by M. D. Laird
“Well, we can all be irrational and angry sometimes,” he said sadly and sipped his tea. “Nemo mortalium omnibus horis sapit, no mortal is wise at all times. Besides, Lord Henry didn’t follow his own advice. Didn’t Basil Hallward tell him ‘you never say a moral thing, and you never do a wrong thing’? He encourages Dorian to commit sins though he never commits them himself.”
Eve nodded. “Perhaps we’re all hypocrites.”
“Friedrich Nietzsche said that if we are consistent in hypocrisy, we cease to become hypocrites,” he said. Eve laughed, and Calab gave her a tender smile. “I think I was Dorian for many years,” he said. “I used people over and over. I was cruel and deceitful, and then at times I would find in myself the younger and innocent Dorian who wanted to love and be loved more than anything or the older Dorian who wanted to change and be good. When I realised this, I tried to be Lord Henry. I attempted to pretend that I did not care and ignore my feelings and minimise those of other people. I would manage it much of the time, and then I would become Dorian again without warning.” He paused and took another sip of his tea before stirring in a spoonful of sugar slowly. “I don’t want to be Dorian, and I don’t want to be Lord Henry. I hope that one day I can be Basil Hallward.
“When I first read this book, I thought Hallward was the boring and annoying one whose company his companions tolerated because he was a gifted painter. Now I see that he is the strongest one. He had his morals and his values, and he was not influenced by anything that Lord Henry said. He stuck to his values even though he knew that the friend he cherished would have preferred him if he was influenced by Lord Henry. Hallward had the highest regard and unwavering loyalty for love, for friendship, and for what he thought was right. He didn’t enjoy the pleasures Dorian did, and he wasn’t as entertaining as Lord Henry, but he was strong—mentally, he was strong.
“I want to be Hallward. I want to be that person. I don’t want to be the demon prince who uses others for his own pleasure, who crushes the hearts of those who love him and pretends that he does not care. I don’t want to be the demon who wishes his feelings gone rather than deal with them and more than anything I don’t want to hurt the ones I love because of my refusal to deal with them. For now, I am both Dorian Gray and Lord Henry, but one day, Genevieve, one day I will wake up, and I will be Basil Hallward—I promise.”
She gazed at him for a few moments before she took his hand in hers. He raised her hand to his lips a placed a soft kiss on her skin. “You know I love you whether you are Dorian Gray, Lord Henry or Basil Hallward,” she murmured.
He lowered his gaze and smiled. “I know,” he whispered.
She returned his smile. “You are better than Dorian,” she said, squeezing his hand. “Dorian always views himself as the victim rather than the perpetrator. Whatever cruelty he had done, he always remarked how he had suffered. I think his greatest sin was not his cruelty or his debauchery but his refusal to admit that he was at fault. He blamed Lord Henry and the yellow book for corrupting him and blamed Basil for making him vain. Every act he committed he pinned the blame elsewhere; he even blamed Basil for making him murder him. He blamed the men he corrupted for being corrupted though he blamed Lord Henry for his own corruption. He does not see the similarities.
“At the end of the book, he sees hypocrisy in the painting, and he cannot understand why as he honestly believes he wants to change. But he cannot atone for his sins unless he accepts that he is responsible, and he doesn’t. I don’t think you are like Dorian. You have been cruel to me, yet you have held yourself accountable and taken responsibility for everything. You are a better man than Dorian.”
Calab considered her for a moment and gave her a coy smile. “I haven’t always done that,” he said. “It’s you that makes me want to be better.”
It was May, and the rising temperature was making training in full gear a challenge. Beads of sweat rolled down Eve’s face as she fought off Ezra’s relentless melee assault. She brought her sword up to meet his heavy blow before shoving him backwards. As he steadied himself, she pivoted and clashed her sword against his sending it clattering to the floor. Lunging at her advantage, she thrust her foot into his chest sending him on his ass before she held her sword to his throat. She grinned at him before lowering her blade and holding out her hand to help up the disgruntled thorian.
“Splendid, Your Majesty,” remarked Alin, the hominem instructor. “That extra training is paying off.”
Eve beamed as she sheathed her sword at her side and headed to the edge of the field where Will was leaning against a fence observing the training. He raised his fist, and she bumped it with hers though his expression was tense. She watched the rest of the training duels and felt the same tension. All the Impærielas, including her, were now much more competent with melee and ranged weapons. None of that did anything to smooth the anxiety that had constantly rippled at the edges of her consciousness over that last two weeks.
The most recent CRM had updates from the angel and demon scouts who had been observing the activity of the dark alchemists and the witches. They had observed them meet in a secure location. Their meeting was Cloaked, and the content of their discussions was not overheard. However, shortly afterwards, bands of witches and dark alchemists began to form a training camp on the eastern planes. The scouts observed them performing devastating spells that imploded, exploded and incinerated their animal victims with horrifying ease.
When the news was announced, a chilling silence crept through the room, and everyone present was at a loss how to begin fighting them should they attack. The hominem had suggested launching an attack on them first as their recent alliance with the fae had given the Crown Alliance access to fae sorcerers. Even the fae were not confident that they could stand against them. They could only raise limited shields, and not all of the fae had the ability to shield. The thorian leaders felt their sorcery abilities were mere parlour tricks when compared to the powers described by the scouts.
Any thoughts of having the fae Cloak them as they did their realm were soon quashed when the witches located and launched an attack on the fae realm. Thankfully, it was not a large-scale slaughter, but the lives of two fae were lost when two witches entered the realm and incinerated the fae women in full view of over a hundred witnesses before they disappeared from view. The rulers felt that it had been a message to them rather than an attempt to obliterate the fae. It was a message that they received loud and clear—they could not hide.
Eve had written to the foreign rulers to request their help in defeating the enemy should they launch an attack on the Crown. She received, as the alliance predicted, a concerted refusal. They did not involve themselves in the affairs of other nations and would not take a course of action that would create enemies or attract them to their lands. Eve could not blame them, even if the response were not the one she was hoping to receive. She had attempted and failed at peace negotiations with the Elion. Lord Caius did not admit to any immediate plans to move on the Crown but maintained the stance that he would have nothing to do with the alliance. She had attempted to make contact with the witches to offer to meet with them to discuss their issues and received no reply.
The alliance now met weekly to plan their defence against the Alchitch as they were now fondly known. Planning was a loose term, ‘winging it’ was closer to the mark and involved increased training, stockpiling food and weapons, and hoping that someone thought of a plan before it was too late.
They had begun to identify sites in Lycea with the help of the guardians to evacuate hominem, fae, and Impærielas mothers, children and anyone unable or unwilling to fight when the scouts informed them that the forces were starting to move in the hope of saving future generations if it ended badly.
“You don’t have to stay here,” said Will quietly. “You could leave. You could be safe.”
Eve frowned at him. “I do have to stay Will,” she said. “I can’t leave my people to die while I run and hide.”
“They’re not your people, not really,” he said. “How long have you been here? Just over two years. You’re not one of them. you’re still human. We could both leave all this behind, we could have a life together—have a family.”
“Will,” she exclaimed. “How can you say that? You’re a guardian; you can’t just walk away from that. I can’t just walk away. I am a part of this world. I’m an Impærielas, I’m an Arkazatine, and even if there is nothing I can do to save my people, I will be here to die with them.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” he sniped. “You're foolish. You think you should be brave and noble and die with them, why? There is nothing anyone can do. All the magic is on the Alchitch side and what there is in the alliance will do nothing against them. You think you’re going to be able to stand against them with your sword and your bow? You don’t stand a chance, and I don’t want to see you die on the battlefield. The war is already over. They have already won. Why risk your own life?”
“I can’t believe I am hearing this,” she snapped. “Can you really just walk away and do nothing? Do you really expect me to do that?”
“Yes, I can.” He snarled. “And you should too. I never wanted to be a guardian anyway. I won’t risk my life for this world. I have my own world, and you belong in that world. You don’t belong here. You should never have been here. If I hadn’t brought you here you wouldn’t be the queen, you’d be mortal.”
“Everything happens for a reason,” Eve said. “I was meant to come here. I was supposed to be queen. I don’t know why and I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do, but whatever it is it definitely doesn’t involve running away, hiding and pretending that everything is normal while my people are annihilated. If you want to leave Arkazatinia behind then do it, I can relieve you of your guardianship.”
“I want you to leave,” he pleaded. “You have no idea what you’re up against.”
“And you do, do you?”
“You’re going to be a target. You’re going to be the first person they go after. You can’t protect yourself from them. No one can keep you safe.”
“And you think I’ll be safe back home?” she said, snarling. “They can find me anywhere and if they are going to find me it will be right here with my people.”
“You’re an idiot,” he snapped. “You’re just playing at being a hero. They are going to kill you. You are going to die. The wonderful immortal life you have planned is going to be over before you can blink. You have the might of Heaven and Hell on your side, and you will still lose.”
She looked at him and shook her head. “You can go if you like, but I am staying. I won’t abandon my people like a coward.”
“I’m not a coward. I’m just not reckless. It’s not cowardly not to throw your life away on a lost cause. You can’t survive this. No one can. To run is to be smart. I won’t watch you throw your life away, and I won’t throw mine away. I want nothing to do with this world, I never have. I want you to relieve me of my guardianship.”
The hominem and Impærielas had stopped training and had heard much of their argument. Eve had suddenly become aware that they were all staring. She looked around the training field at her people. Each donned their armour and were beaten with sweat from hard work in the heat. Each of them courageous and ready to lay down their lives knowing they had little hope of surviving because they believed no price was too high to protect the innocent.
She turned back to Will. Turned back to the man who wanted her to hide while her brave men and women died. Her stomach twisted. “You are relieved of your position as a Guardian of Arkazatinia,” she said slowly, avoiding meeting his eyes. “You will no longer serve to protect Lycea from threats from Arkazatinia. You will no longer be expected to protect the lives of the innocent and will no longer be permitted to visit Arkazatinia. My people will escort you to Lycea and relieve you of your vox and your weapons. I want to thank you for your loyal service and on behalf of Arkazatinia, I wish you well for the rest of your life.”
Tears formed in Will’s eyes as she spoke. “I’m sorry,” he said, taking her hands, “I’m sorry it has come to this. I just can’t fight for causes I don’t believe in.”
Eve nodded. “I understand,” she said. “I can’t run from causes I believe in, even if they are lost.” He threw his arms around her, and she returned his embrace. “Be safe,” she whispered, kissing his cheek. Two Impærielas approached. Will let go of her and left with them to return to Lycea.
“We’ll call it a day,” said Alin. She nodded towards him and gave a weak smile before leaving the training field. She managed to keep herself together until she closed the door of her quarters before she dropped to her knees and sobbed.
Eve did not know how long she had been curled up on her bed when she heard a knock on the door of her quarters. She wiped the tears but could do nothing to hide her puffy, bloodshot eyes. She opened the door to find Lord Ezra and Lady Ariana standing there. She swallowed and tried to regain her composure. Although Eve outranked Lady Ariana, there was something about her demeanour that intimidated her, and she always found herself submitting in her presence.
“May we come in?” asked Lord Ezra.
“Of course,” Eve replied. “I shall send for some tea.”
“I’m ahead of you,” said Ezra as a member of the kitchen staff entered Eve’s quarters with a tea tray. They sat at the dining table, and Ezra poured the tea.
“I know this is about my disagreement with William Farley,” Eve started. “I’m sorry. I should never have argued with him in front of everyone. I have let everyone think that I have no hope in our efforts and—”
“Your Majesty,” interrupted Lady Ariana. “Whilst it is inappropriate for a queen to have a domestic dispute in the presence of her subjects, they, at least, know their queen is with them.”
Eve stared at the table and picked at the grain in the wood. The table was beautiful, made of solid oak and handcrafted by the talented Impærielas carpenters. She blinked back another wave of tears threatening to storm her face and looked at Lady Ariana. “Is there anything that can be done?” she asked. “Have you foreseen anything?”
The oracle met her gaze and shook her head slowly. “I have foreseen nothing, but,” she said, “there is always hope. Arkazatinia selected an outlander queen for a reason. It chose you for a reason. You must realise what that reason is.”
“How?” Eve asked. “There’s nothing special about me. What can I possibly do against the Alchitch? I was only selected because I offered my help and I met the conditions of the prophecy.”
“Arkazatinia has never selected an outlander to rule. It means something, and you must learn the meaning.”
“Genevieve, what is all this?” asked Calab, looking around the walls of Eve’s library.
Clawing her hands through her hair, she surveyed the chaos that had taken over her sanctuary. “There’s a connection here somewhere,” she said. “I just have to find it. There is something about our relationship. It’s the common denominator.” She stared wide-eyed at a frowning Calab.
“When did you last sleep?” he asked. “Or eat? You look exhausted.”
“I know I sound crazy,” she pleaded, “but please just listen.” Eve had become preoccupied with finding her purpose in the last few weeks since her meeting with Lady Ariana. It was a combination of her desperation to find something to save her people and to help her cope with Will’s swift exit from her life. She had heard nothing from him and had resisted the urge to contact him. Although she desperately wanted to speak with him, she knew that it was better if she did not. Severing his contact with her and Arkazatinia had hurt her, and she imagined it had hurt Will too, but it had left him free to move on and have the normal life he wanted. She could not bear the thought of dragging him back into the chaos just to ease her pain.
Instead, she had spent every hour outside of her training looking for her purpose. Every wall that did not house booksh
elves and every window shutter and door were covered with notes on everything she could think of that linked her to Arkazatinia and everything she had done since her arrival.
“Genevieve, there’s nothing here,” Calab said, trying to coax her onto the sofa. “Please, just try and rest.”
“No, Calab. You need to listen. You need to help me. You have to help me figure this out.” She stalked slowly around the scrawled handwritten notes. “If we can figure it out, we can save everyone.”
“Genevieve—”
“Lady Ariana said I was chosen for a reason, I need to figure out what it is.”
“Lady Ariana doesn’t know for sure,” he said, “she is just hypothesising. You’re under a lot of pressure, and you haven’t slept, things will seem clearer—”
“Please, just listen,” she begged. “You need to understand. You need to help me understand.”
“Understand what?”
“The connection,” she said. “The reason I was chosen.”
“How can our relationship be the connection?”
“I don’t know,” she said, clawing through her hair once more.
“Please, just try and sleep. I can get you something to help you relax. I can send for your Conservator of Health.”
“I can’t figure this out if I’m asleep,” she snapped. “We don’t have time to sleep. You just need to help me. You need to listen—please.”
“Okay, okay,” he said, holding up his hands in defeat. “Tell me. I will listen.”
“The night you brought me to Arkazatinia with Thalia I asked if I was a pawn and you said that I wasn’t. That’s not true. We are all pawns. We are all being moved strategically around a board to lead to this point. Now we are left to figure out the final moves. Only one side can win, and we need to find out how to check the king—or the queen.” Calab rubbed his temple as he listened to her ravings, but let her speak in the hope she would tire and fall asleep. “Look, it’s all here.” She pointed to the scribbled notes that were linked erratically by arrows drawn in red marker. “My first connection with Arkazatinia was through you. Will brought me here and then I came to your guild. I offered my services to Thalia and left.