‘Come on, chief,’ chirruped the sprout. ‘We really must be going . . .’
And in a flash they were.
Rex and Christeen were left alone. Above them the pyramid’s pinnacle broke away and roared off into the sky. ‘Big boobies,’ said Fergus. ‘I’m sorry to keep on, but it’s something of a fixation.’
‘To boldly go,’ Jovil told him, ‘where no Phnaarg has ever gone before.’
‘If the disc is a fake and Jovil couldn’t be in two places at once,’ said Rex. ‘Doesn’t this mean that all this . . .’ Christeen smiled up at him. She was the most beautiful woman who had ever lived. ‘Oh, nothing,’ said Rex.
‘Kiss me, you fool,’ said God’s only daughter.
Planet Earth rolled on in ever decreasing circles about the sun. But everything was really going to be all right this time, wasn’t it?
‘I can’t eat this,’ came the voice of Deathblade Eric. ‘This fellow’s got green blood and he smells like stale cabbage.’
‘So he does,’ Rambo agreed. ‘Now there’s a thing.’
‘And what about me?’ Gloria asked.
‘Damned if I know dear.’ Ms Vrillium admired herself in the mirror. ‘I expect we’ll find out in the sequel. All this is really far too good to be true.’
And it was.
THE END
Also by
ROBERT RANKIN
The Antipope
The Brentford Triangle
East of Ealing
The Sprouts of Wrath
Armageddon: The Musical
They Came and Ate Us
The Suburban Book of the Dead
The Book of Ultimate Truths
Raiders of the Lost Car Park
The Greatest Show Off Earth
The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived
The Garden of Unearthly Delights
A Dog Called Demolition
Nostradamus Ate My Hamster
Sprout Mask Replica
The Brentford Chainstore Massacre
The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag
Apocalypso
Snuff Fiction
Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls
Waiting for Godalming
Web Site Story
The Fandom of the Operator
The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse
The Witches of Chiswick
Knees Up Mother Earth
The Brightonomicon
The Toyminator
The Da-da-de-da-da Code
Necrophenia
Retromancer
The Japanese Devil Fish Girl and Other Unnatural Attractions
The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age
The Educated Ape and Other Wonders of the Worlds
Illustrated works:
The Bumper Book of Ficts written by Neil Gardner
EMPIRES
E-book edition cover illustration by Robert Rankin
Art direction and loveliness Rachel Hayward
Table of Contents
Prologue
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
Armageddon: The Musical (Armageddon Trilogy) Page 26