by Emery Rose
“Do you feel better knowing the truth?” I asked.
“You were the one who showed me how important it is to confront the truth,” he said. “You were the one who confronted Seamus about what he’d done.”
“As I remember, you weren’t too happy about that.” Not long after I’d returned from Miami, I’d answered the door to Seamus. He punched me for old time’s sake then demanded to know where I’d been for the past five months. I could tell by the look on his face that he had no recollection of having confided in me. Eden and Killian had been upstairs, and Killian had come down, once again trying to protect me, but I’d decided it was time to air our dirty laundry. Killian had been furious with me and even more furious that Eden had overheard it.
“It was the right thing to do,” Killian said. “You’ve always been good at facing up to the truth.”
I stared at him like he had three heads. “I was always lying.”
“Not about the things that really mattered. We’ll get through this,” Killian said. “I won’t let you down. Not again.”
“You never let me down.”
“I took away your power. I sent you to the closet. Pushed you away. Belittled you just like Seamus had.”
I worked my jaw, not sure what to say about this unexpected confession. I envisioned myself at six, seven, eight… hiding in the closet, my hands covering my ears, trying to block out the sound of Killian taking a beating. With every punch he’d taken, a little piece of me had broken until I had so many cracks and fissures inside that I couldn’t patch them up. That gaping hole inside me grew wider, bigger than the fucking Grand Canyon. I remembered that feeling of helplessness. The guilt that crept in at my own uselessness to stop the abuse or help Killian. And Killian’s words that I’d blocked out, echoed in my head.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Connor? You had everything, but you threw it away.”
“Everything I did was to protect you and for what? So, you could kill yourself with drugs? Drugs are for fucking losers. You wanna be a loser all your life?”
“Why is everything so much harder for you, Connor? I have my own shit to deal with. I don’t need your shit.”
And then the day he dropped me off at rehab. “Get your act together. I’m tired of cleaning up your messes. If you go back to drugs after this, I’m done with you. Understand?”
“You did the best you could,” I told him because it was true. We were just two kids trying to find our way out of a shitty situation the best we could. “You were always there for me. You kicked me in the ass when I needed it. Let’s not play the blame game. Lose the guilt. I’m the captain of my own fucking ship. Master of my soul… and all that bullshit.”
He squinted into the distance, trying to come to terms with a past we couldn’t fix or change. We’d come a long way though. Five years ago, even a year ago, we never would have been able to have this conversation.
“This sister of ours…Keira,” he said, testing the name out. “What’s she like?”
I was about to drop the next bomb on him. “Ready to meet her? She’s here.”
“Here? In Brooklyn? Why the fuck am I just finding this out now?”
“She arrived yesterday. It was a surprise.”
“Asshole,” he said, giving me a punch on the arm, not hard enough to hurt me. I punched him back and then we both laughed like idiots as we walked to the coffee shop where Keira was waiting for us.
I’d gotten my brother back, and for the first time ever, it felt like we were on a level playing field. All my life, I’d felt like I’d been living in his shadow. Tagging along after him. He’d been bigger than life. The strongest. The bravest. The one Seamus loved best, in his own sick and twisted way. Seamus had respected Killian, had been proud of his MMA career. He’d always reminded me that Killian had made something of his life while I’d been the fuck-up, the sorry excuse for a son. But it was time to let it all go. To shine a light on those bad memories so they no longer had the power to destroy me.
“You look nervous,” I said, noting the way Killian kept rubbing the back of his neck.
“Nervous,” he scoffed.
I chuckled under my breath. He’d never admit it, thinking it was a weakness. Some things never changed. We entered the coffee shop and I jerked my chin in Keira’s direction.
“Jesus Christ. That’s her?” I nodded. That was her all right. I’d left her twenty minutes ago and she was already being hit on by a bearded hipster dude. I could tell by the polite expression on Keira’s face that this guy didn’t have a chance in hell.
“Another woman for me to worry about,” Killian muttered.
I laughed. He had some crazy idea that every woman in his life needed his protection. Most of the time, they were more than capable of not only looking after themselves but kicking our asses. I had a feeling Keira would fit right in with Ava and Eden. She was a force to be reckoned with. “You’ll have to get her in one of your Krav Maga classes. Teach her how to kick guys in the balls.”
Killian chuckled. “I heard about that.”
“Glad you’re amused,” I muttered which only made him laugh harder.
Keira looked up as we stopped by her table. Killian scowled at the guy in the seat across from her and jerked his chin, indicating the guy should scurry the hell out the door. He was such a pain in the ass sometimes. I didn’t know how Eden put up with it.
“Thanks for keeping me company,” Keira told the guy. “My brothers are here now.”
Brothers. Killian’s brows went up a notch.
The guy wrote his number on a paper napkin before vacating his seat. “Call me. We’ll hang out. I can show you around Brooklyn.”
“Sounds good,” Keira said, giving him a dazzling smile that I knew was fake. I also knew the guy would never get a call.
“Nice meeting you, Gracie.”
Killian gave me a what the fuck look. I shrugged and flipped a chair around, straddling it as Killian sat in the seat across from Keira.
“Wow. Killian. I’ve been dying to meet you. This is kind of weird, right?”
“Yeah, it is.” He looked awkward as fuck and I stifled a laugh as he ran his hand through his hair and gripped his upper lip between his teeth, trying to come up with something to say, but he was at a total loss. His gaze settled on the mug in front of her and he was halfway out of his chair before he asked if she wanted another coffee.
“No, thanks. I’m good.” Killian settled back in his seat and Keira gave him a smile I knew was genuine and meant to put him at ease. She rested her elbows on the table and propped her chin in her hands, her face an open book like last night. Which was surprising, considering the way she’d been raised. “So…what do you want to know?”
An hour later, we left the coffee shop, the initial awkwardness a distant memory. It was strange how quickly we’d bonded. How easy it was to talk to Keira. But we’d skated around the elephant in the room and now I was about to snitch on her father. I didn’t know if the FBI would be interested in my story, if they’d believe it, or if they’d even bother investigating it. That was how much faith I put in the criminal justice system. Nevertheless, I was going to live up to the word carved on my chest and this time I felt no remorse.
“Hey Connor,” Keira said, moving closer to my bike as I straddled it. Killian was standing a few feet away, talking to Eden on his cell, and waiting to walk Keira to his gym.
“About my dad…what’s your plan?”
I could lie but I wouldn’t. “I’m not looking for revenge, but I’m hoping for justice.”
“And what does that mean exactly?”
“You might be forced to choose a side.”
“I choose me, just like I told you last night.” Her voice rang with conviction and I recognized the stubborn set of her jaw.
“I’m going to the FBI.”
“Hold out your hand,” she said, digging something out of her jeans pocket. They were so tight it was a wonder she could fit her hand in there.
I held out my hand and she placed a flash drive in my palm. “What’s this?”
“A gift.”
“What’s on here?”
“Extra ammunition. Enough to put him away. It’s white collar stuff. There’s no treasure map leading to the buried bodies,” she whispered, trying to pass it off as a joke.
“Where did you get the information?”
She shook her head, unwilling to tell me. Anthony. If love were a contest, he would win. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not a trick. The information is real.”
Killian and I exchanged a glance before my gaze settled on Keira. “You sure about this?” I held the flash drive between my thumb and index finger, giving her a chance to change her mind. The piece of plastic I held in my fingers was featherlight, belying the weight of everything she’d handed me. Even if the FBI didn’t believe my story, they’d love to get their hands on this kind of information. I suspected Ronan did his share of money laundering. Who the hell knew? Maybe it was only tax evasion. All the best criminals got taken down for that. But there was a reason Keira wasn’t turning this information over, and instead had given it to me. Guilt. “Can you live with this? Will you be able to sleep at night?”
I wanted her to think long and hard before I pulled away from this curb and handed over the information. If she was right and there was enough evidence to put him away, she’d have to accept the responsibility for her actions.
“You said you wanted justice, not revenge. I want to help you get it. And I need to do this for my own reasons. For myself and for my mother. Not that she’ll see it that way. But he’s been controlling her for over twenty years. I can’t keep pretending that my father is one of the good guys. Everything he does is for his own gain. Even his love comes at a price. He demands our unquestioning loyalty and tries to keep us locked in an ivory tower. Too bad for him that I got tired of playing by his rules a long time ago.”
She acted tough, but I wondered how much it had cost her to turn over information on her own father, a man she loved despite the things he’d done. My mind made up, I pocketed the flash drive. Time was running out and if Shaughnessy didn’t already know that Keira was in Brooklyn, it wouldn’t be long before he found out.
29
Ava
Once again, I was getting my information from Eden. Keira’s dad had been arrested and Connor had been the one to turn over the information to the FBI. She’d told me that privately. It wasn’t something we felt comfortable discussing in front of Keira. I tossed my pizza crust in the box and took a swig of beer, staring at the lights on Eden and Killian’s big-ass Christmas tree. They’d gone to Pennsylvania last week to chop it down and transported it on the roof of their Range Rover. If possible, it was bigger than last year’s tree which was saying something. My eyes caught on the canvases propped against the wall, covered in brown paper, ready and waiting to be hung tomorrow for the exhibit. Connor had come over a few mornings this week and he and Eden had stretched their canvases onto frames, or so I’d been told.
Eden flicked my arm with her index finger. “Ouch,” I complained, rubbing my arm. I flicked her back because we were so mature. “What was that for?”
“This is the best part of the movie. I didn’t want you to miss it.”
I rolled my eyes and Keira laughed. The Christmas movie marathon, the beer and the pizza, had been for Keira who had confided that she’d never had a girls’ night. She’d never even had a sleepover and Eden had found that too sad for words so here we were, three movies in, lounging on the sofa, watching the finale of Love, Actually.
“It’s all about the grand gestures,” Eden said as the credits rolled. As if on cue, Killian walked through the door and Eden flew across the room and leapt into his arms as if she hadn’t seen him in years. As if their love was still brand new and shiny. I wanted my life with Connor to look like that. I wanted to welcome him home. I wanted to share a home with him, cook dinner with him, kiss him goodnight and wake up to him in the morning.
“Hey, Sunshine,” he said before his mouth covered hers. I sighed loudly and turned my head, so I didn’t have to witness their public display of affection. I was jealous, and it made me feel small that I’d succumbed to self-pity, an all-time low.
“Connor will come around,” Keira reassured me, sensing that I’d been thinking about him.
“You’ve gotten close,” I said, thinking it was wrong of me to feel sorry for myself, considering how fucked up her life was. But Eden had told me that Keira and Connor spent a lot of time together, even though she was staying in Killian and Eden’s spare room now. I guess Connor had become a regular visitor here.
She smiled. “Yeah, he’s a good guy.” Her smile faded.
“Is your mom…have you heard from her?” I asked. Their mother was a touchy subject and it was hard for me to ask about her without letting the resentment creep into my voice.
She shook her head. “No. But I’m not surprised. I doubt she’ll ever forgive me.”
“Forgive you for what? For leaving?” I felt like there was a part of this puzzle still missing.
“No. For betraying my dad.”
“How did you betray your dad?”
“I gave Connor a lot of information on him. Enough to put him away.”
My eyes widened. “Oh. I didn’t realize…wow. Does he know it was you?”
“Connor didn’t tell the FBI where he got it, but I’m sure my dad could figure it out. It was the right thing to do. He’s hurt a lot of people and he needed to be stopped.”
“It was a brave thing to do. It took a lot of courage,” Killian said, joining us, his arm around Eden.
Keira let out a breath and tried to muster a smile. I wondered if she regretted doing it. I hoped she didn’t.
“You ready to go home?” Killian asked me, twirling his key chain around his index finger then capturing the keys in his palm. “I’ll give you a ride.”
“Okay, thanks.” I pulled Keira into a hug, feeling like I needed to reassure her. In a weird way, we were all family now—Keira, Killian, Eden, Connor, me. A dysfunctional family but still … family. “Everything will be okay. We’re all in your corner.”
“Thanks,” she said as I released her. I hugged Eden goodbye, grabbed my coat and bag and followed Killian out the door.
Before Killian sold his share of the bar to Zeke, I used to see him every day, but it had been a while since the two of us had been alone together. Not that Killian had ever been a big talker. But I used to make up for his silence. “You good?” he asked as we pulled out of the underground garage.
“Hanging in there. How about you? Now that you’ve got a sister? That must have come as a shock.”
He shook his head and let out a breath like he couldn’t quite believe it himself. “A shock. But a good one.” I stared at his face in profile and his lips curved into a smile. He’d changed a lot, for the better, I thought. His edges had gotten softer and I knew a lot of that had to do with Eden, but I also knew that he’d been putting in the work.
“You’re not angry with Connor,” I said. A statement, not a question. Eden had already told me that Killian wasn’t angry.
“No. I’m not. I get why he didn’t tell me. Not saying I like it. Just that I get it.”
“Did you talk it over with your shrink?” I teased.
Killian chuckled. “When did I get so pathetic?”
“When you fell in love with Eden,” I joked. “She ruined you. In the very best way.”
“Yeah, she did.” We fell silent until he pulled up in front of my apartment building. “I almost walked away from her last year, thinking it was the best thing I could do for her. I thought I didn’t deserve her.” He looked down at his hands and flexed them, his unspoken words loud in the silence. Killian had killed two men, one was an accident, the other in self-defense. Neither one had been his fault, but that didn’t change the fact that he had blood on his hands or that it weighed heavy on him.
“You made the right ch
oice,” I said. “If you’d left Eden, it would have broken her heart. And yours.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah. I’m so damn lucky to have her in my life.”
“Yeah, you are. But she’s pretty lucky too. I think that any girl who wins the heart of a Vincent brother is a lucky girl.”
He didn’t respond and we sat in silence for a few seconds. “I wanted to talk to you about something. Connor donated the rest of the money he inherited from Seamus to my program.”
That didn’t surprise me. I’d expected him to do it sooner, truth be told. Connor had never cared about money, but he did care about good causes. “I also got a donation from Zeke’s dad. A sizeable donation.”
“That’s great.”
“Yeah, it is. Zeke helped me set it up as a non-profit organization.” I nodded, knowing this. “We need someone to run it. You’d be perfect for the job.”
“What? Me? I don’t know anything about…what would this job entail?”
“Fundraising. Grant writing.” He waved his hand in the air. “Zeke’s putting together a job description. You meet all the qualifications. There’s nobody we’d rather have.”
“I have a job. A job I like.”
“A job you’re bored in. You need a new challenge.”
“Who told you this? Connor?”
“Connor. And Zeke.”
I opened my mouth to protest but closed it again. I’d gotten comfortable at Trinity Bar, but Killian wasn’t wrong. I wasn’t challenged anymore. I could do the job in my sleep but this sounded like a big job and I didn’t know if I had the skills. “Killian, I’m not corporate. I don’t think I could talk to bigwigs, you know. And you see how I dress…”
“It’s a non-profit for at-risk youth. Your outfits will fit right in.”