I opened the sleeve and slowly started eating a cracker. Falk sat back down on the corner of the bed near me and took a long, deep drink from the bottle.
I stared off into space as I forced myself to eat more crackers. I maybe got five down before my stomach started getting angry. I pushed the crackers away. He crossed the room to the ice bucket and pulled out a small bag of ice. Falk came back, squatted next to my chair, and pressed the ice to my wrist. His face was blank as I held the ice to my wrist in my lap, the fog lifting a bit. He sat back down again and took another drink before holding it out to me.
I took the bottle and drank. He said nothing. He didn’t ask me questions. We just sat and drank in complete silence.
Eventually, he got to his feet and scooped me up in his arms. The world spun as I curled into his heat, barely avoiding his bandages. He set me down in the center of the bed. When he let me go, I leaned against the headboard and looked up at him as he sat down facing me.
It wasn’t your fault, he signed.
The numbness pulled back, leaving me shaking again. I killed him.
His fingers squeezed my leg gently. His death was a fact the second the demon took possession. By killing him, you saved his soul from being destroyed.
Was that really what happened to the souls of the possessed? Really?
He handed me the bottle and nodded.
At the end, it wasn’t the demon that died. He left; it was the person he was possessing that died. I took another drink, wiped my lips, and held it out to him.
I know. Hellhounds have a unique skill at body jumping. It won’t actually die unless it’s his own body. He took the bottle from me and took a drink. Whoever that soul was, he was being tortured by that demon. Held prisoner in his own body. He would have thanked you for freeing him.
That burst of gratitude at the end. He was right. His fingers brushed mine as I took the bottle back. His hand moved to my mid-thigh as I took a deep drink. My eyes filled as I set the bottle on my other leg. I still killed someone.
The lines on his face deepened as his hand squeezed my thigh before he wrapped that arm around me. I moved to press against his chest as he slipped his arms around me. Uncaring of his bandages, he held me tight. Tears flowed down my face as I laid against his chest, needing his touch, his heat, as I broke apart. He buried his face in my hair and let me cry. Eventually, after my eyelids swelled and my throat grew raw, I fell asleep in his arms.
12
Astrid
The drive out to the woods was a long one simply because Ranulf was tense beside me. We were four miles from the pack’s usual meeting site when I turned into a pullout on the side of the road.
“I know you’re going to watch and listen all night.” I gripped the steering wheel.
“Damn straight.” He shifted in his seat.
“Ran…” I turned to him. “They’re going to want an answer.”
Ranulf opened the car door. “Then give them your answer.”
“It’s not that easy…”
“This is a choice that only you can make.” His face was warm. Calm even. “I will support you no matter what you do. If you go, I’ll go.” He got out of the car and shut the door behind him. I took a deep, shaky breath as I pulled back on the road.
Whatever I want to do? What the hell did I want? I wanted Ran. I wanted my pack. I wanted to live in peace. But what if those were mutually exclusive? What if by having Ran, I had to give up my pack?
My shoulders where in knots by the time I pulled into the parking lot. Ran was my mate. He was my other half… The pack is a huge part of being a wolf too. The urge to scream tore through me. I rested my forehead against the wheel.
I turned off the engine. What was the smart thing to do? It wasn’t hard to answer. Take the alpha position in Thunder Bay and make sure Liam understood that I wouldn’t marry him. It would be the safest course of action. But would Ran be able to come with me? I lifted my head and thought about it.
Ran was part of a team, and they were here in Chicago. Just because he cut ties with the gargoyle community at large didn’t mean that he would leave the others. But he just said he would… A sharp pain shot through my chest, taking my breath away. What did I want to do?
I got out of the car, vaguely nauseous, and started toward the clearing. The music was light and fun. Little kids jumping, dancing, and laughing as they ran. The rest of the pack talking to each other, laughing. Having a good time. My throat grew tight. I had to go to Thunder Bay, right?
I was barely in the clearing when David found me. “You really needed to finish that scene today, Astrid.”
My wolf paced inside me. “Why? Couldn’t stomach it yourself?”
He scowled at me. “I handled it just fine, but you’re the one with a degree. You know what to look for. And now, we might not be able to find these hunters.”
“Well then, maybe it’s a bad time to try and marry me off.” I started walking around him.
“Astrid.” He growled as he grabbed my arm. My wolf reared up inside me and snapped at him.
He jerked his hand back off me. The music stopped as everybody felt my bond with my wolf roll through the clearing like a hot summer wind.
I turned on him. “Don’t you ever put your hands on me again.” That familiar feeling of my eyes shifting to wolf went through me. “You are not my mate, you are not my boyfriend. You have no right.”
David stepped towards me, his bloody hand dripping in the snow. “You attacked your alpha.” He kept his voice low enough that only we could hear. “You know the punishment for that.”
That’s it. I was done. I stepped closer. “Or I could simply challenge you.”
He flinched. “Don’t be—”
“There’s no law against a female challenging for the position of alpha male.” I smiled as I leaned a little closer so there was no mistake. “And you know I’d probably win. Then I could give the position to someone I choose. I wonder if Liam would be willing to move?” I turned and walked past the others; some were gaping.
My wolf continued to prowl inside me, wanting nothing more than to take another bite out of him.
I walked across the clearing and into the trees. Finding a log, I sat and took deep breaths as I calmed my wolf. That had felt good. Really fucking good. As in, jumping Ranulf later good. I was almost back to normal when Alia joined me.
“Astrid, could I talk to you?” she asked in her soft voice.
“Yeah.” Stay calm. It’s not her fault your ex is a douche.
Alia sat on the log across from me. “David said you’ll be taking the alpha female position with Thunder Bay.”
“He did, did he?” I shook my head. “David doesn’t speak for me.”
She smiled. “I know. That’s one of the things I like about you, Astrid. You know who you are and you stay true to that.”
I shrugged. “I try.”
She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “Astrid, I’m sorry I’ve had to ask you to do my job so often.”
Stunned, I grew still.
“I know I’m not alpha material,” she admitted, her voice lowering to barely a whisper. “I don’t have the strength, I don’t have the confidence, or the experience… I’m not an alpha.”
“Then why won’t you step down?” I leaned forward and lowered my voice too.
“David won’t let me.” She gave me a sad smile. “He says being an alpha is something he’s wanted for years. So, I need to learn how to do it. He’s always comparing me to you. And I can’t blame him;, you are a great alpha.”
My heart ached for her. Damn... I’ve always wanted to hate her but deep down I couldn’t. “Being an alpha isn’t a choice. It’s who your wolf is. It’s not something you can learn,” I told her gently.
“Do you know what it’s like to be a disappointment to your mate?” She asked, a tear rolling down her cheek. “To constantly be reminded that you don’t measure up to what he wants? It’s...”
“Crushing.” I finished
for her.
She met my gaze and nodded.
Ranulf... I’d never be able to fly beside him just as he would never be able to run beside me. Was I a disappointment to him? No one knew that different species could be mates, it probably never even occurred to him that it could happen. But it did. He had said it didn’t matter to him.
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to say thank you for picking up my slack.” Her sniff brought me back to the woods.
“I’m sorry, Alia.” I said, my throat tightening.
She looked at me quizzically.
“I’m sorry for being so cold to you.” I shook my head. “Everything that happened wasn’t your fault. I knew that. But seeing you with him... it was so hard. I was pissed for months. At you, at…fate. Whatever decides who ends up mated to whom.”
“You had every reason to be. So, I tried to stay away most of the time.” She tucked a stray blonde hair behind her ear. “I didn’t want to make things harder on you.”
“Thank you.” I looked out at the pack. I debated for a heartbeat before asking a real question. “Alia, what would you give up for your mate?”
She tilted her head to the side. “What do you mean?”
I licked my lips. “Would you give up the pack? Would you leave all of this behind? If your mate was rogue?”
She looked down at the snow. “For my mate? No.” She looked out at the pack. “But if it would make me happy…” She turned back to me. “If it would make me happy, and if he was a good wolf? Yes. I wouldn’t let anything get in my way.”
An odd sensation filled my chest—respect for Alia. Something I thought I’d never feel for her. “You don’t like it here.”
She gave me a sad smile. “It’s not where I am. It’s…who I’m with.”
For the first time, I really looked at the female. Her face was paler than usual; bags were like wings over her hollow cheeks. “Are you all right?”
Her eyes filled again as she moved her hand to her stomach. “I love him, but when he’s acting like an alpha… I’m nothing but a disappointment in public, but in private, it’s different. He’s the wolf I love. I can’t help but wonder if he’d do the same to our children.”
My mind went blank. “You’re…”
She nodded. “He doesn’t know yet. And with the way he’s been lately, I don’t know if I want to stay.”
My wolf wanted to whimper for her as I remembered something my mom once said. “We have no choice in who our mates are. But we do choose if we stand beside them.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s a choice, Alia. Accepting them as our mates is a choice.”
“I guess it is.” She ran her fingers over her stomach. “I just never really thought about it that way…” Her eyes cleared as her gaze went over my head. “And here comes the alpha from Thunder Bay.” She got to her feet and smiled a perfect smile. “Evening, Liam.”
I got to my feet and turned. “Hey.”
Liam smiled at us both. “Happy run night, ladies.” He turned to me. “I heard about your bar. I’m sorry.”
My bar…in the middle of everything, I forgot about my damn bar burning down. “I forgot to start the insurance claim. Shit.”
Alia smiled. “Don’t worry, I called your insurance agent as soon as I heard. We’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”
“Thanks, Alia,” I said sincerely.
“No problem.” Her voice faded as David began to make his way over to our little group.
“I’m so glad you could make it, Liam.” David put on a charming smile as he reached us. He slipped his arm around Alia’s waist. “So, now that you’ve spoken to Astrid, do you think the two of you would work as an alpha pair?”
I fought not to roll my eyes as David put Liam on the spot.
“Uh, I was going to discuss that privately with Astrid,” Liam said, his voice growing hard. “If you don’t mind?”
David turned to me with that fake smile. “Well, I’m sure Astrid’s answer will help.”
I clenched my fists at my sides. It was the smart move. It would protect both me and Ranulf… I opened my mouth to say yes but my throat tightened. I couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t do it…
Liam noticed. He turned to David. “If you don’t mind, we’d like to discuss this in private.”
“Of course,” Alia supplied before giving David a nudge to get him walking away.
I turned away from Liam and stepped further into the trees, trying to breathe as everything hit me at once.
He walked beside me deeper into the woods. When we were out of earshot of any wolf, he turned to me. “Astrid? Are you all right?”
I turned to him, my heart still racing. “I can’t.” The enormity of that fact threatened to swallow me whole. “I can’t marry you. I…I can’t be your alpha female.”
“We don’t have to get married, Astrid,” he reminded me gently. “I’d be happy with being friends and working together as alphas.”
“Liam, David is my ex-fiancé.” I didn’t even mean to say it. It just came out.
“Seriously?” he asked, stunned.
I nodded. “He met his mate, Alia, the day before our wedding. That was eight months ago.”
His face grew hard. “And now, he’s trying to marry you off.” His wolf came to the surface. Energy rolled off him before he could stop it.
“There’s more.” I swallowed hard. “If I don’t go with you, he’s threatening to exile me.”
Liam’s jaw clenched and unclenched. “He’s threatening you?”
I nodded. “The only reason I’m telling you is so you know what a slimy bitch he is.”
He shook his head, his anger clear on his face. “Oh, believe me, I’ll take it under advisement.” He turned back to me. “If you want out, you’re more than welcome to join my pack. Even if it’s not as an alpha.”
I gave him a smile. He was such a good wolf. “There’s someone else…and he’s not a wolf.”
He blinked in surprise, but then met my gaze. “You love him.”
I nodded. “More than I ever thought possible.”
He gave me a sad smile. “I hope he deserves you. What are you going to do now?”
I smirked. “I’m going to leave the pack. Be happy.”
He chuckled. “Bloody moon, you would make a great alpha.”
“I already am.” I smiled.
“Time for the run!” David’s voice echoed through the clearing. Cheers rang out.
I shared a smile with Liam before we headed back to the clearing. Once there, everyone began to strip down. Shifting in your clothes just destroyed your stuff and frankly, sucked when you needed to get home. My wolf was awake and pacing inside me. Her energy already moving over my skin. God…that felt so good. Shifting for a wolf, at least after the first one, was amazing. It was like stretching after being cooped up too long. I dropped to my hands and knees and reached for her. I let go that last little bit and let her energy roll over me like a wave in the ocean. There was nothing to hold onto, no thoughts, no fears. Just being. The crack of breaking bones filled the night as my body broke and reshaped itself. It hurt, yeah. But much like Ranulf’s spanking, it was a good kind of hurt. My fur rose from under my skin like bubbles to the surface of a pond.
When I lifted my head, I was on all four paws. I stretched before rising with the other wolves. My heart pounded, my tail wagged. I needed to run. I looked around the pack and felt…nothing. My tail stopped wagging. The pack felt off. Just…wrong. I backed up several steps, weary of the others. They were the same pack as last month, only now…the urge to keep them in front of me was overwhelming. They no longer felt like home. I raised my head to look up. Ranulf was a spot in the sky. That feeling of home washed through me. Safety… I looked at the others as they got to their paws slowly. If any of them knew about Ranulf, they’d turn on me.
The night filled my senses and I ran. For the first time in my life, I ran parallel to the pack. With them, but apart. The only thing that
allowed me to run was knowing my mate was watching from above.
I waited, making sure the others had left before pulling out of the parking lot. I drove several miles until I veered into a pullout on the side of the road. This time I got out and waited while my wolf rolled through me happily. My heart pounded against my ribs as I waited. It seemed like days had gone by when he finally dropped to the side of the road. My eyes devoured him as he straightened to his full height and pulled his wings into his back. Scars, muscles…all man. And all mine.
When those amazing turquoise eyes met mine, they were full of shadows. “What did you decide?” he asked, his voice rough.
“You stupid asshole.” I moved my hands to my hips. “Before you came along, I was doing just great! I wasn’t happy, but I managed to find some bit of joy in my life.”
His fangs flashed at me. “Oh, I’m sorry, lass.” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “I didn’t know my existence would fucking destroy your life—”
“Let me finish!” I stepped towards him until I had to tilt my head back.
He growled deep in his chest but stopped talking.
“I love you, you big, stupid ass,” I said, my voice growing warm and softer. “And every day of my life, I’ll choose you over anyone or anything. If you want me for the rest of my life, that is.”
His jaw unclenched. “You stupid bitch. Of course, I fuckin’ love yae.” His hands moved to hold my face; he pressed against me as my heart soared. “I’m not living in this world without yae.” His lips brushed mine. My body throbbed as I kissed him. I reached up, grabbed him by the hair, and crushed his lips with mine. I took possession of his mouth just as he had my life. Hard, rough, and breathless. His hands went to my jeans, popping the buttons and shoving the material down my hips. I bit his lip hard; he growled into my mouth as his fingers found me dripping. He left me to kiss down my body, shoving my clothing out of the way of his hungry mouth and hands. He dropped to his knees in the snow before his eyes met mine. His lips and tongue buried between my thighs; I moaned as that edge came up hard and fast. In barely three heartbeats, he threw me over and sent me flying. I cried out as I pressed against his amazing tongue. His mouth left me. He pulled the rest of my pants off along with my shoes. I shivered at the heat in his eyes.
Run (Books Of Stone Book 2) Page 15