him. Soft, slow kisses.
"I love you, too." I brushed away the last tears that trickled down his cheeks. "Always have, always will."
With another shudder, he melted into my arms, and as the minutes ticked by, his breathing evened out.
*
The alarm on my phone roused me a few hours later. With Will's back to my chest and my arm wrapped around him, leaving the bed was the last thing I wanted to do. He was using my other arm as a pillow, so I started dropping kisses along his shoulder to wake him up.
He hummed sleepily. "It can't be time to get up yet."
I wished it wasn’t, especially when he shifted his ass against my cock. "No, not yet." I stroked his chest and pressed a lingering kiss to his neck. "I thought it was best if I slept on the couch when Aurora woke up."
He freed my arm as he reached for his phone to check the time. "Good God. Kelly, I'm more likely to be struck by lightning than to see a teenager up before dawn." He cuddled closer and pushed his ass against me again. Bastard. "We have time."
There was no willpower to argue. There was no sleep to be found, either. Distracted by his body, I moved my hand slowly over the planes of his chest, down to his trail of hair, then dipped my fingers underneath his underwear.
"Mmm, much better…"
I smiled against his shoulder, finding him hard and smooth. It sent a bolt of lust through me and caused more blood to fill my own cock. "Where's your mind at, Will?"
"You don't want to know." He gave a lazy thrust into my fist, and I definitely wanted to know. I wanted to see too, so I scooted away for a second to switch on the lamp on the nightstand. "What did you do that for?"
"So I can see your blush when you tell me what you want."
He groaned quietly. "I might be too sleepy to blush."
"But not too sleepy to fuck?"
There it was. Heat rose to his cheeks, and he buried his face in the pillow. "I want you inside me," he whispered. "Please?"
Fuck, yes.
My cock throbbed against his ass, and I told him to get the lube. There was an extra dose of vulnerability in him this morning, which turned me into a savage son of a bitch. Minutes passed in silence as I pushed away the covers, got rid of our boxers, and began preparing him. He stayed on his side and seemed almost shy about stroking himself when I caressed his ass. One lube-coated finger teased his opening, and he moaned softly into the pillow.
"Does it feel good?" I carefully pushed my middle finger inside him, to which he nodded quickly. "Do you do this to yourself sometimes?"
The next nod was an apprehensive one. Knowing he'd been ashamed for so long, I wanted to make him feel good about it. Turn it into a good thing. Something that shot nothing but desire through me.
"Let me see you." I brought his hand behind him and poured lube over his fingers. "I wanna watch. Finger-fuck yourself."
"Oh my God." He shuddered, trembling as he obeyed me. Two fingers circled his entrance before he pushed them in.
"That’s…" I swallowed, transfixed. "Jesus, Will. Fuck, you're sexy." I stroked and rubbed his cheek and stared hungrily. After a minute, he forced a third digit inside himself. He refused to face me, but we'd get to that. "Beautiful. So goddamn beautiful."
"I thou
ght of you," he confessed in a rush. "In the shower sometimes."
I knew those moments. Moments of weakness.
"I gotta have you." The urgency flared up, and I nudged away his hand. I stroked my cock roughly a few times, slicking it up properly, and eye-fucked his opening as it constricted. "You're all fucking mine now. You know that, right?"
He nodded and sucked in a breath. For a beat, he tensed up when I rubbed the head of my cock against him. Then he tipped his head back and kissed my jaw, eventually relaxing. I kissed him back and applied pressure to slowly push in.
My skin flushed, making the air around us feel cooler. I shivered at the spiking sensations, and goose bumps appeared. Inch by inch, I forced my cock deeper, and Will held his breath.
"Take me," I whispered through gritted teeth. "All of me."
He muffled a groan against my neck. In a moment of surrender while he panted, there was less resistance, and I pushed all the way in.
"Kelly," he gasped.
The pleasure was all-consuming and dizzying. My breath stuttered. Mine. Despite the overpowering urge to possess, I fucked him slowly. Persistently. I touched his cock and kissed him sensually, coaxing him into a rhythm that had me completely seduced.
"I love you." I nuzzled the shell of his ear and kissed the soft spot below. "It feels so good to say it."
He moaned as I pushed in deep. His cock was hard and slicked-up in my hand, and I stroked him faster, sensing his hurry. He was ready to chase.
"Almost there?"
"Yes." He met my thrust with a backward roll of his hips. "I love you—fuck." He jerked into my grip of his cock and started panting. "I want to feel it, your come—fill me."
I hissed and shoved my cock all the way in. The leisurely pace was gone, replaced by a heady sprint toward the edge. Reaching behind us, he wove his fingers into my hair and tugged hard enough to send sharp twinges through me. I growled into his neck and fucked him harder. He arched into me, and it was his sudden, choked gasp that made me lose it.
My orgasm cracked down like thunder. Ramming into him one last time, I tightened my hold on his cock and came in several bursts. My hand and the sheets got wet from Will's release, and I wasn’t even aware of rubbing the come over his cock until he squirmed and hissed.