by TL Travis
“I um.” I rubbed my hands together before deciding to blurt it out, like ripping a Band-Aid off in a single pull. “I’mgayandIneedtoknowhowtotellmydad.” There, whew. But he was sitting beside me cracking up. I nudged him, “Dude, it’s not funny. This is serious.”
“Yeah but you saying it like one giant word is freaking funny.” We turned to his mom and Brett who were sitting there staring at us.
“Ricky,” Mary began, “none of this is funny, you’re right, Joey, it is serious.” She gave Stoli the evil eye shutting him up. “I think you don’t give your dad enough credit. While this may come as a shock, I know you mean the world to him and he’s not going to be mad. I think he’ll surprise you.”
Well, that didn’t help at all, but at least I’d told somebody I trusted so saying the words aloud again might just make it a bit easier the next time I said them… Maybe…
“Do you want me to be there when you tell him?” Stoli asked.
“Nah, I need him to be honest with me when I tell him and having you there might make him clam up.” I knew my dad wouldn’t hit me or kick me out, at least I hoped he wouldn’t. But I didn’t want to put him in an awkward position by having Stoli there while having such a serious talk as this was going to be.
“I say you tell him after dinner. Come on, let’s go eat.” We stood to follow Mary, only she surprised me when she stopped and hugged me. “You’ll be fine, Joey, trust me.”
“You’re one of the few people I do trust in this world,” I told her, and she squeezed me harder. Stoli and I were both taller than her now. She was a tiny woman standing five-foot-two with the same auburn hair and brown eyes with gold flecks as her son. But Stoli and I were both almost six feet tall at this point and we’d only just hit our growth spurt.
After dinner, I headed home. Chanting the whole way, “You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.”
When I walked inside, I found my dad watching tv from the comfort of his favorite chair. The same chair I sat in earlier as I told my best friend what I was about to inform my dad of. If he didn’t notice me, I could just…
“Hey son,” he said without turning around.
“Uh, hi Dad.” I twisted my hair around my finger. Damn, it’s getting long.
“Everything alright?” He turned to face me.
Fuck it, it’s do or die time.
“Um, I need to talk to you.” I was shaking, way beyond nervous.
“Does this have anything to do with the school calling to say you never made it to the office?”
Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
“Yeah.” I started pacing back and forth behind the couch.
“Son, you’re making me nauseous. Why don’t you take a seat and tell me what’s going on inside that head of yours?”
I froze and before I could engage my brain, my mouth blurted out, “I’m gay.”
He said nothing. Just stared at me, blankly.
I never wanted to run more than I did in that very moment. This was exactly what I was afraid of and now he fucking hates me. I know he does. I headed for the stairs, just as I reached them he spoke.
“Son. I can tell you’re waiting for me to yell or worse, but you won’t be getting that response from me, not tonight and I hope not ever. I know I’ve done wrong by you in the past, and I swore I’d never to that again. While I can’t say this is easy to accept – and not for the reason you’re thinking, but more out of fear for the way others will treat you. All I want is for you to be happy. If that means you’re with another man, well then, so be it. But you and your happiness are what matters most to me.”
I ran straight over to him, he stood, fully embracing me and I cried. As we were hugging, I realized I was the same height as my old man. A thought that made me smile at a time when I needed it most.
When we parted, he asked, “So, wanna tell me what happened at school today?”
“Well, today’s been an enlightening day for me to say the least. And, um. Something happened when I noticed a new guy in class at the same time the teacher called me up to the chalkboard and I was,” I gestured to my crotch, “so embarrassed I didn’t want to stand up and I um, I told the teacher I was good and didn’t need to go to the front board as he’d asked me to.” Fuck, that was just as embarrassing to tell him as it was to live through it the first time.
“Ha-ha, understood, son. You’ve never been in trouble before and if you were going to conjure up a lie I sure as hell hope it would be one that didn’t involve such an embarrassing moment.”
My dad was full of surprises today, although, I don’t know why I should be surprised by any of this. We haven’t had any issues between us for years.
“Yeah, I’ll make sure I have better self-control from now on. I’m sorry I ditched, Dad, but, ugh.” Telling my dad that I popped wood for another guy was not something I ever thought I’d have to live through.
The next day at school went okay. I mostly stayed off everyone’s radar, well except for the four of us and after telling my dad what happened filling them in was easy. And as usual, they couldn’t care one way or another. My friends were fucking cool. We were like a band of brothers.
“Hey guys,” Stoli spoke up. “What do you think about entering our band in the talent show?”
“Stoli, we don’t even have a name for our band yet,” I reminded him.
Mickey laughed. “That Stoli story still cracks me up.”
Stoli threw a french fry at him. At one of our band practices I told them the infamous Stoli vodka story and the name stuck with them as it had with me. I tried not to let it slip in front of our folks because as far as I knew, my dad still had no idea what had happened, and I planned on taking that incident to the grave.
“You think the Stoli story’s funny, Diamond?” He raised a brow in challenge.
“I proudly sport this bad boy,” he grabbed his crotch, which was usually hard. Hence the nickname Diamond as in hard enough to cut Diamonds. “What about Socially Distraught?”
“Nah, sounds like we’re in need of therapy,” Stoli argued.
“What about Socially Inept?” Mickey asked.
“That sounds like we sit around licking windows all day.”
They laughed when I pointed out that connection.
“Well, it seems we’re stuck on using some form of the word social here. So how about Social Sinners?” Stoli beamed at his suggestion.
“Cool,” Diamond agreed.
“Yeah.” Mickey liked it too.
“Perfect,” I added.
And so, Social Sinners was born.
When it came time for Econ class, I was a bundle of nerves. Not sure how everyone would react to what happened yesterday. I funneled inside with the rest of the class, the teacher gave me the evil eye, but otherwise ignored me. Whew.
Lucas was there, at one point he casually looked back at me and grinned. My insides began heating and I had to look away and think of something that didn’t include his gorgeous face. Or the tight jeans he wore. Or the lip gloss I wanted to lick off his lips. Fuck, I’m doomed.
I managed to tamper down my teenage hormones and actually focus on what our teacher was saying. After class, I hung back so I could talk to Mr. Reed.
“Something you need, Mr. Hayes?” he said, eyeing me suspiciously as I stood beside his desk.
“Yes, sir. I wanted to apologize for the way I acted yesterday and ask if I missed any homework.” I bit my bottom lip while waiting for his response.
“Read pages thirty-four through fifty on top of what you were given today which is fifty through seventy. There will be a quiz on Friday covering those chapters. See you tomorrow, Mr. Hayes.” He dismissed me without a second look.
“Thank you, sir.” I left. What I didn’t expect was to find Lucas standing in the hall waiting for me.
“Hey,” he said first.
“Hey,” I nervously returned.
“Sorry I got you in trouble yesterday.” He pulled out his tube of lip gloss, applying it
without the need of a mirror. I was mesmerized, standing there staring at his lips as he did it.
“You didn’t get me in trouble,” I played it off.
“Hmm, you mean that angry boner you were sporting wasn’t because of me?” he flirted in return.
Fuck, he saw that. “Um, I…” I stuttered.
“Dude,” Stoli said as he walked up to us, pulling me from the trance I was in with Lucas present.
“Lucas, this is Stoli. Stoli, Lucas,” I said, managing to make the exchange.
They nodded to one another before Lucas turned, and said, “See you tomorrow,” swishing his cute ass from side to side as he walked away.
“So, that was Lucas?” Stoli seemed less than charmed by his presence.
I however, was done for. I was caught, hook, line and sinker. “Yeah…” I all but drooled.
“Let’s go,” he snapped. “We have band practice at my house.” He stormed off ahead of me.
“Dude, wait up.” I jogged, catching up to him, “What’s up? Why are you pissed off?”
“Nothing, I’m fine. Just hungry is all,” he assured me.
We only lived a fifteen-minute walk away from school, so we never had to take the bus. But today Stoli was quiet for the entire walk. Something that never happened. Not sure what he was pissed off about, but I wasn’t buying the hungry bit and I didn’t want to ask again. I knew once he grabbed his guitar, he’d be lost to its melodic harmony so the quicker we got to practice, the better.
Mary made us each a sandwich and once Mickey and Diamond arrived, we got to it. Brett had insulated the garage walls with a foam egg crate material for us in the hopes that the neighbors wouldn’t complain. We did odd jobs for most of them, so we figured we’d be good to go if we stopped by ten p.m. on band nights.
We would be losing our space in a couple of weeks temporarily, so they could start storing everything for Mary and Brett’s wedding in here which was happening in March. The talent show wasn’t until the beginning of May, so we had time to get Social Sinners primed and ready. But we still hadn’t decided what song we were going to play.
Chapter
Six
Mary and Brett kept their wedding simple, but we still had to wear nice black pants and a white button-down shirt. It was the middle of March in Seattle, so the wedding had to be held indoors due to the rain. The guest list was purposely kept to a minimum, so we cleared all the furniture from their living room, storing it in the garage in order to put up the arched altar they were going to stand under as well as the chairs and tables for the wedding and reception.
Neither of us really understood what was taking place, so imagine my surprise when my dad came walking down the aisle with Mary on his arm. He was cleanly shaven, and his usually messy brown hair had been cut and styled and he was wearing an identical outfit to mine. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized outside of my eyes, I was the spitting image of my father.
When they reached the makeshift altar, he kissed Mary on the cheek and shook Brett’s hand before taking his seat beside me in the front row. Stoli sat on my other side while Uncle John stood beside Brett and Mary’s mom stood beside her. Mary was beautiful in her cream and lavender dress and Brett looked sharp in his black suit and tie.
The ceremony went rather quickly and after congratulating them and snapping a few pictures, they ran upstairs to change before coming back down to have dinner and cake with everyone. The kitchen had been set up with the food served buffet style, so we lined up to fill our plates.
They’d decided to take a long weekend honeymoon to Las Vegas. Since we were almost eighteen, they told Stoli he could stay home, but to let my dad know if he needed anything. I figured we’d be hanging out together anyways like we always did so none of this deviated from the norm for us.
After they left for the airport, everyone else stayed behind to help us get the living room furniture put back in place and my dad was taking care of getting the rented stuff returned to the stores the next day. I felt kinda bad because my dad was all alone, but he seemed happy enough. Who knew, maybe someday I’d have a stepmom.
Brett had long since stopped our guitar lessons, saying Stoli surpassed his playing skills after a few months like he was some sort of guitar playing protégé. Occasionally he would join our band for jam sessions out in the garage and I had moved into the role of our band’s lead singer. I still played guitar, backup that is, but preferred to sing. Stoli and I were even dabbling a bit with songwriting, but for now, we stuck to playing cover tunes.
The weekend after the wedding, we were having our usual band practice in the garage but needed to pick a song for the talent show so we could get it down before then.
“Well, we know we can’t sing anything with cussing in it.” I felt the need to point out the obvious.
“True, so maybe we should look to do a classic rock tune. Crowd probably wouldn’t appreciate or understand metal,” Stoli added.
“Zeppelin?” Mickey offered.
“Too controversial with the whole ‘stairway to Heaven’ BS,” Stoli said.
“How about some Doors or Hendrix?” Diamond asked.
Stoli laughed. “Ha, thanks for your vote of confidence, but I don’t think I’m anywhere near Hendrix level of playing. Let me get Brett, he’ll have some more fitting suggestions I’m sure.”
A few minutes later, he returned with Brett. “I hear you guys entered the school talent show?”
We nodded.
“We’re having trouble picking a song,” I told him. “We want something that’s not lame, but gets the crowd involved without busting their ear drums.”
“Here’s how I see it, you’ve got a lot of great options out there. I’ve been listening to you guys and you’re not half bad. Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl is good, Bob Seger Old Time Rock and Roll is an option to consider too,” he suggested.
“I’m not feeling any of those,” Stoli told him.
“Ah-ha, I’ve got it!” Brett exclaimed, clapping his hands loudly. “Queen We Will Rock You. It’s a crowd pleaser at every event. Not too loud, it's got a couple higher notes for you to hit Joey and everyone knows the words to it. If that doesn’t draw the crowd to their feet then I don’t know what will.”
“All right guys, what do you think? I say yes,” I told them, casting the first vote.
“Works for me,” Mickey added.
“That’ll work, but we’ve got about eight weeks to get it down.” Stoli, always the adult in the group.
“I’m good,” Diamond chimed in.
“Right on, I’ve got the sheet music for it. I’ll bring it out to you guys. I have to say, I’m fairly excited, and it’s not even my show,” Brett announced as he left the room, returning a few minutes later with the sheet and his Queen CD before leaving us to practice.
“Let’s head over to the library and make copies of this. I wanna make some notes on it and don’t want to mess up Brett’s copy.”
We agreed and made the short walk to the Everett Public Library. After doling out the copies, we parted ways with Diamond and Mickey and continued walking home.
“I’m gonna head in and get started,” I said as we came up to our houses.
“Same,” Stoli agreed. “I think we should increase practices to three times a week until the show. Hopefully Diamond can get away from his tyrant parents long enough to join us.”
“Cool, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I told him before walking inside.
The next day, I walked outside to find Stoli waiting on the front porch as he did every morning for our walk to school.
“How’d it go?” he asked me, somewhat excitedly. “Dude, I’m totally stoked for this. I got the opening intro down last night.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Someone had their Wheaties this morning. Hopefully the guys were able to get going on their parts as well. I’ve got the lyrics down, pretty much knew them already, but felt better verifying what I thought they were. Don’t want to get up there and make a
fool of myself.”
“Nah, you’ll do great. I have faith in you.” He bumped shoulders with me. “Maybe instead of only practicing on Wednesday and Saturday, we could do Sunday’s as well.
“That’s easy for everyone but Diamond. You know Sunday’s church day for him,” I reminded him.
“Ugh,” Stoli grunted. “I know there’s no money riding on this, but who knows. If we don’t embarrass ourselves then maybe someone says something to someone else that lands us a gig somewhere.”
“I hear ya.”
“Hey guys.” We turned finding Mickey and Diamond waiting outside the school entrance.
“Did you guys get any practice in last night?” Stoli asked them.
“Yeah, some,” Mickey replied.
“Not much for me, we had church stuff yesterday.” We knew how much Diamond didn’t like to talk about his dad’s nothing but church on Sunday’s rule, so we let it go.
“We’re gonna have to find a way to take practice up a notch guys,” Stoli told us, “I don’t want us to look stupid on stage and then have to face everyone the next day. That will suck major ass.”
We agreed just as the bell chimed announcing first period. We disbanded, heading to our respective classes.
After Econ class, I found Lucas waiting in the hall for me again. It surprised me considering it had been quite some time since he’d last done this.
“Hey,” he said walking up to me. “I heard you guys signed up for the talent show.”
“Um, yeah,” I said, fidgeting with my Econ book.
“Are you guys any good?” he asked, seductively chewing on the end of his pen.
I shrugged, of course we thought we were good and so did Brett. But what others would think sat like a lump in the pit of my stomach. “Did you enter?” I finally managed to find my voice.
“No, my gifts lie in sales and marketing. Did I ever tell you my dad is a talent agent?”
Well, that explains why he was never dressed as ratty as the rest of us. His family has money.
“Uh, no. This is only the second time we’ve ever spoken.”
He laughed. “True, but I hope to change that.” He winked and turned, walking away.