by Annie Oldham
“How far down are we?” Red asks, his voice hushed.
My father stands with his hands behind his back, gazing serenely out the window. “A couple of miles.”
Red whistles, but stays firmly rooted. Nell rests her head on his arm. “It’s kind of pretty in its own way. Are there any fish out there?”
Jessa sits down next to her, and my sister’s face lights up and her hands start going as she describes some of the fish that live down here. Nell laughs when Jessa wiggles a finger in front of her face as she describes the fish with glowing danglers.
I’m glad Nell likes it. I’ve seen the way she glows in the sunlight, the way she loves having her hands in the dirt. I was so worried she’d suffocate down here. Maybe she still could eventually, but for now her hands are resting on her lap, and her face is turned into a smile, and Red sits right beside her, and everything looks just the way it should be. I even feel my muscles relaxing a bit.
“Arriving at the medical quarter,” the indifferent female voice tells us. The transport slows and then the door opens. We get off. I just noticed no one else is on the transport, and I haven’t seen anyone else beside our small group in the corridors either.
Where is everyone? I write to Jack.
He leans close to my ear. “It’s quarantine, remember? All the corridors we used were sealed off and UV scanners disinfected them after we left—same with this transport. They had to create some kind of standard procedure with all the nomads you’ve sent here. The hallways should be reopened by now, and there are probably lots of other people in those hallways now.”
But still my father came with us. Did my father greet the others?
“The others from New America?”
I nod.
“No. Just the medical staff greets the new ones, along with one of the other nomads who has been here for a while. We figured it would make them feel more at home, being met by someone who knows what they are going through.”
So my father is willing to go through quarantine to see me. I bite my lip and roll the thought around in my head for a while. Still all I see of him is the back of his head and his speaker’s sash crossing his back. His hands twitch behind him, like he knows I’m watching him. I look past him down the corridor.
We arrive at the main entrance of the medical area—a set of double glass sliding doors illuminated with cool blue light—but step past them to a single sliding door that is all solid metal and no windows. The words Quarantine (Please check in at the medical desk) shout at me in bright red lettering. I don’t remember this door being here before.
New? I point to the door.
Jessa laughs once. “Yes and no. I watched them put the words on it. It was a series of supply rooms before, and you probably never noticed it.”
So the people who come down to the colonies are relegated to a supply room. Jack notices the cloud that comes over my face and squeezes my shoulder.
“Wait and see. It’s not what you think.”
One of the medical staff presses his hand to the scanner next to the door, and after a second the metal panel slides open. We step through, and I am surprised. There’s a small desk on one side of the door. A medical attendant sits there, and she beams at us as we walk in. Three white chairs with cream cushions are on the other side of the door. Two doors lead off of this room. In one of them are two white tables with chairs. I recognize the food port on one wall. In the other room are two cream-colored sofas with brown and green cushions. A screen hangs on one wall, and a shelf is on the other. There are tablets on the shelf for reading and playing games. A plant stands in the corner, its wispy, ferny leaves leaning into the room.
The medical attendant aligns her tablet with the corner of her desk and smoothes her pants as she stands. “Mr. Speaker, Jessa, please report to the medical area for detox. The rest of you all must be exhausted. Please follow me.”
She leads the way through the room with the sofas and through another door. Bunks line the walls. There are probably ten beds all together. The crisp white pillows and soft green blankets are so inviting, I want to fall into one and cover my head and not come out for three days. A closed door in one of the walls says Bathroom.
“Please each of you choose a bed. You’ll notice there are boxes under each bunk. You can put any of your belongings in those. Your boxes will be collected and everything inside will be sanitized using an ultraviolet light.” Red raises an eyebrow. The medical attendant smiles. “Don’t worry—it won’t hurt anything. After you’ve put your things away, go into the bathroom and wash and choose a set of clothes. You’ll see them in the cubbies, labeled by size. Put your others in the laundry chute, and they’ll be washed and returned to you.”
Red motions to the bunk in the far corner. “That one over there.” His attendant starts to wheel him over. “Think you’ll fit in there with me, Nellie girl?”
Nell laughs and I swear she blushes. I haven’t seen her blush since I’ve known her. With the way her eyes are sparkling, she could be ten years younger. “I’ll just take the one right next to you. It’s closer than we’ve slept in months.”
The medical attendant grins. “I’m sorry we don’t have anything bigger. When you’re assigned your own quarters, of course you’ll be given a bed for two. For the rest of you leaving quarantine, remember the procedure. Go through the decontamination chamber.”
Red looks up from his box. “How long are we in here, anyway?”
Jessa and my father leave the room. The attendant is already at the door, but turns around. “Two days. Then your new life here can start.”
Jack showers first, then he sits on the bed while I go into the bathroom, choose a shower stall, scrub myself until I’m pink, and return wearing clothes I chose from the cubbies. I sit next to him and watch the medical attendant finish bandaging his leg. After the med leaves, Jack wraps an arm around my shoulder and leans down into my hair.
“You smell good.”
I snort. No B.O.
“It will take some getting used to. Are you hungry? It’s lunch time.”
Famished.
We go into the dining room and find Nell and Red already at a table, steaming bowls of soup and crusty bread in front of them. Nell sits in one of the white dining chairs, and Red is still in his wheelchair. He has a fluid bag on a stand next to him, and an IV is taped to his hand.
Nell waves as we step in. “That pretty young lady at the desk told us to press a button on that machine over there, wait a minute, and something from the kitchen will come up.”
Red dips a crust of bread in his soup, and a few drops land on his beard. “Beats a government supply drop any day.” I don’t know if it’s the IV or the warm food, but he looks more alive already.
Jack puts a hand on the small of my back and guides me to the table. Then he gets our food from the port. My bowl of soup is bigger than I ever would have gotten when I lived here before. Everyone else’s portions look larger as well. I am so used to hollow cheeks and hunger pangs that I forgot how skinny we all look. Nell closes her eyes.
“I haven’t had a warm meal in far too long.”
“Not even in the hospital?” Jack asks between bites.
“Not even then.” She holds her bowl between both hands, enjoying the warmth. She doesn’t meet our eyes. I reach to her, brushing her fingers with my own. She looks up at me and closes her eyes. Tears streak down her wrinkled cheeks. I raise my eyebrows, asking what’s wrong. She slowly brushes the tears away.
“You okay, Nell?” Red asks, leaning closer to her.
“I know what you’ll all say if I tell you what’s bothering me. So it won’t do me much good to tell.” She keeps her hand under mine.
I squeeze her fingers and look long at her, hoping she knows how much I love her.
“Oh, Terra. You’re so persuasive without saying a single word.”
I smile and take a bite of my soup.
“I feel like I should have known what was going on the whole time. With that l
oyalty serum, I mean. I should have seen the difference between what was real and what wasn’t. This place here, this colony, it’s like a dream. There’s warm food at the push of a button, and a nice lady to make sure we’re all right, and my friends are here. I wonder when I’m going to wake up. That hospital—with people who want to stick you with more needles just to get your brain wrapped around their way of thinking—I thought that was the center of the universe. I feel so confused some times.”
Nell leans against Red and he wraps an arm around her shoulder then presses his lips to her silver hair. “Shh, my girl. There’s time to work through all of that.”
Jack sets his spoon in his soup. “And it may be the serum just needs time to work its way out of your system. There are some medicines that can stay in the body for weeks. Maybe the serum isn’t completely gone yet and it’s still affecting you somehow.”
Nell half-smiles, one side of her mouth turning up while the other side frowns. “Even down here, they still control me.”
Red takes her face in both his hands. “Don’t you ever say that, Nell.”
Nell tries to pull away from him, but he holds firm.
“You listen to me. We’re gone from all that. It’s behind us and we’re part of something new here. So what if that serum is still in you somehow? It won’t be that way forever, and you’re still you. You’re the strongest, bravest woman I ever met, and you’ve beaten them in the end. You’re still my Nell.”
Her half-smile turns into a radiant full smile, her teeth showing, her soft cheeks turned up, and her eyes glistening. She leans her forehead against Red’s. “Thank you.”
Even though we’re miles below the crushing water where sunlight can’t possibly reach us and we’re surrounded by plastic and metal, I feel like we’re back in the settlement again—I can almost imagine the hazy summer sun filtering in through the cafeteria windows. I watch Nell and Red together—the way they should always be—and I settle into my chair. The colony feels more like home than it ever has before.
Chapter Fourteen
Jack’s eyebrows furrow in concentration as he reads a book on a tablet. My legs are curled under me as I sit on the opposite end of the sofa. I have a tablet in my own hands and my fingers have been sliding across the screen, but I’ve only caught about a third of the words. Jack is fascinating to watch as he reads; his mouth twitches and his eyes are so expressive as he tracks the words. Right now his lips are puckered just slightly, and his other hand is running through his hair and I don’t think he even knows it. Jack finally grins at his screen and turns to me.
“What?”
I look down, trying to find my place in the text.
“I know you were watching me.”
I shrug my shoulders and show him my own tablet.
Jack leans in closer. “Hmm. I believe you were on page thirteen ten minutes ago.”
I laugh and raise my hands. Caught me.
Jack slides closer and gives me his hand when I reach for it.
What were you reading?
Jack shows me the tablet. There’s an image of the human nervous system. “I was reading about how drugs affect the mind.”
Thinking of the serum?
“Yes. I really didn’t think a drug could be so powerful, but seeing Nell the way she was changed my mind.” Jack sets the tablet aside and looks at his hands. I trace the long, slender fingers and linger on the calluses. He’s such a contrast in so many ways—the strong hands that are tough from hard work; the gentleness of them when they treat a wound. I look in his eyes and see the concern laced in the brown and green, but also the anger burning just below the surface. I put a hand to his cheek, and he presses against my palm.
“I never thought Nell could be that way. She was always too strong for that. She’s an old woman, but she’s a force, you know? Like old Mayan ruins or an ancient Greek temple that would always stand the test of time. But the serum—it turned her into a child again. She had no thought of her own in her head.”
Can we do anything?
“I don’t know. If I studied long and deep enough, I could find a way to reverse it, I’m sure. But that won’t stop the government from creating new and more powerful versions of the serum.” He taps the tablet. “The resources here seem endless. It’s like a dream come true for me. I could spend years reading through it all.”
I try to keep my face still, keep the same serene look there, but my left eye twitches and the corners of my lips turn down for a fraction of a second. I turn aside and scratch my nose to cover it, but I’m sure Jack saw.
He turns back to his tablet. “Not years, of course. But I could become a real doctor here.”
And there it is—what I’ve been dreading about coming back to the colony. I know Jack is happy here, and why shouldn’t he be? He could become a real doctor here, just like he says. He could probably be the best doctor the colony has ever seen. And where would that leave me? I won’t be here long, I know that. I don’t know how long I can last, but it’s not years. I don’t know if it’s even weeks. And I can’t ask Jack to always come with me; it’s not fair to him. The gnawing in my stomach returns, and it’s not hunger. It’s the beginning of the panic that sets in when I think about either being alone on the Burn or being trapped here forever. My fingers flick too fast across the screen of my tablet.
Jack stills my hand with his own. “We don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to.”
Then when? This will be the elephant in the room until we do.
“How about when we know more? You still need to meet with your father.”
Don’t remind me.
“The council could offer us help about what to do with the serum.”
But the idea of sitting down and having a meeting with my dad leaves me cold.
Jack kisses my forehead, his lips lingering on my skin, his next words whispered into my hair. “You can do anything, Terra. You’re just as strong as Nell. Maybe stronger.”
I don’t feel strong.
“That’s because you’re caught in the middle of it. But I see you—really see you—and you’re amazing.”
I lay my head on his shoulder, wishing we could stay this way forever, but knowing it won’t last. Even the peace we have with just the four of us in quarantine won’t last. It will end after one more day, and then I will probably prove Jack wrong. I’ll face my father, and we’ll see how strong—or weak—I really am.
Chapter Fifteen
“It’s time for your scheduled evaluation, Terra.” The medical assistant smiles her white teeth at me, and her eyebrows are raised expectantly. She gestures for the door next to her desk that reads Medical Area Access. Nell and Red came back from their evaluations half an hour ago.
“I’ve never seen so much gadgetry in all my life,” Red said, huffing as he sat down to lunch.
Nell patted his arm and tsked him. “Don’t let your temper get the best of you.”
Red shook his head. “They examined every inch of me, let me tell you. I have no secrets anymore.”
Jack frowned. “They were professional, though, weren’t they? It wasn’t humiliating or offensive like in the Salt Lake hospital?”
Red took a bite of his sandwich. “Doesn’t need to be humiliating to be too personal.” He chewed for a minute and then sighed. “No, they were very professional. As professional as a professional doctor should be, I guess—I’ve never had a real doctor’s appointment in my whole life. But let me tell you one thing. I asked the doctor about the nomads who’ve come here, and you know what he said? Not a one of them has brought any kind of illness. So why are we in quarantine?”
“Oh, hush now, Red,” Nell said. “They’re just protecting everyone who lives here. It may not seem necessary, but I think it shows they care. And it’s not bad at all here where we are.” She lowered her voice. “And we get to have our own place tomorrow morning.”
Red’s face unwrinkled as he kissed Nell’s hand. “And it’s just not coming fast enoug
h.”
Now here I am, waiting for my own exam. I have a light gown on, and I clutch it to me, closing up the open back. The lights are bright and almost warm. The door from the quarantine room is closed, but the door into the rest of the medical area hangs open a fraction of an inch. They must be getting more lax in their quarantine procedures. I expected this room to be zipped up tight. Through the crack, I see the white scrubs of the doctor approaching.
“Terra.” He extends his hand and I reach mine to shake it, all the while being careful to keep my gown clenched closed with my other. “It’s nice having you back again.”
I nod.
He reviews his tablet. “Since we have your exam results from a year ago, we’ll just take a few tests and then compare the results to see how you’re doing. This shouldn’t take too long.”
He places the tablet on the counter and pulls on exam gloves. I sit through the poking, prodding, and blood draws with stoic toleration. The doctor chats as he works, and his blue eyes reflect his patience and attention to detail as he works. It’s so nice to be able to read his eyes, unlike a certain pair of black eyes belonging to a certain doctor at a certain labor camp.
“Relax,” the doctor says as he hits my knee to check my reflexes.
Sorry, I mouth. I didn’t realize thinking about the good doctor had quite that effect on me. I take a deep breath and give him a watered-down smile.
My exam is over, and the doctor is about to leave the room so I can get dressed and return to quarantine when he pauses at the door and turns back to me. “I’m working on something for your communication problem. We’ll discuss it tomorrow when you’re ready to leave quarantine.” Then he’s gone.
Funny, I didn’t realize I had a problem.
I lie in my bunk, listening to the sounds of snoring—Nell’s soft rasp and Red’s deep bullfrog. It might keep anyone else up, but it’s comforting to me. I’m curled on my side, enjoying the unfamiliar softness of the mattress and gazing at the empty bunk across the aisle from me. The last time I slept on a bunk, I shivered all night long and listened to much worse things that snoring. My blanket is pulled up tight around my chin, and I’m trying to trick myself into thinking about how perfectly comfortable I am. I should be able to close my eyes and fall asleep in a heartbeat, but my eyes are glued open and all I can do is stare. I need to meet with my father; I need to ask the council for help with the loyalty serum; I need to talk to Jack about how long I’m going to stay in the colony. The pit in my stomach is growing by the second.