That was exactly the right answer, Karen thought.
___________
Zeke and the soldiers reached the Rocky Mountain Great Divide. They stopped and looked silently, awed by the view in every direction.
They raced down the mountain at over 100 mph, as Bob Seger’s Roll Me Away blared.
126.
Samuel’s biological Aunt and Uncle risked their lives searching for him all across a very dangerous America. They were finally directed to David and Karen’s farm. The California to Alabama trek of the Nuclear War Club had become widely known, and embellished, over many campfires all over America.
They showed Karen the legal Will Samuel’s mother had signed, giving them custody of Samuel.
“None of that matters now,” Karen said bitterly. “There are no Courts,” she finished, a threat glistening in her eye. Elijah and Abigail were strong and healthy, but really old, far too old, to be Samuel’s parents she thought. They must be at least 40.
Elijah erupted, when Abigail caressed his hand.
“I know this is difficult. You have been a superb Mother,” Abigail said, looking at Karen with compassion.
“We will come back tomorrow and talk some more,” Abigail said, standing up and dragging Elijah forcibly.
127.
“Samuel’s Mother gave him to me, I have raised him almost a year,” Karen said to David, later in their bedroom.
David didn’t say anything. He just listened while Karen unloaded. Dad told him good husbands hold two things, their wife’s hand, and their own tongue.
“Don’t you agree?” Karen asked in frustration as David did not say anything.
“I am not the Mother, you are,” he said, evasively.
“Tell me what you think,” Karen demanded.
David paused. He had learned one thing in their brief marriage, the truth of the proverb that without wood a fire dies out, without words a quarrel stops.
“I need to know,” she pleaded.
He held both her hands and began.
“Samuel’s Mother and Father sat down and decided who she wanted to raise Samuel if they died,” David said.
“They took their hard earned money, went to an attorney, and had it written up in her Will so there would be no confusion,” David continued, watching her expression.
“And this family was the one they chose out of everyone on earth,” he said gently.
“They have a good marriage, he is a Preacher. Samuel will grow up with his cousins,” he said, as Karen wept.
“Samuel needs to go with them,” he felt relieved he had actually said it,
“They are his blood,” David continued.
“You were a great mother. Instead of weeping over what you will not have, be grateful for the time you did have with Samuel,” he said.
“Karen, they are the next of kin,” he emphasized.
Karen jerked her hands away from David like they were a glowing red hot stove. She fled, betrayed, to the kitchen.
David didn’t chase her. He couldn’t make this better. He had said what needed to be said, the truth. He knew she wasn’t angry with him, she was bitter at life.
128.
Karen and David read Samuel a story after breakfast.
“Samuel, do you remember your Uncle Elijah and Aunt Abigail?” Karen asked.
“Yes,” Samuel said.
“Well they are here, now.”
Samuel didn’t say anything, he just listened.
“Your Mom wrote down that she wanted you to live with your Uncle and Aunt if we ever found them, and now we have found them,” Karen said, just barely maintaining her composure.
“It’s in the Bible?” Samuel asked.
“Well, your Mother didn’t write it in the Bible, but she wrote it down,” Karen explained.
“Like Samuel in the Bible who had to leave his Mom?” Samuel asked.
David and Karen thought about that, then Samuel started crying loudly.
“Does this mean you are going to die?” he asked.
Karen was perplexed. Of all the questions she was prepared for, this was not on the list. She didn’t know what to say, she turned and looked at David.
“You mean like your Mother died when Karen came?” David asked.
Samuel nodded his head, biting his finger.
Karen burst into tears and told Samuel, “No, I am not going to die. I mean I am not going to die right now. One day we all will die,” Karen clarified.
“OK,” Samuel said, cheering up, wiping his eyes.
Karen was amazed, and, truthfully , hurt, that Samuel accepted leaving her so calmly. A little hysterics by Samuel would have helped her ego. Of course a Mom could never say that.
“Last time he lost a Mother, she had been tortured and bled to death before his eyes. He had also lost his Dad, and his brothers. His main concern is that you survive,” David explained later.
She had asked for some sign. She finally realized the name Samuel was always the sign.
129.
David watched Karen wash all Samuel’s clothes and hang them on the clothesline. When they dried she carefully folded Samuel’s pants, his shirts, his socks, stacking them on the bed. She held some close to her chest, smelling the shirts, and weeping.
“I have to pack for Samuel’s trip,” Karen said.
David nodded, as he brought in the large green duffle bag and Samuel’s backpack. Karen just glanced at the backpack and wept.
“Find all his shoes, he has 4 pairs, ” Karen said. David knew she had always been obsessed that Samuel have shoes in his next three sizes, and with the clothes, they would fill the duffle bag.
David went out to check his bee hives, and when he came back almost all Samuel’s clothes were gone, but the back pack and duffle bag were still empty.
He watched from the kitchen as Karen folded the last of Samuel’s clothes, and put them back in the wooden shelves built into the wall. Her hand trembled as she put Samuel’s shoes back in the shelves. He was terrified by her dead, vacant, stare that pierced right through him.
Karen was not packing any of Samuel’s clothes in the backpack, or the duffle bag, for the trip.
130.
Samuel would leave at dawn with Elijah and Abigail.
David knew Karen had not slept all night. She told him it would be far easier if she was just awaiting her own execution at dawn. She had left Samuel’s door open just to watch him sleep. She silently paced endlessly back and forth past his bedroom in the darkened hall, drinking steaming mugs of coffee. She was dressed warmly in her long, black, lambs wool underwear, housecoat, and pink hiking socks, but she was trembling. She ran her fingers nervously through her hair. She paused at his bedroom, looking at him, leaning against the door frame. He checked his watch, it was 2:11am.
“Have you written the letter?” David asked.
“What letter?” asked Karen.
David paused, choosing his words carefully. Karen’s face was red and puffy, she had cried for hours. Her nerves were taut, her hands shook when she wiped her eyes.
“Before he would go on a combat op, my Dad always wrote a letter to my Mom. Dad put it in a blue envelope, and laid it in the Bible in the kitchen. If he didn’t come back, she was to open the letter, and read it,” David explained.
“Sometimes Dad didn’t come back on time. I can remember my Mom staring at the Bible, and weeping. But she never opened the letter, and he always came back,” David said.
“That’s exactly what I need to do!” Karen said. David noticed while she wasn’t happy, she was now very determined. She had a mission, and she would get it done.
David took her hand and led her into the kitchen to write the letter. He quietly slipped away, once she began to write.
David quietly unloaded all her guns. He put her bullet magazines and grenades into his backpack until after Samuel left. Doron had made that suggestion to him, saying nothing is more traumatic than a Mother losing a child. Mothers are hard wired to fight to the d
eath for their child. “Over my dead body” was not just a saying, Doron warned.
Liu came to him and explained that he should remember Karen had lost her Mother at age 4, and now Samuel was leaving at age 4. Karen may subconsciously fear she is abandoning Samuel, like her Mom did, Liu observed.
Everyone rallied around Karen, he thought.
131.
Karen didn’t notice David leave.
Of course! A letter to be given to Samuel when he turned thirteen. And she would be doing something, not just watching the seconds slowly pass.
She started with Samuel’s Mother, deleting all the gory details, just succinctly stating she had died. Karen explained his Father had fought bravely, to the death, protecting his family. She described how Samuel’s Mother had hidden him in the attic, like Moses’ mother hid him in the bushes. Little stories, making the Dvd, and his Mother singing Jesus Loves Me in her pink housecoat. Karen explained there had been a funeral for his family at their home.
Karen explained that Jorge Rodriguez had knowingly exposed himself to enemy fire to save Samuel.
Samuel, you must never forget that, you are alive because Jorge Rodriguez, and your Mom and Dad died for you.
The words flew, sometimes fast, other times only after the ink was splattered with her tears.
Karen explained she had just turned seventeen when she started to raise him, that she hoped she had been a good Mother. Karen started to scratch out “Mother” for the edited version, but then decided not to.
She had been Samuel’s Mother. Her heart was breaking, and they could just deal with it.
She tried to focus on what she had shared with Samuel, the Bible stories, how he had his own little tent. She recounted adventures he had with K-Bar. All the little stories she treasured in her heart.
She looked up, startled, from the kitchen table. The hours had flown by.
David was fully dressed. She had written thirteen pages, but had not edited, or even reread, anything. She wanted David to read it, and then she would draft a final version.
“No,” said David.
“The letter is four hours of your heart, written to your son. No editing,” David said, folding and inserting the letter, then taping shut the old envelope that had held the receipt for his Dad’s tent.
“Karen, I am holding your guns until we get back,” David said.
“You think I am crazy!” Karen accused.
“Yes, absolutely. Looney toons, bat wing crazy, in fact,” David said softly, smiling.
“Ok, so I may be on edge. And I guess I did almost blow Doron away over Ashley. Perhaps for the best. Just pay attention, and have them with you, keep yours loaded, we can be attacked anytime,” Karen replied, silently handing him her extra grenade, and concealed pistol he had missed.
Karen quickly washed her face, hoping to erase the evidence of tears for Samuel’s sake. Her hair was hopeless, she tied it in a ponytail and put on a baseball cap. She hurried to get ready when she saw the first yellow streaks of dawn out of Samuel’s window.
Samuel and David were eating cereal at the table and mixing the powdered milk. The Curious George stuffed monkey was sitting in the chair next to Samuel, as usual. David had his little backpack ready. She noticed David had put all of Samuel’s clothes and shoes in his green , heavy duty, military duffle bag, and bound it shut. She was grateful, she just could not pack his clothes. Maybe David was right, maybe she was losing it, she thought. Keep it together, girl, she said to herself.
David and Karen drove with K-Bar in the back, and Samuel in his car seat, following Elijah and Abigail, and the other trucks to the Tennessee River. Doron’s barge, which could transport a truck, was waiting. Doron had jailbreaked the Preacher a new four wheel drive pickup truck, explaining it was for this nephew Samuel. David loaded Elijah’s pickup truck onto the barge and they quickly crossed the Tennessee River.
After they crossed the river, Elijah and Abigail hugged Karen. Karen handed them the letter for Samuel while David quickly installed the child seat in their truck.
The Preacher cried, but didn’t say anything. He carefully put the letter in a Ziploc quart plastic bag, then put it in his Bible, and zipped the cover shut. He grabbed Samuel’s duffle bag and threw it in the back of the truck.
Doron took pictures as and everyone stood in front of the barge .
“Samuel is my nephew. If he ever needs anything when he grows up, you let me know. Here is a shortwave transceiver, and solar battery charger to call me. I have been teaching him math, he is able to add and subtract two digits. Here are his homeschool books,” Doron told Ezekiel.
Samuel didn’t move. Karen moved towards Ezekiel and told him, “Now you will go with Uncle Ezekiel, and Aunt Abigail.”
Samuel hugged her, she held him, then struggled to let go.
Please God let me be brave, Karen prayed silently. She wiped her eyes, and released him.
“I will get to play with the twins,” Samuel said as he turned and got into Ezekiel’s pickup truck.
What did Samuel mean, he would play with the twins? Karen thought he must be talking about his cousins.
“Do this quickly,” Liu told Ezekiel. “Karen cannot handle this.”
Karen knew she was falling apart. K-Bar hesitated by Karen, he seemed troubled.
“Stay with Samuel, protect him,” Karen commanded, rubbing K Bars head, then motioning to the truck body. K Bar obeyed, and jumped in the back.
“David, be sure they have the duffle bag with K Bar’s dry dog food,” Karen said. David nodded and handed it to Elijah.
Elijah’s pickup drove off the barge, and took off, heading west.
______________
Karen wept, but was stoic until they left for Samuel’s sake. But as soon as Samuel’s truck was out of sight, she just completely collapsed, suddenly falling down. David caught her, and sat her on the grass.
David caressed her hair and put her baseball cap back on. He just sat with her a while until it seemed the sobbing slowed, then helped her stand up.
He wisely let her weep without saying anything. There simply was no comfort. He just walked her to the truck. David saw Liu weeping, her head was resting on the steering wheel in her truck. When Doron and Ashley saw Karen’s condition, they stopped their truck. David just silently waved them on.
When they arrived home, the house was incredibly quiet, dead. Even the house seemed in mourning. David never thought about the constant sounds of life, of exuberant energy of a 4 year old boy and his dog.
The area Samuel usually played in seemed to echo with silence. His tire swing was still, his tree house quiet. The yard where Samuel and K-Bar were always running, shouting, climbing trees, exploring, pretending, was now…………
Empty.
132.
The Army set up an ingenious, enhanced Combat Medic program for Nuclear War medicine in Tennessee. Liu enrolled. She was still very attracted to David, and knew she needed to get away. Besides, as Karen had told her, no telling who she might meet in medical school.
“These are morphine syringes. You may run across someone who needs these before I can get there. Be very careful. One will relieve pain, two will kill,” Liu said knowingly, looking them each in the eye. They had begun to run across people suffering horrifically painful deaths from radiation exposure. Some, desperate and out of ammo, even begged to be shot with a gun. She gave each family 6 syringes.
Liu had decided to return to the Nuclear War Club after graduation to set up her practice in Beulah. Medical school had been a professional feast, but a famine for finding a husband. Almost all the students were already married. If a husband came along, fine, if not, life is what happens while you are waiting for everything to be perfect Liu thought.
Dr. Liu and Karen soon delivered Ashley’s healthy, beautiful son, Joshua. The birth graphically reminded both Dr. Liu and Karen that they had no children. They were all turning 19, life was passing them by.
Doron, weary of the parties, had suggested
they have a communal birthday party for everyone. They did, and it was a time of reflection.
Ashley became a model Mother. Dr. Liu told Karen she saw Ashley imitate how Karen had raised Samuel.
“Doron doesn’t just think I am stupid, he thinks everyone is stupid,” Ashley had told her during an office visit to check up on Joshua. Dr. Liu suggested marital counselling with Mike, which proved effective.
“ I go looking for Doron around dark, wherever he was working in his invention buildings. I would sleep there in a tent with Joshua just to be with him,” Ashley explained in a later visit.
“We have become a team, and Doron loves me,” Ashley beamed.
Dr. Liu smiled. Some couples love each other and get married, some get married, then grow to love each other.
Dr. Liu was pleased that Doron also began to acquire the wisdom that he was not omniscient.
Ironic, Dr. Liu thought. I am miserable that I am 19, unmarried, without children. In the prewar, I wouldn’t even be looking for a husband.
133.
Karen waited until David was breathing steadily, sound asleep, then she would quietly leave the master bedroom and sit in the rocking chair by the fireplace. She would weep silently, praying, asking why she was not pregnant. She would stare a Samuel’s photographs for hours. Sometimes the dark would come.
“Ashley easily got pregnant just three months after getting married,” she reminded God. When she discussed this with David, he seemed undisturbed. He was much more focused on the crops and farm.
Karen had an insatiable hunger, an intense craving, for a child.
“God, remember Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth all were barren, then you gave them children,” she prayed. “Please add me to the list.” She read their stories over and over.
“Well, David was certainly energetically fulfilling his role,” she told herself. But maybe he was sterile from radiation exposure. Or maybe she was sterile. Or worse, both were sterile. In the darkness it all seemed hopeless.
Nuclear War Club: Seven high school students are in detention when Nuclear War explodes.Game on, they are on their own. Page 33