by Nan Sampson
She expected a smart ass comment but Charlie remained calmly silent.
"Lacey was pretty pissed. We had planned to go to a show that night together and Lacey pitched a fit when I said that Brad had asked me to go out dancing with him."
"I'll bet Kate was thrilled and wanted you to go."
Ellie laughed. "Of course she was. Her theory was that I wouldn't be such a moody bitch if I got laid once in a while." She glanced at Charlie, saw the corners of his mouth twitch, but he managed to contain the grin manfully. Nor did he chuckle, which impressed Ellie even more. "Anyway, Kate talked Lacey down somehow, and between the two of them they dolled me up in one of Lacey's fancy dresses and sent me on my way."
Now he did grin. "Got any pictures of that? I'd pay to see one."
She slugged him with their entwined hands. "Not gonna happen, my friend."
For a moment she clearly remembered the giddiness she'd felt leaving Lacey's stateroom that night. She knew there was never going to be anything serious between her and Brad, but it had been a long time since she'd cut loose and enjoyed herself with a man. And there was no doubting he'd been easy on the eyes. She'd never been a particularly good dancer, but Brad had been fun and non-judgmental, and after two or three margaritas, she had stopped feeling stupidly self-conscious and let herself relax and enjoy herself.
"We had such a good time, though."
She paused, not wanting the good part of the memory to end. Not wanting to see in her mind's eye what she'd seen next.
Charlie gave her hand another squeeze. "It's okay, Ellie. It's just a memory now. It can't hurt you."
Her throat closed up and tears sprang to her eyes. "Easy for you to say." Damn it, she would not cry in front of him. She hated crying in front of anyone, but especially in front of him. Expecting some glib retort or some psychobabble meant to comfort her she glanced over at him. Surprisingly, he just sat there with her, loosely holding her hand, watching her with gentle eyes. Just... waiting.
Finally, she went on. Reliving each moment, letting it unfold in her mind like a horrible TV re-run. "It was about midnight when I realized I was way too drunk. I didn't want to..." She glanced at Charlie - he was a guy, after all, she was sure he'd gotten dates drunk to get them in the sack. It's what guys did. "I didn't want to be a notch on a bed post and I was losing my ability to make good judgments."
"Probably smart of you. On the Force, I saw way too many young women who didn't have the good sense to know when to call it a night. Afterward, even though a court wouldn't have ruled it rape, the poor girls always felt violated."
There was pain in those blue eyes. It had hurt him, she realized, seeing those young women suffer. She didn't know why that surprised her. Maybe she had misjudged him. She took a deep breath, plunged back into the past. "Anyway. He escorted me to the stateroom I was sharing with Kate - it was across the hall from the ginormous suite Lacey had booked. He kissed me goodnight - I think he was kind of hoping I'd invite him in - but I made it clear I wasn't going to and he was actually pretty nice about it."
Charlie smiled. "A gentleman, then. We're a rare breed, you know."
She smiled back. "Rarer than hen's teeth, as my gran would've said." She sighed. "After he left, I realized that Kate wasn't in the stateroom, so I went across the hall to Lacey's place. I had a key, we all had keys to each other's rooms, so I let myself in." Her breath caught in her throat and for a moment she felt like she were standing there again. "I saw... I saw Kate and Lacey on the balcony. Kate was leaning over the railing. I think she was puking. And Lacey. God... Charlie she had this look on her face. It was like, glee. A wicked, evil glee. She had one hand on Kate's back and the other on the front of Kate's leg. And I swear, I'll swear till the day I die she was getting ready to heave Kate over the side."
Charlie's hand tightened on hers, but other than that, he stayed still and quiet.
Ellie squeezed her eyes shut. "Then she saw me. Her face changed in that instant. Suddenly she was grabbing the back of Kate's dress and pulling her away from the railing and inside the stateroom. 'Kate! Be careful!' She actually shouted that. And then had the nerve to call to me and beg for my help. But I know what I saw. And she knew I knew. She'd tried to kill Kate, Charlie. If I hadn't have come in when I did, Kate would have been one more missing college student who got drunk and went overboard on a cruise."
Ellie's hands were clammy, but Charlie didn't let go. In fact he took both of her hands in his and gently turned her to face him. "It's okay now. Kate is fine. You're fine. And Lacey... Lacey is gone."
Ellie blinked back more tears. "Not as gone as she should be. She's pissed, Charlie, she's pissed and vindictive and she wants something from me. And I'm still afraid for Kate. I distanced myself from Lacey all those years ago because I didn't want Kate to be in danger. If Lacey and I weren't friends, Lacey wouldn't be around Kate, and then Kate wouldn't be a threat to Lacey. As a live human being, I could manage Lacey - or at least I thought I could. I had no idea Kate had kept in touch with her the way she did. God damn it! Lacey could have turned on her at any time. That's bad enough. But now? Hell, Charlie, you saw what happened tonight. I don't know how to control that. I'm not a freaking medium and I don't have supernatural powers. I'm just a glorified barista."
"So that's why you were so pissed. You thought she'd stayed away from Lacey, and when you found out she'd been seeing her--"
"Without telling me!"
"Without telling you," he agreed, "then you got scared and angry." He nodded. "And you never told her about what you saw on the cruise."
"No! How could I? You didn't know her then. She was so... trusting. So sweet. I didn't want to be the one to break her. To shatter the beautiful world she lived in."
"Because if you shattered it for her--"
Ellie glared at him. "Fine, yes, Dr. Freud. If it was ruined for her, then I couldn't play in it either. Even when I knew it was a lie."
He let out a breath that sounded suspiciously like a sigh. "Ellie, she's not a fragile glass ornament, our Kate. She's a lot tougher than you give her credit for."
"Maybe. Maybe now. But back then..."
He was quiet for a moment. Finally, he released her hands. "You need to tell her, Ellie. She needs to know the truth."
Ellie looked away. "No. I can't."
"You have to."
Ellie pressed her palms to her eyes. A migraine was squatting there now. "What if I was wrong? What if I just imagined it."
"You don't believe that."
She pressed harder. "I don't know what I believe."
"Regardless. You have to tell her."
"Bugger off, McCallum."
He just sat there, watching her.
She groaned. She knew he was right, but that didn't make her happy about it. "Fine. I'll tell her, even though I still don't know what I really saw for sure." She climbed to her feet, picked up their empty cocoa mugs to take upstairs. "I'll tell you one thing I do know for sure, McCallum. Lacey wasn't the victim of a random mugging. She was murdered."
"And you know that how?"
She frowned. "Why else would she be haunting me? She got me back to Chicago because she thought someone was trying to kill her. I didn't get here in time to prevent it and now she's dead. She's pissed, Charlie. Hell, I would be too. She wants me to finish the job she set for me, and God damn it, as much as she made my life crazy, in some insane way, I owe it to her to do just that."
Without waiting for a reply, she clumped up the stairs to the kitchen, put the mugs in the sink and went up to bed.
Chapter 13
It was nearly 6:30 when she cracked open gummy eyes, late for her, although from the quiet around her, the rest of the McCallum household was still sound asleep. She'd spent a fitful night, every creak the house made causing her to sit up and look for Lacey. She'd probably managed three hours of sleep tops. But once she was up, there was no going back to sleep, so she crawled out from under the covers, straightened the bed clothes, then pulled on a p
air of sweats and a baggy zip up hoodie over her t-shirt. With purse and car keys in hand, she slipped out of the house and headed for one place here in the burbs she knew she'd be able to ground and center and recharge her spiritual batteries - the labyrinth at the Theosophical Society in Wheaton.
Less than an hour later, she stood at the beginning of the stone-lined labyrinth, while a bitter wind whipped around her and tiny, sharp-edged particles of sleet spattered her coat. But despite the weather, she set out onto the path letting the walking ground her. With each step she let go of the tumult in her mind. Questions about Lacey, about Kate, all the doubt and guilt that had chased her round and round for years, melted temporarily as she stepped and breathed and stepped and breathed. Other thoughts, silly things like gas mileage and how the shop was doing and what Per was feeding Erik, all kinds of busy-ness crowded her mind but she did as she'd been taught, letting them come and then just as quickly go, not focusing on any one of them, giving them no energy. Soon she found that Zen place, that place of peace and simple existence. Her breath came and went. Her heart beat. Her feet moved, one after the other, round and round the curves of the labyrinth, and she settled into a moving trance. When she finally reached the center of the design she paused, took a deep breath, let it slowly out.
And smelled garden soil and Christian Dior perfume. The two scents that always clung to her mother.
A warmth enveloped her and she thought she heard a sort of sigh. The sleet seemed to coalesce into a form and suddenly her mother stood before her. Serena Gooden smiled sadly then opened her arms and wrapped them around Ellie the way she had always done. Ellie melted into the embrace, felt tears run freely down her cheeks. "Oh, mom. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault, I should have been there. Oh, God, I miss you so much and it's all my fault that you're gone."
Her mother said no words, but pulled away and took Ellie by the shoulders. Ellie then got the "mom" stare. The "you're an idiot but I still love you" look. Finally, Serena Gooden leaned in, kissed Ellie's forehead, and with a whiff of Christian Dior, slowly faded from view.
Unheeding of who was around to see it, Ellie fell onto her knees in the center of the labyrinth and sobbed.
Ellie gave herself a good hour at a nearby McDonalds once she left the labyrinth. She needed to calm down, and at that point, any coffee was good coffee, despite the fact that it tasted like it had been made in a dirty carafe, from water someone had mopped the floor with, then left to sit on a hot burner for three days. By the time she got back on the road for the drive back to Naperville, it was nearly ten thirty.
The fragrance of Christian Dior stayed with her until she reached Kate's neighborhood, then faded like a memory. As she let herself in the front door, the McCallum household was in full chaos mode. She heard Kaela and Kyle screaming at one another upstairs, Kate was clattering around in the kitchen packing a lunch for Dan who was heading into the office for a weekend code push, and Kirby was tearing around the whole of the downstairs with a Lego Star Wars X-wing fighter as though the whole of the Empire's forces were on his tail.
He stopped for a moment when he saw her and grinned at her. "I'm heading for the Death Star, Aunt Ellie!" Then he quoted from the movie. "It's no good, I can't maneuver!"
Ellie grinned back. "Stay on target, Gold Leader."
Kirby zoomed around her with his Lego toy. "We're too close!"
Ellie slipped into the dialogue easily. "Stay on target!"
The boy ran towards the family room, shouting the next line: "Loosen up!" And then made explosion noises and rammed the Lego X-wing fighter into the sofa. Lego bricks flew everywhere as the little vehicle was destroyed.
He laughed, then climbed over the back of the couch. "Wanna help me make Luke's ship?"
She ruffled his hair. "Not right now, buddy. I've got a couple things I need to do. But later, sure."
He ran off, and Ellie watched him, wishing she could bottle that energy. And the innocence too.
She poked her head into the kitchen, saw Kate resting her head against the kitchen cabinet. "Um... am I still persona non grata?"
Kate turned to her, gave her a wan smile. "Oh, honey, no of course not. I'm sorry I overreacted last night."
Ellie crossed the kitchen and gave her best friend a hug. "I'm sorry too. I was bitchy and mean and lashing out.”
Kate gave her a squeeze. "It's been hard for both of us. But you know I love you, right?"
Ellie smiled. "Me too. Now, is there anything I can help you do? You look frazzled."
"Oh, it's been one of those mornings. Kaela and Kyle have been fighting like cats and dogs and then Kirby's Den Mother called at 9:00 with some Boy Scout drama, waking up Dan, who really needed to sleep in." She went back to putting sandwiches together. "Par for the course around here, I guess. I looked for you earlier to see if you wanted breakfast, but you'd gone out."
"I went over to the labyrinth. I needed some time."
Kate packed up the lunch, then turned to face Ellie. There was an odd look on her face. "Um, Dan mentioned that he saw Charlie last night."
Ellie's stomach dropped. "Well, he does live here."
Kate grinned. "Going into your room. Late." She bit her lip, her eyes twinkling. "Is there something you want to tell me?"
Ellie groaned. "Oh, Gods and Goddesses. No. Kate, just... no. There is nothing going on between me and your lunatic brother-in-law. I knocked into a wall and that pretty little watercolor beach scene came crashing down and he heard it and came up to find out what the hell I was doing. I think he thought I was having a temper tantrum and trashing my room." She met Kate's eyes. "Please. Stop thinking what you're thinking because there is nothing going on."
Kate searched her face, then sighed. "Okay. But you'd tell me if there was, wouldn't you?"
"Of course."
Kate pointed at the bandage on her forehead. “Is that where you got that? Good heavens, look at that bruise!”
Ellie touched her head, winced. “Turned a corner too fast on the way to the bathroom, then hit that pretty picture. Sorry about that, by the way. I’ll give you money to replace the glass in the frame...”
“Ellie, Ellie - it’s okay. I’m more concerned about your head.”
“It’s fine. Really.”
Kate turned back to the sink, rinsed her hands. "You know, Ell, you've been alone a long time."
“Kate--”
Kate raised a hand at her protest. "I know, I know, I promised I'd never try to fix you up. But... Ellie we all need people in our lives. People who care about us. People to lean on when things get tough."
Ellie gave Kate's hand a squeeze. "I do have people, Kate. I have you. I have Per. I have Marg and all the rest of the clan up there. Heck, now I even have Erik the Red."
Kate shook her head. "I know, but honey, it's just not the same as..." She wound down, sighed. "Okay. I get it." Her gaze flicked over to the front hall and Ellie turned to see Dan standing there. Kate reached around Ellie and handed her husband his lunch bag. "Two sandwiches, plus chips and an orange."
Dan looked tired. And had he always had that gray in his hair? He smiled at his wife. "Thanks, hon. I'll probably be late. Don't wait up. New code is always buggy."
Ellie grabbed a mug from the cabinet as they made smoochy noises at each other and poured herself a cup of coffee. She took a sip, happy to find that Kate was using the Kona blend she'd given her for her birthday in July.
Kate cleaned up the counter and then brushed the crumbs off her hands. "So. What's on the agenda today? Do you want to go into the city? Do some shopping on the Mag Mile?"
Ellie laughed. "No. I don't know why you always ask. You know I hate shopping."
"Hope springs eternal." She closed her eyes for a moment. "Wow. That's odd. And kind of frightening."
Ellie glanced around. "What?"
"It's quiet. That usually means bad things are either about to happen or have already happened."
Ellie chuckled. "Well, I think that's my cue to get out of your hai
r. Do you know where Charlie is?"
Kate's eyes snapped open and she fixed Ellie with a sly look. "And just why do you want to know? I thought you said there was nothing going on?"
"God, stop it! There's not! I wanted to ask him a favor, about Lacey. Jeez."
Kate grinned. "He went out early too. I had this fantasy that the two of you had gone out for breakfast after..."
Ellie buried her face in her hands. "Oh man. I think I'm going to puke."
Kate got up, pushed her chair in. "He's not a bad guy, Ellie. You could do worse." She shook her head. "Actually, now I'm even sadder that he wasn't with you, because he promised to take the boys out for hot dogs and if he's MIA, then that means I'll have to do it."
"I can take them. We can even bring something back for you and Kaela. She still eating vegetarian?"
Kate grinned. "Yes. Gee, wonder where she got that from?"
Ellie raised a fist. "Power to the people! Seriously, though, I'd be happy to take the boys. Then maybe you'll get five minute to yourself."
"Oh, Ellie, that would be great. Thanks!" There was an enormous thump from overhead then an ominous silence. Kate stared up at the ceiling dolefully. "Oh, that can't be good."
Ellie waved her away. "Go deal with the scary silence. I'll be in the living room watching mindless TV when you've finished bearding the lions in their dens. Join me if you get out alive."
Twenty minutes later, after a stern lecture, most of which Ellie hadn't been able to catch as Kate had been using her calm, disappointed voice instead of shrieking like a banshee, Kate flopped down on the couch next to her and closed her eyes. "Oh. My. Goddess. Those two are going to be the death of my, I swear. Whoever said it was better to have more than one was clearly childless."