Nate’s eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and as he pulled back from the sweetness of her mouth, he could make out the white of her T-shirt — his T-shirt — and he let his hands run down it to her waist. When he dipped under the hem and met her scorching skin, Nate watched her arch back with the pleasure of his touch. And it was all the signal he needed to push the shirt up and press his lips to her belly.
A jagged breath tore from her throat, and she shivered when his tongue drew a circle around her navel. An unwelcome thought broke through the delight of her response, and Nate could not ignore it.
“Don’t move,” he said, breaking the taboo on words and hoping he hadn’t ruined everything.
“I can’t move…” she whispered back as he pushed himself off the bed. Nate sprinted to his bedroom door, locked it, and was back on top of her in the span of just seconds. If he was going to take care of her, he had to guard what was sacred. Now, even if Calvin got up and came in search of them, Blythe would be protected.
His words and even his dash across the room had not put a stop to things, so when Nate brought his lips back to the skin just under her ribs, he let himself speak.
“You feel amazing… I could touch you forever.”
Nate heard her swallow and breathe in and out.
“Okay…”
He smiled against her left ribs and let his teeth graze along their slope. Nate slowly pushed up the hem of her shirt, letting her know exactly where he intended to go, and when he heard nothing from her except the shallow puffs of breath, he gave in to his desires, pushing the fabric to her shoulders.
Blythe gasped again when he took her right breast in his mouth and filled his hand with its twin. He hummed with pleasure around the fullness of her, the hard gem of her nipple under his tongue. Her heart beat like a rabbit’s beneath his hand, and the truth of her arousal made his blood race. Her legs wrapped around him, and Nate could feel her hips dance beneath him.
Nate suckled and savored until Blythe’s nails bit into his back, driving him half-wild, and he let her feel it when he moved to her left breast and bit back.
“Oh, God, Nate!”
He ran his tongue over the tender flesh; sure he’d left a tiny mark.
“Did I hurt you, my love?”
“God, no,” Blythe pulled him up to her mouth and stole kisses. Nate let her take what she wanted, but when her hands found the waistband of his shorts; he grabbed her wrists and anchored them at her sides. As soon as he freed them, she reached for him again, but he’d already slid down until he cradled her hips in his hands.
Nate gripped the elastic around her waist. There had been a time when he didn’t need to ask for her blessing, and he hoped there would be a time yet when there would no longer be a question of what she wanted from him, but to take care of her now, he had to ask.
“I want to kiss you… May I kiss you?” She said nothing at first, and Nate, desperate to worship her, planted kisses along the edge of her waistband. He dipped his tongue beneath the fabric, so she could not mistake his intention.
“Please, Blythe…” he whispered.
“I… I shouldn’t say yes,” she panted. Nate thought he saw her cover her face with her hands. Was she ashamed? She’d never been ashamed with him in their past, and Nate couldn’t let it be a part of their future.
“Then just don’t say no,” he said, tugging slowly at her sweatpants. Of course, if she said no, he’d stop at once. Stop and hold her all night. But now, he just wanted to banish whatever thought in her head held her back. “Just let me taste you.”
The little cry of surrender was all he needed to pull off her sweats and panties in one fluid motion. The impossibly soft flesh of her thighs brushed his cheeks as he found his way to her. Nate growled when her scent filled his head.
He’d once heard that man could not hear the voice of God without going mad. Her scent was such a voice. Like her kiss, he knew it at once, and knew it as the origin of all love. Delirious, Nate took her in his mouth and tasted the only passion he’d ever desired.
“Oh, Nate!” Her cry drove him further, and his tongue found her every secret. Beneath his mouth, her flesh seared and drenched him, and Nate’s chest swelled with pride because even in her hesitance, even with whatever shame held her back, even with every “no” she’d said to him since the day he’d found her again, Blythe still wanted him. Her desire was as real and intense as his own.
As Blythe came against his tongue, filling the room with his name, Nate’s hope grew a hundredfold.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
BLYTHE’S MIND HAD BEEN DISMANTLED AND scattered to the far reaches of the universe. So even though her body lay in the middle of Nate’s bed and her fingers were still threaded through his thick hair, it took her a while to realize that he was dressing her. Indeed, her feet were already through the elastic cuffs of her borrowed sweatpants, and he was pulling them over her bum when she looked at him in confusion.
“What are you doing?” she asked, finally catching her breath.
“I’m getting you dressed.”
“Yeah… but… why?” Even in her addled state, Blythe was pretty sure she hadn’t missed the part where she got to watch Nate come unglued, and now that she was sufficiently recovered, she was looking forward to it.
“You don’t like to sleep naked.”
Blythe blinked at him in the darkness. She couldn’t really make out his expression, but he didn’t sound like he was teasing.
“True…” she said, marveling that he remembered something like that. Sleeping naked felt the same to her as walking away from a messy kitchen counter. She just couldn’t do it. Nate reached up and tugged the T-shirt down over her breasts. “But why are you doing it now?”
Nate didn’t answer her right away. Instead, he climbed up her body, pushing her back down onto the pillows as he did, and kissed her.
Blythe could taste herself in the kiss, and the intimacy of it stole her breath. She reached up and ran her fingers down his chest. Nate pulled away.
“Because it’s time for bed,” he whispered.
“I don’t think it’s time for bed yet,” Blythe whispered back, tracing her index finger along his waist. She liked the way his abs jumped and danced beneath her touch, and she thought she’d heard Nate’s breath hitch. But he surprised her again when he grabbed that finger and brought it to his lips, effectively arresting her touch.
“Yeah, it is,” he said between kisses.
“But… don’t you want…?” Blythe stopped before she could embarrass herself — or before she could embarrass herself any more. Suddenly, she didn’t understand what was happening, and she replayed the last several minutes in her head, looking for what she had done wrong. She’d been pretty sure that Nate had wanted her as much as she wanted him. And she wanted him completely. To a distracting degree. Her body had pressed against him more than once that night. She was certain she could attest that he wanted her, too.
Embarrassment was about to evolve into a shielding anger when Nate spoke just in time.
“Oh, believe me Blythe, I want,” he said, flopping down on the pillow beside her and dragging her into his arms. “I want you like rain wants to fall… But I feel like I should wait.”
Blythe appreciated the words and his touch, but she still wasn’t satisfied. “I don’t understand.”
Nate was silent for a moment, but she heard him draw a long breath and release it slowly.
“Richland once gave me some advice, and I’ve been too slow to take it.” His cryptic response gave her more questions than answers, and still, sleep was the furthest thing from her mind.
“What do you mean? What did he say?”
“He told me that ‘loving someone means taking care of them. And there’s nothing wrong with waiting until you’re able to do that.’” Nate pressed his lips to her forehead and kissed her lightly. “I didn’t take very good care of you before… If this is you giving me another chance, then I’m not going to screw it up.”<
br />
His words stunned her. She couldn’t quite deny them; there was still a part of her that felt abandoned when he’d ended things. But he wasn’t the only one who’d screwed up. Her mistakes were far worse. Still, she didn’t want to think about that. It was easier to make a joke.
“And to give me a near-death experience and then go to bed with a boner the size of Florida is the way to do that?” she asked.
His laughter made her relax. If he had his reasons, she could accept them.
“It’s not the size of Florida,” he teased back. “But it is in quite a state.”
She reached for him then, feeling the truth of his words under the fabric of his shorts. “Then let me—”
Nate hissed a breath and grabbed her hand for the third time.
“Easy, now. Seriously…” He gritted out the words and rolled her onto her back, pressing that part of himself against her thigh as he leaned into her. “Father Gabe says that passion means suffering. I’ve never felt more passion in my life, so let me suffer with it a little. It’s not undeserved.”
She didn’t like the sound of that. If anyone deserved to suffer, it was Blythe.
“Are you punishing yourself?”
He chuckled again and brought his lips to her neck. He inhaled deeply and gave a short moan.
“No, definitely not. I’m just being careful. Everything about being with you right now feels right except for that. As much as I want it. I just feel like maybe you’re not ready for that, and I want to take care of you.”
Blyth didn’t know what to say. He was right. She wasn’t ready. She hadn’t been ready for any of it, but Blythe recognized that if they had come together like that, she would have felt that much worse for her secret. It would have been like lying in a way. Like opening herself to him under false pretenses, and Nate didn’t deserve that.
But the fact that he could sense this, understand this about her before she understood it, left her even more in awe with the man who held her.
What can I do to deserve you? She wanted to ask him.
“You’re awfully quiet now.” Nate whispered against her neck, layering it with kisses.
“Yeah, because you kind of blow me away.” She could feel his smile on her skin. He rolled back and took her with him so that he stretched out on the mattress, tucking her under his arm.
“You think you’ll be able to fall asleep?” he asked. If he meant up against him with her head on his shoulder, the answer was yes. Yes, if her demons would leave her alone long enough.
“I think so,” she hedged.
“Hmmm,” Nate yawned, lifting her up with him as he did. “Good. I think I’ll sleep better than I have in half a dozen years.”
In spite of her doubts and her shame, Blythe smiled. “Goodnight, Nate.”
“Goodnight, Blythe.” He was happy. It was clear in his voice, and it was almost enough to make her forget who she was and be happy, too. Almost. His breathing evened out, and she tried to focus on the steady sound of him falling asleep.
“So… near-death experience, huh?” he teased, not quite asleep after all.
They laughed together in the darkness, and as though the sound was a charm against dark spirits, her demons took a step back — far enough for sleep to slip in.
****
“YOU. ARE. SHITTING. ME! You spent the night?!” Rae stared at Blythe like she’d just told her that the Easter Bunny was real. Disbelief and a childlike joy shone from her eyes. “I thought you were trying to keep him at a safe distance?”
They sat at an outside table at The Filling Station, and although Blythe really wanted one of their signature margaritas, it was only 11:30 on a Sunday, so she’d ordered a Bloody Mary instead.
“Well, spending the night wasn’t the plan. That was because of Calvin.” Blythe’s explanation only served to bewilder her friend even more.
“Wait, what now?”
“Yeah, it’s crazy. Calvin got beat up last night, and he didn’t want to call Mom and Dad, so he called me, and I was at Nate’s, so—”
“Stop. What? Calvin? Is he okay?” Rae looked horrified. She would have been even more horrified if she had seen him first thing that morning. He looked even worse than the night before. One look at the violet and purple shaded swelling that hid his eye made Blythe burst into tears. Her insistence that they take him home at once had pissed Calvin off to no end — until he saw his reflection in the mirror.
Their story was that after ArtWalk, Calvin had been mugged walking back home. He’d gone to Blythe’s apartment because she was closest. He hadn’t wanted to tell Mom and Dad because they’d never let him go anywhere alone again. Blythe had wanted to call the police, but he begged her not to. It sucked as a story, but there wasn’t much else they could do with it. How else could they explain the state he was in and the obvious delay in telling their parents?
Blythe didn’t relish the idea of lying to them, but she understood Calvin’s situation. She’d decided to call Alexandra before Nate drove them over, putting the lie in motion so that the shock of seeing Calvin was softened.
Of course, it wasn’t. Alexandra took one look at him and went into orbit, and even their rock-steady father blanched at the sight. Blythe secretly gave thanks that her parents directed most of their attention and interrogation at Calvin, their mother asking more questions than anyone could answer and their father focusing on his injuries. Had he coughed up blood? Could he see out of the left eye? Had he lost consciousness? When they decided to take him to the emergency room, Blythe found herself forgotten — which was fine with her.
Nate had waited with her the whole time, a quiet but grounding presence at her back. He hadn’t questioned her plan or Calvin’s need for secrecy. He’d just accepted it. And Blythe gave up trying to thank him.
“Honestly, Rae, Cal’s not okay,” she admitted, her voice catching on the last word. She swallowed hard and forced herself to continue. “Nobody could take what he got and be okay… But I hope he will be eventually.”
Rae’s brow creased with concern.
“Shhhit, Blythe. Was it kids from school?”
Blythe shook her head.
“I don’t know who it was. Neither does he.” She took a long sip of her Bloody Mary. “Let’s talk about something else. Thinking about it just upsets me.”
“Of course. Of course.”
Their server approached with Rae’s burger and Blythe’s Abraham Bowl. Blythe speared a piece of avocado but couldn’t quite muster the urge to eat it.
“Okay, so… Can we talk about Nate?” Rae eyed her cautiously, but Blythe could see how eager her best friend was to get the scoop.
Blythe rolled her eyes. It was better than talking about Calvin, but only just.
“Sure. Fine. I don’t have a lot of answers, but go ahead and ask your questions.”
Rae gave an excited mini clap before picking up her burger.
“So… are you guys… like back together?”
Blythe didn’t know what to say. Nate made it clear that he wasn’t going away, and Blythe knew that she didn’t want him to, but did that mean they were together again? How could it when she couldn’t tell him what she have done while they were apart?
“I don’t know… We’re… something.”
Rae raised a brow. “You’re something?”
“Yeah.”
“But you want to be back together.” It wasn’t a question, but Rae searched Blythe’s face for a response.
“Yes… No… I don’t know…” This time she loaded her fork with avocado and tomato and took a bite. She usually loved the simple salad, but today the flavors seemed to vanish. Her appetite didn’t improve under her best friend’s scrutinizing stare.
“Ok, then. Tell me this. What do you think about Nate?” Rae asked pointedly.
“Nate’s amazing,” she said without hesitation. “He’s sweet and attentive and loyal and compassionate…” Without warning, memories from the night before overwhelmed her. “And he’s… so int
ense, and yet so playful…”
When Rae didn’t comment, she looked up to see her smiling like a sacred statue.
“What?”
To Blythe’s horror, Rae’s eyes filled with tears.
“You’re still in love,” she said, sniffing. “Both of you.”
Blythe’s heart started to race.
“I didn’t say that! He didn’t say that!”
“You don’t have to. It just is.” Rae wiped her eyes on her napkin. “I’m sorry. I may be hormonal, but I know what I’m seeing.”
Blythe found that she couldn’t deny it. She’d never gotten over Nate because she’d never stopped loving him, and being with him again had only magnified what she felt. It was easy to reconcile the Nate she’d known at eighteen with the one she knew now. He’d changed in the way people were supposed to change. He was more responsible. He was more thoughtful. But he was still essentially Nate.
The same wasn’t true about her.
“It doesn’t matter what I feel,” Blythe said, despair weighty in the words. “I don’t deserve to have him back.”
“I bet Nate will disagree with you,” Rae said gently.
“Nate’s not in love with me,” she declared. “If anything, he’s in love with a memory.”
Rae seemed to consider this for a moment.
“Does he act like he’s in love with a memory? Or is he interested in who you are now?”
She was ready to concede nothing.
“Even if he’s interested in who I am now, it doesn’t mean that…” The words were there, but she couldn’t make herself say them. She blinked against her own tears and pressed her lips together to regain control.
“It doesn’t mean what?” Rae whispered.
Blythe just shook her head. This time, she was the one using her napkin to catch her tears. And now that they’d started, it didn’t seem like they’d ever stop.
“It doesn’t mean that…” She hiccupped. “… that he could still love me if he knew.”
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