Belonging

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  “Did you get those rocks put in?” I stopped to ask.

  “Most of them, but now your mother wants to extend the garden to the oak tree.” He shook his head in disgust. “Don’t reckon the woman will ever be content with the yard.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. Would Rose have me doing the same kind of drudgery? I highly doubted it. Somehow I couldn’t picture Rose gardening—despite her name.

  “You’re back early from the gathering. Is anything amiss?” Father asked leisurely, but I knew he was concerned. I wouldn’t be surprised if he kept records of all my movements.

  “Nope—Emilene Yoder is having her babies.”

  Father looked confused. “And, that affected you coming home early, how?”

  “Ruth must have wanted Rose to be there for it,” I said.

  Father’s eyes widened. “Do you think that was a good idea? She’s an English girl who’s probably never seen such a thing.” He started scratching his beard in thought. “Why, after all that, she might not want to have one of her own babes.”

  My father worried too much about everything. Whether Rose was traumatized about seeing childbirth hadn’t even crossed my mind.

  “I don’t think that will be a problem with Rose, Father. She’s not the fainting type of girl.”

  “Well, that’s good to know.” Father smiled.

  Before he had the chance to leave, I burst out, “But there is something I wanted to talk to you about.”

  Father was pleased. He enjoyed being an adviser, and to show how interested he was in what I was going to say, he motioned me into the shadows of the barn where we sat on the couple of hay bales that were purposely left in the hallway for such occasions.

  “It’s about Levi Zook.” I shook my head, getting worked up just thinking about the guy.

  I made sure that Father was all ears and, seeing his mouth in a grim line, realized he wasn’t surprised by the direction the conversation was going. “He’s been showing an inappropriate amount of interest in Rose.”

  Father’s voice crackled when he asked, “Has he done something to her?”

  “No, not yet, anyway, but I fear that he might bother her...or at the very least try to get her into trouble.”

  “This is precisely the reason I don’t agree with the way Abram is handling the matter.” Father stood up and walked across the hall and back. “If Rose joined the church and you two were courting, then Levi would be forced to leave her alone.”

  Father’s pacing continued, and his voice rose. When Father was worked up, it wasn’t a pretty sight. “Rose is such an attractive girl that I wouldn’t be surprised if all kinds of difficulties arose with the young men of the community. Right now many are holding back, waiting to see whether she’ll be accepted—and if you’ll ask for her in courtship.” Father eyed me firmly before saying, “Mark my words, son, if Rose is left unhitched in the community, Levi will be the least of your problems.”

  No, Levi is my biggest fear. I kept the thought to myself, though. After all, Father didn’t know the kid the way I did—and he hadn’t been there in the field on the stormy day when Levi had asked me to share Rose with him. Levi was sick in the head, and his infatuation with Rose worried me more than if all the other boys in the community combined were pining over her.

  Even without Father’s awareness of the Levi situation, his position was aligned with my own. He was speaking in my best interest, so I didn’t talk him down.

  “What do we do about it, Father?”

  Father let out a deep breath and looked out the barn door. The rain had started to drop from the sky, increasing to a steady fall within seconds. He raised his voice to be heard over the sound of the rain tapping on the barn roof.

  “Son, you best tell Abram yourself what you fear from Levi.” He spoke somberly, but he also sounded determined.

  “When will I have the opportunity to do that?” I asked, knowing full well that getting the time of day from the bishop was easier said than done.

  “Right now is as good a time as any,” Father said.

  It was then that I heard the clops on the driveway. My heart raced as I jumped up from the hay and stood beside Father, peering into the rainy night. Sure enough, there was a well-lit buggy heading up the driveway.

  “What is he doing here?”

  “Hmm, seems that there’s some sort of trouble with certain young’uns in the community. Abram called a secret meeting to be held.”

  “Where?”

  “Right here in the barn,” Father said, looking at me. It was nearly too dark to see his features, let alone his eyes. Leave it to Bishop Lambright to have an emergency meeting in the darkness of our barn on a rainy night.

  My heart stalled, thinking about the other night, and how we could be the young’uns Father was talking about, only he didn’t know it yet.

  “Do you know who he’s passing judgment on?”

  Father must have picked up on my anxiousness, because he laughed and let me off the hook quickly. “Have a guilty conscience, do you? No worries, though, the young people we will be discussing aren’t in your crowd.”

  Relief flooded through me. “Will the other ministers be coming?”

  Seeing more buggy lights on the road answered the question for me.

  “I reckon you’ll have a few minutes of Abram’s undivided attention before the rest have arrived,” Father said, slapping me on the back. He seated himself on the hay bale in the darkness.

  Now was my chance, and I silently prayed that I didn’t mess it up.

  11

  Rose

  My hands were killing me, but the cramp in my left leg felt even worse. Sighing, I stopped scrubbing and stared down the empty roadway. Never in a million years had I imagined myself spending an afternoon this way. It seemed as if I’d been at it all day long, but in actuality, I’d only spent three hours cleaning the white vinyl-covered fencing.

  I tilted my face into the warm sunshine and relaxed for a moment, figuring that there was no way I’d get the entire project done before dark, anyway. There was still a good fifty feet to go before I reached the corner, and I was already making plans to squeeze the rest of the work in the following morning. After I did the laundry and cleaned the kitchen, I might be able to rush through my assignments in time to finish the fence job and still make it to Emilene’s to help her prepare dinner for her entire brood.

  Sighing more loudly this time, I rolled my eyes and shook my head in frustration. The noise got Hope up from her shady place under the tree. She came to me and flopped against my leg. I reached down and scratched the top of her fluffy spotted head, suddenly feeling a wave of anxiety hit me. There was no way I’d be able to do everything. The fence would just have to wait until the weekend—and Ruth would have to deal with it. Helping Emilene with her new babies, Jacob and Joshua, was a priority. That poor woman needed an army of teenage girls by her side.

  The sound of the approaching car snapped my head in the direction of the road. My heart skipped a beat, and I jumped up, waving at the dark gray SUV. Dad stopped beside the fence, and I shimmied over the still-dirty rails to lean into the passenger window. Justin’s beaming face erased all my earlier worries.

  “What are you doing?” Dad asked, his voice raised in agitation.

  I shrugged and said, “I’m cleaning the fence.”

  Justin laughed at the same time that Dad snorted.

  “You’ve got to be kidding. Why on earth are you doing such a thing? Have they run out of floor for you to sweep?” Dad said with sarcasm lacing his words.

  I understood what he meant, but I wasn’t going to let him know it. The last thing that I needed was for my father to think that I couldn’t hack it as an Amish girl. He’d be setting a place for me at his dinner table that night.

  “We’re holding church here in a month, and Ruth and James want to get the place all fixed up.” I paused, glancing back at the grass-stained white rails. “And that includes the fencing....”

  I sto
pped talking abruptly, knowing how dumb it sounded.

  “Really, Rose, I don’t understand why you’re so willing to work like a mule for these people, when I have to twist your arm to do the dishes at the house,” Dad said as he took off his sunglasses. He stared at me with narrowed blue eyes.

  “Are you ready to come home yet? Have you finally had enough of this nonsense?” He spoke with a quiet yet determined voice.

  I couldn’t look him in the eye. Dad still believed that I’d be running home in a few days. If he knew the truth, that I had every intention of staying Amish to be with Noah, he wouldn’t be as calm and cool as he was now. Dad had a temper that he kept hidden from the rest of the world. I cringed inwardly, thinking about how he’d react when he realized that he’d lost the gamble he’d made.

  Hearing the pounding clops on the pavement, I was glad for the opportunity to look away. I watched Marcus Bontrager’s wife, Ivy, whisk by at a fast clip. Her hand shot out the window for an instant when she passed, and I raised mine to return the wave.

  “I’m doing fine, Dad. And, remember, you promised to give me time,” I said in an upbeat manner. I didn’t miss the way Justin lightly shook his head before thudding it back on the seat.

  Dad breathed out angrily, and said, “I don’t have patience for this nonsense today. John Daniels went back to Canada this morning. His elderly mother’s in intensive care and isn’t expected to make it to the weekend. We’re already short one ER doctor, and I don’t know when he’ll return. I’ve been working extra shifts as it is and now this.”

  He put the sunglasses back on and said, “I need to get back to the hospital. Sorry, I won’t have time to go over the assignments with you right now.”

  The first bubbles of elation that washed over me were immediately mixed with feelings of irritation. I struggled to keep my face free of emotion. His crazy work schedule and new girlfriend were the only reasons he was leaving me alone. I knew that I’d been lucky so far. But then why did I feel the heat of anger toward Dad that he was blowing me off once again?

  “My folders are on the counter in the kitchen. Ruth is at the house—you can go up there and get them, but I need to keep working on the fence,” I said with a cautious voice.

  Before Dad answered, Justin was out the door and standing beside me. “I’ll stay with Rose while you get her stuff.”

  “All right, then. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Dad eased back on to the road, and I turned to my little brother. He was kneeling in the grass, petting Hope. The big puppy was wiggling with happiness at seeing my brother.

  “So, how are things at home?” I asked as I bent down to pick up the scrub brush, trying to ignore the sting of pain from Dad being too busy to give me much thought nowadays.

  Justin jumped up and grabbed it out of my hand. He said, “Let me do that. You can take a break for a little longer.”

  I settled cross-legged into the thick grass and watched him dab the brush into the bucket filled with soapy water and begin scrubbing.

  “It’s been pretty boring. Dad’s at the hospital most of the time. When he’s not working, he’s with Tina. Since you’re not there to do the chores anymore, Sam forces me to do most of ’em.” He paused from the work to roll his eyes at me. “He threatens to make me ride the bus if I don’t do what he says.”

  I couldn’t help grinning. Some things never changed.

  “Maybe you’ll have a growth spurt this winter and finally be able to stand up to him.” I smiled wistfully, wishing I could be there when it happened.

  Justin sighed and dropped the brush into the bucket. I raised my eyebrow questioningly and felt suddenly uncomfortable when I saw the tense expression on his face. I didn’t want to hear what he was about to say.

  “When are you coming home? It really sucks being at the house alone all the time. It seems that Dad and Sam only sleep there anymore.”

  I groaned and moved closer to Justin. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

  Justin pointed at the fence. “Is Noah really worth doing all this crap?”

  The sound of desperation in Justin’s voice kept me from being angry with him. He was still a kid, and I hadn’t thought about how my absence would affect him. Now, on top of everything else that was on my mind, I could add major guilt about what I was doing to my little brother. But the idea of walking away from Noah to return home was unimaginable. I actually shivered when the thought crossed my mind. Even though the workload frustrated me and I missed my family, I could never leave Noah.

  When I met Justin’s eyes, he must have recognized the firm set of my face. The frown that had formed on his mouth just a second ago quickly changed to a thin line. His eyes lifted to look right at me as he said, “You don’t care about us anymore at all, do you? The only thing in the world that matters to you is Noah.”

  Shaking my head, I said, “No, that’s not true. I miss you guys, I really do, but what’s between Noah and me is the real deal.” Seeing Justin’s eyes narrow reminded me of Dad, and I suddenly realized that he wouldn’t blindly support my decision any longer. Justin might not be in my face the way Sam and Dad were, but he was on their side nonetheless.

  I took a step forward, placing my hands on his shoulders as I said, “You don’t understand how love feels, Justin. You’ve never experienced it before.”

  Justin took a jarring step backward, flinging my hands away with the action.

  “That’s where you’re wrong. I know what love is. I loved Mom...and I love Dad and Sam...and you, too.” He took a deep breath and said, “You might win this game that you’re playing with Dad, but you’ll regret it someday.”

  I began to open my mouth, but no words would come out. The feeling of shock numbed my insides as I stared at my brother, wondering when the heck he’d become so formidable.

  I barely even heard Dad’s car roll to a stop beside us. Justin was around the car and inside it a second later.

  “Hopefully, I won’t be in such a hurry the next time I stop by,” Dad said with a clipped voice.

  His little trip up the driveway hadn’t lightened his mood at all.

  “I’m sure you won’t,” I lied.

  I stepped up to the car and bent down to let Dad kiss me on the cheek.

  Dad sighed before saying, “Don’t work too hard out here in the sun. Do you have a bottle of water?”

  I nodded.

  “Bye, Rose,” Dad said. He sat for a couple of long seconds staring at me. I held my breath but didn’t look away. The look on Dad’s face told me that he was battling with himself about what to do. When he finally turned his head and pulled away, I breathed again.

  Lady rolling in the tall grass caught my eye, and I watched her stand back up and shake her body. She’d been hanging around the lower pasture all afternoon, keeping me in her sights. The desperate longing to go for a ride struck me, and I had to look away. It would be a miracle if I got to ride her anytime soon. I was too busy now to do such a thing.

  The press of depression that I had little time for fun anymore wasn’t my main concern, though. The fact that Justin hadn’t said goodbye to me and that he’d ignored me when I tried to make eye contact with him was a bigger issue. I’d lost an ally...and maybe the entire relationship with my little brother. A hollow feeling developed in my chest, and the sunshine couldn’t stop the feeling of trepidation from sweeping through me.

  It was just a matter of time until Dad came for me.

  12

  Sam

  I reached the sidelines a few steps ahead of Hunter. After we poured some water from the cooler into cups, we took a seat on the bottom bleachers. While the breeze cooled the sweat on my skin and the grunts and hits of the other players on the field rang through the air, I took a breath and glanced at Hunter. He was staring at the grass, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

  I quickly weighed the pros and cons in my head, and took the chance. “Hey, do you know a little redhead named Summer Sage?” I asked in a loud whisper.

 
Hunter looked up at me. It was fascinating to watch the haze disappear from his eyes as they became focused on what I’d said.

  “Yeah, sure I do.” He ran his hands through his hair and said, “She’s a junior, right?”

  I nodded my head and forged on, “Do you know her personally?”

  Hunter’s expression changed from mild interest to a sharper, more intense look, when he smiled and said, “I never really spoke to her, I guess. She hangs out with the country kids and keeps mostly to herself from what I’ve seen.” His smile deepened and he leaned in closer. “She’s cute, but I thought you and Amber had it going on.”

  Just hearing the name Amber soured my mood. The girl was becoming a thorn in my backside. Her never-ending text messages and phone calls were driving me crazy. And the fact that Hunter had immediately assumed that I was after Summer made me regret even bringing the subject up.

  “I’m just curious about her, that’s all. She’s hanging out with my sister,” I said with a shrug.

  Hunter’s eyes brightened instantly, and he sat up straighter. “How’s Rose doing? You don’t talk about her much.”

  “It’s kind of a sore subject in my household,” I said, taking a sip of the cold water. “I’m surprised that she hasn’t come home already. Wearing those ugly dresses and caps on her head every day—it’s as if she’s been possessed by an alien or something.”

  Quietly, Hunter said, “She’s probably just confused. Probably since your mom died, she’s been searching for something to fill the hole. Unfortunately, she picked a guy from a backward culture to do it.”

  Hunter placed his hand on my shoulder, and I glanced up to see a pained face.

  “I’m so sorry, man. I really screwed things up that night at the party. I never meant to scare her like that—I wasn’t myself.”

  “Yeah, you’ve told me that before,” I said, wishing he hadn’t brought it up again.