by MISSY HARPER
“I need you, Rylee… now, baby.” He’d said as he stopped moving in the middle of the dance floor. She knew he was talking about sex, but had convinced herself she saw more in his eyes, that she actually mattered to him. She went after what she’d always wanted instead of doing the responsible and safe thing. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
“I do, too, Ethan.” She’d whispered back in a shaky voice.
“Are you sure this is what you want? I can’t stop if we walk out that door, baby. I’m too far gone.” She remembered him gently telling her as he’d touched her cheek then kissed her lips as if he couldn’t resist any longer. How she wished there had been as much to that kiss for him as there had been for her.
“I’ve always wanted it to be you.” She whispered against his mouth. That was all it had taken. He’d ran his hand down her arm until he found her hand and led her from the bar. Humiliation washed over her as she remembered her heartfelt confession in the face of his obvious lust. She had agreed to give him the gift she’d saved for him all her life, knowing she didn’t matter to him the way she wanted to. She’d sacrificed her innocence on the alter of lust! Something she’d sworn she’d never allow.
“I left with you… to come here.” She shamefully admitted, looking at him for the first time since she’d discovered they had done more than sleep in the same bed. Suddenly, his nakedness didn’t matter so much. It was obvious she was no innocent virgin anymore.
Ethan found her beautiful tiger-striped eyes filled with unshed tears and uncertainty as a deep blush crawled over her pretty face. He knew she must be feeling some level of embarrassment, it was her first time, after all. He wanted to try to make the morning after as wonderful as the night before had been. He certainly didn’t want her to feel like she needed to take the walk of shame or anything.
“Yeah, I’m really glad you remember that part.” He said with his trademark smile in place. Rylee tried to return his smile, because she knew she’d been as willing a participate as he had, but the events of the night before were weighing heavily on her mind.
“How did this happen?” Rylee asked, running her hands through her hair. “I remember doing it, but I don’t remember how we got to that point… or how we got to this point.” She confessed first holding up her hand and then pointing to the evidence of last night’s passion. Her cheeks reddened further, and her voice was so small. She’d never felt more out of control or stupid in her entire life. She didn’t allow things like this to happen to her. That was for ignorant, easy girls, with loose morals and bad families.
“We left the bar and were headed back here when you spotted this little wedding chapel across the street. You started giggling and asked me if I thought it was Elvis or Cupid marrying people in there? I said let’s go find out, and we came out married.” He summarized.
He left out the part where he’d been watching her face and marveling at her beauty as she giggled. Also left out, was the part where he realized he didn’t want to live another day without her in his life. He left out the part about wanting her with him as she’d been with no other man. He left out the part about respecting her too much to take her special gift, the innocence she’d saved, without being able to call her his wife. He left out the part where he realized he loved her and needed her more than he did his next breath. He figured the less information she had to process, at the moment, the better. Besides, he wasn’t very good with words and would likely just make the situation more uncomfortable for her. He loved her and knew that she loved him… enough said. Everything else would work itself out in time.
“So, we just got married because we had nothing better to do on a Saturday night?” Rylee’s voice began to shake, and he was sure she was about the start crying. She looked so hurt!
Rylee couldn’t stand to look him in the eye any longer. She was so humiliated and hurt that she had to look down at the bed under the weight of her shame. How could she have allowed this to happen! She had made an utter fool of herself! It was one thing to get drunk and end up in bed with the man you had loved your entire life. But it was wholly pathetic to get the guy to marry you when you knew he’d already said he never wanted that!
“No, Baby. You’ve always been special to me, Rylee. You know that, right?” He questioned her as he took her face in his hands and lifted it so he could look her in the eye. She looked so hurt and so broken. He knew he needed to try to explain why he had done what he’d done, but he also knew he was lousy with words most of the time.
“I already knew you loved me… and I’ve never expected to feel about a woman the way I do you… and we’d already decided to come back here. I knew it was your first time, Rylee. I wanted it to be as special for you as possible… like it was for me, baby. It just seemed like the right thing to do.” He explained, hoping she would understand he did it because he loved her. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but there was a part of him that held back, wondering if this was maybe not what she wanted. Nothing he was saying seemed to make her feel any better about the situation… no surprise there. He knew he should’ve stuck to actions! He always screwed things up when he tried using words.
“The right thing to do?” She repeated and sounded a bit offended and more hurt than he ever imagined he’d hear.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Runt. I meant that it was what I wanted, and I’d never had the guts to admit it before… you know, because of Tanner, and you bein his little sister, and a bunch of other stuff that just made it complicated. I never thought this would be a life I’d want, but… things have changed since I came home.” He hoped to God she would understand what he’d meant and not take it as if he’d done something he now regretted, because that was the farthest thing from the truth. No one mattered more to him than his little Runt, not even Tanner.
He looked into her eyes and saw she really wanted to believe him. Fear, like he’d never known existed, gripped his heart and twisted with a vengeance. Finally, he had Rylee in his life and his bed. Finally, he realized she was what his life had been missing all along, and now it looked as if he might lose her to uncertainty. He couldn’t allow that to happen, but wasn’t sure how best to go about keeping her with him. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t believe him if he told her he loved her at this point. So, as she blinked back more tears, he decided it might be best if he simply shut up and showed her. Actions always worked better for him… and he wasn’t doing so well with words anyway.
“Come here, Baby.” He said as he slid his hand behind her head and pulled her mouth toward him. His lips touched hers, and he began to gently kiss away her uncertainty, he hoped. When he was sure she wasn’t going to ask him to stop, he allowed his hands to wander over her body and was elated when he heard her moan and felt her lean into him.
His hands and mouth explored and savored every part of her before he pulled her beneath him and slid into her for the second time. Ethan, once again, found heaven on earth, and the satisfaction that had always eluded him until now. He knew it had been Rylee that he’d needed all along, and he would never want another woman in his bed or in his life.
“Oh, Ethan!” She moan as she arched into him. She knew it was a mistake, but she had already ruined everything. Her heart was already irreparably damaged, so she may as well enjoy his attention for as long as it lasted. Besides, no way was her body going to allow her to walk away now. Her damn girl parts were circulating a petition to have her impeached at that very moment!
“My precious little Runt… so sweet, baby.” Ethan said next to her ear, just before his tongue licked at the sensitive spot behind it. How she wanted to believe his words were true and not just some rehearsed, over used line he’d repeated a thousand times. To be precious, to truly matter to him… to be loved by Ethan.
“Do you remember last night, Baby?” Ethan whispered in her ear. “Do you remember making love to me, baby?”
“Yes… I remember, Ethan…” The words were frantic as she reached for him and dragged him over to capture his mouth
. She no longer cared if he loved her or not. All that mattered was the way he was making her feel now. She never wanted it to end, but knowing it would, she took all she could from him. She held nothing back while she allowed herself to fantasize that this was real… that she really was precious to him.
Ethan rolled his weight off of her and pulled her into his arms, that is once he could actually use his brain for something other than drooling over how wonderful she made him feel. He kissed the side of her face and murmured Precious as he closed his eyes and drifted off, feeling much more secure than he had before he’d made love to his new wife this morning.
“Holy shit, Ethan! We got married!” Rylee exclaimed a few minutes later as she bolted upright in the bed beside him and smacked him hard in the stomach. Shame was one thing, but the facts were the facts, and they were in a world of trouble! “Stupid sluty girl parts!”
“I know that, Runt, and it’s why you should lay back down here with me, and let me show you, and those girl parts I’m so fond of, some more of the advantages of bein my wife.” Ethan said, trying to pull her back down next to him, but Rylee wasn’t having any part of it and provided a stiff elbow to his ribs to prove it. He couldn’t help but grin. He liked her best when she was feisty!
“My dad is gonna kill me… and Tanner’s gonna kill you, Ethan!” She cried as she brought both hands up to her cheeks, totally forgetting about modesty and unaware of the picture she painted with the sheet down around her hips.
Ethan fought to follow the conversation, but found it impossible to focus on anything other than his wife’s gorgeous breasts. He watched as a wild, frightened look took over her eyes. He’d like to see that look under different circumstances, but for now, this was simply a rare moment of Rylee totally freaking the hell out!
“What are we gonna do, Ethan?” She asked looking at him like they were in a world of trouble that she wanted out of and never for anyone to know about. The security he’d felt after they’d made love moments ago began to rapidly fade.
“What do you mean, what are we gonna do?” He asked with his heart pounding. “We’re married…”
“Ethan, I know this is not what you wanted, and that last night this seemed like a good idea under the circumstances, but I know you! This isn’t what you would have chosen if you’d been sober. My father and brother’s will all know that, too. They are going to kill you and me along with you!”
“Rylee, I meant what I told you…”
“Ethan, stop!” She interrupted him, holding up her hand. “I really appreciate what you’re trying to do… trying to make it more special than it really was because it was my first time and all. It’s incredibly sweet and selfless of you, but, I’m not stupid, so please don’t treat me like I am, okay?” She tried to smile, but her cheeks shook too badly from trying not to cry in front of him.
“I’ve always loved you, Ethan, but we both know you’ve never returned that love, and you would have never married me if you hadn’t been drunk last night. I really do appreciate you being so nice about it, but it’s morning now, and neither one of us is drunk anymore. We can’t keep pretending. The light of day shows us what we really have here, and to be honest, my dream was to be married to a man that loved and treasured me. The dream never included a guy that married me because he was too drunk to care and not drunk enough to forget that my brother’s would kick his sorry butt come morning unless he married me.” She said as her eyes filled with tears again. He felt a huge crack rip across his heart. She was slipping through his fingers, and he had no idea how to stop it.
“That’s not how it was, baby.” He knew he was losing her and the only thing he could think of was to stall her. Admitting that he loved her would do nothing at this point. She wouldn’t believe him. He had to delay any decision making for as long as he could, because he wasn’t sure he could live without her now. Sex hadn’t worked as well as he’d thought it would, so he needed something better, but had no clue what that might be. He ran his hand over his face and fell back onto the mattress. Sex was his go to response! It had never failed him!
“Alright, look… I admit I was drinking last night, but I wasn’t drunk… I knew what I was doing, Rylee! You’ve got it backwards. I had enough alcohol in me not to give a damn if Tanner kicked my ass or not. This is what I wanted. I do, however, realize that maybe you were a little more drunk than I was, so maybe…” His words trailed off. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words and decided to change horses in the middle of the stream.
“I see this as a three possibility situation. You were drunk last night and made a rash decision, but that doesn’t mean a second rash decision is a wise choice, either.” Ethan attempted to reason with her as he sat up, panic pumping through his veins and spurring him on. He couldn’t lose her now!
“The way I see it, we do one of three things.” He held up his fingers to count off the three ways and was amazed that his hands weren’t shaking. His brain was firing in all different directions trying to come up with three things, three things that hopefully would keep her with him, even though he knew one of the three options had to be an easy exit for her. She had been really drunk last night. However, if she chose the wrong option, or simply told him no, he was afraid he would be the one that went to pieces.
“One, we go down and get a quick divorce, or annulment, whatever, and you can pretend nothing ever happened. Your family won’t need to know anything at all about it. You’re free, and I don’t get my ass kicked. I’m not at all in favor of option number one, by the way.” He said, turning to look at her pale face. He needed her to understand he was telling her the truth. If she believed nothing else, he needed her to believe this. “As a matter of fact, scratch option one. I won’t do it. We’re now in a two option situation.” He held up two fingers so that he made sure she understood what he was saying.
“Two, or should I say one, we call them all in here, and lay our cards on the table. Let happen what happens. If Tanner kicks my ass, so be it!” He added quickly before she had a chance to make a bid on the option formerly known as option number one. He lifted his hands up as if to say whatever. “Also, not my most favorite choice, but certainly an option.”
“Or, two, which happens to be my personal favorite.” He paused and looked deep into her eyes. “We do nothing. We give it some time, and don’t make any more rash decisions about something as important as our marriage.”
“Don’t you think they’re gonna get a little suspicious when we set up house next door, Ethan?” She said as if he’d lost his mind. “I’m pretty sure they’re gonna notice… probably even ask a question or two!”
“No, they won’t, because we won’t be doing that. We’ll go home like nothing has happened and give ourselves some time. Try dating each other or something until we can make an informed decision.” Rylee gave him a skeptical look. “Damn it, Rylee… just give us a chance, baby.” Rylee blinked back her tears. He sounded so sincere.
“So, we aren’t going to tell anybody we got married?” She asked, and he wasn’t sure if she was hurt by this suggestion or if she was simply asking for clarification.
“I’m all for telling them everything and taking you home with me when we get back, but I don’t think that’s what you want right now. I think you need some time, Rylee, and I’m willing to give it to you.” He said as he ran his fingers down the side of her face.
She closed her eyes and tried even harder not to let her tears fall. She knew he would do just that if she asked him to, but she didn’t want a husband out of obligation. She wanted one that loved her, and she knew his comment about them needing time was bull. He was just trying to let her down easy, and it was only fair to allow him to do so. This was no more his fault than it was hers. No sense making him out to be the bad guy here. Sooner or later, her family would find out. If they did it this way, at least it would look like he’d tried. Maybe then his relationship with her family would be salvageable.
“So, we don’t tell anybody and take
some time to think this through before we make a final decision? That’s what you’re proposing?”
“Yes.” He said gently as he leaned in for a soft kiss. He was terrified it might be the last time he’d ever feel her lips against his. Rylee accepted his kiss and then turned her head forward, away from him. She sat still and stared for a long time before she spoke again.
“I think that might be best, too. If they know about us, they’ll all offer more advise than either one of us can stomach.” She grumbled as she turned back to him with a little smile. Ethan pulled her into his arms and held her against him as he laid back down with her.
“I can only imagine some of the advice I might get from your brothers.” Ethan joked and smiled when he heard her chuckle. It felt so good to finally be where he belonged, to be holding a woman he would have been proud to bring home to meet his momma.
“How do we explain why I’m here and didn’t go back to my parents room last night?” She asked, feeling a little uncomfortable in his arms. She knew she didn’t belong there and shouldn’t get too comfortable, no matter how much it was where she wanted to be. She wanted to touch him, but felt sure that any touch would lead to them making love again, and she wasn’t sure if that was allowed under this new agreement they’d just made. She wasn’t really sure what it was that she’d agreed to in the first place. It was all so confusing! Not to mention humiliating.
“We were too drunk to find your room so you just crashed here. Tanner’ll be pissed and your dad might not buy it, but they won’t be able to prove anything otherwise.” He told her as he tightened his hold on her.
“I’m not a very good liar, Ethan.” Rylee warned. “A life spent with no filter between my brain and my mouth was lousy training for my lying skills.” Ethan chuckled. She had a point, she usually just said whatever was on her mind.
“Well… then just act really hung over until after we get home, and claim you can’t remember anything or something. But, unfortunately, they are going to find us soon, so we better get showered and ready to face them, because if they find us like this… the only option we’ll have is to fess up to it all. I won’t let them find you in my bed and allow them to think the worst.” He said as he tapped the tip of his finger to the end of her nose. “They’ll know you’re my wife… I won’t have it any other way, little Runt.”