by T. J. Kline
“With everything that has happened, and Kurt still running around looking for her, you let her go?” Scott threw his hands into the air. “Are you nuts?”
“Have you told her that you love her?”
“What? What is it with you and Jen butting into my love life?” Scott turned away guiltily.
“I didn’t think so,” Mike called after him. “Maybe if you had, if you would have put your stubborn pride aside for fifteen minutes, she would have seen through Liz’s scam.”
He spun on Mike and unleashed his fury, his hands slashing through the air. “Enough. When is she getting back?”
“Not until after you’re on the road this week for Texas.”
“I’ll be gone for three weeks.”
“Exactly.” Mike turned on his heel and walked into the house, leaving Scott staring after him, feeling betrayed. Mike looked back at him as he reached the front door. “Scott, I’m sorry, but I made her a promise.” He shook his head. “You should have told her.”
Chapter Nineteen
* * *
SYDNEY TRIED TO put Scott out of her mind as she circled the arena with the sponsor flag. Jake held open the gate for her as she exited the arena, allowing the pick-up men to slip in before the next event. So far, everything for the small rodeo had gone off without a hitch. Derek had taken control, and she was surprised to see how well he ran the event. She appreciated his attention to detail, except when he turned that attention her way. So far she’d been able to deflect any questions, but Derek was persistent. No matter how often she tried to change the subject, he managed to turn the conversation back to Scott.
When he cornered her at the trailer as she loosened the gelding’s cinch, she spun on him.
“Fine, Derek. It’s over. Is that what you want to hear?”
“Yes.” His honesty surprised her. After the last private conversation she’d had with him, she’d managed to avoid any personal discussions. She knew he didn’t like the idea of a relationship between her and Scott, but his blunt reply stung.
“Thanks for your sympathy.” She hoped he could hear the pained sarcasm. “I don’t need an ‘I told you so’ right now.”
“Are you all right?” His voice softened, reminiscent of their earlier friendship. She didn’t trust her voice, so she nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not right now.”
“How about over dinner? We can finish the new opening for tomorrow, and if you want we’ll talk then.” He wiggled his brows at her. “I promise I won’t seduce you.”
She couldn’t help but smile at his impish charm. He was so different from his brother. “Fine.” She pointed a finger at his nose. “But no funny business. Got it?”
He snapped a salute to her. “Yep, nothing but boring business.”
DEREK KNEW EXACTLY what had happened between Sydney and Scott. When she returned from Cheyenne, Liz had informed him that her plan had gone awry. She’d even informed him of her intentions to take over the ranch in hopes that he would give her his share. He felt like a fool for ever helping her. He certainly wanted Sydney for himself, but not at the expense of his brother and sister. And if Scott was the person who made Sydney happy, he cared for her enough to seek her happiness over his own desire. He had been a spoiled screwup long enough. It was time to grow up and take some responsibility, even if that meant giving up his jealousy of his brother.
He glanced over at Sydney, glad they had opted for a dinner at a local restaurant rather than the rodeo BBQ and dance. They would be able to get the opening ceremony details finalized, and then they could have a private conversation without the rest of the crew around to overhear. He opened her door when they arrived. He appreciated the long expanse of curved thigh as he helped her from the truck, reminding himself that she loved his brother.
It didn’t help that she was incredibly beautiful with her curls framing her face. He pulled out her chair as the waiter led them to a table and ordered for both of them. He couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if this had been a real date.
“Is everything okay?” Sydney had barely picked at the food on her plate.
She gave him a sad smile. “Besides Scott?” She shrugged. “Sure, why wouldn’t it be?”
He shook his head and narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know. You seem more distant lately . . . like you’re off in your own world.”
“Do I?” she muttered, laying the fork down and curling her hands in her lap.
“Are you sure you’re not still sick?”
She shook her head. “I’m fine. You haven’t asked about what happened with Scott yet tonight?”
Derek shrugged. “I figured you’d talk about it when you were ready.”
“You were right.”
“About Scott.” He wasn’t asking.
“You told me exactly what would happen and I didn’t listen to you. I should have.”
“Sydney, about what I said. There’s a lot between me and Scott you don’t understand. Jealousy, I guess.” He folded his hands on the table, staring down at them. “Scott has always gotten whatever he wants. Things just always seem to go his way. When I first saw you, I knew he wasn’t right for you. I think you realize by now that I want more than just a friendship with you.” He glanced up at her nervously, then back to his hands before he hurried on. “I know you don’t feel the same way, but I would take care of you. I would never hurt you.”
Her eyes misted. Derek couldn’t believe he was revealing his feelings to her, but he didn’t want to lose the one opportunity that had presented itself. If he didn’t take this chance to tell her, he never would.
“I know, Derek.” She reached across the table and took his hand. “I care about you, I really do, but I’m in love with someone else.”
His heart fell like a stone to his stomach. “Have you told him?”
She nodded. “I guess it wasn’t enough.”
Guilt assailed him. Should he tell her that Scott had ordered Liz from the ranch? If he did, she’d find out that they had been working together to destroy her relationship with Scott. She would hate him if she found out, but could he live with the lie?
“Sydney, Liz set out to ruin anything you and Scott had from the start.”
“I know that.” She sat back in her chair. “It looks like she succeeded.”
Derek took a deep breath, pressing on before his bravado failed him. “What you don’t know is that I was helping her.” The look of horror on Sydney’s face was almost his undoing. “At least, at first. Sydney, I’m sorry.” He reached for her hand but she jerked it from his grasp, her eyes flashing fire across the table.
“You what? Why?”
“I told you, when I first saw you . . . I couldn’t stand for Scott to have you. He doesn’t deserve you, and I guess I thought I did. I knew she wanted to break you guys up, but I didn’t know why, at least not then.”
“And Kurt? What did you have to do with that?”
“Nothing, I swear!” Derek threw his hands in the air. “All I knew was that she wanted him to help her make Scott jealous, like before.” Derek ran his fingers through his hair, hating himself for what he had done. “She wanted to play on Scott’s feelings for her, so he would give up his shares of the ranch. You were in her way. When you went to Cheyenne, you played right into her plan.”
A tear slid down Sydney’s cheek, and Derek could barely keep himself from wiping it away. “Looks like Scott did too.”
Derek sighed. He might as well get it all out in the open now. His part in Liz’s schemes had cost him any chance with Sydney, but he couldn’t stand to see her unhappy, even if that meant losing to his brother again. “No, he didn’t. Nothing happened between them. Liz drugged him and was going to try to trap him the next morning. You just made it easier for her.”
“None of it matters anymore.” She sounded defeated, a tone he would never have imagined he would hear from her. “It’s more complicated than Liz.”
SCOTT WAS ALREADY gone
when Sydney returned from the rodeo. She wanted to see him. After her dinner with Derek, it had been a sleepless night. She had to make some decisions, but she couldn’t do that without knowing how Scott felt about her and their child. She’d had short, stilted conversations with her family, not wanting to give anything away, and the secrecy was wearing on her.
Not to mention the way Jen and Mike seemed to hover over her every waking moment, trying to force her to work behind the desk instead of with the animals. She sighed and closed the record book, tossing it into the filing cabinet and rising from behind the desk in the barn office to look out the window at the mares in the corral. She was tired of allowing everyone to dictate her decisions. She’d been hired for a job and, pregnant or not, she was going to do it.
Cougar whinnied and trotted toward the fence as Sydney approached. “Hey, mama. I certainly didn’t think we’d be doing this pregnancy thing together.” The horse snorted and tossed her head, shaking her copper mane. “What do you say we head out for a little ride?”
Sydney reached for a halter hanging on the fence post, and after slipping it over Cougar’s head, led her into the barn. She groomed the mare and saddled her, her stomach doing a flip of excitement at the small taste of rebellion. She felt as if she’d been under someone’s watchful eye since she’d arrived. If it hadn’t been Scott’s scrutiny, then it had been the danger presented by Kurt, and now her pregnancy had Mike and Jen watching over her as if she were made of glass.
The mare grunted as she pulled the cinch tight. “Sorry, mama. Guess I’m just frustrated.” She dropped it back a bit. “Today we are going to do our own thing.” She patted the horse’s belly. “And you need the exercise.”
She led the horse to the pasture gate, locking it behind her and hopping into the saddle. As she allowed the mare to break into a jog, she relished her freedom. It had been almost a month since Kurt had disappeared, but the rodeo standings had him listed as winning the bull-riding event at a rodeo in Oklahoma, which was far enough away from California that she felt she could relax a little. Mike had already notified the authorities, but they all knew cowboys were constantly on the move, so his warrant was pointless unless he was pulled over at some point.
Just the thought of Kurt brought back the pain of losing Valentino. He was a one-in-a-million horse. Not just because she had poured her heart and soul into him for six years after watching his birth, but also because of his raw potential to be an all-around rodeo champion. Her one consolation was the thought of seeing his offspring born over the next year.
If I’m here that long.
Scott was due to return any day, and she knew the time had come that she had to tell him about the baby. She wasn’t showing yet, but she was starting to notice the changes in her body. Her breasts had grown and her jeans were getting tighter across the hips. She didn’t think he’d notice, but—as Jen constantly pointed out—Scott had a right to know. This was his baby, too, and even if he didn’t want to commit to her, family meant everything to him. He would want to take care of his child.
Sydney glanced around, surprised at how far she and Cougar had ridden. She had just crested the hills overlooking Scott’s cabin. Memories, both good and bad, teased at the corners of her mind. She forced herself to look away from the corral toward the cabin. It was closed up tightly since Scott had been on the road for almost a month, but it still invited her, tempting her with images of Scott cooking dinner and telling her about his childhood. The memories of making love to him, of lying in his arms.
She rode toward the barn, slipping the tack from Cougar’s back and turning her into one of the stalls before giving her some grain and checking to make sure the automatic water supply was on. Beside the tack room she caught sight of Valentino’s saddle and bridle, and tears burned the back of her eyes.
This isn’t fair. To lose Valentino and Scott?
She wanted to throw something, to release her fury at the injustice of the situation, but she knew that nothing was going to cure her grief for either. She had lost Valentino in an act of violent brutality, and she had lost Scott due to Liz’s emotional brutality. She found herself walking along the path beside the house as her hand slid across her lower abdomen. She may have lost Scott, but she would always have a part of the love she felt for him. Sydney feared that telling him was going to break her heart again. She wasn’t sure what she expected his reaction to be, but she knew that unless some sort of miracle happened, it wasn’t going to end well for her heart.
She glanced up at the gurgling water falling from the makeshift waterfall. It showed signs of needing attention—leaves had fallen to the bottom along with some dirt—but it only served to make it fit the surroundings even more. She stared at the ripples that formed as a single leaf fell from a tree above, twirling like a dancer as it hit the surface. The memory of their playfulness haunted her, making her wish she had tried harder to reach into the depths of his soul, to find the vulnerability in him that would allow him to love her in return. What had she been lacking? How could she have been so wrong about what she thought she had read in his dark, smoldering gaze as they made love?
She had heard Scott’s side of the story from several sources she trusted, and she believed them. Liz was manipulative, but even that didn’t explain why he hadn’t sought her out to explain himself. Or why he had yet to confess any sort of feelings for her.
But Scott was so closed off to the idea of love that, even if he wanted to love her, she knew he wouldn’t risk his heart again. And if she couldn’t have his whole heart, if their child couldn’t have his entire heart, what hope was there? She needed to know he was as invested as she was before she could tell him about the baby. Anything less and he’d feel like she was trapping him, just as Liz tried to do. She hadn’t wanted the baby to sway his feelings for her—or his lack of them. Hopelessness encircled her heart, squeezing painfully. She had to stop this.
Sydney heard footsteps behind her. Her heart skipped a beat and her body filled with heat. She probably should have been afraid, but it was as if she had conjured him by her thoughts alone. She wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t just a figment of her imagination. She was afraid to speak, that it might cause him to disappear.
“I thought I might find you here.”
Sydney could barely catch her breath. She hadn’t seen him for a month, other than sleeping in Liz’s arms. He looked tired, lines creasing the corners of his eyes and several days’ beard growth along his jaw. But he had never looked more tempting to her. Her fingers itched to touch his face, her lips to kiss him. Her heart raced in her chest and she tried to breathe normally.
“Sydney, we need to talk.” She wanted to answer him, but she couldn’t trust her voice. Tears misted her eyes and her hand covered her stomach. “Okay,” he continued. “Then I’ll talk.”
Scott covered the ground separating them. He met her gaze, his eyes black as the midnight sky and unreadable. “What you saw that night was a scheme Liz concocted. She was trying to drive us apart so that she could somehow get her hands on the ranch.” He laughed bitterly and ran a hand through his mussed hair. “Like that was ever going to happen.”
Sydney swallowed the lump in her throat and wanted to cry out to him that she didn’t care about Liz, or Kurt, that she simply wanted to hear him say that he loved her. Instead she remained silent. Even the birds in the pines had quieted as if holding their breath to hear what Scott had to say next.
“I didn’t make love to her. I don’t love Liz. I guess I never really did.”
Please, Scott. Tell me how you feel about me.
“Please say something, Sydney.”
She stared down at the water, wishing her thoughts could pour out like the water on the rocks. He wasn’t going to say it. Nothing had changed. His emotions were still as hidden and shut off as they ever had been.
“Look at me, princess.”
Slowly, Sydney turned to face him. He cupped her face and ran his thumb against her cheek. He brushed a curl bac
k from her temple. “I can’t stand this wall that’s between us. I want things to be the way they were.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead and she inhaled the scent of him. She wanted to melt into his arms, to give in to the poor imitation of love he was offering. She pressed against his chest, feeling more confident as she did.
“And how is that, Scott?” She took another step away from him, turning to look at the water again. “I follow you from rodeo to rodeo, warming your bed when you see fit.”
“I have never felt like this with anyone before.”
She spun on him, fire burning within her. “Tell me, Scott. What do you feel?”
Scott stepped back from her. “You know how I feel.”
She could almost feel him retreating behind the protective barrier he’d build around his heart. “No, I don’t. Your feelings are something you’ve kept hidden very well. I have given you everything I have: my body, my soul, and my heart. But I have to retain some dignity.” Sydney brushed past him, heading toward the barn.
Scott caught up to her and reached for her arm, spinning her to face him. “I can’t promise you something I don’t have to give. I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone, but I won’t lie to you and profess an undying love that I don’t believe in.”
Sydney sighed and led Cougar out of the stall. “Just what I’ve always wanted to hear . . . ‘I care about you.’ Is that something along the lines of ‘like-liking’ me, Scott?” She couldn’t help the sarcastic tone. How could he possibly expect her to stay?
“I believed in love when I was a kid, and in return I got a slap in the face. Love is a fantasy, something to dream about when you feel like life is throwing you a curveball. There is no such thing.”
Sydney pulled on the cinch and slipped the bridle over the mare’s head. “Then I guess we have nothing else to talk about.” She mounted the mare, her heart shattering, the pieces coming to rest where another heart beat within her. She couldn’t tell him about the baby right now, not like this. But she would tell him before she left.