“What about bairns? They were married for ten years, there must have been bairns? Or did they lose them?”
D’arcy looked at me, an unfathomable expression of despair in his eyes.
“There were no children. Edmund and Mary were never blessed with children. If they had, she might be permitted to remain in order to guide them to adulthood, but without children, Lady Mary has no place in that family”.
I reeled at the implications of that statement. I looked at Donald, and recognised a look in his eyes that let me know he was having a similar thought. If the Lady Mary was barren, she would have little value. The only type of man who might wish to marry her, would be one who already had children from previous marriages, and therefore had no need of more, but was only looking for a wife to warm his bed. That would mean a widower, probably one substantially older, who only wanted a wife as a means to slake his lust. That would not only be a terrible life for her, but meant that we had a very real problem. The Lady Mary’s value in coin would not be very high, and we were trying to ransom her. Now we might find ourselves in a position where the Le Bruin family did not want to pay to get her back. Just as I was trying to remember what she had said to me about such a thing occurring, the Lady herself appeared out of the trees and without speaking a word to any of us, walked over and stood next to my horse, her head held high. Nodding at Donald and D’arcy, I strode to my horse, loosening its reins, and lifted the Lady into the saddle, settling in behind her and urging my horse to a walk. As my arm wound around her waist, I momentarily closed my eyes, enjoying the moment. Soon I would not be able to do this. The image of her being used and abused forced its way into my thoughts, and I shook my head trying to dispel it. I understood now why she had been so angry at Donald, and also at me. In her eyes, we were just more men that were going to take from her what we wanted, and toss her aside when she had no more value to us. Just as her father had done, just as her father-by-law had done, and just as a prospective husband would probably do. The only men who seemed to have had any real love for her were her husband, and her guard. For those men, she had an unswerving loyalty. I knew then that I wanted to be counted in that number.
Mary.
I don’t know why when I returned that I only found D’arcy, Liam and Donald waiting for me, but I was grateful. Maybe the other men had been sent on to make camp, but at least I hadn’t had to face them all with a red swollen face, and bloodshot eyes. By the time we stopped that evening, I think I must have looked almost normal, although most of the men seemed to be treating me as if I was something fragile, something that would break if a strong wind blew. I decided that could be to my advantage. The main body of men had not only found a good place to camp, but some of them had been hunting while they waited for us, and we reached a camp that was a hive of activity, with game meats being cleaned and placed over sticks to roast over the fires. They had even found an impression in the hillside which they had set up as a private room for me. It was too shallow to be called a cave, but with a thicket of twigs arranged to one side, it was a good shelter, and with a small fire in front it was sheltered from the wind and was quite warm. I also felt more comfortable having my own private space, instead of having to sleep in the middle of a group of men. D’arcy told me that he had arranged with Liam and Donald to watch over me in shifts, and that he thought I would be quite safe. In any case, he would sleep close to my shelter, and as Liam had returned D’arcy’s sword to him, and I knew D’arcy to be a light sleeper when he needed to be, so he would hear if someone approached.
I slept more soundly that night than the night before, and was a little disappointed to be leaving my shelter in the morning. When we mounted the horses that day, I caught a whiff of myself and shuddered. Normally fastidious, it had been two days since I had changed clothes, and I was sure that I stank. I was also certain that most of the men around me stank as well. Liam must have felt me shudder, as he asked me what the problem was. I didn’t want to answer at first, as it wasn’t proper to discuss an activity that required nudity with a man, but as there weren’t any women around to discuss it with I took a deep breath, thankful that he couldn’t see my flushed face as I spoke.
“I need a bath. I need to wash my clothes too, but a bath would do if that is the best that can be done. Do we pass a lake, or a river or something?”
Liam laughed, and I smiled at feeling his stomach rippling against my back as he laughed.
“We still have several days ahead of us my Lady. Can ye not wait? “
“Well, no, not really. And to be honest, neither can you”.
I heard and felt him moving and sniffing himself. He was silent for a while, then spoke again.
“I think we pass close by a loch a few hours ahead. If ye can wait that long, I will see what I can do”.
Satisfied, I nodded my head. The intimate discussion we had just had, seemed to have caused the air between us to thaw a little as we began speaking far more than we had done up until this point.
“Yer man D’arcy told us that yer family is planning to marry ye off, lass. That must be difficult to hear. I must admit that once I did not think of things from a woman’s side, but I do understand. Believe me that we will do nothing to make this more difficult for you than it would be anyway”.
I thought over what he had said. Obviously D’arcy had explained what had been troubling me of late, to explain my outburst. I had wondered whether I should apologise to Donald, but I didn’t think I needed to. He had spoken thoughtlessly, and he should have had to listen to how much those words could hurt a person. I didn’t know exactly how much D’arcy had told Liam, but didn’t think he had told him of my fears about who I feared my next husband would be. What interested me was that Liam had alluded to something changing the way he viewed women, and I wanted to know more about this.
“What you said, about once you didn’t see things from a woman’s side, but now you did, what did you mean by that?”
Liam exhaled deeply, ruffling my hair. For a very long time he didn’t speak. When finally he did, it was a revelation.
“Once I think I was a man very like ye described to Donald, although I was never so harsh as to raise my hand to a woman. My family also arranged a marriage with another family for political purposes, although we were not so young as ye and yer Edmund. Rose was nineteen and I was one and twenty when we married. I was not happy that I was expected to marry, and what I didn’t know was that Rose was even less happy than I. She had wanted to marry another man, but her family wanted to forge an alliance with mine instead, and so forced her to marry me. I did not find out about her choice until later, when we were alone in our bridal chamber, and she threw the words at me in an argument, but the damage was done by then. When I first saw my bride, she seemed reluctant, but resigned, so I thought nothing of it, as that was how I felt about the marriage. I don’t think I should continue with this discussion, not with a lady, anyway”.
Liam stopped speaking so abruptly, that I didn’t realise straight away that he intended not to continue, but when I did I urged him to go on.
“It is not proper to discuss these things with a woman, even one who has been married herself”.
“Liam, you can’t tell me half a story, and not finish it, or I will imagine all sorts of horrible things that happened. You can’t tell me anything worse than what I am imagining, so just say it”.
For a long time he didn’t say anything, then he drew in a deep breath and continued in a very quiet voice.
“On our wedding night, Rose told me that she loved another, and that there would never be any love between her and me. She told me to get on with it, to do my duty and get her with child so that both our families would be satisfied with the match, and that once she had done her duty and produced an heir, she would not be suffering my touch again. I was foolish enough to think it was just the fear talking, so I did what she demanded, but she was true to her word. Once she was certain that she was carrying a bairn, she refused to share the
marriage bed with me any more. I just shrugged my shoulders and took my pleasure where it was offered, thinking that eventually she would come around, and that she just did not want me near her while she was carrying my child. The birthing did not go well, and she lost a lot of blood, and delivered a dead child, a little girl. Rose asked to see me as she lay dying, and cursed me for my stupidity. She made me see that if we had both been free to choose our own match, then we would not have been stuck with each other. She was right. If Rose had not been bartered to make a bargain, she would have married the man she loved, and maybe things would have been different for her. Even if she had still died young, she would at least have been happy for a while. She was miserable with me, and I with her. So I do understand that women do not have any control over their lives, and that often means that their lives, and everyone else’s lives, are the worse for it”.
Listening to his story, my eyes had misted up at this tale. This man understood a little of the fear that I felt, but I didn’t think he had thought it through completely.
“Just imagine something for a moment Liam. Imagine your daughter had lived. Imagine she had grown up into a lovely young woman, maybe she looked a little like you, or like Rose? Now imagine that someone comes to you with a marriage proposal for your daughter. For an advantage to you, you just have to send her away to live with another family who will now have total control over her life. Her husband might be a good man, or he might be a brute, or somewhere in between the two, but her life is not her own any more. She must do what her husband wants her to do, and if he dies, she must do what her husband’s family wants her to do, even if that involves marrying a horrible old man who makes her feel sick every time he looks at her. Would you make her do it?”
Liam sat back a little and was silent for a very long time. Finally, just before we stopped for a rest, he spoke again.
“No, Lady Mary. I don’t think I would. This man ye speak of, this imaginary man, he isn’t imaginary is he? What’s his name?”
I looked at him but couldn’t talk. He was more astute than I had thought. I shook my head and told him that I needed some privacy, and stumbled off to the bushes, followed again by D’arcy.
When I had finished, and walked back to the point where D’arcy and I had parted and had arranged to meet again, D’arcy was already waiting for me there. He approached me and spoke urgently.
“We must be quick, they won’t miss us if we aren’t gone long. What were you talking about, you seemed quite earnest up front there?”
“D’arcy, I almost slipped. I almost told him about Lord Lescelles. I’m afraid that if he finds out, he will send us back. I know we will probably have to go back eventually, but the longer we are away, means that maybe I will get lucky and Lord Lescelles will look elsewhere for a wife”.
D’arcy took my hands and looked into my eyes.
“Mary, my offer still stands. It would have been difficult before, getting away, but maybe it will be easier now. We can leave if you want. Edmund would never have wanted you to have to go to that monster, and I can’t bear the thought of it either. We can run away together, start over somewhere, we can pretend to be married, or really marry if that will make it easier for you. You know I won’t abandon you, I will go with you if you have to marry Lescelles, but I will be powerless to help you. His household is too afraid of him to defy him, and I am only one man. You know the only way for either of us to be free is if you come away with me”.
I moved into D’arcy’s arms and hugged him close. He had made this suggestion several times, but each time I came back to the same fear. If we were caught, he would be killed. They might kill me, or might not, but things would be very grim for D’arcy, and I could not risk that. Just as I was about to step back from D’arcy, I heard a slow clapping behind me and spun to see Liam standing there, a sardonic look on his face.
“Very touching. Now it’s clear why there is so much loyalty between the two of ye. Well, it matters not, and changes nothing. It’s time to go”.
He stood aside, gesturing for us to walk ahead of him. As I drew abreast of him, I looked up, and looked into his eyes. Although from a distance I had judged his expression to be sardonic, up closer I could see something else, was it anger or disappointment? It was clear that he knew that D’arcy and I had a closer relationship than a Lady should have with her guard, but I didn’t know why that would bother him. He only saw me as a source of coin, why did he care whether or not I sought happiness in the arms of D’arcy, or anyone for that matter?
Liam.
I passed the rest of the day in an angry haze. For the first time I did not put my arm around Lady Mary’s waist. In truth, after the first day when I did it to make sure she did not escape, there had been no need for it. She sat the horse well, and at the speed at which we were travelling, she was in no danger of falling off, the truth of it was that I had held her because I liked to do it. After what I had seen today though, I was angry, and maybe a little jealous as well. I had lost a lot of respect for D’arcy, I had thought he was acting out of loyalty to his Lady, but clearly as she was his lover there was a personal reason for him to protect her. They had fooled us all, and I wondered how many other people they had fooled. How long had they been lovers? Had this been happening during her marriage, or had it only started after she was widowed? Her husband had died young, had he been sickly? Had she sought her release in the arms of a stronger man because her husband was unwell? I had briefly wondered at the cause of her childlessness – as I had heard an old healer once say, sometimes the field wasn’t barren, it was just that the seed was no good, and I had wondered if the reason for Lady Mary being childless might be because of something being amiss with her husband instead of her. But if she had taken a lover apart from her husband yet was still childless, then it was not likely that both men had ‘faulty seed’. During the day, I shifted between being angry at Lady Mary for her faithlessness, to admiring her for trying to take some control of her life. By the time we reached the loch, in the late afternoon, I was still angry, but was calming down a little. I dismounted, making angry, jerking motions, and grasped Lady Mary more roughly than I had previously, standing her on the ground before walking to inspect the area. Donald came to stand at my side, pointing out a sheltered cove off to the left.
“If the Lady wants to bathe in there, I will stand guard on this point to make sure none of the men stray around for a peek. When ye or D’arcy have had a chance to bathe, ye can relieve me and I will bathe then”.
I nodded and left it to Donald and D’arcy to explain the plan to Lady Mary, needing to cool off and striding to the dam, stripping out of my clothes as I did. Hearing a squeak behind me, I realised that Lady Mary had not had the chance to go to the cove yet, but was being quickly hurried that way by D’arcy. I laughed to myself as I imagined him trying to ensure her eyes were averted as she walked away. The sight of the water had energized several of my men, and before long the water was filled with naked, laughing, splashing warriors. The water was clear and cold, and the woman was right, I did need to bathe. When I felt that I had washed off the road dust and the stale sweat, I dressed and relieved Donald, who raced to the water’s edge, giggling like I remembered him doing as a lad. I smiled as I ran my hands through my hair, trying to shake out as much of the water as I could. After a while, I became aware of a presence beside me, and looked down to see Lady Mary, rebraiding her hair. As I looked at her, with her head tilted to one side, her hands nimbly working the hair down past her waist, I regretted not seeing it loose and flowing in the water. It would have been a sight to behold. She looked at me and then looked away, seeming uncomfortable in my presence. I then became uncomfortably aware that she must have put on her clothing while her skin was still wet, as it was clinging to every curve of her body, and the cold water had obviously made her nipples harden, as I could see the shape of them through the layers of her clothing. I looked away, it did not matter how fascinating her body looked, she chose to share it with anothe
r. Whatever had passed between Lady Mary and her husband, I had observed her and D’arcy long enough to know that they were more close than a Lady and her sworn guard would be, and I had no wish to repeat my mistake with Rose.
It was torture when we mounted to continue our journey, my body had been cooled by the water of the lake and so when Lady Mary’s body leaned back against mine the warmth of her back was most welcome. Unbidden, my arm snaked around her waist again and I pulled her close to me. If I appreciated her warmth, then she must surely appreciate mine, I reasoned, so it would be foolish to deny ourselves this.
That night we again managed to find a way for the Lady to have some privacy away from the main contingent of my men, and as the previous night, Donald, myself and D’arcy took turns to keep watch over the lady. I was beginning to think that it was probably unnecessary, as I had observed the Lady when we were preparing the evening meal. She had helped several of the men with the roasting of the day’s hunt, and I had not noted anything untoward in their reactions to her. None of them were blind, and I saw several admiring glances cast her way, but none of them seemed any more than the glance that any healthy male would give as a beautiful woman walked by. The Lady had been an uncomplaining captive, and I think that she had won the respect of my men by her display of courage. It had been clear for the last couple of days that she was not used to riding a horse for long periods, and her muscles were probably aching, yet not a word of complaint had passed her lips. These men, who had fought many skirmishes, valued courage. However, I had agreed on this arrangement with D’arcy, and I honoured my word.
Taken by a Highland Raider Page 3