I moved towards D’arcy, to the person from my past who I loved beyond reason, and who I knew I would shortly have to say goodbye to. I put my fingers over his mouth to shh him.
“I told you D’arcy, they are not your words. Words cannot hurt me, but you know more than anyone what he is capable of. I am happy that he does not want me any more, it means that I am now free. The Le Bruins have abandoned me, they now have no legal claim over me, I can finally live my own life now. You should go back, you need to confront your past or you can never have a future. You don’t have to stay there if you don’t want to, but you should at least go”.
I pulled him in for a hug, and held him for a long time before releasing him, wiping the tears from my face as I did.
“When do you go?” I asked between sniffs.
D’arcy looked at me searchingly.
“Soon. If I am going, I will leave after Mass on Sunday. I will be back though, as soon as I can”.
I patted him on the shoulder, humouring him. Neither of us could know if he would ever be back.
Preparations for D’arcy’s departure kept us all busy for the next two days. The messenger was shown to the barracks, he would return with D’arcy. D’arcy declined all offers for company, saying that he did not know when he could return and did not want to take men from their families when he was capable of looking after himself. This earned him plenty of encouraging guffaws and slaps on the back, for after the displays of his swordsmanship and his handiness with his fists, no-one doubted that he could defend himself unless he was hopelessly outnumbered as he had been that day which seemed so long ago.
I tried to keep a brave face, but spent a lot of time in my room crying, and I believe I was not the only one. Jenna, in particular, was lamenting the loss of D’arcy, I think she had hopes that something might come of their brief dalliance, but it was not to be.
Liam’s mother was very solicitous, I think she initially thought that I would be upset that I wasn’t included in the ransom payment, but I was quick to disabuse her of this.
“No, you don’t understand. I don’t want to go there, I want to accept your offer to remain here. It is just difficult to see D’arcy go, I have known him so long that I will miss him terribly when he is gone. Don’t worry about me though, I will be fine here”.
I tried very hard to put a brave face on my impending loss, knowing that I was being watched closely by Liam’s parents, by Liam and even by Donald. All knew that I was very close to D’arcy and that the separation would be very difficult on us both.
Finally the day came, and everyone went to Mass then on to a substantial lunch before D’arcy left. I picked at my food without eating more than a bite, and when it was time to say goodbye I walked to the courtyard on leaden legs.
D’arcy said formal goodbyes to Liam’s parents, and bumped arms with many of Liam’s men. He embraced Donald, both slapping each other’s backs, and turned to Liam, staring at him for a while before reaching a hand out. Liam took his hand, everyone in the crowd laughing, then they also pulled each other in for a hug and a backslap. As D’arcy stepped back and moved towards me, I felt the world narrowing to a tiny space that only contained the two of us.
D’arcy looked at me before taking my hand and clutching it to his heart. Then he broke with propriety and embraced me soundly, kissing the top of my head.
“Take care of yourself now Mary. I have treasured your friendship and your counsel more than you can ever know. You have been a good friend to me, and now it is time to be a good friend to yourself. These are good people, and you can make a good home for yourself if you choose it. I will come back when I can, I promise you that. At that time, you can tell me if you want to stay here, or if you want to leave”.
“D’arcy, I’m going to miss you so much. I don’t know how I am going to wake up tomorrow knowing that I won’t see you any more, for the first time in so many years. Please be careful. It’s not safe out there, too many kidnappers running around, you know”.
The men around me guffawed, my attempt at a joke had broken the tension. D’arcy looked at me a bit longer, then nodded before mounting his horse. A look passed between him and Liam before he turned his horse and rode away. I followed D’arcy’s horse to the gate, watching him grow smaller and smaller in the distance, until I felt Liam gently grasp me by the arm and lead me inside. Unseeingly, I shook off his hand and ran up the stairs to my room, slamming the heavy door behind me and flinging myself down on the bed. It was then that I gave in to the tears that had been threatening all day, and I cried. I cried great wracking sobs that left me exhausted, and then I slept.
Liam.
It had been a very sombre evening meal. The table at which D’arcy normally sat, the one occupied by my most senior and trusted men, was quiet. Jenna walked around putting on a great show of her tears, but I thought she might have been enjoying the drama of D’arcy’s leaving too much, for someone who really missed him. Her tears seemed unreal, and she made very little noise as they fell, unlike Mary, whose sobs had broken my heart as I had stood outside her door, listening to her cry herself to sleep. Jenna still looked her pretty self, while I expected that Mary would have a red face and swollen eyes to show for her grief, but I knew which of the two was more beautiful.
Mary did not even come down to the meal, and when I made to rise to fetch her, Mother stayed me by grabbing my hand.
“Leave her be, Liam. She has known him for half her life and it is only to be expected that she will grieve his loss. She must deal with this herself, and when she is ready to come out and be one of us again, she will”.
“But Mother”, I insisted, “How can ye know that she will ever feel one of us? She is alone now, more than she ever was before”.
“No ye big ox. Sometimes I wonder if I must have dropped ye on ye head as a bairn. She is not alone. She has me and yer father to watch over her, and I think she knows she can count on ye to be a friend to her. She just needs time to accept that just as one part of her life has finished, another has just begun”.
After the meal I had walked around the grounds for a while, trying to settle, but I could not. Even though I had been very jealous of the friendship between Mary and D’arcy, and for a time had thought they were lovers, I hated to think of her despair. I would have done anything for her to be happy again.
I did not know how to console women, so I did the only thing I could think of, I went into the kitchens in search of food. Of course Mary had missed the evening meal, and I had noticed that she had taken very little after Mass. I doubted that she had eaten more than a bite or two all day, and with all the crying she had done, she must be very tired and in need of sustenance. I did not want to admit to the kitchen staff that I was going to Mary’s room, so pleaded a hungry belly for myself, and shortly afterwards was heading up the stairs with a plate of bread and cheese, and a jug of mulled wine. Of course I only had one cup as I could not risk being seen with two. It would not do to compromise Mary’s honour by having people know that I was going to enter the room of an unmarried woman without a chaperone.
I looked around as I approached Mary’s door. It was now getting a bit late, and there were less people moving around. I gently knocked at the door with my knee, as both hands were full. I pitched my voice low, leaning in to the door so that my voice would not carry down the stone hallway.
“Mary. I have brought ye some food and drink, since ye missed yer meal”.
There was no response. I knocked again, this time with my foot, a little louder, and wondered if i should try the door to see if it was just shut, or if Mary had barred it from inside. Bending forward, I thought that I could hear a slight noise, and suddenly became fearful. What if Mary had been so overcome with grief that she had injured herself?
I put the jug on the floor and tried the latch, the door was not barred and it opened as I pushed it. I could see Mary lying on the bed, fully clothed, and stood for a moment, frozen by fear, then realised that I could see her chest risin
g and falling as she breathed. Feeling suddenly foolish, I looked around to make sure that no-one would witness me entering Mary’s room, and bent to lift the jug, moving through the door and closing it behind me with my backside. I put the jug down again, and then dropped the bar, thinking that it would not do if someone else thought to bring Mary food as well, and entered without knocking to find me here. Quietly I crossed to the small table and put down the plate, the cup and the jug, then lifted the table and carried it to set it next to the bed. I stood looking down at Mary, feeling a pain in my chest.
She had obviously cried for a long time before she fell asleep, her eyelids were swollen and her nose was red. Her hair was escaping from its braid and her clothing was twisted as she had fallen onto the bed fully dressed and must have been moving around in her sleep. As I watched, an expression of pain flitted across her face and she began to whimper. I leaned forward, intending to shake her gently awake to dispel her bad dream before it took hold. I had just placed a hand on her shoulder, and Mary’s eyes flew open to look into mine. I was transfixed by the expression I saw there. There was no fear, only trust, and it made me feel very humble. I licked my suddenly dry lips, noticing that Mary’s eyes followed the action of my tongue.
“Mary, ye were having a bad dream. Wake up and sit up, I have brought ye something to eat and drink, ye missed the evening meal”.
Mary sat up groggily, her hand going to her hair, trying to pat it into place. With an annoyed huff, she pulled the long braid around to the front of herself, unfastening it and beginning to undo it. I watched as she finger combed the braid before she tried to rebraid her hair, but then gave up with a shrug of her slender shoulders.
I could think of nothing I wanted to do right then but touch Mary’s hair, and I looked around her room. Spying what I needed, I walked over to where her brush was laid out and picked it up, returning to the bed. Mary looked at me quizzically.
“Ye cared for me when I needed it, now let me care for ye. Eat some food, Mary, ye must keep up yer strength. I will brush out your hair, I can see bits of it where ye have tangled it, then ye can rebind it if ye wish”.
“Liam, it is not proper for you to be in here alone. What if someone saw you?”
“I was careful Mary. No-one saw me come in, and ye can check the hallway before I leave to make sure that no-one is around to witness me leave. I was just worried about ye, ye didn’t have much to eat today, and I wanted to see if there was anything I could do for ye to help ye get through this day”.
Mary nodded and looked to the plate, pouring herself a cup of wine and having a sip. I moved so that I was standing near her, and then realised that I would not be able to reach all around her from that angle, so I climbed onto the bed, kneeling behind Mary and placed the brush at the top of her head. I felt her tense.
“Ssh Mary, I won’t hurt ye. If the knots defeat me, ye can deal with them, but just let me do this”.
I didn’t know if I was doing it for her, or for myself. I looked down her back and could see the long blonde tresses falling clear to her waist, with ridges in places where the braid had pleated her hair. As I began to run the brush down the fall of hair, I smoothed a hand in the trail of the brush, wondering at how soft and silky Mary’s hair was. I gently worked through the tangles, feeling myself growing firm at the thought of how Mary’s hair had tangled while she lay restless on her bed. I had a mental image of looking down at her while she writhed in passion, with her hair flowing over the pillows while she lay underneath me, and how I would then wrap my hands in her hair, pulling her head to mine for a deep, intimate kiss. Without realising it, I must have lifted a lock to my face, and was gently smelling the subtle smell of Mary’s hair, it smelled of lavender and something else that I could not place. I looked up to see that Mary had turned her head to watch me, at first looking confused, and then a look appeared in her eyes that I could not mistake – she desired me.
I gently crooked a finger and reached for Mary’s face, rubbing her cheek with my finger, and watching her close her eyes and rub her cheek against it, making a little moaning sound of pleasure. I dropped the brush and reached down to hook my hands under Mary’s arms, effortlessly lifting her and turning her around so that she was facing me. I wrapped my big hands around her skull, and by twining strands of her hair in my fingers, I lifted Mary’s face to mine, gently nibbling at her lips, my tongue darting out to tease the corners of her mouth. Mary lifted herself up and wrapped her arms around my neck, but did not seek to deepen the kiss. Placing my hands on the cheeks of her behind, I gently but forcefully brought Mary’s body to press tightly against me, feeling her breasts squash up against my chest, and knowing that she could feel my desire against her belly. Mary gasped and I took advantage of her open mouth to thrust my tongue inside, searching for her tongue. Mary met me, hesitantly at first, and then she pressed herself tighter against me, seeming to try to climb into my clothes with me.
I decided that between us we had too many clothes on, and my hands went to the hem of Mary’s tunic, working it up over her head. As we had to break our kiss for me to get the tunic off, I decided to take off my own tunic and undershirt while we were apart. Mary’s eyes travelled down my body, and then her hands hesitantly reached up, and her fingers traced the lingering bruises. Although I wanted to take off Mary’s chemise, I found myself enjoying the light touch of Mary’s fingers on my body, so I waited. Finally Mary’s hands traced down to the hem of my hose, and she hesitated. I put my hands around Mary’s face again, pulling her in for another kiss. I did not want her touching my shaft yet, as I wanted this to last for a long time, and knew that if Mary touched me where I really wanted her to touch me, I would probably disappoint her when it was over all too soon. While we kissed, I worked Mary’s chemise up her body, placing a hand over her breasts when they were free of the clothing, feeling her start to tremble as I flicked the already erect nipples. I broke the kiss, pulling Mary’s chemise off over her head and dropping it to the floor to join her tunic, returning that hand to where the other one was exploring her breasts. I watched my large, tanned hands as I touched Mary’s pale skin that obviously had never been touched by the sun, and then raised my eyes to hers, to find Mary watching me.
“Ye are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen Mary. I want to touch ye all over, I want to see the rest of ye”.
In response, without words Mary pushed back so that she was now standing at the side of the bed and untied the cord holding her kirtle tight, letting it fall to the floor. I began to shake with need as I saw the tangle of golden curls at the juncture of her thighs. I reached for her, and pulled her back down to the bed, covering her with my body and kissing first her mouth, then her face, then down her neck, working my way to her breasts. As I suckled first one, then the other, I lavished attention on the breast that was not currently in my mouth with my busy hands, groaning as I heard Mary speak the first words to me since I had begun to touch her.
“Oh, Liam, I didn’t think it would feel this good. Take off your hose and your braies, I want to see you too”.
I reared up from the bed, with a silly grin on my face. I gently worked my clothing down over my shaft, watching Mary for her reaction as it sprung free. I stilled as I registered the intensity of her gaze, Mary seemed fascinated by what she was seeing. Slowly I watched her hand raise itself up from the bed, and gently touch the tip of my shaft, rubbing the little bead of moisture that was welling at the top. Mary caught her lip between her teeth as her fingers gently brushed along my length, and I sucked in a breath as my shaft twitched, reacting to Mary’s touch. Mary smiled at me and I kicked my hose off, not knowing where they fell, nor caring. I lowered himself down to cover Mary again, and nudged her thighs apart with my knee. Mary looked a little concerned, and I realised why. Her husband had been dead for some months, she had obviously not been with a man for a while, and she was only a tiny little thing. I knew that I would have to be gentle with her, and to make sure that she was ready for me. Leani
ng down to kiss her again, I felt her tense as my shaft nudged at her entrance. I could feel that she was wet already, but decided to wait a little longer. While I kept kissing her, thrusting my tongue in and out of her mouth, mimicking what I wanted to do with other parts of my body, I reached down with my hand, searching for the place where I knew women liked to be touched. I gently ran my fingers up and down her folds, parting them and teasing the entrance. It was so wet my fingers were instantly drenched, and I felt Mary tense again. Pulling my mouth just enough from hers to whisper to her, I tried to reassure her.
“Mary, I know it has been a while. I promise I will be gentle, I just need to make sure you are really ready for me, just relax and let me touch you”.
Mary whimpered and I felt her relax, so I returned to kissing her, while I searched with my fingers. At last, I found it. A tiny little nub of skin, and as I touched it, Mary jerked under my fingers. I smiled into her mouth and continued to touch the little part of Mary that I knew would give her pleasure, until she was writhing and groaning underneath me, and I could feel her hips rising up from the mattress as she tried to rub herself harder against my fingers, and also against my shaft which was beginning to throb with need. I moved my hand to Mary’s side to brace myself and placed my shaft at her moist, hot entrance, gently swivelling my hips to make it clear to Mary what was about to happen between us. In response, Mary moved her hips upwards so that the tip of my shaft was now just embedded inside her. Growling with a sudden surge of lust, I pushed myself in, thinking that Mary was as prepared as she would ever be, and in that brief period of time, marvelling at how tight Mary was. As I thrust deeply into her, fully seating myself, she screamed into my mouth, and I felt her whole body tense, as if she was in great pain. Shock screamed in my brain, and I realised that something was very wrong. I pulled back out just as quickly as I had thrust in, and pushed myself back and to the side, standing at the side of the bed, looking at the woman lying on the bed, with tears glistening in her eyes. Without thinking, I roared at her in madness.
Taken by a Highland Raider Page 8