“He told me before we left for Nashville, he had asked her to marry him and she said no. She told him she was having an abortion. Then come to find out she’s still pregnant. When he saw her, he was furious and he went off with her, spent the entire night with her.” Now my lips are trembling, and my eyes are rimmed with tears that I’m trying to hold back.
“Then what did he tell you the next morning?” Margie asks.
“I don’t know,” I wail. I don’t want to talk about this right now.
“Don’t you think you should at least find out what happened before you make assumptions and marry Clay off to this other girl?” Granny says.
Bailey comes in the door, “Sorry I’m late.”
“Is this like one of those interventions?” I can’t believe this.
“Lizzie, I knew this was the only way to get you to listen. Will you please listen to what I have to say?” Bailey asks.
“You’ve gone too far, Bailey. Even for you this is too much.” I pace around the room.
“Let me ask you this, Lizzie. Are you running away from something you don't want? Or could you be running away from something you're afraid that you do want?” Bailey stands up, getting in my face. She stops my pacing, holding onto my arm with one hand, and propping the other one on her hip.
“Bailey, you have no idea what you're even talking about.”
“Then that makes two of us, Lizzie. If you had stopped for one minute and listened, you might have heard Clay say that Megan was giving the baby up for adoption without Clay’s knowledge. He stayed all night because he wasn’t sure what to do on such short notice, but since then he’s been at an attorney’s office fighting to get custody of his son and he isn’t leaving Tennessee until he can bring the baby home with him.” Bailey huffs.
“That sounds like a darn honorable young man to me, Lizzie,” Granny says.
“I didn’t know all of that,” I say quietly. “I need to go. I’ll see you guys later.” I walk over to Bailey and pull her in for our customary hug. “Thanks for setting me straight, Bay. I owe you one. Bye y’all, loves!”
My departure is sudden but if anyone in this world understands, my family does. I’m as lucky as a four-leaf clover to have them. I don’t know where I would be without Granny and Bailey in my life. Now, Margie is stepping in, too. I wish my own mom would participate that much, but I’m not complaining. I’m glad to have as many as people looking out for me as I do.
Even after all of that, all I want to do is go home and pull the cover over my head. Just a few more days.
Clay
I sleep a little better than I was expecting last night. GG insisted that I stay with her while I’m in town for all of these legal procedures. I didn’t put up a fuss. I like the mothering. It’s funny the things you take for granted. I never would have thought I would have missed her doting on me.
GG knows how to take care of you like no one else. She fixes a full spread for breakfast. With sawmill gravy and cathead biscuits, bacon, and eggs, I am in breakfast heaven. She even has chocolate milk. That’s what we all like to have when we come over her to spend the night in the past. She may be Michael’s GG but we all came over and she loved every minute of it.
I call Megan, to start with my intent on killing her with kindness to get what I want. “Hey, Megan. How are you feeling this morning?”
“I was asleep, Clay. What do you want now?” She says, yawning.
“I’m staying in town until my son is born. I want to go with you to the rest of your doctor’s visits.”
“Clay, I told you I’m giving him up for adoption.”
“See, the thing about that is I found out yesterday, you have to have the father’s consent to legally allow a baby to be adopted.” So much for killing her with kindness.
“But you have to be listed as the father and I didn’t list you.”
“Oh, I filed my claim for paternity. You’ll need a DNA test if you’re not sure I’m the father. I thought we were exclusive at that time, but maybe I was the only one being a stand up guy.” I say.
“I’m not a fucking whore, Clay,” she yells. Then she takes a deep breath. “Why are you doing all of this, Clay? He is going to a good home, where he will be loved beyond measure.”
“Because he’s my son, and I want to raise my child.”
“Still, Clay, you have severe depression running through your veins. Who’d want a kid to be around crazy people.”
Oh, I wish I could slap her. If she was here in front of me… I swear. “Megan, I’m going to tell you this once and you need to listen very close to what I say. If you ever fucking say another fucking word about my family being crazy, I’ll rip your fucking heart out of your chest with my bare hand.” I clench my jaw because she has gone too far with that comment. I need to hit something. I need to find a punching bag.
“Sorry, it’s not like I was saying you were the one that was crazy. I guess I need to get in touch with the adoption attorney and give him a heads up that you are fighting for custody.”
She is wading into deep water, but I need to get a hold of my temper before I do something I regret. I close my eyes for a split second, willing a lighthearted note into my voice, “I’m sure he’d appreciate the advance notice. So when’s your next checkup? You don’t mind if I tag along, do you? Also, what’s the due date? I’m so excited, aren’t you?” Well, I add that last part for spite. I can’t be nice a hundred percent of the time. Where would the fun be in that?
“I’ll tell you what, Clay, let me make a few calls and get back with you later, okay?” Megan hangs up without a goodbye.
My day would have been made knowing I got under Megan’s skin, if she would have left the crazy shit out of it. I bet she’s fuming as much as I am right now, though. Mission accomplished. One down and one to go.
Next is a text to Lizzie.
Clay: Hey, Babe, I was thinking about you. I love you and miss having you in my arms.
Bailey was going to talk to Lizzie this morning. I hope she had the chance and it all went well. Bailey is my shining star right now. She can do no wrong. I’m glad she’s gonna be part of my family soon. Cash is one lucky man.
Lizzie: I’ve been thinking about you, too. We’ll talk soon. I promise.
Clay: I’ll take any little bit I can get because you’re worth the wait. XOXO
We’re making progress and my mood lifts considerably. I’ve always said that it’s the small things that count in life, and this tiny exchange between us makes a believer out of me. Grand gestures are nice and make great impressions, but the little things are how you determine someone’s feelings. The little things are going to show Lizzie that I’m a better man than the ones she’s previously had in her life.
twelve
Lizzie
I’ve been texting with Clay a little over the last couple of days. We’ve kept all conversations light and out of the danger zone. I do miss him, and the ranch isn’t the same without him being here. I decided to stay with Oakley while he is away because she only turned eighteen a few months back.
Sleeping in Clay’s bed each night makes me feel close to him. His scent lingers, making me want him and I wrap my body around his pillow. I'm laying here in Heaven while I'm putting myself through Hell. If I hear one more time how I need to make up my mind to just get better, I swear I will knock that person out, I don't care who it is. Nothing is worse than being at your lowest and having people say things to you they think are motivational. They evidently haven't ever been destroyed.
Today I’m determined to get up, get dressed, and do something. I’ve wanted to get a tattoo for a long time, but I’ve been a chicken and worried what my Bible-thumping family would think. But now, I’ve gotten to the point in my life that I’m going to live for me. I’m going to do what makes me happy. I have my design all planned out and Ryder told me about this reputable place up in Huntsville. It’ll be an all-day process, but that’s just what I need today.
I pack a small book ba
g with a couple of snacks, water, headphones, and my iPad and leave right after Oakley leaves for school. It’s quite a drive to Huntsville from here. I’m so glad we’re on spring break at school. I won’t have to worry about doing schoolwork while I’m there.
Ryder is the one who told me about this place and set up my appointment for me. He has turned out to be a much better friend than Kane. Kane’s actions still surprise me, and I haven’t decided yet what or how to tell Clay. Maybe I should let it go and move on. Nothing really happened and there’s no need to ruin a friendship over that.
Pulling up in the parking lot of Bama Ink Authority, I am surprised. I expected to see some kind of outlaw culture place with garish exterior signage, but this place is really nice, more like an art studio and has the ambiance of an upscale beauty salon. I’m impressed.
“I have an appointment with Nate,” I tell the girl at the counter that looks like she stepped out of the 1950s.
“He is running a few minutes late. Have you picked out your design?” she asks.
“Yes, my friend dropped it by a couple of days ago.”
“If you will have a seat, he should be here any minute,” She sends a text from her phone.
I sit on a plush loveseat that is accompanied by a modern chrome end table. I pick up one of the tattoo magazines and leaf through it. I hear the soft bell alert of the door and glance up. Oh, Mi Gawd! I can’t believe my eyes. I know Nate.
“Nathanial? You’re my tattoo artist? I thought something like this would be beneath you. Did you finally get off your high horse?” I look him over. He looks so different than he did in high school. He’s really beefed up and is tatted up on every viewable surface.
He’ll purposely screw up a tattoo on me. “I should go. This is a mistake waiting to happen.” I pick up my bag.
“Wait, Lizzie.” He reaches out to halt me.
I pause, but only because I’m too fucking curious to hear what he could possibly say to me after he went all bitch crazy on me in high school. I hike my bag onto my shoulder and lift my chin.
“Wow, I really did a number on you.”
“You said you loved me then told me I was only good for a fuck,” I mutter between my teeth.
“Look, Lizzie.” He emits a huge sigh. “That was a long time ago when we were merely kids, too young to know better.”
“Is that your idea of an apology?”
“No, it isn’t.” He props his hands on his hips and looks beyond me for a second.
When his gaze returns to mine, I can see something of the boy I knew in high school, before he aired my dirty laundry in front of the whole school.
“I’m sorry I hurt you back in high school.” He holds up his hands. “But, I’m not that person anymore.”
I swallow, remembering how I pushed Clay away before hearing all the facts about him and Megan. Second chances are worth something, right?
“Come on back, Lizzie, and see why Ryder recommended me.” He walks over to his station. “I’m going to wash up.” He pats the chair. “Come over here and make yourself comfortable.”
I walk over. I’m not a hundred percent sure if I’m comfortable with this, but I trust Ryder. I sit down and put on my headphones. Nothing says I have to talk to Nathanial. I trust Ryder, I trust Ryder.
Nathanial comes back drying his hands and smelling of antiseptic. He takes gloves from a box and puts them on his hands, making a pop. “Lizzie, why don’t you take off your earphones? We don’t have to be friends or anything, but I bet we can both be adult enough to have a business transaction.”
I guess he put me in my place. I have been holding on to grudges and now that he’s apologized… “You know, Nathanial, I think it is the time that I move past all of that crap.” I take off the earphones and stuff them into my bag. “Okay, ink me up, big boy.”
“Now that’s more like it. Let’s talk about this tat you’re getting. The locked heart is a really cool design. I don’t see them around that much. What made you choose it?” Nate asks.
“I’m not sure if I really want to get into all of that.”
“Then let me tell you what I know about it.”
He holds up the paper so we can both see it. “A locked heart represents love for a single person. Either your heart is locked because of this person or only one person has the key to your heart. I’ve never seen the design with flowers and barbed wire, though. The barbed wire gives it a darker vibe. Is that the statement you’re wanting to make with this tattoo?”
“Can we just get on with slinging the ink and not get into the personal stuff?”
He lifts his eyebrows.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m trying to say.”
Now he looks uneasy.
I don’t want “uneasy” manning the needle that’s touching my skin so I say, “Are you this thorough with every client? Why can’t it be that I just like the design?”
The worry leaves his face and he shrugs. “Okay, so you like the design.” He turns and lays the paper on his workstation.
Then I remember about the special touch I wanted to add. “Oh, I do want you to hide something in there. Can you adapt the design a little?” I ask him.
“Sure thing,” he says.
We get on with the tattoo talking, being careful to stay away from the past. He appears to have genuinely changed and he’s been enjoyable to be around again. A little over three hours later Nate has finished my tattoo, including the little personal touch I wanted hidden.
“I love it, Nathanial. You did an amazing job.” I give him a hug.
“I’m glad you like it. Please call me Nate. And this tattoo is on me for being such an asshole back in the day.” He starts cleaning up his supplies.
“No, that’s not necessary. I insist on paying for it.”
Nate shakes his head, “Clearly, it was mandatory. I left a bad taste in your mouth.”
“Still full of yourself, I see.” I laugh out like I’m joking, but I mean every single word. “Can I buy your lunch?”
“I would love to, but I have another client in about thirty minutes.” He removes his gloves and tosses them in the trash. “Tats are addictive, though. You’ll be back and you can catch me then, okay?”
“You’ve got it, Nate. I’ll be back soon. Thank you again.” I turn and leave the shop.
Back in my car, I contemplate what to do now. Tomorrow is Friday. I have nothing planned for this weekend. I could work at the ranch, but I miss Clay so much. I’m only about an hour and forty-five minutes from Nashville being here in Huntsville. I’m aching to go up there and be with him. To get us past this hiccup and get back to being happy. I don’t have any extra clothes with me, but I can always pick up the essentials. Classes resume on Monday so I won’t have any time next week. Decision made. I’m going to do it. I’m going to spend the weekend with Clay. This. Is. Happening. I’ve had so many people pointing me in this direction it has to be the right thing to do.
Clay
Very much to my surprise, Megan called me ten minutes ago and told me her doctor’s appointment is this afternoon. She purposely gave me only a few minutes to get there. Lucky for me, I happen to be on that side of town and make the appointment in plenty of time.
Walking into the obstetrician’s office, I see pregnant women and babies everywhere, but I spy Megan right away. Her aunt, Jenieie, is right beside her with a blotchy face.
“Megan, thank you for allowing me to be here with you. This means so much to me.” I tell her, walking up to the pair of them.
“You need to see what you’re doing to Jenie. You’re taking away her one chance at being a mother.” Megan leans over to comfort Jenie.
I squat down in front of them. They didn’t save a seat for me. “Jenie, there are so many children that need a loving home. You’ll be making someone’s life so much better. I can’t thank you enough for talking Megan into keeping my baby. I know you’re going to be an amazing mother.”
Jenie starts to weep. “We don’t have th
e money for a private adoption, and we took a second mortgage on our house to pay for the attorney and Megan.”
On the table beside Jenie is a box of tissue. I reach to give her one, “I’ll pay you back every penny you’ve paid so far, Jenie. If not for you, I wouldn’t even have a little boy on the way. You said you borrowed money to pay your attorney and Megan? Why did you have to pay Megan?”
“She wanted twenty-five thousand for having the baby for us. The attorney was five hundred, so you see that’s why we don’t have any more money.” Jenie wipes her face.
“Megan, you told me you were on Medicaid, that you weren’t being charged anything to have the baby,” I say.
“No one wants a pregnant backup singer, Clay. Besides, I didn’t want to be on my feet that much and get varicose veins. I needed money to pay my bills. Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
“You’re a real class act, Megan. I don’t know what I saw in you.” I turn to Jenie and pat her shoulder, “Anyway, I’ll take care of you, Jenie.”
“Then there isn’t a guarantee that we will get approved for an adoption.” Jenie concentrates on the floor.
“I’ll do everything I can to help you guys. You have my word that I’ll be by your side every step of the way, anything you need.”
“You don’t even know us, Clay.” Jenie lifts her tear-swollen face.
“I don’t have to know you that well to know you’re a good person. You love my baby as much as I do. You were willing to take him and raise him as your own. That’s something in my book, Jenie. Something I won’t forget.”
Jenie’s face crumbles and she reaches out for me, wrapping her arms around my neck. “That doesn’t make this any easier, Clay, but those are kind words.”
Megan rolls her eyes and shakes her head.
A nurse calls Megan back for her appointment, and we all walk back to the small exam room. The nurse instructs Megan to strip from the waist down then hop up on the table. A paper sheet is laying across the end for her to cover up with.
Love Me ~ Without Regret Page 16