“You’re over a thousand years old?” Tolen looked at the dark haired, muscular man, dwarfing the stool he sat on, in disbelief. The Watcher looked barely a day over twenty.
“Hidden age slower than humans and some may be restored to a younger state by the Balance, if necessary.”
“How old is my mom then?” It hurt to ask about her, but she was beginning to feel as much a stranger to him as his father.
“That I do not know. I had never heard of, nor seen, your mother before.” He reached out as if to pat Tolen’s arm, but pulled back and folded his arms again. “When you first told me your father’s name it surprised me. Protectors are bound to their oath. They cannot marry. Your mother told me later that they both served at the Citadel of Light—home of the Guardians.”
“What did my mom do there?”
“Your mother belongs to the race of Spheres. They have the ability to manipulate the Balance surrounding other people in order to hide their life force from detection. They can also manipulate the cells in the mortal body, ask them to return to their state of wholeness—it is how they heal. Her duty would have been to help shield the Guardians and care for those who came to the citadel in need of healing.”
Tolen thought about his conversation with Macy about particles and scientific theory. It wasn’t too hard to imagine how his mother’s gifts might work. It’s what he’d felt when he’d tried to heal Macy. Almost as if he could tell the cells wanted to move, they just needed help getting back to where they belonged. “So they met and fell in love at the citadel?”
“I do not know if that is where they first met. I only know the stories of your father from the revolution, and I met him but one time, not long after the war, when he was at the citadel and I was there being set apart in my duties as a Watcher. According to your mother, they ran away from their duties and married. I do not know how long ago that was, or how long they were married before they had you. A miracle in itself.”
“A miracle, how?”
“Our laws cannot be broken without serious consequences. Your parents’ marriage broke the oaths they made with the Guardians—it should have rendered them unable to procreate. Your birth is legendary in many ways. There is a change happening, a change that goes deeper than any of us can imagine.”
Tolen didn’t like the idea that his birth was legendary. “If my father was such a legend, how did he get captured, and why do the Shadows want him?”
“Those are good questions. A man of his ability should have been strong enough to avoid capture. As to why the Shadows want him, the Dark wants control of every powerful being. They want to try and turn your father.”
“So, he’s there now. In the Shadow Realm? With Daemon and all those evil creatures torturing him?” Tolen swallowed. What if that was where his mother was now? What if they were torturing her too? His stomach turned and he started to wish he hadn’t eaten.
“Yes. That is where your father is.” Bastian didn’t say anything about if Tolen’s mother was there too. He didn’t know, so why speculate aloud on something so horrible?
Tolen had to do something. Something to help them. He had failed his best friend, but if his mother was still alive he would find out, and if they were both in the Shadow Prison he would find a way to save them. Bastian himself had said back in Green River that the Light wanted Tolen to go after his father!
Bastian leaned forward and put a hand on Tolen’s shoulder. “I did say that Tolen, and I do believe you are meant to try. But, as I said before, you are not ready. Let the Doogar train you. Let me train you. Trust me enough to believe that I will do all I can to help you.”
Tolen looked into the Watcher’s face and knew he was telling the truth. He didn’t have to forgive the man for what happened in order to trust him, right?
He closed his eyes, pretending for a moment he did not have an audience, and tried to look beneath the guilt to the real emotion. At the truth he needed to see, and grasp onto. “I have one question before I decide to trust you and wait to put my plan into action.” He spoke with his eyes closed.
“All right.”
Tolen licked his lips and opened his eyes to see the Watcher regarding him thoughtfully. “If the Light is so powerful, so loving, so perfect, as you describe, how could they let the Dark hurt so many people and not stop them?” He clutched the blanket beneath him in his fists. “How can they ask me to fight for them when they did nothing to protect my parents?”
Bastian tilted his head and crossed his feet in front of him. “That is a deep question Tolen, without a simple answer. Do you remember what I told you about the Light and the Dark?”
“Light beckons. Dark enslaves.”
“Yes. And in that lies your answer in all its complexity. The Light and the Dark are complete opposites. Light is choice and freedom. Dark is forcefulness and domination. The Light can give us aid when, and only when, we ask for it. The Dark will force its evil upon us every chance it gets. The Light cannot change a course of actions set in motion by our own choices, but it can give us aid, and help us through our afflictions when we ask for its help, and then choose to listen and accept it. It cannot force its help upon us or it would not be the Light. Do you understand?”
Tolen folded his leg beneath him and tried to grasp what the Watcher meant. “The Light couldn’t change what happened in the canyon because it was our choices that led us there?”
Bastian nodded. “But it was there helping us Tolen. Not a day of my life has gone by when I have not asked the Light for its help and guidance. Macy holds a gift of the Light and she was there doing all she could to protect you, your mother, and Dane. Dane used his gift to help us by his own choice. The Light was with us all that night, Tolen. It could not change the events, but it never left us alone as we fought the darkness that sought to take all our lives. It was your mother’s and Dane’s choice to stay behind and save the rest of us. Theirs was a sacrifice, not a punishment, or abandonment.”
This concept felt true, but it was hard to accept. He still wanted to feel angry and abandoned and he wanted to feel justified in that anger. He understood right and wrong, so it made sense in that way, but the Light and Dark were a lot bigger than just right and wrong. His mother had taught him the difference between good choices and bad ones, and it had never been in his nature to seek after anything that felt evil or wrong.
“Okay, what will I be learning first?”
Bastian tapped his chin. “Well, unfortunately, Macy was right about one thing. Your life force is immensely powerful and the Dark can sense the shift it causes in the Balance, so they will always know where you are. First and foremost, we must teach you to shield the power of your life force in order to keep it from affecting the Balance. You have to learn to contain its strength within your physical body. It is extremely difficult to do, but extremely necessary if we are to ever leave here without being captured.”
“Why can’t we stay here and train, if it’s safe?”
“For one thing, the Dark knows you are here. We cannot, in good conscience, allow the Doogar to risk their home for us indefinitely. Eventually, the Dark would find a way in and destroy this place.”
Tolen shuddered. No, he wouldn’t stay here and do that to Dane’s people. Not after all they’d done. Not after everything Dane had done for him.
Bastian nodded. “Exactly.”
“Once I learn how to shield myself, where will we go?” A small degree of excitement began to build in Tolen and he started tapping his fingers on the bed. Now that there was a plan, he wanted to get moving.
“You need advanced training that I cannot give. The Radia Warriors have camps all over the world where they train their forces. Hander knows of one concealed not too far from here, in the Klamath National Forest. Once you are ready, and Macy has healed, they will lead us there.”
Something Bastian said earlier suddenly clicked in Tolen’s br
ain. “That’s why my mother was sick. It was because she was shielding me all those years, and it was weakening her, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. Spheres are the only Beings capable of shielding a life force besides their own, and it takes a lot of power. That is why there are so many who serve at the citadel, so they can share the burden. Do not let her choice cause you any guilt. If your mother had brought you to the Guardians or allowed you to have a Watcher, you could have learned to shield yourself.”
Tolen planted both feet on the floor and bit back the defensive remark he wanted to say. Instead he asked the question that would hopefully make it make sense. “Why didn’t she take me to the Guardians and let me have a Watcher. Was it because they’d broken the law? Would they have taken me away from her?”
Bastian took a deep breath. “You would have been placed in the care of your Watcher, yes. I do not know what her punishment would have been, but the biggest reason your parents did not do as they should have concerning you, is Fear.” He lifted his hand up. “Do not misunderstand. I am speaking about more than simply being afraid of something. I am speaking of an unnatural fear, something that is in and of itself. It is what you felt as we approached the Shadows—the overpowering feeling that dropped you to your knees when the door closed on the Binithan.”
“Ardia said the Shadows magnify Fear to the highest degree. I didn’t realize it was an actual thing.”
“The Dark created a weapon more powerful than our kind knew how to combat. When Fear first reared its ugly head, we had no idea how to fight it. Many who heeded its cunning subtleties were destroyed.
“Fear is not simply an emotional response to something frightening—although it may begin that way. When you dwell on that fear, focus on it until it affects your thoughts and actions, it weakens you until the Dark can sense your distress as it affects the Balance. At that point, they send in their creations.
“This unnatural fear seeks you out and pulls you down to the Dark without you even realizing it. When it takes you, it affects your thoughts; it makes you do things that are neither rational nor ethical. Fear, used as a tool of the Dark, poisons the soul, making its way deeper and deeper into the individual until it takes over that person’s heart and mind. You are not evil—just lost in doubt and anxiety, making you a much easier target. I believe this is what happened to your mother. Fear weakened her. Only her superior gifts as a Sphere managed to keep the Dark from finding you both. As you grew stronger, so did her fear for you. There were moments when her shield weakened and the Dark sensed you briefly, which is why crows were watching you even before Macy and I found you.”
Tolen looked at his hands—if only he’d known. He didn’t want to be angry with his mother, but some of the earlier resentment that he’d felt back before they’d left home was still there. If he’d known about himself, and how to use his abilities, he could have helped her. He could have protected them. He ran a hand through his hair and turned his attention back to Bastian.
“When you were born, your parents were hiding from the world of the Hidden, trying to be something they were not, making them vulnerable to the tactics of the Dark. When you were Chosen, they knew this would take you into that Hidden world. Their fear of losing you drove your father to try something impossible.” Bastian looked at Tolen with sadness. “He tried to interfere with the Balance; he tried to change your destiny.”
“My destiny? How?”
Bastian lifted a necklace from his shirt. Two shining crystals dangled from it. Bastian slid the smaller of the two off the necklace, pulled a piece of cord from his pocket, and laced it around the crystal. “This is yours.”
“Is that what Macy called a Radia Shard?” Tolen’s mouth went dry.
“Yes. When the Balance selected you, it came to your home. Your father took it and tried to find the Guardians to persuade them to take it back.” He shook his head. “But the shift in the Balance had already occurred. Fate was already in motion. The Balance read your heart and knew that your life force contained everything the Chosen would need . . . ” He opened his mouth as if to go on, shook his head once more, and looked at the necklace in his hand before holding it out to Tolen.
Tolen took the shard. It glowed brighter once it touched his skin. It was warm and throbbed like a tiny heart.
“I do not know how long after your father left you that he was captured.” He nodded toward the shard. “But your shard only found me a few days ago. It led me to you.”
Tolen thought of the image of the zombie-like man who haunted his dreams. “I’ve been dreaming about my father for weeks. Is he going to die in that prison?”
Bastian shook his head. “I do not know. To my knowledge, no one has ever left the Shadow Prison alive, but your father was a very formidable Protector. I am sure that is why he has survived this long.”
“What if he dies before I learn how to use my abilities and can try to save him?” He squeezed the shard in his hand until the sharp edges dug into his skin.
“Then that would be his fate.” It was a cold sentence, but Bastian said it with so much regret that Tolen couldn’t be angry with him.
“Put it around your neck, Tolen, and never take it off. It will link you to me and to the other Chosen. Guard it with your life. It must never fall into the hands of the Dark. With time, it will share with you more of its powers and purposes.”
Tolen pulled the shard over his neck. It felt warm as it rested against his throat. “Macy said that if human Chosen lose their shard then their power leaves. What happens if I lose mine?”
Bastian pointed at Tolen’s chest where the shard lay. “Being Hidden kind, your gifts were born with you. The possession of a Radia Shard is an added bonus. As I said, it will eventually show you more of its purposes and powers once you have earned its allegiance. For now, it can enhance your powers as you learn to tap into it, and keep you connected to me and the other Chosen.”
Tolen lifted the small shard from his neck and twisted it in his fingers. “I have no choice but to be a member of the Chosen, because the Balance selected me. Even though I have no idea if I even can, or want to?”
“Tolen, fate and destiny are more than what you have been taught to understand. There is choice in everything, and with every choice there is a consequence, good or bad.” He glanced up at the low ceiling. “Although much of fate is already determined by actions put into place eons ago, whatever you choose now will still affect your destiny. All in all, you control the outcome of your life.
“It does not matter how much it might seem that your path is decided for you, choice will always play a role—help determine the outcome. When it comes right down to it, you do choose your path. No matter what the Balance decides, you choose where you will go, what you will do, and how you will deal with it.”
“But you said that the Balance had already shifted, fate was already in motion.” He put his hand over the shard. “Doesn’t that imply I’m kinda stuck?”
“No, Tolen, you are not stuck. Things that were put into action years ago by the choices of others cannot be stopped, that chain of events is already in motion. But every choice you make from here on out will affect your final destiny in unfathomable ways. There are events in this world that must happen—it is the law of survival—but the way in which things come about changes day by day, choice by choice.”
Tolen put a hand behind his head and leaned back against the wall. “So, that means that my father couldn’t interfere with my destiny because it was my destiny. Only my choices can affect the Balance as it relates to my own fate. The choices of others can affect my circumstances, but my destiny remains solid unless I choose otherwise?”
“Yes.”
“So I can choose whether or not to join the Chosen?”
Bastian rubbed a hand over his chin while his other hand curled into a fist on his lap. “Yes.” There was fear in his voice.
He’s
afraid of what I might choose. Tolen thought of the graduation ceremony that he wouldn’t be attending tomorrow, all the kids he’d spent the last few years with walking down the line and getting their diplomas. Did they, too, have choices before them that were almost impossible to fathom? Or were their lives easy and uncomplicated?
Worrying about money for rent or food and dealing with Jeff Macro seemed so simple compared to the new worries that plagued him. He’d wanted to know everything about who he really was for as long as he could remember, but now, the more he learned, the more he wondered if ignorance hadn’t been better.
His mind sifted painfully through all he’d been witness to in the last few days; the Raksasha trying to kill them, his mother and best friend gone, and seeing Macy nearly crushed to death by the Phantom.
His hands trembled. Could he really sit back and hide while creatures like that continued to destroy innocent life? Especially now that he knew he’d been Chosen to stop them?
All these abilities really did have a purpose, a greater purpose. His life was no longer a four-walled prison. It had become a long, winding road of twists and turns and he had no idea where it might lead.
As long as the Dark continued to thrive, the world would never truly be free. Tolen would never truly be free.
He sat forward again and gripped the blanket beneath him. Being trained as a Chosen, learning how to use his abilities in combat would give him one more weapon in his quest to save his parents. Tolen took a deep breath and looked Bastian squarely in the eyes.
“I want to be a Chosen. When can I start training?” The shard pulsed with an energy that coursed through his body. It felt as if he were wearing a living thing around his neck. He could feel emotion flowing through it, and from it, into him. It was happy with his choice.
“A Doogar will be here shortly to take you to your first phase of training.” Bastian seemed relieved, if not still a little wary.
Tolen nodded and leaned his head back against the wall.
Bastian opened his mouth as if he wanted to say more, but instead only squeezed Tolen’s shoulder and stood up. “I need some time to regenerate. Enjoy your training.” He disappeared behind Macy’s curtains, leaving Tolen to wait impatiently for his first chance to train.
A Chosen Life Page 19