by Ace Gray
“Haven’t slept well lately, you know that.” I smiled ruefully. “Please tell me what’s going on. I know there’s some other woman.” I tried to narrow my gaze at him but I couldn’t muster anything near a withering look.
“Kate.” Jaime’s face matched my hollow stomach. “Please don’t ask. I don’t even know where to start.”
“The beginning usually works.”
“The beginning was many, many years ago. Not even I understand all of it.”
This is bad. Really bad. Horrible fuckingshitty bad.
“And you two have been fighting?” My voice had gotten small.
“Yes. Because you’re my friend.” Jaime leveled his gaze at me.
I met it for a second then my eyes shifted. The implications of that statement set in, making it difficult to breathe. When my eyes came back to his, my words barely squeaked out. “And I have something to worry about.”
Jaime didn’t answer. I didn’t know if I really wanted him to. Seeing him hang his head as his shoulders sagged was enough for me.
“Take me over there.” My voice was a uniquely disturbing mix of panic, pleading and force. I expected a he’s going to be pissed, or that’s not appropriate. Maybe even a that will put my job in danger. Instead, Jaime nodded, grabbed his coat, and strode purposefully to my front door.
Jaime let me walk with him to the garage where the Bentley waited. His brow was so creased and his hand so firm on my back that I knew I truly had a friend by my side, whatever happened next. It didn’t make the feeling that I was about to stand in front of a firing squad go away.
He tried to smile a reassuring smile as he dialed the phone but failed.
“Kate’s coming over,” Jaime snapped into the receiver. It was a completely different tone than he was taking with me. “Unacceptable Colton,” he roared. “I know damn well who’s there. Do any of you remember who is here? With me? You may want to remind Mr. Bryant.” Colton’s animated chattering on the other side of the Bluetooth made Jaime’s tone falter completely. He turned to me. “They’re about to leave.”
“Please hold them for just a moment. I need to see him. Even if it’s just for a second.” Jaime eyed me warily as Colton spoke. His eyes weren’t mean, they were just sweeping, maybe worried.
Or is that pity?
“She’s coming over. Tell him. Stop him. Whatever you have to do.” In a page right out Bryant’s book, he hung up without giving Colton a chance to respond.
“Thank you.” I could barely breathe.
Jaime nodded briskly and his demeanor went so frosty I half expected his eyes to turn a familiar flat, steel gray.
At 5:07 a.m., an identical black Bentley sat idling in front of One Madison. Beside the car was a sea of photographers, one of the most intense groupings in recent memory, which said something. Jaime tensed and I honestly couldn’t tell if it was regarding the situation or the mob of people. I didn’t wait to find out, I just pushed on the car door, my desire to see Nick overrode my usual unease.
”Did you know about the blonde?”
“Is this their third date?”
“Who is she?”
“Are you and Bryant still together?”
The flurry of questions threw me. I froze as I tried to process the words hurtling at me. My hand went to shield my eyes from the flashbulbs and I focused on the face of one photographer in front of me.
He pulled his camera down and met my eyes. In that moment, he was just a normal man with green eyes and five o’clock shadow. His face crumpled as he asked, “Is he cheating on you?”
Those green eyes searched mine, and he wasn’t some faceless monster screaming at me or invading my privacy. He seemed concerned, sympathetic even. That sympathy compelled me to reply to the paparazzi for the first time ever.
“I don’t know,” I stated. “You tell me.” I nodded at the camera in his hand. He bit his lip then turned the screen to me.
With one single finger that photographer ruined my life. He used it to flip through rolls of Bryant, carrying a gorgeous blonde up to this door. In daylight. In his funeral suit. She was curled into his chest holding on tight. Worse, He was holding tight. I pushed the camera away.
“Sorry.” He offered a halfhearted smile and a shoulder shrug.
I staggered back as he lifted his camera, effectively fading back into the wall of people. I was still staring at the space where his face had been when someone yelled. All the lenses shifted. I couldn’t make my eyes follow them.
“Kate.” Jaime was at my shoulder again.
I couldn’t respond. Or move. Or breathe.
When I finally unfroze and turned toward the building, I caught Bryant offering his elbow to someone as they exited the elevator. The striking, tall woman with snowy blonde hair from the photos reached delicately for his arm. My ankle rolled when she laughed, patted his arm, and leaned her head against his shoulder.
I stumbled backward and almost choked on the lump building in my throat. Strong arms came to my rescue, catching me around my ribs. Even with Jaime holding me I couldn’t find my footing as the freight train that was my boyfriend with another woman headed straight for me. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to run or hide or scream. My body short-circuited and I simply stayed limp in Jaime’s arms.
“Do you know who she is?”
“Yes.”
That was all he had time to say before Bryant noticed I was on the sidewalk watching him. The blonde was reaching up to kiss his cheek when Nick pulled his elbow from her and pushed through the glass doors on his own.
Flashbulbs went crazy, their shimmer making the whole scene surreal. On top of the awful feeling in my chest, I couldn’t feel my toes or fingers anymore.
“Kate, what are you doing here?” His words came out in that bone chilling, icy growl he had. The one I hated. The one that matched his steel gray eyes. My heart was splitting and it was an incredibly real, horrifically deep pain. Far worse than stitches or a battered nose. Being shot would have probably felt better.
“What am I doing here?” I managed. I took a few shallow breaths before finding more words. “I couldn’t sleep, again, and I wanted to see you.” A ragged sob shook my shoulders. “No, I needed to see you. And this is what I find? This is why you couldn’t stay?”
“This isn’t what it looks like,” he bellowed and everything in my body tensed.
“So tell me what’s going on.”
His mouth floundered for a minute, the severe flame burning in his eyes. Then his mouth snapped shut and my heart stood still.
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot.” I didn’t know where the venomous words were coming from but I was grateful they were there. “You don’t tell me anything. Ever.” My voice even found some of the icy growl that mimicked his. The one that should have made his skin crawl if he gave a damn. He reached for me just as the blonde caught up to him. I yanked my arm out of the way and kept my eyes boring into his.
“Nicholas?” She was timid behind him.
“Not now, Piper.” He turned to silence her.
“You know what this fucking looks like?” My voice was this wholly unearthly thing, broken and bitter all at the same time. He swiveled back to face me. “It looks like my boyfriend spent the night with someone else. It looks like he’s a lying, cheating bastard.” He tried to grab at me again and I broke his hold as soon as he had me, stumbling a little toward the wall of photogs.
“We should do this somewhere else.” His voice was different now but the turmoil inside me overrode everything else.
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Why the fuck I ever gave you my heart!” I’d found the volume to yell despite sobs interrupting every few words.
“You have no idea what’s going on here!”
“You’re right. I don’t. Apparently. I’m not worth sharing that with. Is she?” I t
hrew my hands up in the blonde’s general direction. “All I know is you aren’t photographed with women in the morning. Your mom and sister made a point to share that. There’s only been me and…and…and.” I gestured to the woman still hidden behind his body.
“She knows Ari and Jules?” Piper spoke, peering around him.
“Piper!” he roared to silence her then turned back to me. “Kate, she needed me.”
I recognized the desperation now lacing his thundering voice, but I was too hurt to care. A giant sob ripped through my chest. My knees wobbled and almost gave out, Jaime’s strong arms found me again. This time he pulled me back, keeping Bryant from getting closer. Bryant tried to shove around Jaime all the same.
All the life left me with the rush of a hurricane-force wind, and I sagged into Jamie’s chest. I didn’t have the strength to fight anymore. The dam of emotion finally broke.
“I needed you,” I whispered. “I even begged you.” I gasped for air, still bathed in shimmering flashes.
“Kate,” he murmured and stepped toward me.
He reached to take me from Jaime’s arms and I didn’t have the strength to push him away. God love Jaime for trying to shield me anyway. Nick found an awkward way to reach me and my body tried to respond but my heart just wouldn’t let it.
“I gave you everything. My life, my heart, my business. I told you everything.” My voice was this new weird sound again, all garbled and breathy. I was shaking my head looking down at my feet, tears streaming unladylike down my face. “I trusted you with everything that I am, everything that I have, and you trusted me with nothing.”
The last word was barely a whisper. I didn’t mean to, but I looked up into his tormented face.
“Kate, please let me explain.” He looked like I’d slapped him. In that moment, I wished I had the strength to actually do it.
“No.” Bile rose in my throat. “You had your chance and you didn’t take it. You’ve hurt me for the last time.”
“Kate, I didn’t do anything.” He was losing his perfectly crafted public facade in front of the cameras. They were hell-bent on capturing every single moment.
“I don’t care, because the bottom line is you felt she was more important that me.” I pointed first to her and then to where my heart should have been. My fingers just pressed against a gaping, hollow cavity. “You broke my heart.” I gasped. “You broke me.” My body seized. “I don’t want anything to do with you. Ever. We’re finished. Completely finished.” My arms wrapped around me but they couldn’t keep me from fracturing.
Shaking, I turned and pushed away from him, snaking through the watching crowd to find the curb. My arm shot up to hail a cab but I couldn’t really distinguish yellow from regular cars through my blurry, teared eyes. I was in self-preservation mode. When a hand appeared on my shoulder, I reached for it and dug my nails in.
“Kate, it’s just me.” Jaime’s voice in my ear made me release him immediately.
“I need a cab.” My sobs were pathetic even to my ears.
“I’ve got the car, I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
“You don’t have to anymore Jaime. I don’t have anything to do with Bryant and you’re not on my payroll.”
“We’re still friends. I’ll always care that you’re safe.”
That started my real tears and I let Jaime fold me protectively into his chest as he pulled me to the Bentley. I caught Bryant out of the corner of my eye. He was hunched over and stunned into silence. Piper was tentatively reaching for him and I had to close my eyes. A whole new mix of horrific images played there.
Thankfully, Jaime shepherded me all the way to his front seat. I was shaking as big, fat crocodile tears rolled down my cheeks. My t-shirt was already wet by the time Jaime rounded the hood and climbed into the driver’s seat.
“I’ll get you home as quickly as possible.”
He pulled away from the curb and I couldn’t bring myself to look back. I drew my knees into my chest and cried into them for a few city blocks. My mind was sluggish and racing all at the same time. My tears, sobs, and gasps all tangled into one awful sound.
Our entire breakup would be plastered across Page Six tomorrow, maybe even in today’s late edition. Probably other news outlets too. I didn’t care as much about the humiliation as the fact that I’d have to relive every heartbreaking moment. I’d have to see him with her. I’d have to see myself falling apart.
I knew Bryant would ruin me.
Right then, I decided I wouldn’t read that paper or subject myself to the looks of pity. Everyone would know how deeply he’d played me and that I was a fool. I didn’t want to be in New York anymore. Hell, I didn’t want to be in my skin anymore.
“I’m not going home,” I choked out.
“Okay,” Jaime stammered. “Where to then?”
“Airport. Either. I don’t care.”
“What?” The car swerved slightly when Jaime looked up at me.
“I’m leaving,” I managed.
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay.”
I’m not sure how long it took to drive to JFK but Jaime had looked over with a creased brow somewhere in the ballpark of 74 times. The car slid up to the yellow painted departure lane and I collected the few things I had in the car. I hadn’t brought a coat, thinking I’d be gone for an hour. I was lucky to have my purse.
“Kate, where are you headed? Just so your friends know?”
“I honestly haven’t thought about it.” My tears had stopped, my voice, my face, my body were all listless and cold now. I shivered.
“Do you want to take my jacket?”
“No, thank you.” I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for being there for me. I’ve noticed for quite some time now.” I tried to smile but I knew my face was wrong, more a grimace than anything else.
I pushed my giant sunglasses on and got out of the car. Jaime waited at the curb until I entered the terminal. I walked up to the first ticket counter and found a young woman taking over the kiosk from another. Of course, she had a copy of the paper opened to Page Six. Of course there were pictures of Bryant and Piper together, entering his apartment last night.
My stomach tumbled right back down to my toes.
“I’d like a ticket please.” I swallowed the gigantic lump in my throat and focused on a spot behind the ticket counter rather than the newspaper between us.
“I’m more than happy to help.” The woman looked up and practically beamed at me. “Destination?”
She’s awfully peppy this morning.
I only wanted out. I was digging for the power to formulate sentences. My mind could only come up with “One-way” and I snarled slightly when I said it.
“Okay.” Her smile became thinner, more forced. “One way to which destination?”
“Portland. Oregon.” Home sounded good. Well, as goodish as anywhere. The gloom of the Pacific Northwest suited me just fine. “First flight available please.” I handed her my ID and black card.
She read the name and gasped. Her eyes flew between the cards, my sunglasses, and the paper she’d barely tucked away.
“Of course, Ms. Elliott.” She started typing furiously into her computer, pausing every now and then to peek up at me.
“There is a 7:47 a.m. flight with space in first class.”
“First class is preferred.” I arched an eyebrow behind my sunglasses.
As soon as she printed my ticket and I walked away, whispers and giggles erupted. Everyone would have something to say about this. Hell, she’d probably have something to sell to Page Six about this. If I got out of town, I didn’t give a damn.
From that point on, the airport went smoothly. I think. My brain wasn’t fully functional, it was as numb as my fingertips. And that’s what I remember from the flight
, pressing my fingernail into the pads of different fingers, wondering if there was some sort of permanent nerve damage.
The damage isn’t to your fingers…
I was still pushing on different digits while I landed. And as I wandered across the notorious green carpet of the Portland Airport. Eventually I found myself out on the dark, rainy curb, still screwing with my fingertips. I looked up at the gray expanse of clouds. The city seemed sad and weepy just like me. I plopped on a bench and stared down at the commuter train tracks below me then at the cars rolling by, unable to make even a simple decision about which to take. The slight drizzle of Portland pattered against my forehead and then seeped down my shirt. I couldn’t even move out of the rain.
I finally hailed a cab and had it dump me at The Nines Hotel. In the past, it had been my go-to for good times in the city. Now it seemed like a pile of bricks laughing at my former happiness. I stared at the front door in the rain for a few minutes. My ghastly reflection stared back. The rain mixed with the giant bags under my eyes to make for a decidedly disheveled raccoon look. If it weren’t for my familiar clothing, I wouldn’t have recognized myself.
I walked into the lobby, dripping on the marbled floor. I noticed a few upturned noses and arched eyebrows as I walked towards the desk.
“Do you have a reservation?” The blonde at the front desk looked down at me.
“No, but I’ve stayed in The Nines Suite before, and I’d like to again if it’s available.”
“Can you afford that?” she said, haughtily.
I am really starting to hate blondes.
“As a matter of fact…” I hauled up my rain soaked Birkin and slammed it on the counter before digging around. I threw my black card at her and mumbled, “I think I’ll manage.” The blonde looked like she’d swallowed something awfully bitter. She started clicking furiously through her computer when a familiar voice called across the black stone lobby.
“Ms. Elliott, is that you?”
I slowly turned, every bone in my body protesting, to find the head concierge striding towards me. “Mr. Barrett.” I extended my hand but couldn’t muster much emotion. Or much of a handshake.