by M. J. O'Shea
Zack got a strange look on his face for a split second and then it cleared. “I’ll keep an eye out for wolf boy for ya.” He grinned and shuffled my hair gently. I waited to feel the heart pounding that little gesture would have caused only a week before. I got nothing. The only thing I could think of were a pair of luminous, glowing eyes.
And I had been looking for him. I didn’t know what I expected—a wolf walking down Fifth Avenue in the middle of a huge crowd of people? But something in me knew I had to see him again, that I would see him again. So I looked. Half-consciously and all the time. I didn’t sleep well, and what sleep I had was plagued with dreams of him, dreams where I found my wolf and wrapped my arms around him and never let him go. No wonder I was so tired.
Lisa slid into the seat next to me just as the professor started his lecture. I smiled wanly at her. I didn’t have the energy to put much into the smile. She must have noticed. It didn’t take long before a note slid onto my desk.
What’s wrong? You still look kinda wigged out. Eye’s better, though!
I noticed that Hawthorne was calling on people randomly, asking questions about the classic master plots we were supposed to have gone over before class. Since I hadn’t done my reading for the first time, I decided it wasn’t the best day to call attention to myself. I slid the note into my backpack and tried valiantly to pay attention. It was hard, though, with Lisa making dumb faces at me and trying to get me to reply. I smiled ruefully, feeling a bit better. I could tell Lisa was going to be a bad influence.
Chapter 3: Lightning Crashes
IT HAD been a long two weeks. I couldn’t believe that after all that time, the wildly mysterious gold eyes of the wolf still haunted me. My dreams, my thoughts, every part of me had been consumed by him. And yet there was nothing. No newspaper stories, no signs of anything out of the ordinary. I still half-expected to see him again, wanted him to be looking for me like I was looking for him. I knew how ridiculous that sounded but I didn’t care. As rational a human being as I tried to be, I still couldn’t see that wolf as all animal. I couldn’t reconcile that being, that amazing creature, with anything I’d ever seen before. He was special and I wanted to know more about him.
Zack continued to give me strange looks during class, and he talked to me way more in two weeks than he had for the first two months of school. I thought perhaps I was being paranoid, but I started to wonder if he maybe knew something he wasn’t saying. The weird look he’d given me when I told him the story about the “boy” who reminded me of a wolf was stuck in my memory. I was half tempted to run him down after class and try to get whatever it was he seemed to know out of him. But on the other hand, if he happened to just be a nice guy who was a writer and sensitive to other people’s emotions, I’d look like a total lunatic. It didn’t always work, but I tried to avoid looking crazy most of the time.
IT WAS ten thirty on a Tuesday, sixteen barely endurable days since I’d seen the wolf, and I was at work… like always. The store had been really busy that night, like it somehow always seemed to be when I was feeling worn out and too tired to smile. A big crowd came in after dinner to listen to a local author read from his newest science fiction novel. Many had stayed after the signing for coffees and browsing. Megan kept shooting me glares for making her stay late. I didn’t know what she was bitching about, because she had to be raking in a ton of tips. Her line was never shorter than four people.
I was busy at the register as well, but my eyes kept straying, watching, waiting for… well, I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for other than the one thing I knew couldn’t happen. I did know what I was watching. Well, more like who I was watching. That was easy. It was him―the kid with the tumbly dark-auburn hair and the quiet smile.
He’d come in with the big swell of people a few hours before. I’d looked up sharply when he ambled casually through the door. He had smiled hesitatingly, hair flopping in his eyes, and wandered off into what could’ve been called the fantasy section if Ralph had ever really organized everything. As far as I knew, he’d been back there ever since. Every thirty seconds or so I’d scan the shop, looking to make sure I still had him in my sight. It’s not that I thought he was trouble; he looked like a nice enough guy, but my eyes kept gravitating toward him. I couldn’t help it.
For the first hour, I could have said exactly where he was at any given second. I wasn’t even aware of how closely I’d been watching him, but if someone had asked “where’s the auburn haired kid?” I’d have been able to point to his location down to the individual shelf. After that I lost him. I didn’t know what corner he’d ended up in, and it made me nervous. Jumpy. It was like I needed to keep tabs on him. Even though I couldn’t see him, I knew he was still there. I could feel him. I just wanted to be able to see him too. The thought of him leaving without my knowledge made my heart pound.
What on earth is wrong with me?
I mean, the kid was cute—at least from a distance, there was no denying it—but he looked like he was barely in high school, and I didn’t have the best memories of the boys from my high school. I didn’t need another one. I had to admit, though, that mop of red-brown curls was enchanting, and the way he moved was so graceful it barely seemed like he put any effort in at all.
Oh Jesus. Ring up the customer, Miles.
I looked up anyway. Where was he?
The shop was starting to empty out. I was glad, since I was supposed to have closed nearly twenty minutes before. Even through my happiness to have the long work night ending, I was starting to panic. Was the kid gone? God, why did I care? I couldn’t deny it, though. That panic feeling… the restlessness was there. Seriously. What was wrong with me? First a wolf and now some jailbait boy I didn’t even know? It would be better to go back to drooling over the unavailable Zack.
The last two customers trickled out the door and I locked it behind them, breathing a sigh of relief. He was still there. With the crowd gone, I could easily feel the kid’s presence. I didn’t even want to start thinking about how.
“Hello?” I called to the general silence, feeling a little dumb. “Is there anyone still in here? I’m closing.” I heard a rustling, and there he was, teetering out of the aisle with a big pile of books.
“Is it too late to ring these up?” His voice was soft and warm, like tea with honey and milk. He sounded quite a bit older than he looked. I shivered a little.
Get a grip and stop checking out the kid, dork!
“No, it’s fine. I haven’t closed out the register yet.”
“Thanks.” He piled the books down on the counter, shoving his hair from his forehead with an impatient sweep of his hand.
The second I saw his eyes emerge from behind his bangs, golden and slightly wild, I felt my heart grind to a slow, thumping stop. It couldn’t be. It had to be.
“It’s you,” I whispered.
Without even thinking, I walked around the counter, slow and steady, getting closer to him with every step. I almost held out my hands like I had before. He looked a little scared. I was terrified, elated, everything.
“It is you, isn’t it?”
He nodded. I stepped closer. He reached out a hand and placed it on my chest, palm against my thrashing heart. His other hand moved slowly upward until it was curled around my neck, fingers sinking warm and gentle into my hair. The boy watched his hand the whole time, almost like he wasn’t controlling it himself. Then he looked back at my face.
We were exactly the same size; his eyes locked with mine, huge and golden with long, sweeping eyelashes. They’re so beautiful.
“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” he whispered, voice throaty.
I didn’t say anything. Instead I did something I could have never imagined doing in a million years.
I pulled his head close and crushed his lips to mine. I didn’t think to ask if he liked guys, didn’t care how young he looked. I just knew I needed to kiss him. I’d needed it since the night we met―ever since I thought he was a wolf a
nd I was crazy, but I had to touch him anyway.
And, oh, that kiss.
It exploded all around us, and I swear to God the world stopped. Cheesy, I know, but I felt it. The world spun out in dizzying circles, then condensed into one tight glowing ball surrounding our bodies and holding everything perfectly still. My stomach floated up, filled with fluttering melting happiness. I slung my arms over his shoulders and my hands cupped his head, pulling it closer to my mouth, closer to me. I needed him badly. He was like air, like water, necessary to survive. I refused to believe I was the only one feeling it. He wrapped his arms around my waist and splayed his hands on the small of my back, squeezing me.
At that moment, when we both surrendered to whatever had come over us, I felt the earth start to move again, to shift like it had been off-kilter and was suddenly made right. I felt him trembling and tightened my arms, sheltering him from the storm that was crashing over us. It was elemental, this thing pulling us together; it was fire and brimstone and it couldn’t be stopped.
We finally yanked our lips away from each other, panting for breath. He looked shaken and more than a little scared. I’m sure I did too. I opened my mouth to speak, to give him my name or ask for his, to tell him I’d been waiting for him forever―even before I knew he existed. I didn’t get a chance to say anything at all. His eyes grew wide and he turned, pulling out of my arms.
“Wait!” I cried, but it was too late.
He turned and bolted for the door, fumbling with the lock before he yanked it open and ran into the night.
I stood there in total shock for long moments, unable to even begin processing what had happened. I had finally seen my wolf; he was real and he was human, just like I’d somehow known he would be.
I kissed him. I touched him.
He ran away from me.
Chapter 4: After The Storm
I DON’T know what happened to me that night after the kiss, after my wolf ran away. Reality hadn’t quite stepped in yet, that was for sure. I know I made it home somehow. The first thing I clearly remembered was lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, with my stomach aching like someone was trying to rip it out. It was a little bit like the night I first saw him, when reality disappeared in large chunks, but at the same it was so much more intense, worse, nearly impossible to describe.
I’d missed him originally, felt giddy and happy for having seen him, wanted to see him again. The need to touch him, to feel his eyes watching me, had grown slowly over the past two weeks to the point where it was nearly all I could think about. But this was different. So much more than thinking, so much harder than wanting.
It was awful.
As soon as he’d left the store, my body started to hurt. It was merely uncomfortable at first, so I wrote it off as exhaustion and stress from yet another weird night, closed up quickly, and gathered my things for a brisk walk home. My mind was still spinning in fog for most of the walk, but the farther I got from that place where we’d kissed, the worse I hurt. It got to the point that I wasn’t even thinking of the wolf anymore because the only thing that seemed to exist in my universe was the burning pain that threatened to rip me in half. By the time I got to my apartment, I was nearly doubled over and could barely walk. I’d limped in and thrown myself down on my bed, rolling onto my back to clutch at my abdomen, and hoped it would go away.
But it wouldn’t. No matter what I did. I tried to throw up but couldn’t. I couldn’t eat or drink anything either. I wasn’t sick, though. I knew what was causing the ripping, unbearable pain. That much was obvious. He was causing it. Whether he meant to or not, all the pain had something to do with him.
At least that weird crush feeling is gone.
I was surprised I had the strength for sarcasm. Even the thought of smiling hurt. The pain was so bad it made my eyes water, which gave me a headache and made everything worse, of course, but I couldn’t help it.
Why did he run away from me? All I wanted from the second we first touched was to be close to him. What was happening to me, to us? Was it somehow my fault? I realized at that point I wasn’t even questioning the fact that he was some kind of werewolf. It didn’t even cross my mind to be skeptical. I knew it was true, sensed he was my wolf in every remote corner of my body. I didn’t have the energy to wonder how he was possible.
I just knew I needed him back.
I DIDN’T go to school the next day or the day after that. I couldn’t even get out of my bed because it hurt too much. On the third day, I texted Lisa and told her to let Hawthorne know I was still really sick. She sounded concerned, but I assured her I just had a flu bug and she should probably stay away. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do to make myself better. Well, that wasn’t quite true. I knew what I needed to do; I just didn’t know how I was going to do it. I needed to go find him, but it would be close to impossible to find one guy in the middle of Manhattan, especially since my body hurt so bad I couldn’t even stand up straight.
That third night, around six o’clock, I awoke from my uneasy half doze to the sound of someone pounding on my door. Oh God. Lisa. I told her not to come. I had a feeling she wasn’t very good with directions. With considerable effort, I dragged my body from bed and started inching my way to the door. Lisa knocked again, more insistent this time.
“I’m coming,” I called and was surprised by how feeble my voice sounded.
I finally made it to the door and struggled to get my lock open. I was shocked to see, not Lisa, but Zack standing on the other side. He looked worried and more intense than I’d ever seen him look in school.
“I got your room number from Hawthorne’s class list. I came here to see if you were still alive.”
“Barely,” I moaned.
He walked into the room and shut the door behind him.
“I don’t want to get you sick,” I protested. I knew I wasn’t going to get anyone sick, but I didn’t want to answer questions either.
“I’ll be fine.” He led me over to my tiny couch and helped me sit before perching on the arm. “Listen, Miles, is there anything I can do for you? I know your family is on the west coast, and I’m really worried. Lisa is worried too.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You look like death. You think you got something from one of the customers?”
I shook my head. I didn’t have the energy to make some story up from nowhere.
“No, it’s not like that. I just―” I didn’t know how to say the crazy impossible thing I probably shouldn’t say. So I just spit it out. “I think it has to do with the guy with the wolf eyes. Oh Jesus. You’re going to think I’m nuts.”
Zack laughed under his breath, which surprised me.
“Believe me, Miles, I know all about nuts. Just tell me what’s going on.”
I hung my head for long minutes, trying to think of how I was going to tell my story to this near stranger who I’d only viewed as a beautiful guy I was afraid to talk to. I looked at him, ready to chicken out and say nothing, but was reassured when I saw only kindness and understanding. He really wanted to help me. I shook my head and gritted my teeth. I had to tell him. It wasn’t like there was a line of people outside my door waiting to help me deal with my wolf-boy problems.
I realized Zack might be my only hope of getting the mess I was in solved. Help me, Zack Parker; you’re my only hope…. I smothered a painful chuckle at the picture that popped into my head of me kneeling on the ground in a hooded white dress. Then I took as deep a breath as I could without wincing and started to talk.
“Okay, well to begin with, the guy with wolf eyes, well, he doesn’t just have wolf eyes. He’s….”
“A wolf?” To his credit Zack wasn’t looking at me like I was crazy―yet. In fact, he looked like… damn it! I knew he knew something when he kept giving me all those weird glances in class.
“Yes. He’s a wolf. I can tell you know something, Zack. Who are you? What do you know about him?”
Zack smiled gently.
“We’ll get to me in a minute. Tell me exactly what happened.”
I took another fortifying breath and closed my eyes for a minute before I continued. “I got in a little bit of trouble a few weeks ago, and the wolf came to my rescue. All I remember is he was huge and gingery and had big gold eyes.” I stopped, looking at Zack and waiting for the judgment to seep into his face. I didn’t see anything but concern and curiosity.
“So three nights ago, I was at the shop again, closing, and the place was deserted except for one last guy. I’d felt drawn to him all night, like I had to follow him with my eyes. I could’ve told you where he was at any second; I would have felt it if he’d left the shop. It was really weird. But anyway, he came to the counter with this huge pile of books and when he lowered them, I saw his eyes, the wolf’s eyes.”
Zack sighed and put his hand over mine. “I’m going to help you get better. I think we’ve figured out what’s going on here.”
“You did?”
“I think so. Let’s get you back into bed for now.”
I looked at the clock. “I actually have to try to get in to work. I promised Ralph I wouldn’t take another night off.”
Zack gave me a look that reminded me so much of my mother that I had to laugh―which turned into a groan because it hurt so badly. He shook his head.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. You can barely walk. How the hell are you going to go to work?”
I didn’t know how I was going to get to work, but I did know I wasn’t going to have any more strangers in my god-awful tiny freaking dorm room. Having Zack see it was embarrassing enough.
“You think you can fix this?” I gestured to myself.
Zack nodded.
“Then let’s fix it there. I don’t want to let Ralph down.” Not my real reason, but it’d have to do.
“I didn’t figure you for a stubborn one,” Zack murmured. I just looked at him silently. “Fine. Go get ready. I’m going to wait here and take you to the shop, okay?”