Those thoughts continued that night when I was lying in my bed, alone. It had been a long time since I had been with a woman, I realised, which might have been why I could not dispel Mary from my thoughts. I had been so afraid of getting another woman with child again, that I had avoided women since Rose had died. I had sought the comfort of another woman’s bed when Rose denied me hers, but after Rose’s death in childbed, I had no desire to put another woman at risk in that way. I knew that if I did not spill my seed inside a woman that it greatly reduced the risk of a bairn, but it could still happen.
I thought of Mary, and my mother’s outrageous suggestion that Mary should marry Donald or myself. I burned with fear at the thought of having to witness Mary’s marriage to Donald, and watch them leave the wedding feast to retire to their marriage bed. I could not possibly live each day of my life near my brother if he had joined his life with the woman that I desired for myself. For I had realised that what I felt for Mary was desire, and maybe a little more. I would not have been human if I had not enjoyed riding with her every day, my arm around her warm body, her behind snug in my lap. At the thought of Mary’s behind in my lap, I started to imagine what she would look like naked, and how she would feel if I put my arm around her and pulled her naked behind against my shaft, bending her slightly forward to enter her from behind. The position that we had spent almost a week in, could with only a few changes have been so much more pleasurable for us both, I was sure. I breathed a sigh of frustration at the ache in my bollocks, and the hardness of my shaft, before giving up my attempt to sleep and donning my clothes for a bracing walk in the chilly evening air.
As I walked around the grounds, I nodded to the guards that I encountered and continued to think of Mary. She would be ideal for me. Not only was she brave in the face of her fear, and apparently had quickly won over my mother’s affections, but just the thought of her aroused me as I had never experienced before. I had taken my relief in the arms of willing women, being careful not to create unwanted bairns of course, and had done my duty by Rose, giving her the child she asked for, but I would be able to lay with Mary without fear or guilt. No matter how often I took her to bed, I would not endanger her life. I nodded to myself, having reached a decision. I would marry Mary. Now all I had to do, was to convince Mary.
Mary managed to be elusive for the next few days. For some reason, it appeared that she was avoiding me, and I did not know why. I watched for her each day during practice, but although I saw many of the local lassies appear, giggling as they watched the man who had earned himself a reputation as a devilishly skilful swordsman, Mary never appeared to either watch me, or D’arcy. D’arcy seemed to be watching me closely, and I wondered anew exactly what his relationship with Mary was, or if he wanted it to continue. Both of them seemed to have settled in to life with our people without an outward care in the world, in fact, they both seemed to be quite happy. Or at least, I thought Mary was happy, Mother had spoken of her frequently, but she had managed to remain elusive. I had seen her at Mass on Sunday, but she had vanished before I was finished speaking with the priest and I did not know where she had gone, although I did note that D’arcy was likewise nowhere to be seen.
It was therefore in a foul mood that I headed towards the library, wondering if I would find a text to distract me from thoughts of Mary. I opened the door, and came to a sudden halt as I saw the woman herself, sitting by the window, apparently deep in concentration on one of the few books that my family possessed.
“Ye read, woman?” I asked in shock.
Mary stared at me, her lips thinning in an angry line, before putting the book down carefully and approaching me angrily. I looked down as she approached, she needed to tilt her head backwards a fair way to look me in the eye.
“Of course I read you foolish man! Do you think me addled in the head or something?”
I took a step back at her vehemence, before throwing up my hands in a defensive gesture.
“I apologise, My Lady, if I have offended ye. It is just that so few men learn to read, let alone women, but maybe things are different in England?”
Mary now looked abashed, and looked down at the floor before speaking in a small voice.
“No, it is I who must apologise. Things are not different in England. No-one wastes money on tutors to teach girls to read. Girls are considered to be of use for only two things. One is birthing babies, one is, um, making babies. It is thought to be a waste of time teaching girls to read, as they do not need to read to do either of those things. I was very fortunate because both my Edmund and D’arcy were gifted with a good education, and they shared it with me without anyone knowing. They taught me to read and even to write, Edmund said that if I couldn’t do those things, then I would be at the mercy of people who could”.
I lowered my right hand and put my forefinger under her chin, lifting her face so that I could see her eyes. Her beautiful eyes were moist with tears, probably at the mention of her husband. Again I was reminded of how many things I took for granted. As a son of the house, there had been no question that I would be taught to read and write, so that I could manage the accounts when it became my responsibility. I couldn’t imagine not being able to do either, and was angered at the thought that this simple knowledge was denied to someone merely because they were born female. As jealous as I was of her relationship with D’arcy, and her obvious enduring affection for her husband, I was again reminded of how good and honourable those men must have been, to have helped Mary to gain knowledge that was denied to her.
As tempted as I was to bend my head and press my lips against Mary’s quivering lips, thoughts of D’arcy had dispelled any desire to do so. He was a good man. Clearly also an educated one, he must not always have been a guard. From what Mary and he had said, he had been a friend of her husband and therefore was probably of equal standing to him. As difficult as it was, if Mary wanted to leave with D’arcy, I would not stand in her way. I looked at the book she had been reading.
“I see ye are studying yer herb lore. Have ye decided to continue with it then?”
“Yes. I have been speaking to your healer and she told me that there was a lot of knowledge in this book. She told me to read it and then to return to her with any questions. She has not read it herself, but has had discussions with your father over what is in it, and she does not dispute what your father says is in it. Once I have finished the book, she will take me out to inspect what grows around here, and my training will begin”.
I took a sudden breath. It almost sounded like she wanted to stay.
“So, why are ye studying this? I thought ye wanted to leave with D’arcy?”
Mary looked at me searchingly before answering.
“I have spoken with your mother about whether we can remain here, and she tells me that she would like my company and she is not opposed to the idea. I can help with the healer’s duties as she ages, and D’arcy has said that he is happy to remain here if he is permitted to do so”.
“But will he be happy being a mere soldier? I think that yer man is not what he seems to be. He is not just a common guardsman, is he? Surely he must not be happy bunking in the barracks with the rest of the men if he is used to a finer life?”
Mary smiled at me.
“D’arcy was fostered to the Le Bruins as a child, and returned to his own home after a few years. He returned to the Le Bruins some time later, wanting to continue his training, as Lord Le Bruin kept excellent swordmasters, and D’arcy wanted to continue to learn. He and Edmund were good friends, and yes, he has lived a more comfortable life than he is living now, but he was not as happy as he is now. You have a good home here, and we are surrounded by good people, which is much more than we are used to. Maybe one day, D’arcy will want more, but not for now. I think you will find that D’arcy is probably a better swordsman than most of your men, so if he is given the responsibility of teaching his art, he would be a very happy man”.
I looked searchingly into Mary’s eyes
. There appeared to be no artifice. If I had not seen the two of them in an embrace, and heard them say the words that described their affection for each other, I would have thought that they were no more than good friends. Maybe I had misjudged them. I knew that I could not ask Mary about her relationship with D’arcy, but I could ask D’arcy.
“Are you insane, you big oaf?” cried D’arcy, seeming angrier than I would have expected.
I had asked him to walk with me, and after checking that the stables were empty, I had confronted him about my suspicions.
“Do ye deny it then? Are ye, or have ye been in the past, Mary’s lover?”
D’arcy stood in front of me, his chest heaving, and a mean look in his eye. I quickly checked around us to make sure there was nothing that he could use as a weapon, as I had not seen a man so angry in a long time.
“She was married to my best friend, she was, and is, a friend, do you honestly think I would have dishonoured Edmund, Mary, or myself, by doing such a thing?”
“Ye may not have been her lover when her husband was alive, but I know what I saw when we were travelling. Ye are much closer than a man should be with a woman he is not married to. If I am wrong, tell me so, and I will believe ye”.
I almost didn’t see it coming. With a roar, D’arcy launched himself at me. I dodged the fist that was heading towards my jaw, but didn’t see the one that landed hard in my gut. Just as D’arcy was quick with a blade, he was quick on his feet too, and he got in a few more hits before I managed to connect a fist with his face. Even though I was not as quick as him, I was bigger and stronger, and he staggered backwards, shaking his head before launching himself at me again. We fought backwards and forwards, spilling out of the stables and into the yard, where we attracted the attention of passers by, who stood in a ring around us, encouraging us as we fought. After a while, I could not remember what we were fighting about, I just knew that this was a contest that I had to win. My ribs were aching, my jaw hurt, and my right eye was swelling shut, but I knew from the pain of my skinned knuckles, and the bloodied up face that I saw looking at me, that D’arcy was feeling the strain of our encounter just as much, maybe more, than I was. Strange snatches of conversation came at me from the crowd, and although I was watching D’arcy closely I heard some of them. I heard Jenna from the kitchens yelling at me, admonishing me not to damage “his beautiful face” and her companion, whose voice I couldn’t place, saying that she would be happy to patch either of us up. Just as I decided that it was time to end this fight, once and for all, and was looking for an opening to land a punch that would knock D’arcy off his feet, I heard my father’s roar from behind us.
“Enough!”
I dropped my fists and spun to face him. He was standing on the stairs and I had never seen him so angry.
“What do ye think ye are doing? Brawling in the open like common drunkards! Both of ye – get inside now!”
I turned to look at D’arcy, and felt proud of myself for inflicting the amount of damage on him that I had done. His nose was bloodied, his lip was cut, and he too had a swelling eye. Unbidden a laugh rose in my chest, and as I started to laugh, I gasped and clutched my ribs in pain. This in turn made D’arcy laugh, and he ended up clutching his ribs as well.
“Now!” bellowed my father, and D’arcy and I turned and walked into the keep like two chastened children.
As we walked, I saw my mother despatch someone on an errand, and I wondered what it was about, but kept following my father to his solar. After D’arcy and I filed in, we stood while my father settled himself, then he indicated that we could sit.
“Now, would either of ye great fools like to tell me why ye were fighting in the yard like a pair of drunks brawling at an inn? Ye, Liam, ye are supposed to be setting an example to our people, and look at ye! And ye, D’arcy, would ye like to tell me why you were fighting with one of ye commanders?”
I looked at D’arcy. He should not have been fighting me, but I had deserved his anger. I had goaded him since the day we had met, first by kidnapping his Lady, then flaunting my authority by ignoring his protests over what was proper behaviour, and now I had insulted his honour. I called Father’s attention back to myself.
“It was my fault, father. I asked D’arcy to show me some of his unarmed fighting skills, and we both took it too far. It was not much more than a bout, blame me for not thinking it through”.
My father sat back and stared at me.
“So that is yer response then? Ye were just getting a lesson in fighting, and that’s why the two of ye have beaten each other to a pulp?”
I nodded. Father turned to D’arcy.
“And what is your story? Do you agree with Liam?”
What D’arcy would have said next I did not find out, as without knocking my mother swept into the room.
“I have brought Bridget and Mary to clean ye up and make sure ye have not done any real damage. Did ye not think that if the Le Bruin or the Lescelles pay the ransom, they might think that we have been treating the young man harshly if he returns to them in this condition?”
I closed my eyes in frustration. It was bad enough that I had been fighting in broad daylight in public, without even the excuse of alcohol, and that both my parents had an opinion to express, but now Mary would bear witness to my foolishness as well. As I opened my eyes, the first person I saw was old Bridget, who was approaching D’arcy, with a broad smile on her lined face.
“Ah, I have heard tell of this young man. Young Jenna from the kitchen was most insistent that I tend him first, she was very concerned about his pretty face”.
She grasped D’arcy’s chin with her wizened fingers, turning his face this way and that, tut tutting and looking at me. She gently prodded D’arcy’s face before pronouncing that she could not find anything broken.
“Ye will have trouble seeing out of that eye for a few days, and will have some trouble eating and drinking with that lip, but ye will live. I will do what I can to stop the swelling”.
She turned to me, giving me a quick look before gesturing beyond me.
“It is probably lucky for ye, Liam, that ye did not do any real damage, or I am sure that Jenna would oversalt ye food and put vinegar in ye drink. Mary, ye can deal with Liam, I think we will use the Lavender oil. Use the Lavender water first to wash off the blood, then we will use the oil for the swelling”.
I turned to see Mary standing by me, holding a basket containing some pottery jars and some cloths. She looked from me to D’arcy and back again, before approaching me. Placing the basket on a chair between myself and D’arcy so that Bridget could access the supplies as well, she busied herself opening jars and soaking cloths. Then she turned to me, and started gently dabbing at my face. She worked without speaking, with her lips pressed into a firm line, only appearing to smile briefly when I sucked in a breath as the herbed water reached a fresh cut and caused a momentary pain.
Once we were all cleaned up, I stood as if to leave, hoping to follow Mary to speak with her, but Father bade D’arcy and I wait until the women had left.
“I have my doubts about yer explanation Liam, but obviously the two of ye wish to keep yer disagreement private. But understand this will be the last time. I cannot have the two of ye at each other’s throats. I must be able to trust all of my men to work towards the safety and comfort of everyone, do I make myself clear?”
I nodded, and shortly afterward, D’arcy and I left. I would have talked to him in private, but there were a lot of people milling around in the hall, obviously wanting to see for themselves if the rumours of the fight were true. D’arcy and I paused and nodded to each other, unable to speak but needing to acknowledge that something important had passed between us. Then D’arcy turned and he was gone.
Mary.
I approached the table that evening with a heavy heart. What had happened today to cause Liam and D’arcy to go at each other like that? I knew that D’arcy was torn by the events of the last couple of weeks. On the one hand,
he still felt as if he had failed to protect me, but on the other he knew that we had been extremely fortunate. These people were good people, even if they had kidnapped us, and this place could prove to be a home for us. Liam was a different story. I did not know him as well as I would have liked, and did not understand him at all. Sometimes he seemed to be quite gentle, other times I could imagine that he could instil great fear in a person. I was afraid that he saw me as having caused him trouble, as his plans for my ransom would be to no avail, and unlike D’arcy, who could be put to work in protection of the keep, I did not have much opportunity to make myself useful.
I had approached my task of tending to him with apprehension, I would have preferred to tend D’arcy, who I knew well, but Bridget had approached D’arcy first and I could not refuse to tend Liam without making a fuss. My problem was that I wanted to touch Liam, but was afraid that someone might notice. My fingers were trembling slightly as I had approached Liam, and I thought that may have made me a bit more rough than I should have been, and I am sure that I hurt him a little, but I pretended not to notice. Liam seemed to be unhappy that I was there, so he did not look at me. That gave me the opportunity to look closely at his face as I tended it. I looked closely at Liam’s hazel eyes as I gently dabbed at the injured one, and my fingers gently probed his cheekbones and nose to check for damage. I inwardly cursed D’arcy for not splitting Liam’s lip, so that I did not have an excuse to trace it with my finger. I looked at Liam’s full upper lip, wanting to take it between my teeth and bite it. I did not know where that thought came from, but once it was in my head, I could not get it out. I had never before had the opportunity to look at Liam this close before, for one thing he was so much taller than I that I was always looking up at him, or when we were sitting on the horse I would have to turn my head to see him. Now, as he was seated, I was on eye level with him and because he was not wanting to meet my eyes, I could look all I wanted without him noticing.
Taken by a Highland Raider Page 6