“I can get mine,” a little voice declared. Kenny had scurried next to him, was grunting as he lifted his small case off the ground. “Us boys gotta do all the lifting.” A layer of pride had coated his words.
“You better believe it,” Logan said. “Helping the ladies is what turns us into men.” He led the small group down the hallway, stopping in front of the room Lana would be staying in, and pointed down to the end of the hall. “Yours is just down there,” he told Kenny. “Your mom will be right in here.”
Kenny flicked his mussed hair from his lightly freckled face, gave Logan the kind of nod that a troop might give his colonel. Logan stepped into the room and set Lana’s bags on the bed. “You’re all set,” he said, walking around her to get out the door.
“Wait,” Lana said. “You know I’m having problems with Brad again, right?”
Logan gave her a silent nod. “You mentioned that.”
“I want you to know that you’re what I’m looking for.”
A moment of stunned silence ticked by as Logan furrowed a brow. “Excuse me?”
Lana let out a wicked laugh. “That came out wrong. You are the type of man I’m looking for. When I look at you I think, ‘See, there are better men out there than Brad.’ Men that don’t mind providing for a woman. Men who are sensitive but strong at the same time.” Her blue eyes turned sad, almost pleading. “I just want someone like you to help me raise Kenny into a man.”
“My room is awesome,” Kenny shouted, bursting into the room. “Mom, there’s a wall in there that is black. All black!”
“Yeah,” Logan said, turning to the child. “That used to be my niece’s room, and she’s an artist. That wall is one giant chalkboard.”
“No way!”
Logan nodded. “It’s true. And if you ask Candice, I think she might have some chalk for you.”
“Cool!” the kid took off again but Lana called after him.
“After we get back,” she said, extending an arm toward the excited boy. “First we’re going to go for a walk and give these guys some space.” She gave Logan a sad sort of grin, making him wonder if he’d been too harsh about her. She drove him crazy, there was no doubt about it. And the things she said always seemed to border on … things she shouldn’t be saying. But perhaps she was really just doing her best in life. Maybe Brad – as nice as the guy seemed – wasn’t so good to her and the boy after all. Either way, Logan would breathe easier once she was gone.
After seeing Kenny and Lana out, Logan sped back into the kitchen and opened the laptop once more. Before eating, he’d made sure it was connected properly. He’d even done a test run with Allie and the girls to make sure everything was working smoothly. He checked the clock. Less than ten minutes. Candice stood at the sink, scrubbing dishes in the soapy water.
He walked up behind her. “I can help you with that after the call,” he said. “For now, let’s just do this.” He spun her around, wrapped his arms around her, and rested his chin lightly on her head. “How are you doing?”
She shrugged. Her shoulders seeming smaller suddenly. More fragile. “I’m getting your shirt wet,” she mumbled against him.
Logan didn’t pay any mind. Only moved a hand to the side of her neck, encouraged her to look up at him. “No matter what happens, we’re okay. Alright?”
Candice nodded, and then her eyes widened. “Oh, no! I don’t have any makeup on.” Her hands flew to her hair. “And I need to do something with this.”
Logan bit back the words of encouragement that came to his mind – knowing she wouldn’t hear them anyway. “Go ahead. You’ve got eight minutes. Run.”
Five minutes ticked on as he finished the dishes. “Three minutes left,” he hollered, walking over to the laptop.
“Almost done,” she cried.
Logan took the moment to offer a silent prayer to the heavens above. He couldn’t help but think this could be the one. The way he and Candice would acquire – after all this time – a child of their own. After all, what were the chances that both he and Candice had the day off work? That they were there, together, to take the important call.
Candice scurried back into the kitchen as another minute ticked by. She wore her hair down now, the waves of her natural curl catching hints of sunlight that pooled through the window. That same light was reflected in her eyes as well.
Please, God. Let her become a mother. Inwardly, Logan chanted those words as she lowered herself in the chair next to him. At last Candice reached out to him, placed her small hands in his, and sighed. “Here it goes.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Candice watched as Logan helped Kenny onto a very happy-looking Annabelle. Earl had sworn the lovely horse took a particular liking to women and small children alike; he hadn’t been kidding. Together, with the tall green grass nearby, the gold swaying fields in the distance, Kenny and Annabelle looked like a storybook picture of perfect.
“Look over here and say cheese,” Lana hollered. “You too, Logan.”
Logan, after climbing onto Crow just a few feet away, helped Kenny redirect the horse. With a bit of patient instruction they were all facing Lana and her aimed-and-ready camera phone.
“Get a little closer to each other,” Lana said.
Logan closed the gap and smiled that killer smile of his.
“Take your hats off now, will you, boys?”
Both Logan and Kenny removed their cowboy hats at once, smiles still aimed in Lana’s direction. Candice grinned too, knowing how much Logan hated getting his picture taken. The moment was probably testing his patience.
“Okay,” Lana yelled. “I got it.”
Once Logan and Kenny galloped beyond the corral, Lana turned her attention to Candice. “So when do you think you’ll hear back from the agency?”
Candice only wished she knew. “I don’t know. I guess not until the birth mom makes a decision.”
“But you think she liked you guys?”
There seemed to be a chain of nerves attached to every breath Candice took. Something that rattled in her chest, made it hurt to breathe. “I hope she did. We really liked her. There was such a sweetness about her. This… deep desire to do what’s best for her boy.” Boy! The word danced in her head like a bouncing, happy thought. She tried to contain it, but could hardly summon the strength it took to stifle such bound and determined hope. Hope she had learned to squelch in the past.
Lana nudged against Candice’s arm as they made their way toward the open field beyond the corral. “You nervous?” she asked, squinting against the sun.
Candice held out a shaky hand, frowning to see just how much it trembled. “I’m trying not to be, but yes. I feel sick and excited and scared all at the same time.”
Lana motioned to a small bench along the fence before veering toward it. She plopped onto the weathered seat and gave it a pat. “Are you afraid that she won’t pick you, or that she will pick you guys and then change her mind at the last minute like that one mom did?”
That was a good question. “I’m not sure. You know that after we lost Mason I went into a pretty deep depression. What you probably don’t know is that I avoided all the things that might pull me out of it. Medication. Exercise. Even just getting fresh air and being outdoors. At one point I even avoided Logan, though I didn’t fully recognize it at the time.” She didn’t elaborate on that point, but Candice hoped it would lend a little insight to the part she had played in the breakdown of their marriage.
She shuddered as a breeze swirled around them. “I just wanted to sink into this sad, dark hole and suffer. I felt like I owed it to… I don’t even know. My loss, I guess. Like I was supposed to mourn over it for a very long time.”
Lana gave her a nod of understanding.
“I used to have this recurring nightmare,” Candice said. “I was standing in the giant hospital hallway. Bright lights and squeaky floors. Workers buzzing around in pastel scrubs. And I’m there, ignoring all of the hustle around me, listening for Mason to take
his first breath. I’m so anxious to greet him that Logan is physically holding me back.”
She sighed, ran a finger along the weathered wood of the bench. “Remember how Mason’s mother decided – last minute – that she didn’t want us in the room?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m basically back in that moment. Waiting, listening, dying to see him. Our caseworker shuffles down the hall, the look of gloom on her face, and informs us that the birth mom has changed her mind, which is pretty much how it went on the actual day.”
Candice reached down to snag a handful of pebbles from the ground, bouncing them in one hand as she continued. “Except on the actual day, I was doing everything I could to keep my reaction calm. Quiet, you know? I didn’t want to make a scene. I didn’t want to make things worse for Logan. And on some strange level, I didn’t want to upset Mason. I worried that he’d feel this horrific energy and be affected by it somehow.” She picked out one of the small rocks, tossed it into the field, and then set her eyes back on Lana.
“It’s weird though, because in the dreams I would make up for that. I would thrash and scream and kick and cry. And it kept happening. Night after night I relived that horror, and then I’d unleash it all. In some dreams I even stormed past the desk help and started ripping files out of cabinets.” Candice shook her head. “Probably sounds crazy, but it was actually a release in some way. With me shutting Logan out like I did in the years that followed.”
“Is that how you see it now? That you didn’t open up to him?” Lana’s face was filled with something Candice couldn’t quite read. “Because the way I remember it, he wasn’t really there for you.”
Candice gave her an understanding nod, anxious to put the topic at rest once and for all. “Yeah, it’s what I chose to believe at the time. But even then, a part of me knew I had shut him out. I think – had I given him the chance – he would have helped me.” She shrugged and tossed the remaining pebbles. “It’s hard to say, I guess. Either way, I trust that he will be here for me now. No matter what we face.” An odd sort of energy settled over her skin as a thought came to mind. Had talking to Lana over the years made things worse? Had Lana’s quick-to-condemn approach done more damage than good?
A dissatisfied pinch furrowed Lana’s brow. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way,” she said, shading her face with one hand. “but you know I don’t hold back what I’m thinking.”
“I know,” Candice said. “Go ahead.”
Lana set her eyes back on her. “I think it was a mistake to take him back so quickly.”
An army of defenses rose in Candice’s head. “Quickly? We’ve been separated for over a year.”
“Yeah but I talked to you just a few weeks ago and you wanted nothing to do with him. And then I show up at your house to find you answering the door in his shirt. One minute you’re on the verge of divorce, the next you’re abandoning the one rule you set to protect yourself and jumping into bed with him.”
Ouch. The comment made her flinch. “I told you there was more to it than that.” It sounded weak. And stupid. What if Lana was right? What if Candice was making a giant mistake? She scrambled for words to convince Lana of the progress they’d made. “It’s not like I just met him, Lana. We’ve been married for years. And since I moved here, I just realized how much I still love him. And that there’s no reason we couldn’t…” She changed course then, decided to explain it from a different route. “Have you ever thought you were right about something, but then learned that you were totally wrong? And once you realize it, it’s completely obvious how wrong you were and you feel kind of foolish for being so blind the whole time, but also relieved that you finally figured out the truth?”
Lana looked more confused than ever. But suddenly, it didn’t matter. Because Candice was gaining more insight to her sudden turn-around, and feeling – despite her friend’s skeptic manner – more certain about her direction than ever. “All I know is that I worried Logan wouldn’t want to stay with me if we never had kids. And I no longer feel that way. I know Logan will stay with me no matter what.”
A buzz sounded from the phone in Lana’s hand, capturing the attention of them both. Lana gasped. “It’s an email from the agency,” she said, tapping at her screen. She squinted against the sun, eyes scanning the small screen. “They’d like me to resend my letter of recommendation.” Her voice was laced in the shock Candice felt. “They must be getting serious.”
Candice’s heart shot higher than the puffy clouds in the blue sky. She blew out a slow breath. “Well, it’s something they need either way,” she assured, wishing it would keep her own floating hope within reasonable boundaries, knowing it probably wouldn’t. The agency was really checking things off the list. It was a small thing, but she couldn’t wait to tell Logan about it.
“I’ll send the letter right away,” Lana said with a grin. “How exciting.” But her smile was off. And her words – though she mentioned how exciting the situation was – seemed to lack all sense of enthusiasm.
“Yes,” Candice agreed. “It is exciting.” Her own voice had fallen flat as well, and Candice knew why: It was the odd and unwelcome question that flashed into her mind: Was it possible that Lana would not give her a good recommendation? Was she capable of sending a letter that would do more harm than good?
No. Absolutely not. Things might feel a little strained – with them disagreeing about Logan – but Lana would never do such a thing.
And with that, Candice worked to shake it off. Lana was a hard one to connect with at times, with her strong opinions and harsh judgments. But Candice knew if she wanted to be loved by others – faults and all – she needed to offer that same sort of love in return. And with Lana, that wouldn’t be hard. She had really come to love her dear friend over the years.
“So,” Candice said, dropping her head onto Lana’s shoulder. “You want to tell me what’s going on with Brad?”
~+~
Logan waved a hand over the grill as he eyed the coals beneath.
“Is it ready?” Kenny asked. His small hands held a large platter filled with raw steaks.
“Think it’s just about there. Let’s give it two more minutes.”
Kenny’s lips pinched together as he nodded, his brow furrowing as well. “Good idea.”
Damn, this kid was cute. Logan couldn’t help but be warmed by the idea of having his own little guy to pal around with. Candice had to be getting her hopes up too. He looked over his shoulder, spotted her setting the table on the deck.
“I’ll be right back,” he mumbled to Kenny, closing the lid to the grill. In just three long strides he was by her side, wrapping one hand around her back.
“How are you holding up?” he asked in a whisper.
Candice smoothed a hand over her hair, looking at the table as she answered. “Surprisingly well.” She leaned forward, arranged the daisies at the center of the table, and then turned to walk back into the house.
“Wait,” he said, grabbing her hand as she slipped away from him.
Candice spun back around and searched his face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Logan assured, pulling her as he backed into a hidden nook at the side of the home. “I just wanted one of these.” He wrapped his arms around her lower back, pleased when Candice brought hers around his shoulders and squeezed him tight.
She brought her lips to his next, brushed over them in a light tease. “And one of these, too?” she asked against his lips. She kissed him then. A slow and taunting kiss, offering the slightest taste of her tongue. Logan groaned.
“That wasn’t really fair,” he accused.
A flash of satisfaction shimmered in her eyes as she snuck away from him.
“Has it been two minutes yet?” he heard Kenny ask.
Logan stepped out of hiding and glanced at the smoking grill. “Yeah. Let’s get these steaks on. Oh, but go check on your mom for me, will you? She’s probably out of the shower by now, but we better make sure. She
won’t want to eat a cold steak.”
Kenny handed over the plate. “She probably doesn’t care. My mom likes cold leftovers.”
“She does?” Logan asked in surprise.
“Yep. She eats cold pizza. Cold shrimps. Cold everything.”
Logan chuckled while sifting through his grilling utensils. “You don’t say?”
“Yep. I’ll be right back.” The kid stepped inside then, leaving Logan on his own. He spun around, wondering if he’d set the tongs down someplace else, and caught sight of the open bedroom window. There, standing topless while brushing her hair, was Lana. He got just a half-second glimpse of her before spinning around, yet within that small glimpse, Lana caught sight of him as well. Logan shook his head and cursed under his breath. Figures she’d do something like that. Prancing around the room with the window wide open, waiting for Logan to see her. And just why did he have to be the one to see her? Heck, Candice had been setting the table the entire time. Couldn’t she have noticed? Stepped inside to give the woman a head’s up? Not that she needed it. That little vixen wanted him to spot her there and he knew it.
With an angry growl, Logan pushed open the door and headed inside.
Bent over an open oven, colorful mitts on her hands, Candice lifted a pan of golden rolls onto a nearby cooling rack.
“Would you mind telling Lana to close the damn blinds to that window?” he grumbled.
Candice looked at him with wide eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“She’s prancing around the bedroom with the blinds wide open and a view of her bare breasts for all on deck to see.”
A spark of concern flickered in Candice’s eyes, but then it was gone. She shook her head. “I forget to close the blinds sometimes too.”
“Not when somebody else’s husband is standing right outside the window.”
Worry flashed back into Candice’s eyes once more, yet just as she opened her mouth to speak, her gaze shifted to something just behind Logan. Or someone, he realized, as Kenny came barreling in.
“My mom said she’s almost done,” he said with a grin.
Mending Hearts: Logan's Story Page 20