But lately, Sadie had been avoiding him and he wasn’t sure why. He thought it might be a good idea to stop in and check on her, and since the rain had started on his way home, he thought Sadie’s apartment would be a good place to weather the storm. They could keep each other company until the storm passed, like they had so many years ago.
Chad stepped out of the rain and into the lobby of Sadie’s apartment building. He shook the remaining water off, reminding himself of a drenched dog, and then shrugged out of his soaked coat. He ran a hand through his dark hair and then headed upstairs to Sadie’s apartment.
When she opened the door and saw him, she started laughing. “I thought the storm sounded bad,” she said, “But you look like a drowned rat.”
“Yeah,” he said as he entered the apartment, “It’s coming down pretty hard out there.”
“Come on in,” she said. “I’m just watching a movie.” She shut the door behind him and headed toward the couch. As she sat down, he noticed a throw blanket at her side and an empty popcorn bag on the coffee table, beside a half-eaten pint of ice cream and a box of tissues. These were all signs that Sadie was single again.
“What happened?” he asked as she picked up her ice cream and spoon.
“Nothing,” she said with a fake, non-convincing chuckle. “Why?”
“Maybe because you’re eating rocky road,” he stole a glance at the TV screen as he sat down next to her, “And watching Fried Green Tomatoes, just like you do every time something gets tough. What’s wrong?”
She sighed in defeat and grabbed a remote to pause the movie. When she turned to him, the words came tumbling out as if she’d been dying to talk to him all day. “Tell me something. Is the third date rule just some cheap trick guys use to get girls into bed? Because I always thought it was invented so both parties could hurry up and decide if they’re compatible without having to waste a lot of time figuring it out. And by the way, I am getting really sick of all these pig-brained, loud-mouthed, over-in-five minutes frat boys. I know my mama always said you have to kiss a few frogs before you can change one into a prince, but come on already!”
When she finished ranting, she was breathless. He waited to see if she was done or just taking a break, and when she didn’t say anything else he gave her arm a playful nudge. “And you said it was nothing.”
She scowled down at her ice-cream, stabbing it with the spoon. “He just blew me off,” she said, “Didn’t even have the decency to break up with me.”
“He didn’t deserve you,” he said simply, like he’d said every other time they’d had this conversation.
“I didn’t even really like him, anyway.” She set the ice-cream down on the table and leaned back on the couch, pulling the throw blanket over her lap.
“Then why were you even dating him?”
She shrugged. “I guess I’m just trying to find…” she hesitated before choosing a word, then bit her lip and shook her head. “Forget it.”
“Come on,” he said. “Find what?”
Bringing her eyes to meet his, she gave him a good long look, as if sizing him up. Taking a subtle breath of courage, she said, “Someone else who makes me feel the way you make me feel.”
At first, her words didn’t click. “What do you mean?”
Standing, she tossed the throw blanket aside. “I just can’t do it anymore, Chad.”
He blinked. Women were so confusing; especially the chatty ones and right now he couldn’t keep up with Sadie’s train of thought. “Can’t do what?”
She spun around to face him, blurting out, “Go out with all these losers when the one I really want is you.”
“Wait a second.” He stood up; going over what she’d said again just to make sure he’d processed it correctly. “Are you saying that you…” as much as he tried, he couldn’t say it. It didn’t make any sense. “You’re not trying to say… you have feelings for me?”
“For the last three years at least,” she said with a light, relieved laugh. Once the words were out, she waited, suddenly looking nervous.
“But you set me up on that date,” he said. “And you’re always talking about Amy. You even told her I missed her.”
“I was trying to figure out if things between you two were really over,” she said. “Just like I was trying to find out if there was anyone else out there who could make me feel like this. Because this…” she motioned between them, “it isn’t right. It shouldn’t be right. Amy’s my cousin and before she left, she was also my best friend. And now you’re my best friend but you’re also the love of her life and she’s the love of yours and it’s all just…really messy.”
He couldn’t think of a single thing to say, not even to buy him some more time. He kept wondering how many times she’d wanted to tell him this, and scanning his memories for clues that she’d been keeping this a secret. Surely there had to have been something that hinted at it, some sign he’d missed. He was usually so good at reading people, how had this completely escaped his attention?
“I…uh…well…” he stammered, and then he just stopped trying to talk altogether. He was too distracted by the new way he was seeing her. Not only as a beautiful, caring and single woman, but as a girl who’d kept her true desires hidden, postponed her chance at happiness and buried her feelings for three years all because of a strong sense of family loyalty. And he had to admit that for some odd reason, he found that very appealing.
“Your silence is deafening,” she said quietly, almost as if she didn’t want to disturb him.
“I never knew,” he said finally, even though it sounded like the stupidest thing in the world.
“And now that you do…” she prodded, taking a small step closer to him.
“Now…I just…” he stumbled on his words and wondered if he was making any sense at all. “Sadie, I care about you. It’s just…I’m not sure it’s…the way you want.”
“Oh,” she said with a slow nod, as if he’d just answered some random question. “I see.”
“What I’m trying to say is…”
“We’re just friends,” she concluded. “I got it.”
He wasn’t sure, that’s what he’d meant, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He didn’t want to give her false hope, or lead her on anymore than he already had. “Sadie…”
“It’s okay,” she said. Bringing a hand to her head, she blinked a few times as if to ward off tears. “I’m just a total mess today. Forget I said anything.”
Like he could do that, he thought. The cat was out of the bag now, and there was no putting it back. “I don’t want things to change,” he said, the words coming out surprisingly loud in the quiet apartment.
She just nodded and offered him a small smile. “They won’t,” she assured him. But even as she spoke the words, he could that something was different between them.
***
Cameron stepped up to the pool table and stooped over, positioning herself to make a shot. With a firm push, the white-ball slammed into the others and scattered them, but none rolled into the pockets. Just like she wanted. “Bummer,” she mumbled in disappointment and he seemed to buy it.
Leaning over the table, he looked completely handsome as he narrowed his eyes in focus. With an expert strike, he landed three balls in two pockets. “So...now I have to tell you what to ask me?” He leaned on the pool stick as he thought for a moment. “It’s tricky.”
“Uh-huh. That’s the point. It’s all about what you want me to know. The question is more revealing than the answer.”
He smirked. “What’s my favorite color?”
“Lame.” She rolled her eyes to prove it. “You have to pick something real.”
“Okay…” Locking eyes with her, he said, “Ask me about my greatest fear.”
Interesting choice, she thought. When she’d played this game with college guys, their first question was always ‘what’s my favorite sexual position?’ She was more intrigued to hear about Shane’s fears. “What’s your greates
t fear, Shane?”
He thought for a minute. “That things will never change. That some things in life, some people, are set in stone and will never...improve.”
Studying him for a moment, she wondered what drove him to fear that. She leaned forward and made a shot so she could ask. “If you could change one thing what would it be?”
His expression darkened a little, but at the same time a bittersweet smile curved his lips. “I would make it so my mom never left.”
There was her answer. She wondered if this was the source of his former drug problem as well. “I’ve never heard you talk about your parents,” she said. “What’s the story there?”
“You have to make another shot for me to answer that,” he said with a challenging smirk. “Your rules, not mine.”
So she did. As the orange ball rolled into the sleeve, Shane eyed her suspiciously.
“Okay, I’m pretty sure I’ve just been hustled.”
She only smiled innocently. “So…dish about your parents.”
“Fine,” he said, pointing at her with the chalked end of his cue stick. “But if I’m telling you about that, you have to tell me something real, too.”
“Oh, really?”
He nodded, keeping those beautiful baby blues locked on hers. “Yep. And no dodging, or changing the subject.”
She thought for a minute, then decided that she could allow him one honest answer, at least, since he had done her a few solid favors. “Deal.”
He looked a little surprised that she’d given in so easily, and nodded affirmatively. Leaning down to line the pool stick up with the eight-ball, he said, “Great. But you might want to pour yourself another drink. This could kill your buzz.”
“Good idea,” she said, getting right to it. She pulled a barstool in from the dining area and then perched on it as she sipped on her drink.
“Maybe my parents loved each other at some point, but for as long as I can remember, their relationship was toxic,” he said, focusing his attention on ricocheting one of the balls of the side of the table. “When my dad wasn’t busy beating the crap out of my mom, he was out cheating or gambling or God only knows what else. My dad’s a real piece of work.”
It surprised her how easily he talked about something so horrible. She couldn’t even begin to talk about her past without choking up or chickening out. So how did he manage to do it? Was he just stronger than she was or was there some secret shortcut to this healing process thing? “Sounds like it,” she said, finally, realizing she’d taken just a little too long to respond.
“I was around eight when she left. Things got pretty dark after that. Hence the drinking, and the drugs and all the other mistakes of my misspent youth.”
“When you say left…” she asked slowly, trying to make the question comprehensible when her tongue felt like lead. “Do you mean they got a divorce?”
“No,” he said, and the word sounded strained, heavy. “She ran away one night, I guess. I woke up one morning and she was gone.”
She realized she was staring at him, but she couldn’t help it. Suddenly, she found herself wondering about the details and what Shane’s life had been like. And there was one burning question she needed to know. “Do you hate her?”
His eyes cut to meet hers, startled by the sudden question. He looked at her a moment, the way he did when he was trying to read between her lines. Then, he shook his head. “She had her reasons for leaving.”
“I meant for not taking you with her.”
It took him a second to answer. “Not anymore.” He gave her a light smile as he bent to take his position at the pool table. “The way I figure, sometimes there’s only one way to leave a guy like my dad. By running as fast and as far as you can. I would’ve just slowed her down.”
A heavy feeling settled over the room, but it was a surprisingly refreshing sensation. Knowing this personal thing about him…it helped her trust him a little more somehow. But that alone made her uneasy, and she reminded herself not to let her guard down. She picked the small bottle of Jack up from the floor and unscrewed the cap to pour herself a refill.
He cleared his throat. “Your turn.”
“A deal’s a deal. Ask away.” Bringing the glass to her lips, she tilted her head back and drank. By now, she was feeling more than a little fuzzy.
“What did you mean when you said that all guys were the same?” he asked. “What do you think we’re like?”
“That’s two questions,” she’s said, holding up two fingers to show him.
He laughed. “Come on, Cameron. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but you have no faith in people. Like none. It’s like you’re always watching for someone to stab you in the back.” Shane started moving around the table, sinking the last remaining pool balls into the corner-pockets as he spoke. “People don’t get like that on their own. They get like that when the world turns cruel.”
Coming closer, he stopped just a few feet away, looking at her intently as he waited for an answer. In his eyes, she could tell he wanted to understand her, and it made her cringe at the thought. “Is there a question buried in all that?”
He thought a minute, wording carefully. “What gave you that inherent suspicion of people?”
“This is a stupid game.” She took one last drink and stood, placing the bottle on her stool.
“It was your idea,” he said.
“Well, I have stupid ideas,” she said, chuckling as the world start to tilt around her. She realized she should’ve taken it a little slower on the drinking and grabbed on to the back of the sofa to steady herself.
“Cameron pulls away,” he announced. “What a shocker.”
Insulted, she turned to face him. “Fine. Let’s just say that my fill-in parents weren’t any better than yours were and my only real friend was a very spoiled guy with questionable ethics and a hot temper. So yeah. I have a little bit of a problem not looking for the knife that’s always headed straight for my back. But what I can’t, for the life of me, understand is why you would care.”
He raised an eyebrow, looking startled and a little impressed by her outburst.
“I thought I had you pegged,” she continued, pointing at him. She could feel her drunken tongue starting to ramble, but couldn’t stop it. “I thought you were that tough party-guy, the player who can’t be tamed. But then, you don’t hit on me, you don’t drink and you’re so concerned with finding out who I am, but who are you, Shane? And why do you care?”
He was quiet, taking all of this in. Finally, he lifted himself to sit on the edge of the pool table, looking down at the floor. “You want to know why I care?” he asked. He just looked at her, those wise and insightful eyes studying her in that same damned way they always did. “It’s because I remember you.”
She blinked. She didn’t see how that was relevant. So what? He’d known her a million years ago, before life had a chance to tear everything away. But before she could question, he started telling a story.
“Sam was babysitting you and Chad,” he started. “And my dad was drunk, my mom was already gone and I just wanted to be anywhere but home, so I went over to your house. I remember we were all playing in the back yard—Simon says or something like that. You and Chad were arguing about the rules.”
Figures, she thought with a snort.
“When all of the sudden, the sheriff pulls up and he wants to talk to Sam. I’m standing there—absolutely mortified—because I just knew my dad was being a dick and said I ran away or something.” He took a short pause, inhaling a breath before continuing. “But it wasn’t about me. It was your parents.”
Suddenly, she felt like a hundred pound weight had dropped onto her stomach. It was like being engrossed into a movie, only to find out halfway through that it was a genre you hated. Who did he think he was, to bring this up so unexpectedly?
“When Sam had to tell you guys,” he shook his head, remembering. “Chad just stood there, totally dazed and you…you just started screaming for your mom. For lik
e five minutes, that’s all you did. It was like…like your mind couldn’t process it and all you could do was scream.” He blinked a few times and she noticed his eyes looked damp.
She just listened, trying to remember this, but there was nothing. That memory was long gone.
“For days after you walked around with this…vacant look in your eyes. I remember thinking…” he cleared his throat, “that you were like me now. One of the lost ones.”
She stared at him, speechless, while her rage faded and something softer started to stir inside her.
“Sam thought that a change of scenery, being around another woman would help.” He looked at her again, his voice quiet. “But here you are…with that same exact look in your eyes.”
She looked away from him as the feeling inside her started to grow, filling her stomach with an uneasy kind of warmth. She realized it felt remarkably like hope, but she couldn’t be sure. It’d been so long since she’d had anything resembling hope or faith.
“I couldn’t help you then, I was just a kid,” he said. “But now…at least I can try.”
When he said that, she wanted to let him. Part of her wanted to open up the same way he just had, and she realized she could tell him everything if she wasn’t careful. It was so aggravating, the way he could do that to her. She needed to keep her outlook realistic and practical; she didn’t have time to believe in things that were never going to happen.
For instance, when he looked at her with those eyes, when he talked about her the way he did and offered the guidance he did, she found herself daring to believe him. Daring to want more than just one kiss or one night with him. She found herself wanting to be with him every day, to have him encourage her every day and somehow find a way to fix her. But to entertain that idea, to hope for it, was silly. She knew enough to understand that just because something starts out to be good; it doesn’t mean it will stay that way. Life could take a dark turn at the most unexpected times and even some of the nicest people could hide dangerous personality traits. And even the most normal seeming person could hide the most twisted secrets.
Another Life: Another Life Series #1 Page 10