by T. J. Kline
“Give me more time. I’m sure I’ll think of at least one more,” Sydney suggested as she took the cup from him and reached for a green apple in the container.
Scott’s eyes shone wickedly. “I think you’re going to have to pay for that one, princess,” he promised.
Sydney could feel a blush spread to her cheeks, anticipating the payment his eyes said he had in mind. She feigned sudden interest in the food before her. “Okay,” he conceded. “Enough about me. Why don’t we change the subject?” he offered.
“These strawberries are delicious.” Sydney caught the juice as it started to run down her chin and reached for another. She closed her eyes and savored the sweet berry.
“Now Sydney,” Scott scolded. “I’m sure you can think of something better than the berries to talk about.”
She lifted the cup in her hand and blew on the coffee to cool it. “We could talk about your girlfriend,” she suggested, refusing to meet his eyes.
Scott bent his knee and settled back into one arm, lifting the coffee to his lips and sipping it. The muscles of his triceps flexed as he leaned back, his t-shirt tightening across his chest, revealing a solid wall of muscle beneath the thin cotton. Sydney shifted her gaze to his face, waiting for his anger, surprised when it never materialized.
“What did you want to know?” he asked agreeably.
Sydney shrugged, suddenly unsure of how to react to this candid version of Scott. “Nothing. Never mind, it’s none of my business.”
Scott looked over at her. His face held none of his usual imperviousness. “You brought her up, Sydney, so there must be something you want to know about her.”
Sydney rose and walked to the edge of the water, sorry she’d even said anything. She’d opened up a can of worms she wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with. She certainly couldn’t confess that Jennifer had told her about his past with Liz without betraying her friend. But she hadn’t expected Scott to be open about their relationship.
“Maybe you’d like to know who Liz is? Or why she showed up without warning? Or what my relationship is with her?” She heard Scott stand and start walking across the short distance that separated them. “What is it that you want to know, princess?”
“Yes . . . no . . . I don’t know!” Sydney threw her hands up in frustration and turned to find that he stood mere feet away, watching her.
“Sydney, come here.” No matter how softly spoken, it was another command. She was tired of feeling confused and ordered around by him, so she remained where she was, quietly defiant. “Please? Don’t make this any harder than it already is for me.”
She met his gaze and recognized the courage it was taking him to open up to her. He was offering her something she had yet to see him give anyone other than Mike. His eyes promised her complete vulnerability. Sydney prayed she could give him the same. She wanted to touch him, her fingers itched to reach out to him, to make it easier to release his pride.
She stepped closer and Scott reached for her hand, pulling her back toward the blanket. He sat down but remained holding on to her fingers, playing absently with her nails as if to distract himself from the memories.
“Tell me.”
Scott sighed and recounted a brief version of his past relationship with Liz. He didn’t omit anything about how much he’d cared for Liz or how foolish he’d felt when he realized she’d betrayed him with his best friend. “Now can you see why there is nothing between Liz and me anymore? At least, not for me.”
“But it’s not over for her, Scott.”
“Sydney, any feelings I had for her died the day I found her with Kurt.” She felt her heart stop. It couldn’t possibly be the same person.
“Sydney, what’s wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost.”
“Kurt . . . Willits?” Her voice was barely a hoarse whisper. She hated that after all this time, even his name still held the power to make her feel weak.
Scott nodded. “He’s lucky I didn’t kill him then. I haven’t seen him since, but I heard he was traveling the circuit.” He slipped his finger under her chin. “Are you okay?”
Sydney nodded. “I’m fine, it’s nothing. Just feeling a little light-headed, I guess.”
“Sydney, you mentioned Kurt once before. We can talk about it.”
His voice was so kind and her heart pleaded with her to tell him, to open up and be as vulnerable as he was being. She wanted to share with him, but her mind refused to take part. If she told him now, he’d see her differently. He’d always view her as the weak Sydney who needed rescuing. As opposed to the lying Sydney, her heart argued. She found a compromise between the two.
“Not yet, Scott.” She prayed he could understand that she needed more time. “Someday. But not today.”
Sydney could see that he wanted to push her for more, to ask questions she wasn’t ready to understand. Instead of pressing her, he nodded, but there was a lingering feeling of distrust. Scott placed the lid back on the fruit.
“We should be heading back soon.” He put the rest of the food back into the pack.
Sydney wanted to stop him, hating that he had just begun to start opening up when she slammed on the brakes. “Okay.” She rose and picked up the blanket, shaking the dust off of it before folding it and giving it to him.
As they headed back to the truck, Scott placed a hand at her lower back. She hoped his touch was an indication that he wasn’t giving up on her just yet. Dropping the pack into the bed of the truck, he reached around her and opened the passenger door.
“Sydney?” His voice was quiet as she slid into the truck. He stood in the open doorway looking down at her. “Is this going to change anything between us?”
Did he mean breakfast, his vulnerability, or her refusal to open up? “I don’t know, Scott. Will it?”
Chapter Eleven
* * *
SYDNEY HAD BARELY entered the trailer doors when Jen began to grill her about her breakfast with Scott. “Whoa!” She held up her hands to her friend in retreat. “I give up. He told me about his past with Liz.”
“Finally!” Jennifer breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’m not sure it changes anything.” She shook her head and sat on the couch. “There’s just so much water under the bridge already.”
“And some words still left unspoken?”
Jennifer was far too observant, Sydney realized. “That too.”
“Look,” Jennifer said as she sat on the couch and put her arm around Sydney. “I don’t know what it is that you are keeping bottled up, and you don’t have to tell me, but maybe the reason Scott didn’t tell you was because he wanted to keep those memories in the past where he thought no one would have to deal with them, just like you’re doing.”
Sydney could understand those reasons. They were the same ones she had tried to convince herself were true. The problem with Jennifer’s logic was that it wasn’t true. The past always came back and haunted the present.
“Okay, so here are the plans for the party.” Jen deftly changed the subject. “We have a radio and some MP3 players, so there will be plenty of music. The boys are going to keep Clay and Scott out working later than usual tonight to give us more time.”
Sydney couldn’t help but be caught up in Jennifer’s enthusiasm as she finished telling her what she needed her to do before the evening arrived.
“WILL YOU GUYS come on?” Clay yelled. “I need to get back to the trailers.” Scott wasn’t sure what was holding the other guys up today, but they were moving like turtles.
“The little woman got you on a leash?” one of the senior hands teased.
“Shut up,” Clay growled. Scott could see that this might turn ugly quickly, and knew he had to stop it.
“All right, that’s enough for tonight. We can finish up tomorrow.” Scott was ready to collapse, but he’d promised Sydney that they could talk more tonight. She was hiding something, but the pleading in her eyes had convinced him not to push her to talk about it before she felt ready. He
wanted her to trust him, and that meant giving her time and space if that was what she needed. But he wasn’t about to let her pull too far away from him.
“You just want to get back to your own señorita, eh?”
“Enough,” Jake warned. Scott was grateful for Jake’s interference this time.
“Grab the gear and let’s head back to the trailers,” Scott ordered.
Two of the hands glanced at one another before shooting Jake a sideways look. Scott narrowed his eyes. If he didn’t know better, he’d think they looked nervous. He slipped several horn wraps across the front of his saddle to use in the morning for the slack. They’d managed to get the arena ready, which had taken most of their energy and time. In the morning, they would be wrapping the horns on the steers before they started allowing the overflow of contestants to compete early.
As he rode behind the rest of the crew, Scott heard Clay mumbling about how Jen would kill him for being so late for dinner on their anniversary. The rest of the guys had hurried ahead of them, leaving Scott and Clay to close the gates. Scott couldn’t blame them for rushing off. He and Clay had both been in foul moods due to the delays all day, but it didn’t seem to bother the men now as they chatted in a group.
Scott rode through the gate to find the trailers silent and deserted. The barbeque they used for meals sat in the center, between the semi-circle of trucks and trailers, but it was cold. Sydney and Jen were nowhere to be found.
“Now, where could those ladies be?” Jake asked, raising his voice.
“Surprise!” The men turned and yelled. Sydney and Jen appeared from behind the nearest trailer.
Scott wondered what sort of surprise included a cold barbeque, seven hungry cowboys, two cheerful women, and too many saddled horses. Clay dismounted and walked over to his wife, a rare boyish grin stretched across his face.
“Happy anniversary,” Jen whispered as she pressed her lips against his.
Jake patted Clay’s back before reaching into the horse trailer, pulling out a radio, and turning on music. He tied his horse before taking Clay’s animal and tying him to the trailer.
“Come on,” Jennifer grabbed Clay’s hand and pulled him toward her trailer. “Help me get all of the food and bring it out.”
Scott shook his head and smiled. Leave it to his sister to plan a party at a rodeo. He tied his horse to the stock trailer and began to unsaddle the animal.
“Are you mad?” Sydney appeared on the other side of Noble, looking slightly hesitant.
“Who, me?”
She shrugged and glanced back towards Jen and Clay trying to find an empty spot on a table full of food for yet another dish. “Jen wanted to do something special for Clay. All of the guys were in on it, even Jake.”
Scott followed her gaze and smiled, shaking his head. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” He lifted the saddle and set it inside the trailer. “No, I’m not mad.”
Sydney came around and began to unsaddle Clay’s mount. The other boys were already taking care of their own horses, knowing that the animals came before their own stomachs.
“Really?” She pulled the saddle from the animal’s back and placed it on the ground while she groomed the gelding.
Scott picked up the heavy saddle and placed it beside his in the trailer. “Really. Come on.” He took the brush from her hand and led her back to the barbeque as Jake came back to move the horses to the pen and feed them.
Clay and Jen were already seated in the center of the others amidst a wealth of congratulations, well wishes, and food by the time he and Sydney joined them in the folding chairs.
“So, Clay, how does it feel to be tied to this ball and chain for seven long years?” Scott teased.
“It hasn’t been easy,” Clay commiserated, rolling his eyes.
“Watch it,” Jennifer said as she slapped her husband’s arm. “And don’t worry, little brother, your time will come too.” She glanced pointedly at Sydney.
After eating a hearty meal of tangy barbecued steak, baked beans, a fresh green salad, and an orange pudding dessert Jennifer had whipped up earlier in the day, Clay reached for Jennifer’s hand and pulled her into his arms as Mark turned up the radio. The small speakers were surprisingly loud as the country ballad played across the open pasture that served as their dance floor. Scott watched as his sister’s eyes gleamed with love for her husband. Clay tightened his embrace and placed a light kiss on the tip of her nose.
Scott looked at Sydney seated beside him. Why was it so easy for him to believe that Jen and Clay were in love and so hard to believe that he could ever fall in love again? He wondered if it was just a matter of having the courage to allow it to happen. For so long he’d convinced himself that love was nothing more than unresolved desire, but he felt so much more for Sydney than desire. He wanted to erase the pain he’d seen in her eyes when she thought about her past, and he wanted to see her smile with pleasure the way he’d seen when she worked Noble.
He saw the wistful shimmer in her golden eyes as she watched Jennifer and Clay dance. She deserved that, and while he was unsure he could give it to her, it pained him to think of her having it with anyone else. Scott reached over and twined his fingers between hers, feeling a jolt of electricity at her touch.
“You think that there’s something like that for everyone?” Her voice was tinged with doubt. He wondered if she’d been reading his thoughts.
“Like what, princess?”
“That kind of love,” she clarified. “They are so happy and perfect for each other.” She turned her eyes to him and the flames from the fire reflected in them. Her cheeks were highlighted by the light from the flame and she seemed to glow from within. It almost took his breath away.
“They’ve gone through a lot to get to where they are. I’m not sure if everyone is capable of the kind of sacrifice it took.”
“Looks like it was worth it.”
“I think what they have only comes around once in a lifetime and you just have to pray you don’t miss it.”
“Why, Mr. Chandler,” Sydney teased. “Are you getting romantic in your old age?”
Jen and Clay stood before them, saving him from having to answer. Sydney started to slip her hand from his, but he held on. Scott realized the music had been turned off and the others were heading to bed.
“We’d better head into the trailer, Sydney. Morning will come before we realize.” Jen’s voice sounded disappointed, and he understood exactly how she felt. He wished now that he’d asked Sydney to dance with him and had the chance to hold her in his arms, even for just a moment. He stood and pulled Sydney to her feet.
“Clay, why don’t you stay in the trailer with Jennifer tonight?” Sydney suggested.
“What?” Jen’s voice was breathless. She smiled up at Clay.
“Um,” Clay cleared his throat. “That’s really nice and all, but where will you stay, Sydney?”
Scott raised his brows. Leave it to Clay to let the voice of reason cheat him out of a night with his wife. “You and Jen can stay in our trailer and I’ll sleep on Sydney’s couch,” Scott offered. Three pair of eyes spun to watch his face. “What? It’s not like we haven’t shared a trailer.”
Sydney shrugged. “He’s right. And you two need some time alone for your anniversary.”
“Just let me get a few things.” Jen was practically leaping out of her skin with eagerness. She reached for Sydney’s hand and pulled her with her to the trailer. “Scott, just come over in a few minutes.”
“ARE YOU SURE about this, Sydney?” Jennifer asked her, yet again.
Sydney sighed. “I told you, it’s perfectly fine. We won’t kill each other, I promise.”
Jennifer shot her a cynical look over her shoulder as she threw her toothbrush into a small bag with her jeans and shirt for the morning. “Just because you guys are getting along right now doesn’t mean it will stay that way.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Sydney joked. Watching Jennifer jump around the trailer gigg
ling like a girl on her first date was enough to convince Sydney that she was doing the right thing, no matter how nervous she was at the thought of staying in the trailer with Scott.
The knock at the door made her stomach drop to her toes. Jen stuffed the last items of clothing into the bag and hurried out the door, scooting past her brother with a quick kiss on his cheek and a murmur of thanks. Scott entered the trailer cautiously, closing the door behind him, but he kept his fingers around the handle.
“Are you sure you don’t care about me staying in here? I mean, I can sleep outside, or in my truck for that matter.”
Just the fact that he seemed more concerned about her comfort than his own touched her. He was making a conscious effort to put their past arguments behind them.
“It’s fine, Scott, really,” she assured him. “I’m just going to change.”
Sydney walked into the bathroom and changed into a long flannel shirt and some running shorts. She looked at her reflection, tipping her face to the left and the right before stepping back. Not exactly sexy lingerie, but that wasn’t the look she was going for, was it? She pulled back the screen and stepped into the living area to find Scott scanning a piece of paper.
“What’s that?”
“Jen pressed this into my hand as she walked out. It’s about you.” Scott glanced her way and his eyes turned to molten obsidian. She may not be wearing lingerie, but it seemed to have the same effect on him. She felt her stomach tighten with a longing that matched what his eyes revealed.
“What does it say?” she whispered, barely able to string more than a couple of words together.
“She thought that now would be a good time for us to apologize for the things we’ve said to one another.”
Sydney eyed him speculatively and reached for the note. “What?” His fingers caressed the back of her hand and he handed her the paper, sending liquid heat coursing through her veins. “You weren’t kidding.”