by A. R. Breck
Sadness pours over me. I wish I could snap the fuck out of it, but my body, mind, and heart all have different plans on how to deal.
“I know, I tried... Easton? No. Easton...Easton!” She whisper shouts. “Please, Easton... okay, hold on.” I hear her walk back into Easton’s room, and then his voice lashes through the speaker.
“Rose, I know shit sucks, and I know you don’t want anyone near you or to even talk to you. I’m not going to even pretend to understand what you’re going through, but you need to get your ass up and go to your house to calm down your mother before she sends the police. If someone finds out about Corey, they’ll find out that I killed him. I’ll go to prison, and Jackson and Logan probably will, too.” He says, irritation and exhaustion coating his voice.
Easton would definitely go to prison because he will admit to the murder with a smile on his face. Corey’s dad won’t stop until he finds out what happened. He will take down this entire town if it suits him. I can’t let my mother lay the trail of clues all the way to Easton, and she would one hundred percent do that wherever I’m concerned.
I poke my head out of the covers and glance at Cara, giving her a nod and listening as she walks back out to the living room to talk to Easton.
“I think it worked. I will let you know how it goes. How are you guys doing? Okay, bye.” She hangs up the phone and lets out a sigh. “Jeesh, fucking asshole.” She mumbles to herself before walking back in. “All right, are you ready to head out?” She reaches her hand out to help me up but quickly realizes her mistake when I move around from her hand and give it a look like it’s an activated bomb.
“Sorry, right. You don’t want to be touched anymore. I completely understand.” She moves around Easton’s room, gathering all of my stuff and throwing it into a random duffle bag she must have found somewhere.
I know I need to move. My mind is ready to move. My body, on the other hand, refuses to budge. It refuses to come to terms with the fact that no, what happened was not a dream.
Laying there, in Easton’s bed, I feel like I am protected in this bubble where nothing and no one can get to me. If I move from this bed, if I leave this house and face everyone, it will make this real.
I feel like everyone will be able to tell. They will take one look at me and be able to see the word victim written across my forehead. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be labeled a victim, and I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.
I just want… I don’t know what I want.
To go back in time. To be alone. To be with someone. To move on. To not have survived. Something, anything, really. I just know that what I’m feeling is darkness so dark that I can barely see. And I’m afraid to turn on the light.
I need to see my mom, though. Once she sees that I am in one piece, that will call her off from calling the police. It’s the least I can do for Easton. He murdered for me. And now he has to clean up my mess. I’m sure he’s not put out by the fact. He’s had a thing against Corey since he saw me with him at Starbucks. Corey hasn’t really helped the matter, constantly harassing me and even going so far as to put his hands on me at a park near my house. Luckily, Jackson and Logan were being stalkers and following me. This tragedy might have happened much sooner if they weren’t trailing me. And then what? Would Corey have left me or taken me somewhere? Maybe I would have ended up on one of those posters—MISSING—in big bold letters plastered with a black and white picture of my face on the front.
I shiver just thinking about that thought.
I wonder if Rich knows what happened, but then frown even thinking that man’s name. He killed my father, and I wonder if Easton is aware of that. I’m sure Rich is dealing with covering up his own dead body right now.
I nearly laugh at the situation I’ve gotten myself into. Take a left; death. Take a right; death.
Which way am I supposed to turn?
I'm going to go straight. I just hope it doesn’t lead to more death.
With that thought, I peel the sheets off of me and sit up in bed. My eye, which Corey hit a few times, is nearly swollen shut. My body feels disgusting, and I can’t even think about the pain I’m feeling between my legs.
Cara stands in the doorway with a sympathetic look on her face and I can’t handle one more second of it, so I open up my mouth, and I let the words tear from my lips that feel similar to glass tearing through my throat.
“Stop.” I put my hand up to emphasize because my gravelly voice barely sounds like my own. “Enough with the sympathetic faces. Fucking enough.” Each word hurts when it tears through my throat, and I end up wincing through half of it.
Her eyes go wide, and her mouth drops open in surprise. My voice, which is usually feminine with a slight rasp to it, sounds entirely unlike mine. I’m not sure if Corey damaged my vocal cords when he had his hands wrapped around my neck or if the trauma to my body just shut my body down, but this raspy voice coming out of my mouth sounds foreign to me.
“Wha-What happened to your voice?” She looks to me in concern, and I scowl at her, which makes her school her features.
I shrug my shoulders. It hurts to talk, and everything that’s happened isn’t making me feel very chatty, either.
“Okay, well, are you ready to go?” She tries for upbeat Cara, but the lilt in her voice gives away her unease.
I shake my head yes, but what I really wanted to say is no.
After one last glance towards me, we both head out.
Chapter Three
I kill because there is no other choice.
Easton
Driving along the highway by the Mississippi River, I go to our usual spot next to the warehouse. There is a small area that’s confined by old, abandoned buildings, and the small part of the river that's accessible is very remote. The best part about this area is that the current of the river is relatively fast. What goes in here today won’t be here tomorrow, that’s for sure.
Also, no one ever comes down here, and the only access to get here is blocked by Logan and his car.
Jackson and I parked right next to the river. Turning off the truck, we both hop out and walk around to the back. I open up the trunk and let out a small breath of relief.
The fucker doesn’t smell yet. If I were to open my trunk to a rotting body, I would completely lose my shit.
Jackson reaches in and pulls on Corey’s ankle, yanking him towards us and revealing a very, very dead fuckboy.
Pants still wrapped around his thighs, his dead as fuck cock lays limp against his leg. I can’t help it, the moment I see his exposed dick, my fist takes on a mind of its own. I sock him in the face, once, twice, and only stop on the third time because Jackson hauls me back.
“He’s already fucking dead, Easton. Stop.” Jackson pulls me back. “We can’t sit around here forever. We need to dump the body and go. Unless you want to take him back to the warehouse.” He means—unless I want to chop him into bits or something.
“Nah, he’s not worth my fucking time. Except, hold up.” I slip the switchblade from my back pocket and release the blade, flicking it around and thinking about what I want to do. With my limited time constraints, I really only have one choice. Grabbing onto his tiny, limp dick with a snarl, I cut at the base and watch what little blood is left in his body trickle down his leg. Once his dick if fully severed, I pry open the fucker’s mouth and shove his cock as deep down in his throat as I possibly can.
There, that’s at least somewhat satisfying.
I glance at Jackson and see him looking at me with a combination of pain and amusement. “Let’s go.” I grab onto his legs, and Jackson grabs his arms, and together, we shuffle down to the water and swing once, twice, and toss him in.
“Fucking rapist,” Jackson mumbles.
“I should have fucking killed him at the park.” I don’t know if Rose is going to recover from this one, and that scares the hell out of me more than anything.
“No, you shouldn’t have. That was broad daylight in the middle
of a neighborhood. You would have been seen, and we would have had his dad all over our asses. At least this way, we might stand a chance.” Jackson tries to reason, speaking more words in one sentence than he usually lets out in an entire month.
“We might not have gotten caught killing him, but his dad is going to come sniffing around. They always do.” I sigh. Rich is going to be so pissed off with this turn of events.
“Yeah, I know.” We watch the current submerge Corey’s body and start taking him down the river. Once he’s no longer in sight, we both turn back towards my truck. “I'm going to head out, go see Rose.”
“Good luck, man. I’ll get a ride from Logan.” He gives me a small nod and walks off to Logan’s car.
I hop into my own and watch as Logan and Jackson fade off into the distance, sitting back in my seat and letting out an exhausted sigh.
I’m hoping that whatever Rose is going through will fade with time. Since I’ve met her, her life has been filled with death and pain. I hope that she doesn’t think I would ever willingly cause her pain, or that being with me means her life will always be filled with tragedy. I can force her to be with me, be the asshole I usually am. But, with her situation, it might just push her away from me.
I want to be able to get through this and come out stronger.
Can we survive it, though? That I’m not so sure. She looked at me like I caused her pain.
Like it’s my fault.
I start up my car and head towards Rose’s house. Deal with this tonight, and tomorrow, deal with Rich.
~
Looking into Rose’s bedroom window, I see her curled up in a ball on her bed, and Cara lying on the floor, sound asleep.
Rose isn’t asleep.
I can feel the nightmare that is playing on a loop in her mind, keeping her in some type of state all day long. Not totally awake, but not even close to being asleep.
Just there.
I don’t want to startle Rose, but I tried sneaking in through the front door—which was locked. I can’t go and knock or ring the doorbell. I think Rose’s mom will hang me upside down by my balls.
I haven’t talked to Rose, not at all. And I haven’t spoken to Cara since they were at my house, so I have no idea what kind of mood anyone is in.
I’m going in blind.
Cracking open the window, I slide through as silently as possible. That means nothing, though, if the person is already awake.
Rose flings up and gives me a look of absolute terror before realizing it’s me. The thing that upsets me, though, is the fact that even when she realizes it’s me, that look doesn’t fully go away. Slightly, but the safety I know she used to find in me is gone.
Why? Is it because I didn’t save her in time? Does she have some hate against all men now? What did I do?
Cara, on the other hand, still lays knocked out on the bedroom floor.
I walk up to Cara and give her a nudge on the shoulder to wake her.
“The hell? What? What’s wrong?” She shoots up and looks towards Rose. “Is everything okay?” Rose gives her a small nod.
“What are you doing here?” Cara asks, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and looking exhausted.
I think we all feel the same.
“You can go home now, Cara. I’ve got it from here.” I say as I silently slip off my shoes. Even if I’m not wanted here, there’s no chance that I'm going to leave her when she's clearly in this much pain. Maybe this will be our life from now on. Rose hates me, and I hang onto her like a piece of clingy lint.
“Um, what? I was planning to stay the night.” She rubs the sleep out of her eyes and looks at me, confused.
“Yeah, and I’m here now. So, go home, and Rose will see you tomorrow.”
“Rose?” Cara asks. As much as she's being a pain in my ass right now, I have to appreciate her looking out for her friend. My girl.
I glance over at Rose and watch her nibble her lip until I’m nearly positive she can taste the coppery flavor of blood soaking into her tongue.
Sadness sinks into my stomach and makes me feel like I’m shrinking about five inches. “You don’t want me here?” I sound like a bitch, but really?
She looks from Cara to me and back again, gnawing on that lip and making any hope I have for us fade into the darkness.
My shoulders slump down in defeat. I will never push her. I mean, I probably would have a few days ago, but after the shit she just went through, what she says goes.
Turning around, I begin slipping on my shoes when the faint rasp of a sound I’m not used to floats through my ears.
“Stay.”
I snap my head around and hope blooms in my chest like a balloon. “You want me to stay?”
She nods her head, yes. Glancing over at Cara, I see her and Rose exchanging a look before Cara glances at me. “You’re lucky, E. That floor is uncomfortable as shit. Not like my bed is much better, but fuck, my back hurts.” She turns to Rose and gives her a serious look. “I will see you tomorrow. Text me if you need anything, and I mean anything, okay?”
Rose gives her a small nod, and Cara walks out of Rose’s bedroom door. A lot easier than the way I had to get in here.
I walk over to the edge of Rose’s bed but don’t get on. From how she reacted to my closeness earlier, I don’t know what I can and can’t do anymore. “What happened to your voice?” I start.
Shit. I’m such a dumbass. I swear I have straight no chill sometimes. I should have just said, “Wow, your voice sounds fucked up.”
Rose’s throat bounces with her attempt to swallow like she’s dehydrated, but the mostly emptied bottle of water on her nightstand speaks differently. Clearing her throat twice, she finally speaks. Finally. “Don’t know. Choking. Screaming. Fuck.” She rubs at her throat and winces.
“Does it hurt?” Obviously, it hurts, dumbass. Oh, my fucking God. If she is in this much pain from that fucktard even now that he’s dead, I will burn his house down. Maybe the entire town of Woodbury.
She nods her head. “Little better from earlier. Little.” She pinches her thumb and forefinger and tries to smirk at me.
It doesn’t work, though. The look in her eyes is haunted. And there is nothing funny about that to me.
I frown at her. “I’m so sorry, Rose. So, so sorry.”
She shrugs like she’s already getting over it, but I know she’s not. Every time I lift up my hand to emphasize something, her eyes zero in on it like it’s wielding a weapon. She looks terrified for a moment but then tries to play it off when she notices me eyeing her.
“My dad. Dead.” She looks at me square in the eye when she says this. And fuck. Leonard’s ass keeps slipping my mind. Corey is taking up way more of my time than he’s worth.
I sigh. I knew this was coming. “So, you know about that then, huh? Shit, I’m sorry, Rose. I was going to tell you what was going on, but I didn’t want to say anything until I knew the entire story. I had no idea Rich was going to kill him.” Well, I kind of thought that was a possibility, but I was hoping for the sake of my relationship, he would show a little fucking mercy.
“You... knew?” She tilts her head to the side, looking hurt, but not shocked.
“I had no idea Rich was going to do anything. Listen to me, Rose. I just found out that it was in fact your dad was working for my dad. He has been missing for months. I ran into him the other night, told him he had to talk to Rich and sort this shit out. Then I find my dad last night when I was looking for you, and Leonard was already dead. I’m sorry, Rose. Fuck!”
I run my hands through my hair. This shit is not how it’s supposed to go. Rose has already been through enough. We have already been through enough. But no, shit just keeps blowing up left and right. Left and fucking right.
Glancing back at Rose, I see tears gliding down her cheeks, and it nearly tears me in two. “Come on, baby, please don’t cry.” I forget about her freaking out earlier and walk towards her, intending to wipe her face dry.
Big mistake.<
br />
She whips back from me so fast that she flies off the back of the bed and hits her head on the nightstand. “Ughhhh.” She half groans and half cries.
“Shit, Rose. I’m sorry.” I want to help her up, but she won’t even let me near her.
Standing up, she gives me a look that has so many emotions I could write a fucking book with them all before climbing back under the safety of her covers.
“Fuck. You.” She rasps out. Her voice is different, yet the same. It’s kind of sexy, but knowing where it came from just brings me pain.
“Why? I mean, I told you who I am. What I do. What did you think was going to happen when we started seeing each other, that our lives would be like a box of fucking chocolates? No, I bring fucking darkness, Rose. Darkness, death, and destruction. It’s all I’ve ever known. I thought you knew that.” She holds her breath and a look so similar to how she used to look at me crosses her face. It only makes me more determined.
“I bring the darkness, and you, Rose, you’re my ride or die. I was so lost in the unknown, and you woke me up. I ran right into your sharp edges, and you woke me the fuck up. I always thought no matter what blew in our path, we would conquer it. Is this where it ends? Is this where we end?” My throat fills up with an emotion that’s so foreign to me. I’ve never felt this desperation for someone I might lose before. Not with my mom, not with Rich, no one.
I want to claw my way out of these feelings, to run away from this unbearable need to cling to Rose. I want to chain myself to her and never let her leave. I want to build a fortress so unbreachable that even I can barely reach her. I want to abolish the human race and leave only the two of us standing.
“I don’t. Want that.” Rose croaks out. “To end. I think. I don’t know.” She looks apologetic, but just the fact that she is leaning towards us not wanting to end is almost enough to bring me to my knees.
“Whatever you are ready for or not ready for, I will stand with. I don’t want to push you, none of us do. We will stick to your pace.” I want to kiss the living shit out of her for giving us a chance, but from the way her body is tense from her neck down to her toes, I know she is in no way ready for anyone to touch her. Mostly me.