by Chandra Ryan
His heart raced and his stomach cramped with regret and several other emotions he’d rather not identify at the moment. “You don’t need to test him. I believe you.” Her eyes sparkled as if she were about to start crying. He couldn’t handle that. Yeah, he’d probably made her cry several times over the years, but he couldn’t watch it.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
Her gratitude was the final blow. She shouldn’t be grateful to him. What had he done to earn that gratitude? He hadn’t even been particularly kind. No, she was thankful that he hadn’t called her names and screamed obscenities at her. It’s what she’d expected. And he couldn’t blame her. That’s what he’d taught her about himself. He needed to start fixing the damage he’d caused in their past before it defined their future. “We have a lot we need to discuss.” He ran his hand over his forehead as he searched for the words to say. But there were too many and they were blurring together in a confusing rush of ideas. He needed to sort himself out before he tried to talk to her. “But now really isn’t the time or place to get into it.”
She looked behind her again as she adjusted Nate in her arms. “It’s okay. Really. We don’t have to discuss anything. I just wanted you to know. And now you do.”
“At least let me tell you I’m sorry.” Sorry for so much that he couldn’t put the depth of his remorse into words at that moment.
“No need. We’re starting over. Remember?” Her smile was shaky but he still clung to the hope it housed. “And I understand if learning about Nate is a shock. Why don’t I get him settled and when you’re ready, you can come by and see him. Or not,” she added quickly. “It’s completely up to you.”
“Okay.” He had every intention of coming to see Nate. His son. The idea shook him to his core. But she didn’t seem to be doing much better. He didn’t want to push her over the edge. “Let’s get you two settled, then.”
It turned out they couldn’t actually do much about the room assignments. Donell refused to budge on the issue. The man didn’t feel like getting his ass chewed out just to make Ben happy. Or, at least, that’s what Donell had told them. If Lisa and Nate were going to get a private room, it was going to have to be Ben’s. And that arrangement didn’t make Lisa overly happy. Even after Ben assured her that he wouldn’t be staying there with her and Nate, she still seemed to think it would be inappropriate. She finally relented when he reminded her that her only other option would be to bunk with a couple dozen soldiers. By the time he left her in his quarters and made his way to the control room, Ben needed a stiff drink. Unfortunately the night was just beginning for him.
“Lisa and Nate are settled.” Ben walked to stand next to Dixie in front of a row of surveillance monitors.
“That’s good. Were you nice?” he asked without looking up from one of the screens.
“Yes.” Ben studied the images in front of them so he wouldn’t have to look at Dixie. He should probably tell the man about Nate’s paternity but he just couldn’t. Not yet. “I do listen to you—occasionally.”
“Good.” Dixie pointed to one screen. “What do you see here?”
Apparently they’d moved on. “The lab.” Ben leaned in to look closer. “Which seems to be overrun with soldiers right now.”
“And here, here and here?” Dixie asked, pointing to several other screens.
“Nothing.” Those screens were of different living quarters. “They aren’t looking for people.” There went his theory they were after Lisa. “But what do they want with our lab?” Theirs might be a state-of-the-art facility but it still couldn’t compete with a military lab.
“Not sure.” They watched together as the soldiers brought in large stasis chambers. “But that doesn’t look good.”
“Those look like the chambers they put us in when they were manipulating our genetics.” Ben couldn’t hold back the shudder of combined disgust and fear at the sight.
“They do.”
Ben leaned forward as if the two inches he gained would somehow allow him to see what was inside the chambers. “Do you think there are more soldiers in there?”
“I have no idea.” Dixie leaned forward as well. “But I know someone who might.”
“Lisa?”
Dixie nodded. “This is her area of expertise.”
Ben tingled with nervous energy at the thought. He wasn’t really ready to talk to her about Nate or about their past, but talking to her about this seemed safe. He’d be able to be near her without having to deal with their baggage. “I’ll go get her.”
It took Ben a few minutes to find someone qualified to watch Nate. They all liked the little guy. And who could blame them? He was as cute as a button. But apparently infant CPR didn’t rank very high in the military’s priorities. He had to convince a member of the medical personnel that it would be in his best interests to do the job before he felt comfortable taking Lisa to meet with Dixie.
When he returned to command central with Lisa, she stared at the monitors for a few seconds and then turned to the men to say, “Yep. Those are stasis chambers.”
Ben rubbed his temples and counted to ten before he trusted himself enough to speak. Just because he wasn’t angry with her about her past didn’t mean he didn’t find her vague answer irritating. “We already figured that out. What we need to know is, what’s in them?” He saw her open her mouth but interrupted before she could actually talk. “And we need something a little more specific than people.”
Her mouth twitched suspiciously as if she were about to smile. “I’m sorry.” She leaned forward as if that were going to help but Ben already knew it wouldn’t. “My best guess is they’re doing some form of genetic manipulation but unless I got a better look, I can’t really be more specific.”
“But this is what you did. Can’t you tell something by the chemicals they’re pumping into the chambers?” he asked, pointing to the large canisters sitting on the lab floor.
“No. I can’t.” She squinted as she looked at the monitor. “It may come as a surprise to you, but not all of the government geneticists work on super-soldier projects.”
That would be rather unexpected. “What else would they work on?”
“I’m a geneticist but I’m also a doctor, Ben.” She sighed heavily when he didn’t seem to understand what she was trying to tell him. “I find cures for genetic disorders.” She pointed to the monitor. “I didn’t screw up the helix, I fixed it.”
He heard the words but he couldn’t process them. “I don’t understand.”
“When a mother is told that her baby has an extra chromosome, or when a person’s thyroid stops functioning, or when diet and medications aren’t lowering a person’s cholesterol they call me. It’s still a relatively new branch of medicine but we’ve experienced tremendous gains in the last five years.”
“That’s how you came up with a cure for the NB-7 dependency,” Dixie said softly.
“It’s what I’m trained to do. Find fixes.” She looked at the monitor again and shook her head. “I took my oath to do no harm seriously. I mean, I’m not naïve. They probably use some of my research in the super-soldiers programs somehow. But I’d never experiment on people just to make them better weapons.”
Ben felt sick with guilt. Dixie had been totally and completely right. He should’ve given her a chance to explain two years ago. “So you don’t know what’s in those chambers?”
“Sorry, I don’t.” She looked disappointed. “Can you hack into the network? Take a peek at their research?” she asked Ben.
He shook his head. “I might have been able to before, but I’ve sealed off the system to prevent them from detecting us.”
She stared at the screens for a moment longer before saying, “If I got a look at their charts, I might be able to piece something together.”
Shock at the statement caused Ben to swallow wrong and cough. If he took the time to think about it, he’d probably find it amazing how quickly he’d gone from hating her to worrying about her. Bu
t he really didn’t have that kind of time right now. Besides, he was probably concerned because he’d just found out she was the mother of his child. Men worried about their kid’s mother. It didn’t have to mean anything deeper.
He breathed a sigh of relief at the logical argument. Now he just had to talk her out of her plan. “But that would mean…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence.
“Going into the lab,” Dixie said for him.
“No.” Ben wasn’t going to let her do that. “We can’t risk anything happening to you. Not until you’ve showed us how to fix the NB-7 dependency,” he added quickly.
“It would only take five minutes.” She pointed to a tabletop in the corner. “I could copy the charts and then interpret them once we got back to the bunker.”
“We could go and make the copy for you,” Dixie suggested.
She shook her head. “No can do. You wouldn’t know what needed copied and what was just bureaucratic paperwork. With my luck, you’d come back with just the patients’ history and their insurance carrier.”
“We’ll copy everything,” Ben countered.
“But I don’t need everything. Not only would it be a waste of my time to sort through it all, but it’d also take you three times as long to get the copies. You’d get caught.” She turned to look at Ben. “I know what I’m doing. Besides, I am a geneticist. These are my people. I’ll blend in much better than you or Dixie will.”
“But if they do find you, there’s no way you’ll be able to get out.” Ben felt ill at the thought. Life had been so much simpler when he hated her. “No. You can’t go. It’s not safe.”
“It’s not safe now,” Dixie said, his focus back on the monitors. “But in a couple days when they settle into a routine, maybe she could do it then.”
This was Dixie’s specialty. Nobody planned missions or carried them out as well as him. And normally Ben would follow Dixie through the gates of hell. But this was Lisa. She wasn’t trained in self-defense or covert tactics.
“Good,” she said with a decisive nod. “It’s settled. As soon as they grow complacent, we’ll see what they’ve got in those chambers.”
It looked as if she was going to walk through those fires anyway. And damned if he wasn’t going to be there beside her every step of the way.
Chapter Three
Dixie hovered on the edge of insanity. He had for the last three days. He actually considered it a testament to his mental health that he hadn’t slipped over the abyss yet. When he’d carried Lisa out of the prison, he’d felt how soft her body had been against his. It would’ve been wrong for him to do more, but he had noticed. And when he’d been in her quarters that first evening, he’d felt a connection with her. Even before he’d been modified, he’d been tall and intimidating. It made women uncomfortable around him. After he’d gone through the process, they went from uncomfortable to outright nervous. Which made for a pretty lonely existence. But Lisa hadn’t been nervous around him. When she’d held his hand that evening, everything had changed. She’d wiped away all those years of loneliness. It had been fantastic during those precious moments. When the loneliness returned, however, it’d become twice as painful.
“Is everything okay?” Lisa’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.
He shook his head to clear the last of the memories. He had to stay in the present. Focus on the job at hand. And right now that meant his attention needed to be on the bank of monitors that lined the command room wall in front of him. “Yeah. I’m good. Is Nate adjusting to the sitters?” They’d come up with a rotation of qualified soldiers to watch the boy so Lisa could help them establish the routines of the military, but the first couple of days had been rough. After being separated from his mother once before, Nate hadn’t taken to the arrangement.
She turned in her chair and looked up at him before answering. “It’s better now that I’m working nights. I leave after he’s asleep and am back before he wakes up. All the sitter has to do is make sure he doesn’t wake Nate up and we’re all golden.”
He nodded. “That’s good. I’m glad it’s going smoothly. Anything interesting on the monitors last night?”
“You just got here and all you want to talk about is work?” She smiled up at him. “All work and no play,” she teased.
And that’s what had him teetering on the brink of crazy. He’d learned a lot about her over the past three days. The most devastating tidbit being that she loved to tease. Light and airy banter that pulled him in and made him remember over and over again what it’d been like to not be alone. Being alone sucked but it was worse when you were constantly taunted by the memory of being with someone. If she would just give him some clear signal that she was interested, he’d act. But she hadn’t. And her flirtatious comments were so ambiguous they left him pulling out his hair.
She took one of the cups of coffee from his hands and inhaled its fragrance. Her expression quickly changed to one of bliss and he nearly moaned. He could imagine several ways to put that look on her face. And if he didn’t stop he was liable to do something unthinkable. Like kiss her.
He pushed the temptation away. They had a great working relationship. The quickest way to ruin it would be to make a move on her.
“You know the way to a woman’s heart.” She took a drink of the coffee and then groaned. “It’s like battery acid that you want to have babies with.”
He smiled to hide his discomfort and took a gulp of his own coffee. Which, of course, burned his tongue. “Damn it.” He put the cup down on the desk in front of him before rubbing his temples in an attempt to fend off a developing stress headache.
“Is everything okay?” All levity had disappeared from her expression.
He gritted his teeth against the temptation to tell her exactly what was wrong with him. She had her own problems. And he certainly didn’t want her to add him to her list. “I’m fine,” he growled. He sat down in the chair next to her and started studying the wall of screens. When her hand brushed against his shoulder he nearly jumped.
“No, you’re not. What is it?” The concern in her voice nearly broke him.
“Nothing.”
“It’s something.” Her fingers swept down his back in what she probably intended as a reassuring touch, but the simple gesture sent waves of barely controlled hunger racing though him.
“Don’t touch me.” He jumped out of the chair and then took a step away from her.
She paled and pulled her hand to her chest as if he’d burned her. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t know…” She let the sentence die unfinished as she turned to face the monitors. He heard a light sniffle and something inside him broke.
He sank back into the chair and cupped her chin in his palm so he could turn her to face him. Just as he feared, her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. He was such an ass. It was no wonder women didn’t want to be around him. He had no idea how to act even around one who liked him—as a friend, he added for his own benefit. “Don’t cry. Please.”
“I’m not crying.” The sniffle became louder as she tried to look away from him. “I have something in my eye.”
The tough act was downright adorable on her. And he would’ve told her as much if he didn’t think it’d get him punched. “It’s called a tear.” As if to prove him right, a single teardrop slid down her cheek. He reached out to wipe it away before it fell completely. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“It’s not your fault.” She offered him a weak smile. “I shouldn’t have touched you. I know I’m not anybody’s favorite person around here. I guess I just didn’t realize you were one of the people who don’t want to be around me.”
She thought he’d yelled at her because he didn’t like her touch. How the hell did he screw up something so simple so completely? “Are you kidding? I love being around you. Everybody does.” He saw her roll her eyes at him so he added, “It’s true, there were a few people who were cautious in the beginning
. But they adore you now.”
“They adore Nate. They tolerate me at best.” She shook her head at some private thought. “It’s okay, though. Really. I understand. We should probably get back to work.”
“You think we tolerate you?” He couldn’t believe she could actually think that. “That’s not true. Everybody likes you. Even Ben.” He’d never felt the need to soothe a woman’s hurt feelings before. But now it was the most important thing in the world. He had to fix this. He needed to make her feel better.
“Ben is trying to get along. I know he is. But he can’t stand to be in the same room with me. He barely talks to me, which I guess is better than him screaming at me. But still, he’s always on edge around me.”
Dixie bet that Ben was on edge around her, but not for the reasons she assumed. Ben most likely suffered from the same thing that was driving Dixie insane. Working next her every day and not being able to touch her, kiss her, it’d drive a saint to the brink. “Ben is confused. He’s trying to sort things out. Really, he doesn’t hate you anymore. I doubt he ever did.” He’d moved his hand from her chin to her neck so he could caress the sensitive skin there. He shouldn’t be doing that. He shouldn’t be touching her but he just couldn’t make himself stop.
“But you seemed to like me. You said you did,” she said, ignoring his comments about Ben. She looked up at him, her stare becoming accusatory. “That first night. After you brought Nate and me dinner.”
“I do.” His voice had dropped, become husky.
She licked her lips nervously. “I don’t understand.” Her warm breath caressed his hand.
“I like you a lot.” He lowered his own voice to match hers. It added to the intimacy of the moment. “Too much.” He didn’t give her time to interpret the words. He dropped his head until his mouth brushed against hers in the softest of caresses before pulling back slightly. “Working next to you every day, you touching me, it’s driving me crazy, sweetheart.”