by Sophie Stern
“What?” Bailey shrieked. “What!?”
“A woman,” I repeated. I stirred the sauce next, careful not to let it burn. “Her name is Kinsley.”
“What?”
“Which part of the story do I need to repeat?” I asked gently, smiling over at Bailey. She didn’t seem mad or upset. She was just wildly surprised. Her jaw was hanging open, as though she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Maybe I shouldn’t have sprung everything on her like this. After all, it was definitely a bit shocking.
“The whole thing. Dad, you met a girl! Where? How? When is she arriving?”
“She’ll be here in about half an hour,” I explained. “I met her at the bakery yesterday. She works there. She was standing outside of her car, and I don’t know what came over me, but I invited her for dinner.”
That was the truth. I wasn’t exactly a spur-of-the-moment kind of fellow. Most of the time, my decisions were carefully calculated. I liked to play things safe when it came to my life. It wasn’t because Ashley had passed away. I’d always been that way. My late wife had been very gracious when dealing with me. Now, I was slowly starting to ease out of my comfort zone.
“I can’t believe you invited a girl over, Dad. You never invite people over.” Bailey shook her head again, obviously perplexed.
“I invite people over,” I protested. I didn’t like the idea that I was a shy sort of widower. Maybe that was true, though.
“No,” she lowered her voice. “You really don’t.”
“Well, I did,” I told her. “And you’re welcome to join us for dinner.”
“It’s a date, though, right?” Bailey looked a little confused.
“It’s a date.”
“Won’t it be weird having your kid on your date?”
“You’re an important part of my life, Bailey. Any woman I date should know that.”
Bailey and I were a packaged deal. We came together. If someone wanted to date me, they had to accept my daughter. That was important to me. I had the feeling that Kinsley wasn’t the kind of girl who was bothered by things like her boyfriend having a kid, but only time would tell.
*
As it turned out, I needn’t have worried. Kinsley was very sweet when she found out that not only did I have a daughter, but that she would be joining us for dinner. The three of us sat down to eat, and the conversation flowed easily. Kinsley shared that she was pretty new to Savored, but that she liked working at the bakery. Bailey told everyone how much she loved eating cupcakes. Then there was me.
It was hard not to talk about Ashley. It had been almost exactly a year since she’d passed away. Sometimes it felt like much longer. Sometimes it still felt like a nightmare. Sitting around the table with Kinsley and Bailey reminded me of sharing a table with Ashley so many times. While I tried to be normal and casual during the conversation, I found myself standing up abruptly about halfway through dinner.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Excuse me for a moment.”
Bailey and Kinsley both looked up at me.
“Of course,” Kinsley said. “Do you need help with anything?”
“I’m okay. I just need to step outside for a moment.”
Kinsley’s brow furrowed, but she nodded. Okay, so she understood. It didn’t mean that what I was doing was okay or right. I didn’t like the fact that I was essentially ditching our date, but I really did need a moment to myself. That was one of the things I kept trying to teach Bailey. There was nothing wrong with taking a breather if you needed one. Bailey didn’t often need that advice, though. Sometimes it seemed like she was doing a better job living than I was.
There were moments during your life when you needed to take a break from other people, and that was okay. There was nothing wrong with saying, “Hey, I need a second to clear my head.” That wasn’t wrong at all. Still, when I was the one doing it, it felt difficult. I stood on the back porch and took a deep breath. I could do this. I was fine.
It was my first date since Ashley died, though. It was my first date in forever. I didn’t feel like I was betraying her. I knew that logically, she wasn’t coming back. Moving on didn’t mean I hadn’t loved her. Still, it was strange to have a different woman at the house, especially one I really was romantically interested in.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed before I heard the screen door open. I didn’t turn around at first. Instead, I waited, listening to the wind and looking at the stars. The sun was setting earlier and earlier. It was one of those side-effects of winter looming just ahead, I thought.
“Hey,” Kinsley said from behind me.
“Hey,” I turned back around. “Sorry about that. I just needed…”
What?
What did I need?
How could I put into words why I was randomly upset and needed to take a breather?
“It’s okay,” Kinsley said gently. She took a step toward me and put her hand on my shoulder. “Bailey told me.”
“What did she tell you?”
“About her mom. Your wife. She said it’s pretty close to the anniversary of her passing, so things have been a little rough.”
Bailey hadn’t told me she’d felt like things had been rough. Poor, sweet Bailey had been having trouble? How had I not known?
“I…she didn’t say anything to me.”
Kinsley just shrugged. She smiled at me, and there was no judgment there. She wasn’t bothered that we were talking about another woman, and she wasn’t bothered that we were talking about someone I had deeply loved.
“Sometimes it’s easier talking to another girl,” Kinsley said. “You are an incredible father, Gregory. It doesn’t take a genius to see that. Sometimes a woman just wants to talk to another woman, though.”
It was the first time anyone had used the word “woman” to refer to Bailey, and I knew that she was right. Bailey was a woman now. She was a good one, too.
“Well, thanks for talking to her. You’re right. It’s been almost a year. If I’m being perfectly honest with you, this is my first date since Ashley passed away.”
“How do you think it’s going so far?” Kinsley asked.
“Not so good,” I admitted.
“Why’s that?” Kinsley’s eyes were gentle. Sweet. “Dinner tasted really nice. Your daughter is charming. You’re pretty funny, and you’re handsome.”
“Why, Kinsley,” I reached for my chest. “Are you…flirting…with me?”
“A little,” she admitted. Kinsley cocked her head and looked at me. When she smiled at me like this, I felt like my entire heart might just melt. “How am I doing so far?”
“Pretty good,” I admitted. “Pretty good.”
3
Kinsley
He was hurting.
That was the problem with Gregory. He was hurting, and he was a little bit lonely, and he didn’t have anyone he could tell his secrets to. Losing someone you loved, no matter what the circumstances were, was a painful experience. If you had a breakup, in some ways, things were easier. When you had a bad breakup, you were allowed to hate the person. You were allowed to be angry or mad or upset. When someone died, though, it wasn’t because the relationship had failed.
They’d just died.
There wasn’t a rhyme or a reason or any sort of logical explanation. One day they were with you, and the next day they were gone. You were together, and then you weren’t.
That was what had happened to Gregory.
Bailey had whispered to me once her dad left the room. She’d told me that her mom passed away suddenly, unexpectedly. It had been painful for both of them, she’d told me, but it had been really horrible for her dad. Suddenly, the woman he’d loved was gone. Gregory had spent the last year taking care of Bailey, but he hadn’t been taking care of himself.
Well, maybe I could help with that.
This was only a first date, and it was one of the weirder ones that I’d been on. That wasn’t a bad thing by any means. Going out with Gregory was fun. Having dinner with him
and Bailey was very nice. He was charming, and she was sweet, and they were a wonderful family. I was honored that Gregory had trusted me to meet his daughter. That wasn’t something I expected most guys to be okay with.
“Let’s go back inside,” he said. Gregory reached for my hand and squeezed. That simple gestured contained so many different emotions and feelings. I knew he was doing more than just comforting me. He was letting me know that he liked me, and he was letting me know that he was going to try.
We went back into the house, finished eating, and cleaned up the dinner dishes together. Bailey actually had homework, so after we finished tidying up, she took off. I offered to help her with her essay, but she had laughed and told me to enjoy spending time with her dad. I wondered if she was going to hide on the stairs and eavesdrop. That was the kind of thing I would have done as a kid, but I didn’t get the feeling that Bailey was like that.
Gregory made us each a cup of tea and led me into the living room. Then we sat side-by-side on the couch. I wondered, very briefly, if I should tell him about Tony. Should I admit to this sweet, wonderful cowboy that I had been left by someone who felt like he could do better? Should I be honest and explain that my ex was a cheater?
I didn’t want to. Gregory was a sweet man. He was kind and funny and interesting. I didn’t really want him to know that I was the kind of girl men cheated on. I didn’t want him to think of me that way.
“So, Savored,” he said, sipping his tea.
“Savored,” I agreed.
“How did you start working there?”
There it was. There was my easy chance for honesty, but I chose not to take it. Instead, I shrugged casually, as though the fact that I was working at a bakery was no big deal. It was a big deal. I’d worked hard to get that job and to prove to Cordelia that I would be a good addition to her team.
“It wasn’t an easy process,” I finally admitted. “But, if I’m being truthful,” I choked on the word. “I always liked cupcakes.” That much, at least, was honest.
“I like cupcakes, too.”
“They fix every problem.”
“I completely agree,” Gregory said. He smiled at me, and I was caught off-guard, all of a sudden, just how handsome he actually was. Oh, I’d known it when I saw him at the bakery, but this was different. Right now, all of his attention was focused solely on me, and I didn’t know what to do with that.
So, I smiled back, and I wondered what I’d done to deserve such a wonderful first date.
*
“So?” Beatrix and Cordelia both hurried over when I walked into work the next day.
“How did it go?” Beatrix asked.
“Did you kiss?” Cordelia wanted to know.
“Good, and no,” I said. I’d been a little disappointed about the lack of a goodnight kiss. I wasn’t sure if that meant the date had gone poorly, or if it just meant that Gregory wasn’t quite ready for that. Either way, I wasn’t about to push it. If he wasn’t ready for kissing or touching, then that was okay. Not everything had to be a race, did it? That was an easy rut to fall into.
With Tony, everything had been a race. He’d always worried about being the first of his friends to have a successful business and the first of his friend group to have a nice car. He’d rushed into bed as quickly as possible, and then he’d just never stopped. I hated how much of myself I’d given to him. That wasn’t a very healthy attitude to have, I knew, but it was how I felt.
“Did you have fun?” Beatrix asked. “He seemed really sweet.”
“I can’t believe you got a date at my shop,” Cordelia clapped her hands together and grinned. “Do you think I could put that on advertisements? Savored: get your cupcakes and your dates.”
“That’s a horrible slogan,” I said. I couldn’t tell whether she was being serious or not.
“Yeah, it sounds pretty bad,” Beatrix agreed. Then, suddenly realizing she shouldn’t tell her boss something was less than perfect, she grimaced. “Sorry.”
“I was just messing around,” Cordelia smiled. “Although, I will be thinking about it. I could use some new marketing ideas.”
“Is the business in trouble?” I asked, suddenly worried. I’d only started working at Savored. I couldn’t afford to lose the job. It was a wonderful place to work and everyone was kind and sweet. At least, almost everyone.
“No, I just need some new marketing strategies. You know, it’s important to always look for new and interesting ways to grow your company.”
Before Cordelia had taken over Savored, she’d worked in a big city. She knew a lot about marketing and ads and bringing in customers. A lot of people suspected that was why the bakery was so successful.
“Of course,” I nodded, mulling over her comment. It was important to look for new opportunities and to consider new strategies. That was how everything with life was, though, wasn’t it? It was important to always look for new ways to grow and change and expand your horizons. How else would you figure out what you wanted to be or do?
The day went by quickly. I baked cupcakes and decorated them with little fondant snowmen. I added little black buttons and tiny eyes to eat snowman, as well as an orange little nose. I was pleased with my creation. By the time I was finished, it was almost closing time for Savored. I stared at my work, carefully looking over it for mistakes, but I couldn’t find any.
“Not bad,” Cordelia said from the doorway. She was leaning against the side of the door, and her arms were crossed over her chest.
“Thanks,” I said, smiling. I was still a little nervous around Cordelia. She was so great at what she did. She was incredible, really, and I was worried that I was going to let her down somehow. I knew that my fears were unbiased. After all, she wasn’t my ex-boyfriend. She was my boss. If I was upsetting her or bothering her, she was going to tell me. “I’m glad you gave me some artistic freedom today.”
“That’s the best way to come up with good creations,” she shrugged. “Everyone needs a chance to express themselves. If I forced every team member to follow an obscure and random set of rules, nothing would ever get done, would it?”
“Maybe.”
“You’ve been wonderful, you know.”
“Really?”
“Your work here has been fantastic. You have a natural eye for cupcakes especially.”
“Thanks,” I blushed. Nobody had ever complimented me like that. I’d certainly never had a boss complement me like that. When I’d worked with Tony, he’d been wildly critical of everything. Nothing had ever pleased him. Nothing had ever been enough.
Now I finally felt like I was doing okay. It seemed like things were finally looking up for me, and it seemed as though I was learning how to be a person. More than that, I finally felt like I was learning how to make myself happy.
When I left the bakery and went home that night, it was hard not to feel like I was on top of the world. Christmas was coming up, and being able to celebrate with sweet holiday cupcakes was going to be wonderful. I loved that Cordelia let me bake whatever I wanted, and what I really liked was that all of our customers seemed to enjoy the creations, too.
I got back to my home, brewed a hot cup of tea, and settled down on the couch to read. I was half-reading, half-daydreaming about cupcakes, when my phone buzzed. Someone was calling me. Who the heck was calling me on the phone? Everyone texted these days. Even Cordelia and I had never spoken on the phone. Reaching for my cell, I smiled when I saw who it was.
“Gregory,” I said. Could he hear the way I was smiling? He had called me. He’d actually called me. Oh, it was kind of touching and wildly cute that he had.
“Kinsley, it’s good to hear your voice.” Gregory sounded comfortable. He sounded happy. I got the feeling that he really was happy to hear my voice. What an incredible feeling!
“I’m surprised you called me.”
“You are?”
“Most people just text nowadays,” I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “It’s not often that someone
actually takes the time to call another person. It’s nice. It makes me feel like you aren’t afraid to put yourself out there.”
No matter what people said or thought, texting was safe. It was a way to guard yourself against rejection. If you called someone, you could tell how they felt about you by the tone of their voice, as well as how long you talked to each other. If someone texted you, though, you might not get a response right away, and it could have nothing to do with you. Like, maybe they actually were at work, or perhaps they really were busy. There was absolutely no way to know.
“Sorry. It’s been a long time since I’ve dated anyone.” There was a regretful tone to Gregory’s voice, and I felt a little bad for making him feel uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“No, don’t be.”
“You and your late wife,” I started to say.
“Ashley.”
“Right. You and Ashley, you knew each other for a long time, huh?”
“We were childhood sweethearts,” he said. “Isn’t that kind of silly? Who meets their wife when they’re five years old? I did, though. Somehow, we made it work.”
“Well, she sounds like she was an incredible woman.”
“She was. She had to be. She loved a goofy guy like me, after all.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t know him very well. I didn’t know him at all, really, but I liked him. Gregory was handsome and fun and smart. He was kind. It was hard to find people who were genuinely kind anymore. I got the feeling that he wasn’t really sure what he was doing, either. Somehow, that made me feel a lot better. The world didn’t seem as scary when you had someone else trying to swim with you.
“Anyway, I’m sorry. Sometimes I don’t really know what to say, and I make things awkward. I had a good time with you at dinner, though.” I could practically hear him shrugging. Knowing that he had a good time made me feel better, and knowing that he felt awkward sometimes, too, meant that every worry I had seemed to fade away. It took a lot to admit that you were having a hard time, especially to someone you didn’t know that well.