A Life In A Moment

by Livos, Stefanos

  7

  Pavlos’ trip was soon arranged. He decided to visit us before my birthday, so we could celebrate the occasion together. We would be staying at our parents’ house by the sea, where I would soon be moving.

  The moment the door opened and I saw that strapping red-haired man will always be etched on my memory. He beamed at me. He moved closer and stood before me.

  «Look at you! You’re a grown-up man!» he exclaimed and gave me a warm embrace. I still cherish that feeling like a precious gem — the only tangible thing I kept from that meeting. I can no longer recall what else transpired between us: what we said, if he asked me anything, what I asked him. I only remember my heartbeat.

  We spent long hours together, mainly at our house by the sea. True to form, he had grown nostalgic about it. When he first stepped in, he ran around the rooms like the thirteen-year-old Pavlos might have done, until his parents had announced they were moving to a far-flung place. I shared his joy.

  When we first got down to more serious talk, we didn’t know where to begin. I told him about Michalis, Thanos, Ellie, and he confided in me about his girlfriend, Samantha, and his life in England. We spoke nothing of the past. Perhaps, deep down we knew it would wound us.

  We celebrated my birthday at the restaurant. Everybody came along, as well as Ellie. I blew my candles out almost indifferently. I had been straining at the bit to turn eighteen and now my birthday turned out to be just like any other ordinary day.

  Then, it was time to get my presents. Uncle Haralambos and Aunt Urania gave me an envelope, fat with money for my bookshop. Michalis and Thanos bought me a camera, while Natalia gave me a book of sayings, having underlined the ones she thought I might find most meaningful.

  However, Pavlos’ gift was totally unexpected. «It’s a contract securing you half of the pub», he explained in a soft voice, offering me a tender smile.

  My spontaneous response was in the negative. «That belongs to you, Pavlos. You’ve been running it all these years on your own, while still sending money for me. And apart from that, I will never come to London.»

  «Vassilis, this is the right thing to do. You keep the house by the sea, I keep the one in London, but the pub... We have to share it.»

  That got me thinking. «I’ll accept half of it, if you accept half of my bookshop.»

  «You’ve got yourself a deal!»

  After signing the contract, I went up to Ellie. The others had gathered at the back of the restaurant, laying the table. I extended my hand, tenderly caressing her neck. «You? Haven’t you bought me anything?»

  She looked at me, a mysterious and excited smile playing across her face.

  «The night’s young. I’ll give it to you later.» Her lips were overflowing with a promise I found hard to believe.

  I had a great time that night. My brother was by my side, I was surrounded by my precious friends, my beloved relatives and a ravishing girl. I owed them for who I had become. Not saying a word, I stood there observing them, while they were eating and drinking, laughing and chatting.

  In that very moment, I felt I loved everyone all the more. Those people were all I had and deserved in my life. I silently prayed to God never to lose them. My prayers fell on deaf ears.

  8

  Later that night, at the house by the sea, Ellie and I climbed up to the attic. With magical sleight of hand, several candles, a bottle of wine and two glasses had been laid out for us.

  «Let’s drink to your wellbeing», she said and filled the glasses.

  «To our wellbeing», I corrected her.

  «To what we are living.»

  «...and what we will live.»

  We drank to that, and kept drinking.

  At some point, she snapped the glass out of my hands. «Have you guessed your gift, yet?»

  I tried to feign absolute innocence.

  She stood opposite me. In the dim, gold light of the candles and the moon piercing the dark, she began to unbutton her blouse.

  «It’s time to reward you for all the time you’ve been waiting, and for your patience.» She continued undressing, hesitantly.

  And then, we were naked. We were vulnerable.

  Awkwardly but gently, I reached out my hand to trace the apple-curve of her breast. Her waist felt made for my hand as I laid it there. The skin of her back seemed on fire as my fingers sailed over her young muscles. She was trembling. She was a bird flying for the first time. She lay down, almost as if to cool the heat of her back on the stone floor. I covered her with my own hard body, as if I were somehow both protecting her and pinning her down, mine forever. My lips felt her thundering pulse in the soft, sweet hollow of her neck. An ear pressed to a railway line to hear the coming of a train. She moved closer into me; my fingers pressed deeper into her taut, slippery, tender darkness.

  In rolling, powerful waves that had suddenly tumbled me beneath her, she rocked and swayed and curled; her breathlessness became the roar of the ocean. I dived deeper into her, desperate to touch the bottom of her.

  We were Adam and Eve, but another forbidden fruit was waiting to be bitten.

  9

  I woke up in the same attic, but in a different body. Ellie was lying next to me, cocooned in a woollen blanket. Before getting up, I tucked her more deeply into her warmth.

  Before leaving the room, I stood and examined her for a while; I couldn’t help feeling a pang of jealousy. Her eyes were shut, trapped in an enviable state of calmness. Her hair, though, was unkempt and her parted lips, dry. I leaned down to kiss her, just to moisten them a bit, without waking her.

  After dressing, I went downstairs to the kitchen. I was astonished to find the fridge brimful with groceries. It was not that Pavlos was staying there for a few days; it was that I had now moved to that house. And perhaps, it was the first time it had really dawned on me.

  Another fridge crossed my mind, by sheer association. The one Ellie’s mother feared wouldn’t fit in my aunt’s flat. Still, it was a perfect fit. How small details life tinkers with...

  Ellie came down after a while. Talking came after a lingering, caressing kiss. «What are you doing today?»

  «I have to help my folks with the house chores. We’ve invited Thanos’ family to have Christmas lunch together and we have to tidy up a bit. What are you doing?»

  «I don’t know yet. Hang around with Pavlos, I guess.»

  She smiled at me. She smiled for me.

  Remembering through our bodies the night before, we toyed with each other in touches, stroking and kisses of laughter. We feasted on a breakfast of each other.

  «It’s time I got going», said Ellie.

  «You really have to? Why don’t you stay a little longer? Steep yourself in the moment.»

  «Beautiful moments must last only a little, so their spark will not exhaust itself», she said, winking. She went up into the attic, got dressed, came back downstairs, planted a kiss on my cheek and left.

  10

  I shrugged into some warmer clothes and went outside. There was no way I wouldn’t share such a beautiful day with my veranda, which, like a good friend, had supported me so many times. I walked along to the far side of her, leaning far over the marble columns. I gazed into the distance.

  I felt alive. Was it the cold wind blowing against my face; was it the last days’ changes; was it Ellie’s gift; or was it everything colliding into each other? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I felt I was no longer a child, and this had nothing to do with the candles I had blown out the night before.

  I went gift shopping with Pavlos. We had a rough idea of what we were looking for. A pretty shawl for Aunt Urania, a tie for Uncle Haralambos, a black-and-white photography book for Natalia.

  As we were walking, we stumbled upon a corner shop with two big glass windows. On one of them was stuck a paper advert, scribbled with a phone number. There was something about that shop. In a blinding camera-flash, the photograph that had long since been developed in my mind, materialised. It was the b
ookshop I’d always been dreaming of.

  Pavlos was confused about why I had stopped. I didn’t even bother to try explain. I stepped back to get a better look. Moving closer, I peered through the dusty windowpanes to look inside.

  «I think I’ve found my own Christmas gift!»

  He threw me a mischievous smile.

  I memorised the phone number and hunted down the nearest telephone booth, returning some minutes later, satisfied and very excited. The woman I’d just spoken to was obliging enough to leave her Christmas preparations behind to show the premises to an impatient man like me.

  «She’ll be here in five minutes», I told Pavlos.

  «That quick?»

  «Yeah, she said she lives nearby.»

  True to her promise, a most agreeable, middle-aged woman appeared, beaming at me. In her hand jingled the keys to the shop.

  «You are the one who called me?»

  «Yes, I am Vassilis and this is my brother, Pavlos.»

  «Pleased to meet you. I am Yiota», she said, extending her hand for a quick handshake. Then, fumbling for the keyhole, she asked us:

  «Are you from around here?»

  «I am, but my brother lives abroad.»

  «Brilliant. So, here we are», she said, opening the door and stepping inside ahead of us. «It’s been on the market for only a month.»

  I examined it minutely from floor to ceiling, trying to see if it fitted the picture of my dream bookshop.

  «Would you be interested in seeing the basement?»

  We followed her down a flight of metal stairs, reaching a dark, messy room, which was spacious, nonetheless.

  «Interesting», I said to myself and made a beeline back to the ground floor. I excused myself for several minutes and spoke to Pavlos in private.

  «It’s good, isn’t?»

  «Well, it’s nice, but don’t you think you should ask first about the rent?»

  I winked at him. «I’ll leave it up to you. You’re far more experienced with this sort of thing.»

  «Okay, then. You’re sure you want it?»

  To put his mind at ease, I took a second examining look around the shop, though I knew there was nothing else for me to check.»

  «Yes.»

  We returned to Mrs. Yiota, who was standing behind the windowpane, looking out at the road.

  «Well, we’re interested, but we need to talk about the rent.»

  The woman was happy to discuss the matter and it didn’t take us long to come to an agreement. Sealing the deal on the spot with a simple handshake, we committed ourselves to enduring the bureaucratic rigmarole of it immediately after Christmas.

  Pavlos was impatient about the delay, as he didn’t know how much longer he could stay in Greece, away from his commitments in his — or our? — pub. During his absence, his girlfriend Samantha and her brother Bob — who was also Pavlos’ best friend — had taken over his duties.

  As a gesture of goodwill, Mrs Yiota gave us the shop key. We went our separate ways and carried on with our shopping.

  I asked him to keep mum about it all. I wanted to present it as a big, organised surprise. But most especially, I wanted to prove I was now an adult. I would set up the entire business on my own, completely unaided.

  And so, that dusty old corner shop would become our first little secret — the two brothers’ first conspiracy.

  11

  Now that we had made the first move, nothing could stop us. We decided at the last moment to throw a party at the house by the sea, to celebrate the coming of New Year. Aunt Urania was astonished at the sudden news, but still she received it with joy.

  The party was a wonderful success, as is usually the case when things are done with the best of attitudes. We had prepared a lavish meal, which we set out on a big table, along with juices and wine. The whole house shimmered with light. After such a long time, it was vibrant once again. Peals of laughter mixed with the waves, and the glass-clinks with the lightning raging outside.

  A few seconds before the arrival of the new year, Pavlos turned off the master switch.

  «Will we be together next year?» Ellie asked me in the dark.

  «Yes, and the year after that...», I whispered in her ear.

  Little did I know at the time; there is nothing more naive than the promises of a person in love.

  «... three, two, one ...»

  12

  It was already the first dawn of the New Year, ushering in my name day. After staying up so late the night before, I was tired of good wishes and in no mood for yet more of them.

  Pavlos and I decided to go for a ride in Uncle Haralambos’ car. My aunt was disappointed we wouldn’t be staying for lunch. We promised to give her the chance to display her culinary prowess in New Year’s dinner.

  Poor Natalia didn’t ask to tag along, although I knew how badly she wanted to. Deep down she knew that those days had somehow been set aside for only Pavlos and I.

  We set off on an outing in my uncle’s car, without knowing where we were going. We decided to pick a destination at random. Eventually, we ended up at the lighthouse I could see from my attic. It was a majestic journey, with the sea on our left-hand side and a cluster of old, tall poplars on our right.

  Besides natural beauty, that road held something else in store for us; something it would only reveal many years later.

  «Have you got a car in England?»

  «Yeah, I’ve got a Vauxhall — here you call them Opel; a bit old, but in mint condition», he answered. «Ironically, it’s the very same make as the one our parents were driving when they were killed.»

  «Would you tell me more?»

  «About our parents?»

  «No. About the accident, and everything that followed. How did it affect you?»

  «Hard... It’s the only word I can come up with, Vassilis. Up until then, I knew nothing of responsibility. Everything had been laid out for me. I was only eighteen, anyway, just like you. Imagine receiving a call saying Excuse me, but your parents had an accident and have been rushed to hospital…»

  «How did it actually happen?»

  «Dad drove back from the airport, where he had collected Mum, who was returning from Greece. I wasn’t with him, as I was seeing some friends that night. I was lucky — or unlucky, I don’t know. At a train junction, Dad jumped the light, getting caught on the rails. He was killed on the spot. Mum died in hospital some days later, on the 24th July. The accident happened on the 21st, thirteen years ago.»

  I could do nothing but listen to him, nodding my head. We were brothers, but each of us had led a separate and different life.

  «You’re a hero, judging by what I’ve heard.»

  «We’re both heroes, Vassilis. You grew up here without parents. I grew up there without parents, and in charge of a business. But without the pub, I don’t know where I’d be now.»

  «Aunt is a heroine, too. We owe her so much.»

  «Yes, indeed. She’s truly remarkable. She brought you up; she was there for me whenever I needed her; she also had to take care of her own family, as well as run the restaurant... She may be the most tragic person in our life-story. She lost her sister, her brother-in-law, and she voluntarily brought up her nephew... All this sounds unbelievable, as if it wasn’t me who lived it.»

  «I’ve thought about that as well.»

  After a pause, he looked at me tentatively. «How did you feel when you learnt you had a brother?»

  «Well... it didn’t come as a surprise. I don’t know why. I’ve always wished someone had remained alive, so that I could meet them. I meant my parents, of course... Our parents.»

  Pavlos gave the same mechanical smile. «It’s odd you haven’t asked me anything about them.»

  «Hmm, I don’t know. Probably, it would be natural to ask, but I’m not sure if I want to. I grew up in their absence. Actually, I don’t know what it feels like having parents. I can guess, of course, seeing what Aunt Urania does for Natalia or me, but I’m scared that I’ll rea
lly begin to miss them if I learn more about them. That’s not what I need right now. I may ask you in the future, but till then...»

  «I understand», he said. «I’ve always felt guilty they took only me with them. There was nothing I could do, though. I used to look at a photo of you — the one that Mum had kept — and I imagined us together, playing and talking...»

  «They obviously had to choose someone and it was reasonable to choose you, as you were already thirteen. After all, I was in good hands», I said, trying to allay his guilt.

  «They shouldn’t have picked either of us, Vassilis. Mum was forced to do it because Dad was... an idiot. A bloody idiot!» he blurted out, his voice trembling. There was a pause before he continued. «I almost hated him for what he did. I didn’t speak to him for more than a month after we moved to England. I saw Mum dejected and sad, while he seemed just fine. I wanted to swear and scream at him, and then, one day, I saw him crying. I got confused. Why had he insisted on leaving you behind if he didn’t really want to?»

  «Pavlos, you don’t have to look back. I’m far more resigned to reality than you may think. I don’t hold anyone a grudge for being raised the way I was. At times, I got angry at Aunt, who insisted on hiding the truth and only smiled at me, but now that I know, I understand her. And I don’t blame her. I owe so much to her and her family I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repay them.»

  We ended our discussion and gazed at the lighthouse — our destination. It would only take us five minutes to reach the top of the hill, where it stood. The meandering road was a little rough, but Pavlos was a keen driver. We parked the car in an open lot, at the end of the road, and continued on foot to the edge of a steep cliff.

  «You’ve been here before?» he asked me, eyes fixed on the view of the sea that stretched out before us.

  «Yes, with the guys, two or three years ago.»

  «It’s majestic... Breathtaking. It reminds me of some of the coastal landscapes in Southern England.» He revelled in the view, then turned back to me: